Um. What?
Just got off the phone with Michael. I’m reading too much into the conversation I’m sure, and I’m very much in my own head because of the med change. But it was interesting. He’s working on a house in Celebration (just outside of Orlando, populated by rich Disney fans and employees, I have a friend who lives there with her husband who is high up at Disney IT) and has sent me pictures of it before. He says it’s amazing to leave the rest of Florida and enter the Disney bubble, it’s as if the storm had never happened, everything is cleaned up and completely back to normal. He thinks this would be a great place for me to move. When I win the lottery, maybe. It’s not new for him to try to get me to move to Florida at all. And he knows it’s not going to happen. But he still tries.
Anyway, the conversation moved to my ADHD meds, he wants his daughter to get off of stimulants as she’s having issues associated with them. We chatted about that, talked about the side effects and how I’m happy to be back on Strattera as I’ll be able to drop the extra 15lbs I put back on. Which led him to jokingly tell me that losing the weight isn’t necessary for me to be attractive, since clearly I’m pulling 35 year olds. He then joked that that might not have been a good idea because now I’ve peaked and nothing will be good enough after this guy. He said he’d like to say that I peaked when I was with him, but he knows that’s not the case. I laughed and told him not to knock himself like that because he’s pretty goddamned fantastic. I didn’t say it out loud, but in reality, sex with him was the best I’ve ever had. There’s a lot to be said about knowing someone so well and being attracted to both their body and their personality and being completely unselfconscious in their presence.
Our conversation progressed, we chatted about politics, he has been purged from Florida’s voting rolls, and received the notification after it was too late to register. Of course. Then he had to go, and ended the conversation with “love you Stiles”. Um. What? I’ve known this man for nearly 25 years. We have had incredibly intimate conversations, have had mind blowing sex, and I have no doubt that we love each other deeply, but neither of us in the history of our relationship has said those words out loud. It was kind of a shock, and of course I was still laughing from something else he had said so my response was the ever brilliant “you too!” Of course. I don’t think this is a harbinger of things to come, he is dating a lovely woman who lives locally, and our relationship has slid back into our comfortable best friends mode. But it does feel different to hear him talk like that today. As much as I extoll my happiness in singlehood, were I ever to get into a relationship again it would be with him. I love being single, I love living alone, but if we were ever able to make it work, I would jump at the chance. Do I enjoy sleeping with a much younger man who is 6’5” and hot? Absolutely, but again, nothing can stand up to a real connection with someone who knows you as well as you know yourself.
Anyway, the conversation moved to my ADHD meds, he wants his daughter to get off of stimulants as she’s having issues associated with them. We chatted about that, talked about the side effects and how I’m happy to be back on Strattera as I’ll be able to drop the extra 15lbs I put back on. Which led him to jokingly tell me that losing the weight isn’t necessary for me to be attractive, since clearly I’m pulling 35 year olds. He then joked that that might not have been a good idea because now I’ve peaked and nothing will be good enough after this guy. He said he’d like to say that I peaked when I was with him, but he knows that’s not the case. I laughed and told him not to knock himself like that because he’s pretty goddamned fantastic. I didn’t say it out loud, but in reality, sex with him was the best I’ve ever had. There’s a lot to be said about knowing someone so well and being attracted to both their body and their personality and being completely unselfconscious in their presence.
Our conversation progressed, we chatted about politics, he has been purged from Florida’s voting rolls, and received the notification after it was too late to register. Of course. Then he had to go, and ended the conversation with “love you Stiles”. Um. What? I’ve known this man for nearly 25 years. We have had incredibly intimate conversations, have had mind blowing sex, and I have no doubt that we love each other deeply, but neither of us in the history of our relationship has said those words out loud. It was kind of a shock, and of course I was still laughing from something else he had said so my response was the ever brilliant “you too!” Of course. I don’t think this is a harbinger of things to come, he is dating a lovely woman who lives locally, and our relationship has slid back into our comfortable best friends mode. But it does feel different to hear him talk like that today. As much as I extoll my happiness in singlehood, were I ever to get into a relationship again it would be with him. I love being single, I love living alone, but if we were ever able to make it work, I would jump at the chance. Do I enjoy sleeping with a much younger man who is 6’5” and hot? Absolutely, but again, nothing can stand up to a real connection with someone who knows you as well as you know yourself.