Deep Breaths......
Well for once I thought things were calm and going well in the world (for me anyways) .... I've been in my new job six weeks now and things are still scary as there are lots of bits I still haven't a clue what I'm doing but I suppose that could be the fun of it. Meeting lots of people in that office and people actually talk to each other in there! No keeping of heads down like chastised little puppies..
Now been to see my Psychotherapist dude (That was fun!) and I really did actually enjoy it. I got a "name"/explanation for all my shit. He did say to me no it's not my fault it was experiences in life that I took to be the norm as it's all i know/ known but we can get past it!!!! God to feel sane would be good - But what is it really? Scary prospect I think.
On another matter of scary! I had a bit of a womans scare...(use your imagination) and ummmm well I didn't do a test but something tells me I'm definately not (god knows what the permanent nauseousness is, tired, sore boobs etc are!) but John was disappointed and I suppose I'd worked myself up that much I kinda was also. Never thought I'd EVER say that...
John has talked to a bank manager! Major stuff here and he talked about a mortgage (ok I know he already has one so theres where the issue lies) Ummm so he has said he will sell his half of his house so we can buy a place, clear debt and possibly have some money to get married!WOOO thats umm fast considering we got back together Just after Christmas, but in effect over 4yrs... Umm decisions.
Really reason that spouted a burst of crap here is due to .....
EXACTLY THREE MONTHS LATER
I lose another relative and yet again I can't go home. I used to know him so well but I moved and hant seen him since. You don't know how to feel at all. I hate death and know its an inevitable part of life and I sought after it a few times in my life but this I can't cope with.
What a month of rubbish! Life is sucky, you think everything is kinda going alright and then you get kicked again.... POO
Now been to see my Psychotherapist dude (That was fun!) and I really did actually enjoy it. I got a "name"/explanation for all my shit. He did say to me no it's not my fault it was experiences in life that I took to be the norm as it's all i know/ known but we can get past it!!!! God to feel sane would be good - But what is it really? Scary prospect I think.
On another matter of scary! I had a bit of a womans scare...(use your imagination) and ummmm well I didn't do a test but something tells me I'm definately not (god knows what the permanent nauseousness is, tired, sore boobs etc are!) but John was disappointed and I suppose I'd worked myself up that much I kinda was also. Never thought I'd EVER say that...
John has talked to a bank manager! Major stuff here and he talked about a mortgage (ok I know he already has one so theres where the issue lies) Ummm so he has said he will sell his half of his house so we can buy a place, clear debt and possibly have some money to get married!WOOO thats umm fast considering we got back together Just after Christmas, but in effect over 4yrs... Umm decisions.
Really reason that spouted a burst of crap here is due to .....
EXACTLY THREE MONTHS LATER
I lose another relative and yet again I can't go home. I used to know him so well but I moved and hant seen him since. You don't know how to feel at all. I hate death and know its an inevitable part of life and I sought after it a few times in my life but this I can't cope with.
What a month of rubbish! Life is sucky, you think everything is kinda going alright and then you get kicked again.... POO