Dearest journal of almost a decade..

[bitter_nothings]

I'd like to tell you how my life dramatically changed about 6 months ago. As you know I've been taking care of my mom the past 2 years, paying bills, keeping up with the house and still trying to maintain my sanity after they took Jim and all my moms money away. It's been really rough and I don't know a lot of 23 year olds who can do or will do what I've done and I'm not bragging, just documenting.. but I am proud of how I've grown. So you know I used to scrape to get up the bill money. My unemployment was shit but I was so scared to get off it because even if I found a minimun wage job the $ I made wouldn't even pay the bills and it wasn't worth me losing the free time i had to scheme and make money. "hustle" as it was in the interview. I made money-but I didn't tell'em I flipped sacks, hustled friends, sold to randoms, and ripped the occasional creep off.. basically did what I needed to make money. Yeah I had garage sales and sold the cars that were takin up moms drive way and even sold my 99 mercury cougar coupe that I loved. all to pay the bills. I found homes for most of our dogs.. down to the last 7.. it sounds like a lot but it's def improved and that's all I'm saying. So around the beginning of July, after a year unemployment was finallrunniy ng out and I was getting desperate and finally took the first job I applied for- a hotel maid job at the Marriot. I figured could make the money I needed amd I was used to cleaning after moms business. BUT After day 2 I told the lady I didnt want to waste her time, told her I'd return the polyester gray scrubs that itched and made me sweat tomorrow. then I walked out. I would not be that woman. breaking my back to make paycheck. Something told me to leave, it wasn't like I was like hey fuck this. altho I was :) BUT when I got my ending paycheck it was $62.27 So God let me know I left at the right time. So, come July 15th 2012 I am still just trying to hustle and stay postitive and keep on pushing thru..so i was getting ready to apply for jobs so I was in a skirt and makeup and hair done up and went out to start my Explorer and it was dead. I must have left the lights on- the next best thing I could think to do was call Emily.. since she lived down the street I knew she'd come jump me off. When I got her on the phone it was weird.. she was whispering to me, telling me not to go anywhere that she wasnt supposed to be talking to me and that she's waiting on the money. ??? sounded like something out of a movie.. it was funny she told me not to go anywhere because my car was obviously dead.. So the way my life changed ..and this is how I tell my customers.. "have you ever watched Channel 3 News?.. have you seen the segment they do called 'Pay It Forward'? Bascically the reporter, Leena a tall mixed barbie looking woman goes out the crowded places and tries to find a stranger they can give $500 to help them pay it forward. The person can't live with them, or be related and they have to be in need. Surprisingly enough, they ran into Emily and The Broadwaters while they were out shopping at Target for Brysons first birthday party. in the parking lot and it was all caught on camera and they said my name. and almost a year before that God was working because I remembed sitting in milys parents house talking about how if they ever ran into that woman they would try to get me the $500. It was just crazy. to come out on my front porch after getting a knock and thinking it would be just Emily. to see a reporter in a bright orange dress with and camera and sound equipment in your face. And Miles Bentley was there. My mom says hes a very handsome older gentlemen. and everything about him was gentle from the way he shook my hand to the way he hugged me after the interview. I told them about momma being disabled and raising money for garage sales and bills and it must have touched Miles heart because after the interview Miles asked me what kind of job i was looking for. remember this whole thing was circled around me trying to find a job but having a dead battery. So I told him, mostly all I knew was customer service. awesome customerservice skills. and then retail and commission sales kinda from the mall. He told me to come up after the interview and apply at Hill Kelly Dodge. They're a sponsor of Channel 3 News, and of Pay It Forward. and somewhow the starts alligned and I got $500 and and whole new outlook on life. God showed me he had a plan for me. I got hired after my 3 interviews that day, and sold some glass cleaner to Tony the Creep (another day another story) to prove I could sell. I trained my ass off and soaked up anything anyone told me in that fist 4 weeks before I was on the floor. I studied at night, highlighted, took notes, did walk-a-rounds in my head, to myself and sometime to my mom. My first phone appoinment was with Reina Medina. and it was too easy.. like God wanted to show me that I could do it. She was a laydown and I got my first deal. not commission of course but I worked my way up to that. First month in the car business I sold 12. if only I'd had that commission, haha. but I've learned a lot, and God showed me where I was supposed to be. He put Emily and Miles and Hill Kelly in my life for a reason and he's been working all along. I'm kind of a natural, I have a lot to learn and already have some bad habits but I will make this a career and make the kind of money Ms. Ellen did. So i can take care of my mom and myself, and do what's right. And just when I thought life couldn't get any better.. I met Casey Chambers. one of the youngest salesmen at work. 20 years old with blond hair blue eyes and a cornbread fed broad shouldered body with a country way and a georgia accent. Slipped me his business card the first week I was there and we started smoking together. Had to show him how to roll a blunt, :) and I think I fell in love the first time I kissed him. he was letting me wear his Longhorns hoodie, and we were sitting on his couch. And I held off for a whopping 3 night before I let him get it. ^.^ I couldn't help it. but I'm so glad I did because He's everything I ever wanted and treats me like a princess. I call him sugar and he calls me angel. today we signed the lease on our new place and I am probably in heaven. I finally see some light at the end of this long dark tunnel, I have hopes and plans again. I get to start over fresh, and spread my wings! They've grown a lot and gotten a lot thicker.. I imagine a pheonix risen up from the ashes.. maybe with some arrows underneath like katniss. because I am a hunter and I will survive.
oh yeah I just got all nerdy, deal with it.
plus I like that quote about how if life is pulling you backwards like an arrow>>====> it just means you're about to blast>>===========> forward to meet your next target. And I sure do feel like I'm on target.

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