(no subject)
FIVE THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM JAPAN
1. While drunk, all behavior is socially acceptable.
This includes:
2. Staring is acceptable behavior
If you are riding any mode of public transporation and feel someone's eyes burning holes in your forehead, don't bother looking up to corroborate your suspicions. Yes, they are staring at you.
If you do look up, there are two possible reactions:
Adults/Teenagers: They will immediately look down and pretend it never happened.
Elderly/Children: They will engage in a staring contest with you.
Now I even find myself staring unabashedly at people....like when I see another foreigner. I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so...
3. Japan is unique in having four distinct seasons
You may think there are four distinct seasons where you live.
You are wrong.
As I have been told many times, Japan is apparently the only place in the world that experiences four distinct seasons, and they are all especially beautiful when compared to the dismal seasons in other countries.
Don't bother pointing out that you experience four seasons. They are not Japanese seaons and thus do not count.
4. Fashion
At first sight, the MO of Japanese women seems to be closing their eyes, picking random clothes out of their closet, and throwing it all on. My personal fashion favorites are wearing shorts and knee socks, tiny Christina Aguilera-esque belt-size shorts with fur trim, and beehives (which are coming back in style here).
I on a regular basis see women carting around children wearing belt-shorts. Every time they bend over, their ass hangs out of their shorts and all I can think is that if my mother did that, I would NEVER want to be seen with her in public.
As for men, the most fashionable item right now seems to be skinny jeans as well as shoes with pointed toes, similar to what I imagine elves must wear.
5. Eyepatches are a statement
At first I thought Japan had an unusually high rate of eye infections, but apparently women actually choose to wear eye patches as a fashion statement. It lends a weak and vulnerable image, and thus inspires men to protect them.
Yeah.
1. While drunk, all behavior is socially acceptable.
This includes:
- Men peeing on parked vehicles
- Men peeing into rivers
- Men peeing on street corners
- Hitting on foreign girls on subways
- Hitting on foreign girls on the street
- Proposing to foreign girls on subways and offering a plastic ring
- Removing one's shirt to entice foreign girl to accept said proposal
- Puking anywhere men can pee
- Being belligerent
- Trying out one's English on the nearest foreigner
2. Staring is acceptable behavior
If you are riding any mode of public transporation and feel someone's eyes burning holes in your forehead, don't bother looking up to corroborate your suspicions. Yes, they are staring at you.
If you do look up, there are two possible reactions:
Adults/Teenagers: They will immediately look down and pretend it never happened.
Elderly/Children: They will engage in a staring contest with you.
Now I even find myself staring unabashedly at people....like when I see another foreigner. I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so...
3. Japan is unique in having four distinct seasons
You may think there are four distinct seasons where you live.
You are wrong.
As I have been told many times, Japan is apparently the only place in the world that experiences four distinct seasons, and they are all especially beautiful when compared to the dismal seasons in other countries.
Don't bother pointing out that you experience four seasons. They are not Japanese seaons and thus do not count.
4. Fashion
At first sight, the MO of Japanese women seems to be closing their eyes, picking random clothes out of their closet, and throwing it all on. My personal fashion favorites are wearing shorts and knee socks, tiny Christina Aguilera-esque belt-size shorts with fur trim, and beehives (which are coming back in style here).
I on a regular basis see women carting around children wearing belt-shorts. Every time they bend over, their ass hangs out of their shorts and all I can think is that if my mother did that, I would NEVER want to be seen with her in public.
As for men, the most fashionable item right now seems to be skinny jeans as well as shoes with pointed toes, similar to what I imagine elves must wear.
5. Eyepatches are a statement
At first I thought Japan had an unusually high rate of eye infections, but apparently women actually choose to wear eye patches as a fashion statement. It lends a weak and vulnerable image, and thus inspires men to protect them.
Yeah.