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A funny. From Really Cheap Thoughts.
Things That Never Happen in STAR TREK:
- The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
- The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
Someone visits the holodeck, and it works properly.
- The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new life form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form wearing a funny hat.
- The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked sickbay.
- The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
- An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
- A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
- The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
- The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
- The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
- A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
- Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
- An intruder is unable to figure out how to use the transporter.
- Someone on the Enterprise meets a long-estranged relative and doesn't suffer emotional turmoil.
- Someone attempts to hijack the Enterprise and is foiled by the alert and competent Security staff.
- A member of the crew is taken over by an alien entity and everyone else finds it's an improvement.
- A systems failure on the Enterprise affects the artificial gravity generators and nothing else.
- The Enterprise encounters a spatial anomaly and merrily ignores it.
- An android race turns out to be completely friendly and not threatening or menacing in any way.
- The mysterious a giant threatening object is on a direct course for some world other than Earth.
- McCoy says, "He'll live, Jim."
- Artificial intelligence and android technology make human exploration of the galaxy obsolete.
- The crew beams down to a planet that requires them to wear space suits or that has a gravity so strong it prevents them from moving around.
- An information exchange with a vastly superior race directly leads to new technology and an improvement in the quality of life in later episodes.
- The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without a serious incident.
- Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
- A redshirt sneaks down a deserted corridor, turns a corner, and suddenly has a surprise birthday party.
- McCoy says, "On second thought, maybe I'm a carpenter and NOT a doctor after all."
- Kirk gets court-martialed for violating the Prime Directive.
- A major character dies and isn't resurrected.
- The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected to the late 20th century.
- The deflector shields hold through the duration of the battle.
- The Enterprise encounters nothing analogous to human society in its barbaric days.
- The crew finds a reason for not letting the computer do everything.
- A group of nearby spaceships are not all oriented exactly like each other, in an upwards position.
- A Starfleet admiral gives Picard orders that present no moral dilemma for him and that he is glad to go along with.
- A conference on some planet that doesn't involve running through kidnap attempts and dodging time warps to go to/from.
- Anyone yawning, stretching, scratching, picking their nose, going to the bathroom, taking a bath, adjusting their underwear, burping or otherwise. All of these things, like the need for money, have been eliminated in the future.
Things That Never Happen in STAR TREK:
- The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
- The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
Someone visits the holodeck, and it works properly.
- The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new life form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form wearing a funny hat.
- The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked sickbay.
- The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
- An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
- A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
- The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
- The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
- The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
- A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
- Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
- An intruder is unable to figure out how to use the transporter.
- Someone on the Enterprise meets a long-estranged relative and doesn't suffer emotional turmoil.
- Someone attempts to hijack the Enterprise and is foiled by the alert and competent Security staff.
- A member of the crew is taken over by an alien entity and everyone else finds it's an improvement.
- A systems failure on the Enterprise affects the artificial gravity generators and nothing else.
- The Enterprise encounters a spatial anomaly and merrily ignores it.
- An android race turns out to be completely friendly and not threatening or menacing in any way.
- The mysterious a giant threatening object is on a direct course for some world other than Earth.
- McCoy says, "He'll live, Jim."
- Artificial intelligence and android technology make human exploration of the galaxy obsolete.
- The crew beams down to a planet that requires them to wear space suits or that has a gravity so strong it prevents them from moving around.
- An information exchange with a vastly superior race directly leads to new technology and an improvement in the quality of life in later episodes.
- The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without a serious incident.
- Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
- A redshirt sneaks down a deserted corridor, turns a corner, and suddenly has a surprise birthday party.
- McCoy says, "On second thought, maybe I'm a carpenter and NOT a doctor after all."
- Kirk gets court-martialed for violating the Prime Directive.
- A major character dies and isn't resurrected.
- The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected to the late 20th century.
- The deflector shields hold through the duration of the battle.
- The Enterprise encounters nothing analogous to human society in its barbaric days.
- The crew finds a reason for not letting the computer do everything.
- A group of nearby spaceships are not all oriented exactly like each other, in an upwards position.
- A Starfleet admiral gives Picard orders that present no moral dilemma for him and that he is glad to go along with.
- A conference on some planet that doesn't involve running through kidnap attempts and dodging time warps to go to/from.
- Anyone yawning, stretching, scratching, picking their nose, going to the bathroom, taking a bath, adjusting their underwear, burping or otherwise. All of these things, like the need for money, have been eliminated in the future.