(no subject)
I kind-of miss writing. Apparently I'm pretty good at it--my parents encourage me to pursue it in college and I won all sorts of awards for it in high school. I even write for the school newspaper (though I don't really consider that writing so much as an assimilation of a dozen puzzle pieces of fact). I guess I just haven't been inspired recently...every time I wrote something powerful it was after I'd been hurt. Everything I write for the pleasure of my own free time always comes out so...emo, and I wish I understood why lol I don't know if it's telling me something about my subconscious mind or if it's a reflection of the relaxing music I put on when I write, but I read these things afterwards and think, What part of my brain composed that?
When I was a sophomore I won the Scholastic Gold Key Award for a story I wrote about a girl who is broken after her first relationship. It is a reflection of her present self on who she used to be and a story of growth through music and inflection. It is, however, tragic. My senior year I won the same award for a story about a girl who cuts herself to get over the fact that her brother's friend raped her. In the end of both stories, the heroines do get a sense of self-triumph--the first girl got over her ex after he came back for her, and the second girl finally got people to believe that the boy was raping her and it ends in a courtroom with a positive analogy of a whole glass in front of her as compared to the shards of it she used to keep in her drawer so she could cut herself later.
Pretty heavy stuff, right? I've never been like that--I don't cut myself, never have; never been raped; I have been broken up with and gotten over it but I never really lost a sense of self, I was just...confused. I didn't like lose a lot of weight and completely change myself though, like the girls in my stories.
I think a lot. Like I know most of the time I think before I speak so I don't sound very intelligent but...I really do think a lot. About all sorts of things. It's not always logical and most of the time it's just like ideas and thoughts floating around in my brain in a sort of pell-mell fashion. No direction, no purpose, just floating there. I wish I could remember everything. I wish I thought of things that were more important--I dwell on things that don't matter a lot of the time.
There's this one friend of mine that whenever I talk to him, I feel like I have to try harder to think before I speak so that I don't sound stupid because he is so smart. I like that he challenges me. Every conversation is like a growing period or a puzzle that I have to figure out...which makes our conversations kind-of quiet lol It's harder online or over the phone so I just enjoy my time with him, basking in his company. I don't believe in awkward silences and with him, I could just sit and watch him and breathe in everything going on and never get bored.
I wish I had more to write about--something more worthy. Do you ever feel like your words just aren't good enough?
On the other hand, I'm starting to feel remorseful about making Jared Padalecki a Facebook. I'm leading on so many teenage girls...and guys :-/
When I was a sophomore I won the Scholastic Gold Key Award for a story I wrote about a girl who is broken after her first relationship. It is a reflection of her present self on who she used to be and a story of growth through music and inflection. It is, however, tragic. My senior year I won the same award for a story about a girl who cuts herself to get over the fact that her brother's friend raped her. In the end of both stories, the heroines do get a sense of self-triumph--the first girl got over her ex after he came back for her, and the second girl finally got people to believe that the boy was raping her and it ends in a courtroom with a positive analogy of a whole glass in front of her as compared to the shards of it she used to keep in her drawer so she could cut herself later.
Pretty heavy stuff, right? I've never been like that--I don't cut myself, never have; never been raped; I have been broken up with and gotten over it but I never really lost a sense of self, I was just...confused. I didn't like lose a lot of weight and completely change myself though, like the girls in my stories.
I think a lot. Like I know most of the time I think before I speak so I don't sound very intelligent but...I really do think a lot. About all sorts of things. It's not always logical and most of the time it's just like ideas and thoughts floating around in my brain in a sort of pell-mell fashion. No direction, no purpose, just floating there. I wish I could remember everything. I wish I thought of things that were more important--I dwell on things that don't matter a lot of the time.
There's this one friend of mine that whenever I talk to him, I feel like I have to try harder to think before I speak so that I don't sound stupid because he is so smart. I like that he challenges me. Every conversation is like a growing period or a puzzle that I have to figure out...which makes our conversations kind-of quiet lol It's harder online or over the phone so I just enjoy my time with him, basking in his company. I don't believe in awkward silences and with him, I could just sit and watch him and breathe in everything going on and never get bored.
I wish I had more to write about--something more worthy. Do you ever feel like your words just aren't good enough?
On the other hand, I'm starting to feel remorseful about making Jared Padalecki a Facebook. I'm leading on so many teenage girls...and guys :-/