Open for business
Call me Ishmael. Wait, did I say Ishmael? I meant Reverend.
Let me explain.
Last month, I decided to become ordained. My decision was based not on some deep spiritual awakening, but out of sheer disgust.
Now, I think I mentioned in my last post that my upcoming wedding is going to be non-traditional, as if actually I needed to tell that to anyone who knows me. Anyhoo, I was pretty much dead-set on not having a minister, or Justice of the Peace or whatever officiate the thing. That prompted me to spend hours and hours typing phrases like "offbeat wedding officiant nyc" and "alternative wedding services" into every search engine I could.
The results were very disappointing.
Apparently, to be considered "offbeat, fun, alternative, unusual, different, non-traditional, interesting or gothic" all you have to do is be female. I swear, I'm not making this up. All of the Officiants I found using those search words were women, and almost all of them offered absolutely no insight whatsoever as to why they would describe themselves as having any of the qualities I searched for. The only exception was the Officiant who was also a comedian, but she (like the others) declined to post her fee on her website. So just for a goof, I started emailing them and asking for quotes, and that's when the disgust kicked in. Because I don't give a flying fuck how "personal and unique" you claim my ceremony will be; you need to tell me why a service that averages 20 minutes or less costs $600.
Right.
Now I figure that a lot of people who are searching for the same things I was are doing it for specific reasons: they're non-religious, they're ultra-feminist, they're getting married dressed as Stormtroopers, they're gay, they're trying to piss off their parents, they're sick of boring wedding ceremonies, they're goth kids or they're broke and trying to find someone who charges less than their local church does. So I said, fuck it, give the people what they want!
After a bit of research and some paperwork and fees at the City Clerk, I am now a fully-ordained, certified and registered Officiant in the City of New York. And I'm up for some *truly* unique weddings. You want to get married by a chick in full gothic regalia? Done. Want to get married by Slave Leia? Done. Want to have an Officiant who tells dirty jokes? Wears a shirt that says "Serious Pussy"? Dresses like Elvira for your Halloween wedding?
You get the idea.
I haven't decided what to charge people yet, but I think it'll be open for some negotiating. A hundred bucks and that Fender Strat you've been looking to unload. $150 and an open bar. Free if you or your significant other plays drums for my band. Or something like that. But I can GUARANTEE it won't be 600 bucks.
Now I just gotta figure out if I can marry myself.
[UPDATE: 6.30.11: My website is up and running! The Reverend D
Let me explain.
Last month, I decided to become ordained. My decision was based not on some deep spiritual awakening, but out of sheer disgust.
Now, I think I mentioned in my last post that my upcoming wedding is going to be non-traditional, as if actually I needed to tell that to anyone who knows me. Anyhoo, I was pretty much dead-set on not having a minister, or Justice of the Peace or whatever officiate the thing. That prompted me to spend hours and hours typing phrases like "offbeat wedding officiant nyc" and "alternative wedding services" into every search engine I could.
The results were very disappointing.
Apparently, to be considered "offbeat, fun, alternative, unusual, different, non-traditional, interesting or gothic" all you have to do is be female. I swear, I'm not making this up. All of the Officiants I found using those search words were women, and almost all of them offered absolutely no insight whatsoever as to why they would describe themselves as having any of the qualities I searched for. The only exception was the Officiant who was also a comedian, but she (like the others) declined to post her fee on her website. So just for a goof, I started emailing them and asking for quotes, and that's when the disgust kicked in. Because I don't give a flying fuck how "personal and unique" you claim my ceremony will be; you need to tell me why a service that averages 20 minutes or less costs $600.
Right.
Now I figure that a lot of people who are searching for the same things I was are doing it for specific reasons: they're non-religious, they're ultra-feminist, they're getting married dressed as Stormtroopers, they're gay, they're trying to piss off their parents, they're sick of boring wedding ceremonies, they're goth kids or they're broke and trying to find someone who charges less than their local church does. So I said, fuck it, give the people what they want!
After a bit of research and some paperwork and fees at the City Clerk, I am now a fully-ordained, certified and registered Officiant in the City of New York. And I'm up for some *truly* unique weddings. You want to get married by a chick in full gothic regalia? Done. Want to get married by Slave Leia? Done. Want to have an Officiant who tells dirty jokes? Wears a shirt that says "Serious Pussy"? Dresses like Elvira for your Halloween wedding?
You get the idea.
I haven't decided what to charge people yet, but I think it'll be open for some negotiating. A hundred bucks and that Fender Strat you've been looking to unload. $150 and an open bar. Free if you or your significant other plays drums for my band. Or something like that. But I can GUARANTEE it won't be 600 bucks.
Now I just gotta figure out if I can marry myself.
[UPDATE: 6.30.11: My website is up and running! The Reverend D