Stop Studying Strife and Learn to Live the Unexamined Life...
After looking at my behavior and mood the past few days, and even weeks...months even, i've decided i need to take a step in helping myself...i never really talked to anyone after gram died...i just kinda dealt with it on my own...talking here and there about it with people...but really i'm not over it...i thought i was...it kills me to go to the cemetary and see her name on that headstone...i still feel like it's a dream and that i'll go to aunt mag's and run upstairs and knock on her door and hear her go "yeah yeah i'm coming" in only the voice gram had...this has officially been the worst semester and year for that matter of my life...i'm not as strong as i thought i was and now i'm taking things out on those i love, especially james...i've tried to make myself believe i'm ok and for a while i am...but only when i'm too busy to notice or think about things...i have so many expectations for myself and life just seems to be passing me by...my self esteem about myself has gotten better but i can't still think what is it about me that is so unattractive?? the ugliest people out there have partners...i know i'm not bad looking and i have a good personality so why can't i find someone?? everyone tries to reassure me that it's fine being 21, never going on a date, never been kissed or anything...but to me it's not...it makes me feel like i'm inadequate...unwanted...i have striven my whole life to be perfect...the perfect daughter...the perfect everything...and i'm not...i'm weak...i let people walk all over me just to have them ditch me in the end, with the exception of a handful of people...but this is my decision: when i get back to school not only am i going to start going to the rec but i think i'm going to start going to the HERC for counseling...i don't have money for a real therapist and if i need meds...well i dunno how i'm going to explain that one to the rents...but a lot has gotten me thinking, especially james...he can be a bitch sometimes but only he can mean it and say it with and out of love cuz he cares about me...i just don't know what to do anymore but seek help, and i HATE doing that...i don't ask for help...i'm the one who helps others...i went to the HERC's website and found this list...the bolded ones are the ones that apply to me lately
This list contains 25 of the most common concerns voiced by students who come to the Counseling Center for help. Sometimes, a student is struggling with a number of these problems that, taken together, have made life difficult. At other times, a student may have only one of these concerns, but the intensity and/or persistence of the problem has made it hard to function effectively.
As you read through these 25 signs, keep in mind that, at times, all of us will have experiences like those described in the items. Normally, these problems are relatively temporary, and we recover fairly quickly. But if you see yourself in a number of the items, or if even one problem is significant enough to really disrupt your life, it might be a good idea to call or drop by the Counseling Center and make an appointment for personal or group counseling.
Difficulty adjusting to life at Eastern
Anxiety related to academic work (e.g., test-taking or public-speaking anxiety)
A dramatic fall-off in academic performance
Concerns over whether or not you're in the right major
Lack of direction or feeling unsure about your chosen career
Difficulty concentrating (e.g., when trying to study) and making decisions
Feeling tired, fatigued,like everything takes a lot of effort
Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
Recent change in your sleeping patterns (e.g., difficulty sleeping or sleeping all the time)
Recent change in your eating patterns (e.g., loss of appetite or eating more than usual)
Feeling guilty or inadequate
Wanting to avoid most people, even those you like
Wishing you were dead, having suicidal thoughts
Having panic attacks or experiencing intense anxiety for no apparent reason
Unexplained crying
Bursts of anger or unusual irritability
Use of alcohol or drugs is causing personal and/or academic problems for you
Problems with weight control (e.g., overeating, bulimia, anorexia, excessive exercising)
Having experienced sexual assault or harassment
Sexual abuse as a child or adolescent
Concern about sexuality issues, such as; sexual performance, questions regarding sexual orientation
Problems in your relationship with your parent(s)
Relationship breakup that has really disrupted your life
Lack of assertiveness
Difficulty coping with the death of someone important
I just don't know what to do anymore...tonight, which made me wake up and write this entry, i thought about something bad...very bad...not suicide but not something normal for me...i'm not gonna say what but it scared me
I'm tired of pretending
I'm tired of putting on a happy face to please others
I'm just tired...
This list contains 25 of the most common concerns voiced by students who come to the Counseling Center for help. Sometimes, a student is struggling with a number of these problems that, taken together, have made life difficult. At other times, a student may have only one of these concerns, but the intensity and/or persistence of the problem has made it hard to function effectively.
As you read through these 25 signs, keep in mind that, at times, all of us will have experiences like those described in the items. Normally, these problems are relatively temporary, and we recover fairly quickly. But if you see yourself in a number of the items, or if even one problem is significant enough to really disrupt your life, it might be a good idea to call or drop by the Counseling Center and make an appointment for personal or group counseling.
Difficulty adjusting to life at Eastern
Anxiety related to academic work (e.g., test-taking or public-speaking anxiety)
A dramatic fall-off in academic performance
Concerns over whether or not you're in the right major
Lack of direction or feeling unsure about your chosen career
Difficulty concentrating (e.g., when trying to study) and making decisions
Feeling tired, fatigued,like everything takes a lot of effort
Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
Recent change in your sleeping patterns (e.g., difficulty sleeping or sleeping all the time)
Recent change in your eating patterns (e.g., loss of appetite or eating more than usual)
Feeling guilty or inadequate
Wanting to avoid most people, even those you like
Wishing you were dead, having suicidal thoughts
Having panic attacks or experiencing intense anxiety for no apparent reason
Unexplained crying
Bursts of anger or unusual irritability
Use of alcohol or drugs is causing personal and/or academic problems for you
Problems with weight control (e.g., overeating, bulimia, anorexia, excessive exercising)
Having experienced sexual assault or harassment
Sexual abuse as a child or adolescent
Concern about sexuality issues, such as; sexual performance, questions regarding sexual orientation
Problems in your relationship with your parent(s)
Relationship breakup that has really disrupted your life
Lack of assertiveness
Difficulty coping with the death of someone important
I just don't know what to do anymore...tonight, which made me wake up and write this entry, i thought about something bad...very bad...not suicide but not something normal for me...i'm not gonna say what but it scared me
I'm tired of pretending
I'm tired of putting on a happy face to please others
I'm just tired...