I am sad and confused (AGAIN)

[bitta]

Ok...well to catch up after my last entry...I don't have to worry about that anymore because my parents came home from their retreat thing and everything is better I don't have to move in with my parents so I am stoked about that...however...I am sad and confused about another thing. I don't know if anybody really reads this anymore so I don't know if anybody is going to be able to give me any advice on the subject. Anyways...I have a best friend...or so I thought. And well we haven't spoken to eachother in like a month. And normally that is pretty weird because we normally talk on a daily basis even before she moved in with me we talked farely often. but ever since she has moved out we don't talk anymore. I have tried to emial her to get her to talk to me and she won't I am sad because I think our friendship is going down the tubes again. I think this a lot but then I talk to her and every thing is all better. but this time I am not sure it is going to work that way. It is weird to find out what everybody really thinks about her now that we aren't really talking anymore and that is the part that confuses me. See she kind of screwed me and my boyfriend over in our living situation and doesn't really seem to care. and now that I haven't been talking to her everyday I have been able to take a step back and look at the situation and realize that this isn't the first time she has done something like this...right now she owes my boyfriend and I at least $600 for past rent and utilities and some other things...which really wouldn't be that big of a deal if she just talked to us about it and told us what was going on and asked us to let it go or something but instead she is just screwing us over more and being really selfish. which as I said before as I take a step back I realize that she has always been selfish. All she cares about is what is best for her. I want this so I am going to do everything i can to get it. I am really sad becuase she has changed so much since she went away to texas and came home. All of her morals have changed and she has become more selfish than before. Before it was so obvious and it wasn't really that big of a deal In high school everybody is selfish you are supposed to be. But anyways she is really selfish and confusing and mean and morally curropt. I am sad because I used to call her my sister and confidant and doctor and best friend in the whole world...and now I don't even think I can call her my friend and that makes me so sad. I miss her but I am actually wondering if I should just let her go. tell her it was fun while it lasted but forget about her really. because all my friends and family keep telling me that she has been using me for years and that this is the way she has been for years but that I have just been too nice to her to actually realize it. So they are telling me that it is actually better for me and my life for the future to just let her go and take her own course and maybe if she changes her course and loses the attitude and gets her morals back and realizes that the whole world doesn't revolve around her and that she wouldn't be so selfish all the time then MAYBE give her another chance and MAYBE be her friend again...and I am so confused becuause she has been my best friend for years and we have done so much together and been through so much that it is so hard for me to just sit here and throw it all away like an old sack of garbage...I am so lost and don't know what to do. And everybody in my life right now is telling me that the best thing to do is let it go. an I am not entirely sure I can do that competely..so...AHHH I don't know..well that is all I really have right now...so anybody that has any advice who might happen to read this. You don't have to know me and you don't have to be one of my friends but just give me some outside advice on what you think I should do. I would really appreciate it. Thanks a bunch...talk to you all later.
Peace love and kumquats.
chao