oh look some random christmas fic
God forbid a year go by when I don't throw Christmas fic at you. So here is a silly drabble that's been sitting in my Unfinished folder for a year. xD
uchihasasuke is now online
uchihasasuke: Naruto are you there?
uchihasasuke: Naruto I don’t care if it’s a snow day there is no way you’re still sleeping at this hour
uchihasasuke: Respond or I will hold you personally accountable for my psychological trauma
uchihasasuke: You’ll be getting my therapy bills for years to come
uchihasasuke: NARUTO
Ramenking97 is now online
Ramenking97: jesus sasuke what the hell???!
Ramenking97: couldn’t sleep with all the alerts from my laptop going off, are you dying or something??
uchihasasuke: …Were you seriously still sleeping?
Ramenking97: um, duh? It’s a snow day, jerk, what else was I gonna be doing?
Ramenking97: so are you dying or what?
uchihasasuke: I haven’t actually had an aneurysm yet, no, but it’s still too early to tell
uchihasasuke: The day is young
uchihasasuke: Plenty of time to accrue more lasting nightmares
Ramenking97: you gonna tell me what’s going on or can I go back to sleep?
uchihasasuke: You know my brother?
Ramenking97: and again: duh
Ramenking97: scary pacifist ninja badass who could kill me in my sleep in 1493753 different ways except he’s too nice to actually do it
uchihasasuke: Yeah, and you know my cousin?
Ramenking97: dude, you have WAY too many cousins for me to keep track
uchihasasuke: Fair point. Okay, remember Shisui? Curly hair, grins way too much, turns everything into a stupid joke or an innuendo?
Ramenking97: oh yeah, he seemed like a pretty cool guy
Ramenking97: only uchiha I’ve ever met that didn’t have a stick lodged up his ass
uchihasasuke: I’m going to be the bigger person and ignore that for now
Ramenking97: so why the Uchiha Family 20 Questions?
uchihasasuke: Because my brother and my cousin
Ramenking97: ???
uchihasasuke: I can’t even type it
Ramenking97: dude, whatever trouble shisui’s gotten your brother into it can’t be THAT bad
uchihasasuke: They’re in the hallway as we speak
Ramenking97: see? How much trouble could they possibly get into when they’re still in the house?
uchihasasuke: They’re under the fucking mistletoe
Ramenking97: …
Ramenking97: oh
uchihasasuke: Yeah
Ramenking97: like, just standing under the mistletoe having a normal conversation or
uchihasasuke: More like they’re sticking their tongues down each other’s throats
uchihasasuke: Oh God I’m going to be sick
Ramenking97: well, uh, at least it could be worse, y’know? The walls are pretty thin at your place
Ramenking97: just sayin’
uchihasasuke: Don’t even JOKE about that
uchihasasuke: Do you have any idea the noises I am hearing right now
uchihasasuke: And I can’t get my damn headphones because moving would require letting them know
that I’m here trying not to burn my retinas out
uchihasasuke: Oh FUCK
Ramenking97: what??
uchihasasuke: Shisui’s hand just went
uchihasasuke: Fuckity fuck I have not done anything nearly bad enough to deserve this
Ramenking97: LOL
uchihasasuke: This is not funny, Naruto
uchihasasuke: Oh shit there are moans I can’t be listening to this
uchihasasuke: Fuck
uchihasasuke: My
uchihasasuke: Life
Ramenking97: jeez sasuke, chill out
Ramenking97: no offense but Itachi always seemed too uptight to be healthy yanno? Maybe this’ll be good for him
uchihasasuke: I can kill you and make it look like an accident
uchihasasuke: Oh jesuschrist
uchihasasuke: Oh jesus CHRIST YOU’RE IN THE FUCKING HALLWAY DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT ANYONE COULD WALK BY AT ANY TIME JESUS FUCK
Ramenking97: maybe they’re exhibitionists or something, u don’t know
Ramenking97: besides, ur the one who can’t quit watching
Ramenking97: voyeur perv
uchihasasuke: I will kill you
uchihasasuke: Very slowly
uchihasasuke: And with knives
uchihasasuke: Oh fucking hell they’re going into Itachi’s room I can’t tell if this makes things better or worse
Ramenking97: well if it makes u feel any better, at least u know itachi can’t get pregnant right?
uchihasasuke: …
uchihasasuke: Fucking SHIT the answer is worse it’s so much worse
uchihasasuke: I’m in hell. I have died and I have gone to hell.
uchihasasuke: Oh god I can’t be hearing this
uchihasasuke: Fuck it, I’m coming over
Ramenking97: wait, what
Ramenking97: I wanna go back to sleep, your walls can’t be THAT thin, I was mostly kidding
Ramenking97: sasuke??
uchihasasuke is now offline
Ramenking97: oh ffs
flickermaster is now online
flickermaster: sorry about your lazy snow day, kiddo, but some things are more important than sleep ;)
Ramenking97: I think I’m starting to get why sasuke hates u
Ramenking97: heartless bastard
flickermaster: hey, someone has to traumatize my dear cousin every now and again, lest he get complacent
flickermaster: unfortunately you’re the one who gets to deal with him being neurotic for the rest of the day
flickermaster: buuut that’s the price you pay when you’ve basically married into the Uchiha family already
Ramenking97: ha freaking ha
Ramenking97: I knew even ur family couldn’t be that weird
Ramenking97: u got itachi to go along with that though? All to traumatize sasuke?
flickermaster: ahahaha
flickermaster: what can I say, I made it worth his while
Ramenking97: …
Ramenking97: hey shisui, can I ask u something
flickermaster: ask fast, kiddo, I for one don’t plan to waste my snow day
Ramenking97: yeah, about that
Ramenking97: it was just a prank, right? Like, itachi’s just being a really good sport about all this, right?
Ramenking97: shisui??
flickermaster: um
uchihaitachi is now online
uchihaitachi: Hello, Naruto.
flickermaster: fuck
Ramenking97: uh, hi itachi
uchihaitachi: If you would excuse my idiot cousin, I would appreciate it.
uchihaitachi: He has some unfinished business to attend to.
uchihaitachi: But first I may need to murder him.
Ramenking97: uh, sure thing
flickermaster: traitor
Ramenking97: don’t even, I think I hear sasuke pounding on my door as we speak
Ramenking97: shit, u so owe me for this
Ramenking97 is now offline
flickermaster: so…unfinished business first, you kill me later?
uchihaitachi: We’ll see.
flickermaster is now offline
uchihaitachi is now offline
uchihasasuke is now online
uchihasasuke: Naruto are you there?
uchihasasuke: Naruto I don’t care if it’s a snow day there is no way you’re still sleeping at this hour
uchihasasuke: Respond or I will hold you personally accountable for my psychological trauma
uchihasasuke: You’ll be getting my therapy bills for years to come
uchihasasuke: NARUTO
Ramenking97 is now online
Ramenking97: jesus sasuke what the hell???!
Ramenking97: couldn’t sleep with all the alerts from my laptop going off, are you dying or something??
uchihasasuke: …Were you seriously still sleeping?
Ramenking97: um, duh? It’s a snow day, jerk, what else was I gonna be doing?
Ramenking97: so are you dying or what?
uchihasasuke: I haven’t actually had an aneurysm yet, no, but it’s still too early to tell
uchihasasuke: The day is young
uchihasasuke: Plenty of time to accrue more lasting nightmares
Ramenking97: you gonna tell me what’s going on or can I go back to sleep?
uchihasasuke: You know my brother?
Ramenking97: and again: duh
Ramenking97: scary pacifist ninja badass who could kill me in my sleep in 1493753 different ways except he’s too nice to actually do it
uchihasasuke: Yeah, and you know my cousin?
Ramenking97: dude, you have WAY too many cousins for me to keep track
uchihasasuke: Fair point. Okay, remember Shisui? Curly hair, grins way too much, turns everything into a stupid joke or an innuendo?
Ramenking97: oh yeah, he seemed like a pretty cool guy
Ramenking97: only uchiha I’ve ever met that didn’t have a stick lodged up his ass
uchihasasuke: I’m going to be the bigger person and ignore that for now
Ramenking97: so why the Uchiha Family 20 Questions?
uchihasasuke: Because my brother and my cousin
Ramenking97: ???
uchihasasuke: I can’t even type it
Ramenking97: dude, whatever trouble shisui’s gotten your brother into it can’t be THAT bad
uchihasasuke: They’re in the hallway as we speak
Ramenking97: see? How much trouble could they possibly get into when they’re still in the house?
uchihasasuke: They’re under the fucking mistletoe
Ramenking97: …
Ramenking97: oh
uchihasasuke: Yeah
Ramenking97: like, just standing under the mistletoe having a normal conversation or
uchihasasuke: More like they’re sticking their tongues down each other’s throats
uchihasasuke: Oh God I’m going to be sick
Ramenking97: well, uh, at least it could be worse, y’know? The walls are pretty thin at your place
Ramenking97: just sayin’
uchihasasuke: Don’t even JOKE about that
uchihasasuke: Do you have any idea the noises I am hearing right now
uchihasasuke: And I can’t get my damn headphones because moving would require letting them know
that I’m here trying not to burn my retinas out
uchihasasuke: Oh FUCK
Ramenking97: what??
uchihasasuke: Shisui’s hand just went
uchihasasuke: Fuckity fuck I have not done anything nearly bad enough to deserve this
Ramenking97: LOL
uchihasasuke: This is not funny, Naruto
uchihasasuke: Oh shit there are moans I can’t be listening to this
uchihasasuke: Fuck
uchihasasuke: My
uchihasasuke: Life
Ramenking97: jeez sasuke, chill out
Ramenking97: no offense but Itachi always seemed too uptight to be healthy yanno? Maybe this’ll be good for him
uchihasasuke: I can kill you and make it look like an accident
uchihasasuke: Oh jesuschrist
uchihasasuke: Oh jesus CHRIST YOU’RE IN THE FUCKING HALLWAY DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT ANYONE COULD WALK BY AT ANY TIME JESUS FUCK
Ramenking97: maybe they’re exhibitionists or something, u don’t know
Ramenking97: besides, ur the one who can’t quit watching
Ramenking97: voyeur perv
uchihasasuke: I will kill you
uchihasasuke: Very slowly
uchihasasuke: And with knives
uchihasasuke: Oh fucking hell they’re going into Itachi’s room I can’t tell if this makes things better or worse
Ramenking97: well if it makes u feel any better, at least u know itachi can’t get pregnant right?
uchihasasuke: …
uchihasasuke: Fucking SHIT the answer is worse it’s so much worse
uchihasasuke: I’m in hell. I have died and I have gone to hell.
uchihasasuke: Oh god I can’t be hearing this
uchihasasuke: Fuck it, I’m coming over
Ramenking97: wait, what
Ramenking97: I wanna go back to sleep, your walls can’t be THAT thin, I was mostly kidding
Ramenking97: sasuke??
uchihasasuke is now offline
Ramenking97: oh ffs
flickermaster is now online
flickermaster: sorry about your lazy snow day, kiddo, but some things are more important than sleep ;)
Ramenking97: I think I’m starting to get why sasuke hates u
Ramenking97: heartless bastard
flickermaster: hey, someone has to traumatize my dear cousin every now and again, lest he get complacent
flickermaster: unfortunately you’re the one who gets to deal with him being neurotic for the rest of the day
flickermaster: buuut that’s the price you pay when you’ve basically married into the Uchiha family already
Ramenking97: ha freaking ha
Ramenking97: I knew even ur family couldn’t be that weird
Ramenking97: u got itachi to go along with that though? All to traumatize sasuke?
flickermaster: ahahaha
flickermaster: what can I say, I made it worth his while
Ramenking97: …
Ramenking97: hey shisui, can I ask u something
flickermaster: ask fast, kiddo, I for one don’t plan to waste my snow day
Ramenking97: yeah, about that
Ramenking97: it was just a prank, right? Like, itachi’s just being a really good sport about all this, right?
Ramenking97: shisui??
flickermaster: um
uchihaitachi is now online
uchihaitachi: Hello, Naruto.
flickermaster: fuck
Ramenking97: uh, hi itachi
uchihaitachi: If you would excuse my idiot cousin, I would appreciate it.
uchihaitachi: He has some unfinished business to attend to.
uchihaitachi: But first I may need to murder him.
Ramenking97: uh, sure thing
flickermaster: traitor
Ramenking97: don’t even, I think I hear sasuke pounding on my door as we speak
Ramenking97: shit, u so owe me for this
Ramenking97 is now offline
flickermaster: so…unfinished business first, you kill me later?
uchihaitachi: We’ll see.
flickermaster is now offline
uchihaitachi is now offline