stupid nonsense
ATTENTION: This post is random and makes no sense and unless this is the last thing to read on earth you might not want to take the time to read it
If you asked me when I was little what kind of person I'd grow up to be I'm sure I would've responded with me doing something great with my life and it seems so far I'm coming up super short of that. I used to be this overly nice person when I was little I always tried to be friendly until my freshman year in high school. Kids had been picking on me since I was in kindergarten and it just got progressively worse the older I got. I was overweight and nice so I guess I was a rather nice target to pick on. By high school the nice thing hadn't worked all that well for me (I heard girls say they didn't want to be friends with me because I was sicking nice) and ever since high school I've become this hardened bitch. I'm super judgmental, critical, and just down right mean. Most of the time I think I come off as abrasive and if people say I'm nice (which is a rare occurrence I sit and think of how fake I must have been for someone to actually consider me a nice person). For some reason God blessed me enough with someone who loves me inspite of all my awful faults and sometimes I'm just down right awful to him. I say and do really hurtful things more than I care to admit and after I do them I just sit and cry and run through the laundry list of bad qualities I have in my head. I know I could stand a lot of improving in all areas of my life but sometimes I think its too late or I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm really close with one girl (who shall remain nameless) and sometimes I look at her and envy somethings about her. Everyone loves her, she's caring, honest, non confrontational things I was once (by once I mean at like the age of 5). Everything thing that I've been through has shaped into the person I am today and I know the person I am is the person Dave loves and some days I feel like that's all that is keeping me going. I don't want people to misunderstand I love my life I honestly do but there are just some days I struggle. I'm thankful that I have a man who loves me and who I love more than life itself, a few close friends who care about me, and a loving family (and I have a really cute dog). Even if you have everything you could possibly want it doesn't mean that you still can't feel lonely somedays and by lonely I don't mean lonely for someone but more or less a loneliness for meaning and purpose. I don't feel like I have any special gifts or talents I'm just me and I'm just a very disorted work in progress and somedays I just wish I had myself and everything else is my life figured out.
I understand that none of this makes any sense what so ever but it was just me typing but again please don't mistake this for me being unhappy its just me being me.
If you asked me when I was little what kind of person I'd grow up to be I'm sure I would've responded with me doing something great with my life and it seems so far I'm coming up super short of that. I used to be this overly nice person when I was little I always tried to be friendly until my freshman year in high school. Kids had been picking on me since I was in kindergarten and it just got progressively worse the older I got. I was overweight and nice so I guess I was a rather nice target to pick on. By high school the nice thing hadn't worked all that well for me (I heard girls say they didn't want to be friends with me because I was sicking nice) and ever since high school I've become this hardened bitch. I'm super judgmental, critical, and just down right mean. Most of the time I think I come off as abrasive and if people say I'm nice (which is a rare occurrence I sit and think of how fake I must have been for someone to actually consider me a nice person). For some reason God blessed me enough with someone who loves me inspite of all my awful faults and sometimes I'm just down right awful to him. I say and do really hurtful things more than I care to admit and after I do them I just sit and cry and run through the laundry list of bad qualities I have in my head. I know I could stand a lot of improving in all areas of my life but sometimes I think its too late or I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm really close with one girl (who shall remain nameless) and sometimes I look at her and envy somethings about her. Everyone loves her, she's caring, honest, non confrontational things I was once (by once I mean at like the age of 5). Everything thing that I've been through has shaped into the person I am today and I know the person I am is the person Dave loves and some days I feel like that's all that is keeping me going. I don't want people to misunderstand I love my life I honestly do but there are just some days I struggle. I'm thankful that I have a man who loves me and who I love more than life itself, a few close friends who care about me, and a loving family (and I have a really cute dog). Even if you have everything you could possibly want it doesn't mean that you still can't feel lonely somedays and by lonely I don't mean lonely for someone but more or less a loneliness for meaning and purpose. I don't feel like I have any special gifts or talents I'm just me and I'm just a very disorted work in progress and somedays I just wish I had myself and everything else is my life figured out.
I understand that none of this makes any sense what so ever but it was just me typing but again please don't mistake this for me being unhappy its just me being me.