The Very Educational D no Arashi 38, in which Ohno is mauled by a succession of affectionate animals
... including one of his bandmates.
Arashi + food may be the ultimate OTP, but Arashi + animals runs a close second. In honor of flange5 ’s birthday, I dug into the archive of grainy D no Arashi footage for one of the few episodes of that program that takes all five of the guys outside the studio together. D no Arashi #38: Arashi goes to the zoo!
But of course, each episode begins with the studio scene for a little full-group interaction. And I can’t resist this, even though there’s no relation to the show’s main topic.
Normally, after Sho shouts out the title call, Ohno and Nino do a high-five. In today’s, Ohno changes this into a little exercise in grab-and-shimmy.
Which turns into a vigorous scratching of Nino’s arm?
And Nino is left mussed, while Ohno is completely undone by his own boldness.
We all know Nino doesn’t like touching unless it’s his idea - so a few minutes later, he decides to reach across the gap between the couches and shove Ohno out of the frame.
Ohno displays a new-found wariness.
How can this rift in Ohmiya be healed?!
Okay, then. Down to business. A viewer has asked the guys to document the state of a zebra’s bald skin: striped or solid?
But apparently another program has already revealed this vital biological fact. Jun looks particularly dumbfounded at the thought that some other program is spending its time on things that clearly belong only on a late-night variety show hosted by a boyband.
Yeah, well, Arashi’s going to do it anyway! Take that! They have a real live (or dead) zebra skin to shave right there in the studio!
In order to get a better sight line, Nino takes this opportunity to cross the great divide and remind Ohno that he makes all decisions about physical contact. All is well.
In case you were wondering, a zebra’s skin is solid brown. And this is the last time they are going to treat an animal so respectfully in this episode. For it’s off to the zoo to test challenging viewer queries!
My only experience of Japanese zoos comes from variety programs, particularly those which feature sparkly pop idols, so I may have a skewed perception - but it sure seems to me like Japanese zoos let the visitors do all sorts of crazy and potentially dangerous things that visitors could never get away with in American zoos. For example, in the US, we can’t feed any animals, except maybe the local, run-of-the-mill wild ducks that hang around the zoo’s pond without actually being zoo residents.
But in Japan, it’s A-okay to feed the animals.
Nino, you ate! A whole bite of carrot! &hearts
The rest of Nino’s carrot goes to another doe-eyed creature with a pretty neck.
CHALLENGE: Will a lion play with a fox-tail cat toy?
Back in the studio, Nino asserted that the lion would play if it’s Aiba. But on location, Jun’s foolish “Naruhodo” lands him the job. (Sho and I have the same teaching philosophy - any sound or movement means that student has volunteered to answer the question.)
Jun: You will pay, Sakurai. You forget that I’m currently channeling the character of a juvenile delinquent. At the very least, I will get my math teacher to kick your ass for this.
Ohno, ever the leader, expresses his faith in Jun's ability to taunt a lion: He’ll get killed!
The narrator tries to convince us that these are the same animal.
Well, at least the staff have attached the cat toy to a longer pole so the lion won’t damage the idol. Predictably, the lion (or rather, the lioness) is interested, and pretty promptly whacks the toy right off the pole.
So Sho produces a more ‘lion-sized’ toy. And the lioness likes that one too.
The reactions here are awesome. Jun’s fascinated, Sho gapes in wonderment, and Ohno is comically anxious about the whole thing.
And when the male takes an interest, Sho and Ohno are outta there!
The lion wins. And Jun is a huge dork. &hearts
Another fun fact: lions like to roll in elephant dung.
Drunk on pachyderm poop.
CHALLENGE: Given five Johnnys on a location shoot, can they refrain from silly posing when they have no lines to speak?
Apparently not all five. Very pretty, Nino. Love the way Ohno’s hands go right to his hips while Aiba studiously ignores the whole thing and Sho concentrates on his card.
CHALLENGE: Will a horse chase after a carrot dangled in front of it?
Because it’s Arashi, the horse is a Shetland pony. A real horse just wouldn’t provide the same let-down, after all.
First they test whether the pony likes carrots. And then, on to the actual pony teasing!
...which fails, because apparently the pony likes Ohno more than the carrot. At first Ohno seems offended by this!
But then he forgives the pony, since it’s cute.
CHALLENGE: Will a pony chase after an Ohno dangled in front of it?
Yes. Ponies are pretty intelligent animals, after all.
This whole experiment is also punctuated by Ohno’s high-pitched laughter. Win.
CHALLENGE: Can Arashi stand their ground in the face of a large reptile?
Again, Ohno displays a disappointing absence of balls.
Okay, not just Ohno.
More awesome, the zookeeper chases them with the snake. I like this guy.
And Sho manages to leap over the tire-thing without breaking an ankle!
Nino thinks the zookeeper looks like a pervert. I think Nino has seen too many of that kind of anime.
His curiosity getting the better of him, Ohno wonders how much the snake weighs - and immediately tries to withdraw his question when the keeper demonstrates a penchant for hands-on teaching.
I suppose that Ohno might be cringing this much because it’s tough to support half of one’s own body weight on one’s shoulders. Or maybe he’s just a huge sissy. Man up, Ohno!
Seriously, these boys are ridiculously squeamish in the face of critters. I can’t blame them for freaking out about cave crickets (D no Arashi #64) or an over-stimulated lion sticking its paws out of the cage, but a well-fed and sleepy python is not a danger, sweeties. I blame it on their being raised in the city, where they haven’t had as many opportunities to handle garter snakes and praying mantises all summer.
Oh dear, the snake loves Ohno as much as the pony did! He really does emit some kind of pheromones!
CHALLENGE: Can a snake move on a slick surface?
Nope.
CHALLENGE: Can Aiba and Ohno manage not to bust a gut while watching a snake try to move on a slick surface?
Well, they survive, but it’s a near thing.
CHALLENGE: What’s the smallest thing an elephant can pick up with its trunk?
Nino?
Okay, fine, Aiba. I guess that banana is a little smaller than Nino.
They all imitate the movement of the elephant’s trunk - and as usual, half of them are out of sync. &hearts
CHALLENGE: Will an elephant eat the ‘PIKA**NCHI Double’ single?
Someone at JE sure comes up with imaginative promotional events.
But a shelled peanut is even smaller than a CD or a Nino, says Aiba!
Woah! Sho finally does something!
And screeches like a banshee.
I like the way he won’t let his elephant-defiled hand touch the program’s suit.
Sho urges them all to try it, saying they will ‘turn into Aiba.’ (I guess he was already a regular on Shimura Doubutsuen by this point.)
Ohno:
Sho, still trying to put the experience into words, now ventures that it ‘feels like an old man.’ I don’t even want to know what he’s referring to.
Nino:
Jun:
And finally, Aiba fulfills every boy’s dream! Before this became an everyday kind of thing for him.
And since it’s Aiba, he ends up facing backwards, giggling madly. &hearts
On the way out, the boys pause next to an innocuous fence - but this fence hides a sinister secret! It’s another animal that loves Ohno!
And it thinks Aiba’s hair is pretty great, too.
Man down!
Off screen, from Jun: ‘Is the camera running?’ Feel the love!
I think we should end with this shot of Aiba's ass.
So what have we learned today?
Well, Flange, I had hoped there would be more action from Aiba and Sho here, but it somehow turned out to be a very Ohno-heavy episode. OTL
Have a wonderful birthday with your nice Boy, your affectionate animal, and whatever unusual foodstuffs you can come up with. And don’t forget the sequins.
Arashi + food may be the ultimate OTP, but Arashi + animals runs a close second. In honor of flange5 ’s birthday, I dug into the archive of grainy D no Arashi footage for one of the few episodes of that program that takes all five of the guys outside the studio together. D no Arashi #38: Arashi goes to the zoo!
But of course, each episode begins with the studio scene for a little full-group interaction. And I can’t resist this, even though there’s no relation to the show’s main topic.
Normally, after Sho shouts out the title call, Ohno and Nino do a high-five. In today’s, Ohno changes this into a little exercise in grab-and-shimmy.
Which turns into a vigorous scratching of Nino’s arm?
And Nino is left mussed, while Ohno is completely undone by his own boldness.
We all know Nino doesn’t like touching unless it’s his idea - so a few minutes later, he decides to reach across the gap between the couches and shove Ohno out of the frame.
Ohno displays a new-found wariness.
How can this rift in Ohmiya be healed?!
Okay, then. Down to business. A viewer has asked the guys to document the state of a zebra’s bald skin: striped or solid?
But apparently another program has already revealed this vital biological fact. Jun looks particularly dumbfounded at the thought that some other program is spending its time on things that clearly belong only on a late-night variety show hosted by a boyband.
Yeah, well, Arashi’s going to do it anyway! Take that! They have a real live (or dead) zebra skin to shave right there in the studio!
In order to get a better sight line, Nino takes this opportunity to cross the great divide and remind Ohno that he makes all decisions about physical contact. All is well.
In case you were wondering, a zebra’s skin is solid brown. And this is the last time they are going to treat an animal so respectfully in this episode. For it’s off to the zoo to test challenging viewer queries!
My only experience of Japanese zoos comes from variety programs, particularly those which feature sparkly pop idols, so I may have a skewed perception - but it sure seems to me like Japanese zoos let the visitors do all sorts of crazy and potentially dangerous things that visitors could never get away with in American zoos. For example, in the US, we can’t feed any animals, except maybe the local, run-of-the-mill wild ducks that hang around the zoo’s pond without actually being zoo residents.
But in Japan, it’s A-okay to feed the animals.
Nino, you ate! A whole bite of carrot! &hearts
The rest of Nino’s carrot goes to another doe-eyed creature with a pretty neck.
CHALLENGE: Will a lion play with a fox-tail cat toy?
Back in the studio, Nino asserted that the lion would play if it’s Aiba. But on location, Jun’s foolish “Naruhodo” lands him the job. (Sho and I have the same teaching philosophy - any sound or movement means that student has volunteered to answer the question.)
Jun: You will pay, Sakurai. You forget that I’m currently channeling the character of a juvenile delinquent. At the very least, I will get my math teacher to kick your ass for this.
Ohno, ever the leader, expresses his faith in Jun's ability to taunt a lion: He’ll get killed!
The narrator tries to convince us that these are the same animal.
Well, at least the staff have attached the cat toy to a longer pole so the lion won’t damage the idol. Predictably, the lion (or rather, the lioness) is interested, and pretty promptly whacks the toy right off the pole.
So Sho produces a more ‘lion-sized’ toy. And the lioness likes that one too.
The reactions here are awesome. Jun’s fascinated, Sho gapes in wonderment, and Ohno is comically anxious about the whole thing.
And when the male takes an interest, Sho and Ohno are outta there!
The lion wins. And Jun is a huge dork. &hearts
Another fun fact: lions like to roll in elephant dung.
Drunk on pachyderm poop.
CHALLENGE: Given five Johnnys on a location shoot, can they refrain from silly posing when they have no lines to speak?
Apparently not all five. Very pretty, Nino. Love the way Ohno’s hands go right to his hips while Aiba studiously ignores the whole thing and Sho concentrates on his card.
CHALLENGE: Will a horse chase after a carrot dangled in front of it?
Because it’s Arashi, the horse is a Shetland pony. A real horse just wouldn’t provide the same let-down, after all.
First they test whether the pony likes carrots. And then, on to the actual pony teasing!
...which fails, because apparently the pony likes Ohno more than the carrot. At first Ohno seems offended by this!
But then he forgives the pony, since it’s cute.
CHALLENGE: Will a pony chase after an Ohno dangled in front of it?
Yes. Ponies are pretty intelligent animals, after all.
This whole experiment is also punctuated by Ohno’s high-pitched laughter. Win.
CHALLENGE: Can Arashi stand their ground in the face of a large reptile?
Again, Ohno displays a disappointing absence of balls.
Okay, not just Ohno.
More awesome, the zookeeper chases them with the snake. I like this guy.
And Sho manages to leap over the tire-thing without breaking an ankle!
Nino thinks the zookeeper looks like a pervert. I think Nino has seen too many of that kind of anime.
His curiosity getting the better of him, Ohno wonders how much the snake weighs - and immediately tries to withdraw his question when the keeper demonstrates a penchant for hands-on teaching.
I suppose that Ohno might be cringing this much because it’s tough to support half of one’s own body weight on one’s shoulders. Or maybe he’s just a huge sissy. Man up, Ohno!
Seriously, these boys are ridiculously squeamish in the face of critters. I can’t blame them for freaking out about cave crickets (D no Arashi #64) or an over-stimulated lion sticking its paws out of the cage, but a well-fed and sleepy python is not a danger, sweeties. I blame it on their being raised in the city, where they haven’t had as many opportunities to handle garter snakes and praying mantises all summer.
Oh dear, the snake loves Ohno as much as the pony did! He really does emit some kind of pheromones!
CHALLENGE: Can a snake move on a slick surface?
Nope.
CHALLENGE: Can Aiba and Ohno manage not to bust a gut while watching a snake try to move on a slick surface?
Well, they survive, but it’s a near thing.
CHALLENGE: What’s the smallest thing an elephant can pick up with its trunk?
Nino?
Okay, fine, Aiba. I guess that banana is a little smaller than Nino.
They all imitate the movement of the elephant’s trunk - and as usual, half of them are out of sync. &hearts
CHALLENGE: Will an elephant eat the ‘PIKA**NCHI Double’ single?
Someone at JE sure comes up with imaginative promotional events.
But a shelled peanut is even smaller than a CD or a Nino, says Aiba!
Woah! Sho finally does something!
And screeches like a banshee.
I like the way he won’t let his elephant-defiled hand touch the program’s suit.
Sho urges them all to try it, saying they will ‘turn into Aiba.’ (I guess he was already a regular on Shimura Doubutsuen by this point.)
Ohno:
Sho, still trying to put the experience into words, now ventures that it ‘feels like an old man.’ I don’t even want to know what he’s referring to.
Nino:
Jun:
And finally, Aiba fulfills every boy’s dream! Before this became an everyday kind of thing for him.
And since it’s Aiba, he ends up facing backwards, giggling madly. &hearts
On the way out, the boys pause next to an innocuous fence - but this fence hides a sinister secret! It’s another animal that loves Ohno!
And it thinks Aiba’s hair is pretty great, too.
Man down!
Off screen, from Jun: ‘Is the camera running?’ Feel the love!
I think we should end with this shot of Aiba's ass.
So what have we learned today?
- 1. Lions will play with cat toys and elephant poop.
2. Shetland ponies are cute.
3. Big snakes are scary, but it’s okay to tease little ones.
4. Elephants feel like old men.
5. Animals love them some Ohno.
6. Arashi will always be amused by each other’s embarrassment or pain, especially on camera.
Well, Flange, I had hoped there would be more action from Aiba and Sho here, but it somehow turned out to be a very Ohno-heavy episode. OTL
Have a wonderful birthday with your nice Boy, your affectionate animal, and whatever unusual foodstuffs you can come up with. And don’t forget the sequins.