this is all thats left, empty bottles, spent cigarettes ...

[bitterpillx]

i cant help feeling empty, and left behind. out of the loop hole, once again. and this is how its going to be. i dont blame you for it, i'm not mad at you in any way. i cant be. its impossible. i'm just disappointed at the way it all worked out. and maybe its for the best. i shouldnt have gotten so excited about it anyway. but just to be able to say that zoe was half mine, brings tears to my eyes. and now, knowing that my chance is gone, makes me feel like i've been torn in half. so you'll get her, all to yourself. you'll be the luckiest girl in the world. and i'll follow your shadow just like i've been doing for these past few months. i love her just as much as you do, just so you know. and i never would have lost interest in her. never. just like i never would have let our friendship become about a contract. The contract was never even important to me. It was the fact that Zoe was both going to be ours. She was the one who brought us this close in the beginning, anyway. The first horse i fell in love with. I thought it would be something that tied us together, some great bond. but i guess it works out the way its meant to. I'm not so sure i understand it all, I only understand the fact that zoe is no longer mine. which is breaking my heart.

Before i thought it would be hard watching her go to someone i didnt know, but now i think its harder, watching her go with my best friend. at least i know you'll take the best care of her, your so good at stuff like that. a perfectionist, making sure everything is just right for zoe. and that makes me safe. and i'm comforted. and at least i'll still see her, but something just isnt right. something isnt the same.