(no subject)
I was feeling lonely so I put on his doors shirt to remind myself that somebody loved me.
Being selfish is such a social sin but its hard not to when everything can, some how, be connected back to me. How an irrelevant shirt can relate itself to me. to me being alone. to me finding someone i love who loves me too. to me wearing a shirt of someone who i love and loves me too. how the doors have no idea i exists and still they are resolving the empty feeling gnawing at my heart.
Its just the way things work out. the way life is like a pattern and you are the constant connecting it all together. how there are millions and trillions of patterns in the world and somehow they are all connected back to me, to you, to the homeless guy sleeping under the tree, and the women getting botox. How can we not be selfish when the world is always tracing itself back to me, back to you.
Today a maintenance man came into my room. i swear he opened the door then knocked on it. I was laying on my floor wearing my doors shirt just thinking. I jumped, quick! hide the bong. How when i jumped to hide the bong a mug of champagne spilled onto my phone as my the words "mommy" started making my phone flash and dance. how that happens. how a string of things can be so ironic. How can we not be selfish when these things happen. It must be what Jesus would have felt like. Commandments and rising and leaving his mark so everything could connect back to him. selfish. No religious person will ever admit it.
You know when you see someone's face or hear a name mentioned and your mind rakes itself of every moment that person ever appeared in your eyes, in your mind. how you can relive every moment which incorporated them and finally you reach the starting point. and then you get to thinking about the starting point, the beginning. How you met the person you love today, or the person you hate today, or the person who torments you at night, or the person who changed your life. How lucky, or unlucky, that moment was but how imperative it is to who you are now. how friends of friends of friends become youre best friend and how youre best friends friend becomes your lover and how your lovers friends become your friends and how we are just like spiders always making these webs of people. how maybe the word selfish isnt right, but the idea of you being everywhere. how everyone is you. how me is everyone. how we are share this word but relate it only to ourselves. and damnit none of this is coming out right and you dont understand me but its just sitting with me, alone in my doors shirt, champagne dripping threw my toes and staining my carpet with that bitter delectable smell while my phone flashes and dances and my bong sits like a criminal under my bed. so i figured id tell you(me) what i(you) was thinking about.
Being selfish is such a social sin but its hard not to when everything can, some how, be connected back to me. How an irrelevant shirt can relate itself to me. to me being alone. to me finding someone i love who loves me too. to me wearing a shirt of someone who i love and loves me too. how the doors have no idea i exists and still they are resolving the empty feeling gnawing at my heart.
Its just the way things work out. the way life is like a pattern and you are the constant connecting it all together. how there are millions and trillions of patterns in the world and somehow they are all connected back to me, to you, to the homeless guy sleeping under the tree, and the women getting botox. How can we not be selfish when the world is always tracing itself back to me, back to you.
Today a maintenance man came into my room. i swear he opened the door then knocked on it. I was laying on my floor wearing my doors shirt just thinking. I jumped, quick! hide the bong. How when i jumped to hide the bong a mug of champagne spilled onto my phone as my the words "mommy" started making my phone flash and dance. how that happens. how a string of things can be so ironic. How can we not be selfish when these things happen. It must be what Jesus would have felt like. Commandments and rising and leaving his mark so everything could connect back to him. selfish. No religious person will ever admit it.
You know when you see someone's face or hear a name mentioned and your mind rakes itself of every moment that person ever appeared in your eyes, in your mind. how you can relive every moment which incorporated them and finally you reach the starting point. and then you get to thinking about the starting point, the beginning. How you met the person you love today, or the person you hate today, or the person who torments you at night, or the person who changed your life. How lucky, or unlucky, that moment was but how imperative it is to who you are now. how friends of friends of friends become youre best friend and how youre best friends friend becomes your lover and how your lovers friends become your friends and how we are just like spiders always making these webs of people. how maybe the word selfish isnt right, but the idea of you being everywhere. how everyone is you. how me is everyone. how we are share this word but relate it only to ourselves. and damnit none of this is coming out right and you dont understand me but its just sitting with me, alone in my doors shirt, champagne dripping threw my toes and staining my carpet with that bitter delectable smell while my phone flashes and dances and my bong sits like a criminal under my bed. so i figured id tell you(me) what i(you) was thinking about.