Realization
If you ask me one thing I did last year that means anything I have no response....If you ask me one party I went to that I remember I have no answer.....If you ask me if I have one friend I care about from last yr....my answer is are they even a real friend?
To me last year of my life was a blur; meaningless party after party, meeting people that meant nothing. What I could have been doing was my homework at home learning something that actually meant something for my future. I think in this past year I have matured more than any normal high school girl. I know a few of my closest new friends are that way too. I have to say the one thing I have learned about high school so far is that you do not ever get a best friend you earn them.
Can I honestly say I have earned a friend a real one. Not until now I can answer this question truthfully. They are my few girls that I love now that I can sit down and talk about anything with....That I can have a conversation with about real things in life. Without those girls I could not survive they are my air of which I sustain my life upon. I can sit down with these real people and there can be silence .... not an empty silence but a fulfilled silence. A silence that I enjoy becuase I know they enjoy that silence too. I enjoy dinner with the girls now more than I do going to a party thats broken up and that means nothing absolutely nothing in the end.
I retained no friends from last yr that I like except for one. I was even skeptical of her. I was unsure of why I wanted to be her friend still. Last yr I suffered so... I really did I felt like I had been replaced to her in our friendship. She had found someone knew and I felt like I had to chase after her to keep our friendship going. But then I stopped and I realized that a friendship works two ways not one. If you have to run after someone to be their friend then they are not even your real friend. If you are working to keep the friendship and you feel you are working harder on it than anythign it is not a real friendship. And when a friendship becomes an obligation more than fun get out of it.
I was happy this year with my new friends ones that I love like I've never loved anything before. I have never fought with them or had a meaningless argument. I am American and they are too. It feels so good to be able to sit at the lunch table and actually have a conversation with them. I appreciate being in my own country and my own lunch table where I can understand what people are saying. I feel like I could cry right now with joy that I dont have to deal with the shit I did last year.
Let me explain what I mean last night for the first time I hung out with my friend of whom I have not seen in a very very long time. she goes to boarding school in Switzerland. And after last night I realize that people are real and I love them for that reality. There are a group of girls I know that would constantly talk shit about each other that would pretend to be friends but then talk so bad about one another... well last night I was put in touch with this group I remembered. They were supposed to be our best girl friends its amazing how you can see someone and feel nothign for them but disgust and happiness that you cant stand them anymore. Last night my friend watned to see these girls of whom she hadn't seen in a while. We went to some retarded meaningless thing once again it was like a reunion from last year. I hated every moment of it I wanted to leave. The only reason why I was friends with any of these girls was because of my friend who did move to Switzerland. She was the only one out of any of them I liked, except for one other girl whom I have known since kindergarten and love because she has made me feel good and included always. Anyway we get there and she sees her x best friend and its like nothing between them its like a shock to see each other liek why are you hear. Usually you are supposed to be happy when you see your friends that you have not seen in a while but mind you thats if they were a real friend to begin with. Well anyway my switzerland friend turns to me and says lets get out of here. We ran to the car after fifteen minutes and sped off in the cooper at 100 miles an hour listening to rock music wanting to spit in the faces of those we find disgusting. She turned to me and apologized for everything that had happened the yr before and said..."It's funny I used to talk to one of them and think that I would be telling her somehting that was impmortant yet I knew all along that she was thinking about only selfish thoughts like what am I going to wear tonight."
It's amazing ever since she has been to Switzerland and found real people too, like I have found my real niche here we have both come to a self realization that there are people out there like us who have real brains, thoughts,minds and hearts, and not just an empty body filld with living in the moment like a ten year old oblivious to anyone else's feelings but their own. We both have an understanding now and I'm so happy that we have come so far together. I have known you sooo long and learned so much with your. Thanyou...
I want to say that it has been a rocky rocky road but for the first time in my life I could not be any and I mean any happier with who I associate with becasue it is true you are who you associate with and I am proud to say that I assocaite with people I love.....for the first time. And as for my swiz love..... Wow I have learned so much from you last night. And you will never ever know how happy it makes me feel that you turned to me and said," I realize who is real now and what is real." I am glad we are friends and have matured past the superficiality that has captured those other ignorant people we left behind! I love you my girls....you know who you all are! And thankyou..you have made me grown. And in a way thankyou to those people from last yr...If it was not for you I would have never found myself!
To me last year of my life was a blur; meaningless party after party, meeting people that meant nothing. What I could have been doing was my homework at home learning something that actually meant something for my future. I think in this past year I have matured more than any normal high school girl. I know a few of my closest new friends are that way too. I have to say the one thing I have learned about high school so far is that you do not ever get a best friend you earn them.
Can I honestly say I have earned a friend a real one. Not until now I can answer this question truthfully. They are my few girls that I love now that I can sit down and talk about anything with....That I can have a conversation with about real things in life. Without those girls I could not survive they are my air of which I sustain my life upon. I can sit down with these real people and there can be silence .... not an empty silence but a fulfilled silence. A silence that I enjoy becuase I know they enjoy that silence too. I enjoy dinner with the girls now more than I do going to a party thats broken up and that means nothing absolutely nothing in the end.
I retained no friends from last yr that I like except for one. I was even skeptical of her. I was unsure of why I wanted to be her friend still. Last yr I suffered so... I really did I felt like I had been replaced to her in our friendship. She had found someone knew and I felt like I had to chase after her to keep our friendship going. But then I stopped and I realized that a friendship works two ways not one. If you have to run after someone to be their friend then they are not even your real friend. If you are working to keep the friendship and you feel you are working harder on it than anythign it is not a real friendship. And when a friendship becomes an obligation more than fun get out of it.
I was happy this year with my new friends ones that I love like I've never loved anything before. I have never fought with them or had a meaningless argument. I am American and they are too. It feels so good to be able to sit at the lunch table and actually have a conversation with them. I appreciate being in my own country and my own lunch table where I can understand what people are saying. I feel like I could cry right now with joy that I dont have to deal with the shit I did last year.
Let me explain what I mean last night for the first time I hung out with my friend of whom I have not seen in a very very long time. she goes to boarding school in Switzerland. And after last night I realize that people are real and I love them for that reality. There are a group of girls I know that would constantly talk shit about each other that would pretend to be friends but then talk so bad about one another... well last night I was put in touch with this group I remembered. They were supposed to be our best girl friends its amazing how you can see someone and feel nothign for them but disgust and happiness that you cant stand them anymore. Last night my friend watned to see these girls of whom she hadn't seen in a while. We went to some retarded meaningless thing once again it was like a reunion from last year. I hated every moment of it I wanted to leave. The only reason why I was friends with any of these girls was because of my friend who did move to Switzerland. She was the only one out of any of them I liked, except for one other girl whom I have known since kindergarten and love because she has made me feel good and included always. Anyway we get there and she sees her x best friend and its like nothing between them its like a shock to see each other liek why are you hear. Usually you are supposed to be happy when you see your friends that you have not seen in a while but mind you thats if they were a real friend to begin with. Well anyway my switzerland friend turns to me and says lets get out of here. We ran to the car after fifteen minutes and sped off in the cooper at 100 miles an hour listening to rock music wanting to spit in the faces of those we find disgusting. She turned to me and apologized for everything that had happened the yr before and said..."It's funny I used to talk to one of them and think that I would be telling her somehting that was impmortant yet I knew all along that she was thinking about only selfish thoughts like what am I going to wear tonight."
It's amazing ever since she has been to Switzerland and found real people too, like I have found my real niche here we have both come to a self realization that there are people out there like us who have real brains, thoughts,minds and hearts, and not just an empty body filld with living in the moment like a ten year old oblivious to anyone else's feelings but their own. We both have an understanding now and I'm so happy that we have come so far together. I have known you sooo long and learned so much with your. Thanyou...
I want to say that it has been a rocky rocky road but for the first time in my life I could not be any and I mean any happier with who I associate with becasue it is true you are who you associate with and I am proud to say that I assocaite with people I love.....for the first time. And as for my swiz love..... Wow I have learned so much from you last night. And you will never ever know how happy it makes me feel that you turned to me and said," I realize who is real now and what is real." I am glad we are friends and have matured past the superficiality that has captured those other ignorant people we left behind! I love you my girls....you know who you all are! And thankyou..you have made me grown. And in a way thankyou to those people from last yr...If it was not for you I would have never found myself!