It's a strange feeling not being in control of which direction your life is headed.
I graduated with a Bachelor's of Science in Psychology in December. I held my degree for the first time two days ago. It was an odd moment, to hold a paper that I had work for 4 years to get. Countless papers, hours of studying, reading, researching, writing, late nights for that. Now, I am waiting to hear from graduate schools. I received two rejections today. It was the first I had heard since I finished my applications in November. I hate that I cannot do anything as of this moment to up my chances for getting in. I can't help but think I didn't do enough. I didn't take the applications seriously enough. I didn't take the GRE seriously enough. I know I didn't. My thesis is finished, but basically unable to publish.
I don't know how to feel anymore, I am at two dead end jobs and no school to occupy me. I think if I do not get accepted anywhere, I want to do something somewhat drastic. Like move. Move, sit in graduate classes, get an internship, anything.
I don't know why I am waiting on the internship thing- Well, I do know. I am terrified of failure. I am the studious one, the successful one, strong, confident, driven, ambitious. I am all those things, but I have also never failed. And for the first time in my life, I think I might. I think I might fail to get accepted.
I didn't think of a back up plan because at the time I knew I'd get in. But with my first two rejects hitting me in the face today, doubt has already set in. All I can do for now though, now that things are currently out of my hands, is sit, be patient, keep my chin up, and hope for the best. I have always been in a believer of things happen for a reason and the bigger picture. I need to remind myself of that. If things don't go as I hope, there is a reason and I know I will eventually find my way.
But in the meantime, it's difficult, I want to be a person who contributes and I need to find a way to do that while I wait to hear my fate as far as grad school goes.
I don't know how to feel anymore, I am at two dead end jobs and no school to occupy me. I think if I do not get accepted anywhere, I want to do something somewhat drastic. Like move. Move, sit in graduate classes, get an internship, anything.
I don't know why I am waiting on the internship thing- Well, I do know. I am terrified of failure. I am the studious one, the successful one, strong, confident, driven, ambitious. I am all those things, but I have also never failed. And for the first time in my life, I think I might. I think I might fail to get accepted.
I didn't think of a back up plan because at the time I knew I'd get in. But with my first two rejects hitting me in the face today, doubt has already set in. All I can do for now though, now that things are currently out of my hands, is sit, be patient, keep my chin up, and hope for the best. I have always been in a believer of things happen for a reason and the bigger picture. I need to remind myself of that. If things don't go as I hope, there is a reason and I know I will eventually find my way.
But in the meantime, it's difficult, I want to be a person who contributes and I need to find a way to do that while I wait to hear my fate as far as grad school goes.