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[bitterfig]

I’ve been reading Tolkien’s The Silmarillion, which is essentially a biblical style mythology/history of Middle Earth.   It’s proving slow going on account of all the unfamiliar words-names of characters, races, and places.  Because of my learning disability I’ve never been able to “sound things out.”  Since I can’t do this my method of reading is

Comments

[sabethea]

He was always telling me I was neurotic and that he’d never known any women who were as uptight about using birth control as I was. He may have been partially right

Um, no. He was NOT right. Very easy for him to say, when he wouldn't be the one to get pregnant and clearly didn't give a toss about other women being left with his children (I presume, perhaps unfairly, that the two children he had with the unmarried woman lived mainly with her).

I am very very very paranoid about birth control. I have absolutely no wish to be pregnant by accident. Also, having had a miscarriage of an intended pregnancy, which was absolutely devastating, I just don't think that I could have an abortion because it would feel so similar. Basically, I am very very careful, but if I were to get pregnant I would keep the child and then probably get myself sterilised to make DAMN sure it never happened again.

On the other hand, I am 100% pro-choice and feel that just because I personally find abortion a horrible thought doesn't mean that everyone else has to feel the same way. Probably this is because I'm a wishy-washy liberal :)

[bitterfig]

My ex-boyfriend was generally an idiot, but a lot of the stupid things he said to me have really stayed with me because they play into my own fears about myself-- I've always worried that there's something wrong with my attitude towards sex, that I'm somehow afraid of it. It does seem very abnormal to me that I was 30 before I lost my virginity and that I haven't had sex in five years. I feel like sex is a much bigger deal for me than it is for most people, that I see it in terms of giving up or giving away a part of myself, of making myself open and vulnerable in ways that I'm genuinely afraid of. I feel like it wouldn't have such strong significance to me if I had a stronger sense of self.

Still, it's good to know that I'm not the only one who is careful about birth control and really aware of possible consequences.

[lookfar]

Actually, I think it's really cool that you know yourself so well. I had a lot of stupid casual sex that I didn't even enjoy when I was too young to be doing it, and there's something to be said for knowing that you should handle it with care.