(no subject)
First of all, someone tell the US govt that the coronavirus has oil so they'll do something about it. My sympathies and love to anyone who's dealing with a poor government response, no matter where you live. It's horrendous that money once again takes precedence over human lives.
So, it's been three years since my last entry. It's probably really obvious that I'm not involved in any kind of fandom anymore, which was my reason for having a DW and LJ in the first place. I thought it was because fandom had changed, which is part of it, but it was also me. I've changed and my life has changed, a lot. And to be extremely honest, I'm very ashamed of some past behaviour, including what I shipped, my actions in snarking sites and communities, and my handling of a particular website implosion. Yeah, it's been fifteen years so it's unlikely anyone else remembers or even cares. There are much more important things happening these days, anyway. But I do look back and think, "Wow, you handled that really badly." That wasn't the kind of person I wanted to be, hence the shame. Double shame goes for the shipping and snarking - I really had to explore and be honest about what appealed to me and why. That was...not easy. No one likes to examine their behaviour and realise that they haven't been a good person.
I do miss the fandom days and I miss my friends. I miss the discussion and excitement, sharing theories and ideas, all of it. It was a unique and special time, and it's been hard to accept that it's over. It's why it took three years just to log in and update. I kept thinking, "Maybe I'll make time this week and get involved in a new fandom." But it never happened.
I'm beta reading for someone who write Transformers fic, so my AO3 account will probably remain active. I left the one fic people liked on there, all the others were taken down a long time ago. If I stop beta reading, that account will probably go. I'm still working myself up to deleting my DW and LJ, which I haven't been able to do just yet.
Finally, I need say thank you for the good times. Thank you to my friends. Thank you to fandom in general, to the websites that hosted and still host fandom spaces, to the writers, artists, readers and everyone who took the time to share their kindness, creativity and love. Even if you only lurked or read, or left the occasional comment, or we spoke only once or we weren't even aware of each others existence. You were part of something that made a difficult time in my life a lot brighter. I may have moved on, but I still hold you all in my heart.
So, it's been three years since my last entry. It's probably really obvious that I'm not involved in any kind of fandom anymore, which was my reason for having a DW and LJ in the first place. I thought it was because fandom had changed, which is part of it, but it was also me. I've changed and my life has changed, a lot. And to be extremely honest, I'm very ashamed of some past behaviour, including what I shipped, my actions in snarking sites and communities, and my handling of a particular website implosion. Yeah, it's been fifteen years so it's unlikely anyone else remembers or even cares. There are much more important things happening these days, anyway. But I do look back and think, "Wow, you handled that really badly." That wasn't the kind of person I wanted to be, hence the shame. Double shame goes for the shipping and snarking - I really had to explore and be honest about what appealed to me and why. That was...not easy. No one likes to examine their behaviour and realise that they haven't been a good person.
I do miss the fandom days and I miss my friends. I miss the discussion and excitement, sharing theories and ideas, all of it. It was a unique and special time, and it's been hard to accept that it's over. It's why it took three years just to log in and update. I kept thinking, "Maybe I'll make time this week and get involved in a new fandom." But it never happened.
I'm beta reading for someone who write Transformers fic, so my AO3 account will probably remain active. I left the one fic people liked on there, all the others were taken down a long time ago. If I stop beta reading, that account will probably go. I'm still working myself up to deleting my DW and LJ, which I haven't been able to do just yet.
Finally, I need say thank you for the good times. Thank you to my friends. Thank you to fandom in general, to the websites that hosted and still host fandom spaces, to the writers, artists, readers and everyone who took the time to share their kindness, creativity and love. Even if you only lurked or read, or left the occasional comment, or we spoke only once or we weren't even aware of each others existence. You were part of something that made a difficult time in my life a lot brighter. I may have moved on, but I still hold you all in my heart.