pookie hung himself and i feel nothing
i would've thought the next time i ran into one of my old "friends" i'd hear about the most recent overdose, but chris got jail time and hung himself in his cell. i thought brandon might take it a little harder after just losing aaron and vic, but he's o.k.
i'll forget i even heard about it in a couple days. washed away and lost out of my memory by the trivial bullshit created by the mass of immaturity i come in contact with everyday at work. well, one of them was recently fired but her drama for the sake of drama attitude still lingers. i've been in a bit of a mind-funk, but i'm fighting it. struggling slightly. when someone might ask me whats wrong i think about all the annoying people that victimize themselves, then i force a smile, "nothing, i'm fine". i remember feeling bad for myself back in middle school, finally there was a day when one of my friends at the time rolled for eyes at me and said, "ok already, suck it up a little, everybody has problems, i need enough sympathy to spread around here, take some responsibility for yourself, you need to help yourself too." she was right. she didn't necessarily say it to be mean, i had to hear it, i'm glad she had the balls to say it to my face, honestly. i'm not going to let my slight mental instability make me that weak again. i can't dwell on the friends i've lost. there was some reason for all of that to happen and it has nothing to do with me. i can't bring them back and keep the stamp bags out of their hands, the only thing i can do is except it.
me and becky are going out on thursday. we seem to get along rather well. she's a good girl, mature and responsible, and i can tell she has a hard time not saying how she actually feels. i like that, she seems to be an honest person so far. completely supports herself while going to school and work everyday and doesn't complain about it too much. she's out of the high school drama phase of her life and doesn't give a fuck what other people think of her. i didn't even realize she was nineteen till recently. she's definitely stronger than i am.
i'll forget i even heard about it in a couple days. washed away and lost out of my memory by the trivial bullshit created by the mass of immaturity i come in contact with everyday at work. well, one of them was recently fired but her drama for the sake of drama attitude still lingers. i've been in a bit of a mind-funk, but i'm fighting it. struggling slightly. when someone might ask me whats wrong i think about all the annoying people that victimize themselves, then i force a smile, "nothing, i'm fine". i remember feeling bad for myself back in middle school, finally there was a day when one of my friends at the time rolled for eyes at me and said, "ok already, suck it up a little, everybody has problems, i need enough sympathy to spread around here, take some responsibility for yourself, you need to help yourself too." she was right. she didn't necessarily say it to be mean, i had to hear it, i'm glad she had the balls to say it to my face, honestly. i'm not going to let my slight mental instability make me that weak again. i can't dwell on the friends i've lost. there was some reason for all of that to happen and it has nothing to do with me. i can't bring them back and keep the stamp bags out of their hands, the only thing i can do is except it.
me and becky are going out on thursday. we seem to get along rather well. she's a good girl, mature and responsible, and i can tell she has a hard time not saying how she actually feels. i like that, she seems to be an honest person so far. completely supports herself while going to school and work everyday and doesn't complain about it too much. she's out of the high school drama phase of her life and doesn't give a fuck what other people think of her. i didn't even realize she was nineteen till recently. she's definitely stronger than i am.