(no subject)

[bitterkeepsake]

So I still don't have access to a computer, spending the night at Kelsey's right now. I've moved back home I'll probably be here for about a year hopefully no more then that, I won't last being at home longer then that. Still with Ruby but we're trying something different aka me moving back home for awhile. Need to save money and start college. Probably will go for an LPN degree maybe RN. I don't know then again maybe animal technician or zoo technician. I don't know I just need something. Life is far from what I thought it would be long ago. I miss my home, the girls, Ruby. I've become domesticated. I guess I make a good house wifey. I get the feeling I'll forever wander through life. It's strange I can't leave Ruby nor the girls yet part of me wants to seek new relationships. Just can't bring myself to do so. Saw Jackie the other day. She's changed a lot. She's in Seatle visiting her girlfriend now then she goes off to boot camp yet again for another three months to train for Iraq she'll be in Iraq for about a year or so I wish her the best, I worry about her a lot can't help it she'll always hold some part of me. We'll probably always remain good friends I hope then again it's kind of hard because you can't help but think about the past and what was and what will never be. It's just how life is. I've trained myself to not think much about the future, life changes so rapidly all the time I'm tired of the disappointments it brings. One thing after another it's just torn pieces of me away little by little even though I have yet to truly begin life.

I was thinking about doing some random jobs overseas. I found quite a few things such as helping out poverty stricken villages and such in africa, places in Australia, New Zeleand. Might even go work on a cruise ship for a few months who knows. Do some traveling, get out on my own. Find my place.

I'll just take what I can get and survive. That's reasonable.