(no subject)
I just got back from a three week vacation in Hawaii, I was visiting my sister who is getting her graduate degree there. It was really nice to be able to meet the people who she talks about, especially her boyfriend RJ. It's very hard to be angry with RJ, he's one of those really charming people. He and Anna get along so well, and they are also really similar which is kind of strange. They share mannerisms and weird things like digestive problems, it's hard to explain it's only a feeling. He's cute too. She has great friends, including this guy Joel who is so my type. My sister told him that I have a crush on him and his reaction was to get all embarassed and then to say, Your sister is like, Two. Hahah!
Hawaii is beautiful. The color is so vibrant, each day the sky and clouds look different. Even a cloudy day in Hawaii is beautiful. When I came back home, I realized how grey and brown New York is in the winter. The water is the color that you buy in crayola markers. The trees! The water! The sky! Amazing. I went snorkling and saw a turtle, I ate indian food for the first time. I also went on a moped for the first time, it was so sweet, I want one so badly now. You kind of have to be relaxed in Hawaii because its too fucking hot to get angry or annoyed. You can't rush anywhere, you have to walk slowly, meander your way and not run.
I had a lot of time to think about things, I didn't answer my phone for three weeks. When I got home I picked up all of my messages, most of them were from Hermes. He called me drunk and really depressed, saying that he wanted to talk to me. He said that he feels comfortable talking to me about things like that even if he's talking to my answering machine. I feel like a bad friend. Stan told me I was a bad friend. I feel like I am a bad friend to everyone because I get selfish and sometimes people tire me, I have to listen to their sadness or stupidities and i get tired, frustrated at not being able to help people.
My sister was hit by a car. She is okay, but she went on the hood of the car and then rolled off of it into a gutter on a rainy Hawaiian night. I really was extraudinarily freaked out. Its just too easy to die just like that. I have never, thank god, lost anyone that I was close to, and if this is a minute portion of what that feels like....I'm okay now, but I had a really freaky day.
I didn't realize how much my emotions are expressed in my face. I have to learn how to act better.
Anyway, more art to come. Goodnight.