Im a Fake.
I dont know whats wrong with me.
I cant get this Pecha thing out of my head
I hate being "that ex" that they talk about all the time.
I dont know why Kim and I cant be friends all of a sudden, she keeps changing tunes and I cant keep up with them so im upset.
I hate that shes dating ben and thinks that I wasnt there ever.
were supposed to be friends and shes being flat out rude to me and then making me feel sorry for it.
Im tired of being sorry.
Im tired of people expecting everything from me.
Im not capable of all of these things.
Im not going to date Rob, so get over it.
Im not going to pretend to be friends, we are or we arent.
I feel like everyone secretly dislikes me and no one wants me around.
I feel like college is out of my grasp and Im a fool for trying.
Like a pathetic fool for waiting for someone who doesnt want me.
and for letting random internet assholes get to me.
I feel like I dont know anything.
I cant control anything.
Its all slipping away out of control.
I wish I were smarter, more reserved, and on top of things.
I wish I didnt take everything personally, that I let it go.
But no, I hold it ALL in, I grasp onto everything.
I let it eat away at me.
and then lose every ounce of self-control I thought I had.
I feel like Im not supposed to exist.
Maybe Im not and thats whats going on.
maybe I belong in a moive, where my character gets what she deserves.
Maybe, this is Karma.
Slowly killing me.
Making my life hell, while plastering on a smile and saying "Im okay" through gritted teeth.
Maybe this is my mid-mid-life crisis.
I over think everything.
I should move to a random city, change my name, and start over.
No one would know me.
I would be as I feel,
totally alone.
I mean I have Nica and Frankie, who has been there for me more than I can express...
I would tell them where I went, mommy too.
Everyone else would be in the dark,
could worry for a bit.
Maybe I died, yeah, thats it.
Im too scared to die.
I wont do it, so take a deep breath.
Maine.
Maybe Seattle.
yeah.
I hate in movies how they all get over this pahse by drinking and then the next fram the guy they were whatever over confesses him mistakes and they either take them back or grow a spine and leave and are all "woo hoo"
it never works like that.
we already have spines, they just arent strong enough I guess.
[mine isnt anyway]
I imagine Ill get over this, but Im not sure why its so hard.
It was like 2 weeks.
Maybe its a foreshadow of what could have been.
Maybe Brianna is right, and he is like Tyler.
I dont think so.
Tyler was always an ass.
I just didnt like him.
no hes different.
and maybe Kim and I shouldnt be friends but will in a while and it will finally work.
we always do this.
Bad start though, accident I swear.
Now, now Im just writing to fill this huge void of a box that just keeps scrolling.
Lets end this here for now.
If you read the whole thing you get an internet cookie.
So, hows it feel to be me for 5 minutes?
[not pleasent huh?]
I cant get this Pecha thing out of my head
I hate being "that ex" that they talk about all the time.
I dont know why Kim and I cant be friends all of a sudden, she keeps changing tunes and I cant keep up with them so im upset.
I hate that shes dating ben and thinks that I wasnt there ever.
were supposed to be friends and shes being flat out rude to me and then making me feel sorry for it.
Im tired of being sorry.
Im tired of people expecting everything from me.
Im not capable of all of these things.
Im not going to date Rob, so get over it.
Im not going to pretend to be friends, we are or we arent.
I feel like everyone secretly dislikes me and no one wants me around.
I feel like college is out of my grasp and Im a fool for trying.
Like a pathetic fool for waiting for someone who doesnt want me.
and for letting random internet assholes get to me.
I feel like I dont know anything.
I cant control anything.
Its all slipping away out of control.
I wish I were smarter, more reserved, and on top of things.
I wish I didnt take everything personally, that I let it go.
But no, I hold it ALL in, I grasp onto everything.
I let it eat away at me.
and then lose every ounce of self-control I thought I had.
I feel like Im not supposed to exist.
Maybe Im not and thats whats going on.
maybe I belong in a moive, where my character gets what she deserves.
Maybe, this is Karma.
Slowly killing me.
Making my life hell, while plastering on a smile and saying "Im okay" through gritted teeth.
Maybe this is my mid-mid-life crisis.
I over think everything.
I should move to a random city, change my name, and start over.
No one would know me.
I would be as I feel,
totally alone.
I mean I have Nica and Frankie, who has been there for me more than I can express...
I would tell them where I went, mommy too.
Everyone else would be in the dark,
could worry for a bit.
Maybe I died, yeah, thats it.
Im too scared to die.
I wont do it, so take a deep breath.
Maine.
Maybe Seattle.
yeah.
I hate in movies how they all get over this pahse by drinking and then the next fram the guy they were whatever over confesses him mistakes and they either take them back or grow a spine and leave and are all "woo hoo"
it never works like that.
we already have spines, they just arent strong enough I guess.
[mine isnt anyway]
I imagine Ill get over this, but Im not sure why its so hard.
It was like 2 weeks.
Maybe its a foreshadow of what could have been.
Maybe Brianna is right, and he is like Tyler.
I dont think so.
Tyler was always an ass.
I just didnt like him.
no hes different.
and maybe Kim and I shouldnt be friends but will in a while and it will finally work.
we always do this.
Bad start though, accident I swear.
Now, now Im just writing to fill this huge void of a box that just keeps scrolling.
Lets end this here for now.
If you read the whole thing you get an internet cookie.
So, hows it feel to be me for 5 minutes?
[not pleasent huh?]