Merry Christmas Day Eleven
The sicker I get the crappier my summaries get! Woo! I hope everyone will be furiously refreshing their friends page at midnight tonight because it is going to be SO SERIOUS.
Title: Winchester Family Christmas Part Two. 26/?
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean, John, Andrew/Floppers, Lloyd
Rating :R
Words: 5,400/98,400
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Dean finds out why he loves the Impala so much. Sam finds out why he loves books so much. John finds out about Lloyd.
Notes:: Rest are here, Samcakes
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
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On Sam’s first day off he slept. Dean tried to wake him up for a little eight in the morning action but he barely even moved. He didn’t even move when John burst into the room and started yelling about them obviously drugging and subsequently tattooing him.
Dean pushed him out of the room and kept poking him in the chest until they were downstairs and they could calmly and quietly talk about the tattoo. John was obviously so wasted last night that he didn’t even remember getting it.
The bandage was half hanging off his arm, so Dean ripped it off the rest of the way so he could look at it and give John some ointment and tell him to stop being such a punk.
He seemed to like the tattoo much better after he got a proper look at it, but still couldn’t believe they forced him into getting one.
“What’s the big deal?”
“Why’d you pick the colt?” John asked.
“You picked it!” Dean laughed. “You wanted the colt and all our names. You told the artist it could kill anything and that your gay son has a cupcake.”
“You have a cupcake too?”
“No dad, Sam has a cupcake. I have this butch heart.”
John was scratching his head while he looked at Dean’s arm. He thought it was a lot smaller yesterday but apparently he had been drunk the first time he saw it.
“Make some breakfast, I’m going to take the dogs out.”
“Make breakfast?” John asked. “I’ll go pick something up.”
“You don’t know how to make breakfast?”
“Well no, not really.”
“Can you make coffee?” Dean asked. “Can you handle that?”
“I can buy coffee…”
“Okay, sit down and I’ll be back.”
Dean couldn’t believe how helpless John was. He almost felt bad for him, but he brought it on himself. They had barely been living in the house for a year and fully adapted to a nice normal life. John had years to figure things out and he never even bothered.
The dogs were already scratching at the door when Dean got to it. He knew they wouldn’t be outside for long because the ground was blanketed in snow. He loved the idea of a real white Christmas. As soon as the door was open they both took off running. Floppers tripped in the snow, like he always did when he tried to run to fast. Dean thought maybe he was a little touched in the head as well because he was always falling over.
Andrew usually tried to find the perfect place to piss but it was too cold to go searching. He stopped suddenly, peed and came running back into the house. He stood on Dean’s foot and gave out a few pitiful barks to rush Floppers along.
“If you wait to long you’ll get icicles on your penis!” Dean yelled. “Come on!”
Floppers completely ignored him and kept on searching. It was another few minutes before he found the tiniest speck of a piece of dead grass poking up through the snow. He couldn’t just pee anywhere, it had to be perfect. When he was done, he tripped again and ran back inside shaking off the snow.
Dean decided that since it was Christmas they were going to have to get dressed up. Sam was really going to enjoy seeing them in their retarded sweaters when he woke up. Andrew’s had a gingerbread man on the back and Floppers was adorned with a sequined covered tree. They both hated them but couldn’t get them off no matter how hard they tried.
Andrew didn’t even try anymore, but Floppers rolled around because he was just convinced if he did it enough the sweater would come off.
“Stop it.” Dean said nudging him with his foot. “You’re making an ass out of yourself. Everyone is laughing.”
He kept doing it until Dean nudged him again. Andrew knew exactly what he had to do which had Dean screaming loud enough to wake up the entire neighborhood. He climbed right on top of Floppers and staring humping the shit out of him. Andrew never growled but he did as soon as Dean tried to pry them apart. Floppers wasn’t even trying to fight it.
“Sam!” Dean yelled. “Sammy!”
He didn’t wake up when John yelled about the tattoo earlier but he came rushing down the stairs when he heard Dean yelling. Andrew even bit at Dean’s foot when he tried to knock him off.
“What?” Sam asked.
“Andrew is ass raping Floppers!”
“Aww, they’re in love.” Sam smiled.
John was just as horrified as Dean when he want to see what all the commotion was about. They were both panicked but Sam seemed just fine with them going at it on the rug next to the back door.
“Imitation is the…”
“Shut up!” Dean yelled. “Dad go get me a bucket of water to throw on them!”
“Leave them alone.” Sam said walking closer. “They’re having fun.”
“He’s raping him in the ass!”
“No he isn’t, he’s just getting a little friction lovin’. They probably do this all the time when we’re gone.”
“Why are they doing it now?”
“Well it’s Christmas Eve.” Sam laughed. “Andrew was probably thinking how cute Floppers looked in his sweater and couldn’t control himself.”
“Which one is older?” John asked.
“Floppers is, we’re pretty sure.” Sam nodded.
“Oh well, that makes sense.”
Sam and John were both laughing which only made Dean more horrified. Andrew was sticking it to his big brother just like Sam did whenever he got the chance. Dean finally separated them while getting snapped at in the process. He was waiting for Floppers to have his turn but he wasn’t interested. He looked over his shoulder and backed right into Andrew so he could climb back on.
“Well now it really makes sense. Floppers like it.”
“Shut up!” Dean yelled. “He’s just being nice!”
“Dean calm down. It’s okay, they’re in love.” John said. “I can’t find the coffee.”
“Oh so it’s okay if they’re in love?” Dean asked.
“Well yeah.”
“So Sammy and I can go upstairs and do that right now and you won’t care?”
“Will you make breakfast first? I’m pretty hungry.”
“Ok.” Dean sighed. “So if I just let Sammy stick…
“Dean!” Sam yelled. “No.”
Andrew finally stopped making sweet puppy love to Floppers when Sam very sternly told them to stop. Andrew looked embarrassed if that was possible, but Floppers just backed up into him one more time.
“No!”
“Floppers is a ravenous bottom.” Dean laughed. “He can’t get enough.”
“I’m going to McDonalds” John sighed. “I want those pancakes. Those are the best pancakes.”
“What did you say?”
“They have the best pancakes at McDonalds.”
“Get the hell out of my house!” Dean yelled.
“I agree with Dean.”
“What did I do?” John asked.
Sam started laughing at how upset John looked. He may have thought that fast food pancakes were awesome, but that was only because he never had Samcakes. The first time he was there Sam was too tired to get up and make breakfast. Samcakes were the one food Dean absolutely refused to make. He was sure he could handle them but he wasn’t going to risk fucking them up.
Once they were in the kitchen Dean set John up at the counter so he would watch the magic happen. Sam was still tired and wanted to get a little extra sleep but he would gladly wait if it meant he could educate John.
“Since the dawn of time.” Sam began. “Man has sought to perfect the common pancake through any means necessary.”
“They’ve waged wars over pancakes and killed in the name of pancakes.” Dean nodded.
“Okay, I’m really hungry.”
“Silence!” Dean boomed. “That’s my scary voice. All the turmoil ended when God said “Let there be Samcakes!”
“And thy shall be anointed with Grade A Fancy Amber Maple Syrup from Vermont and the sweetest creamery butter.”
“And maybe.” Dean leaned in and whispered. “Whipped cweam and stwaawbewwies on yer birfday if yer a good boy.”
“Hmm.” John paused. “I’m intrigued.”
John was even more intrigued when Sam pulled out his cast iron griddle. Dean bought it after those first few batches of Samcakes. He had no idea why it was so damn expensive but it seemed to make Sam happy and the Samcakes even better which was no easy task.
“Le Cruset reversible grill and griddle.” Sam said. “It’s cast iron and spans two burners on my Viking range.”
“Oooh.”
“You like that?” Dean asked. “I bought that for Sammy.”
“I had to do awful things to get it.”
Sam turned it back and forth so John could really appreciate it. He seemed interested in it, probably only because it was so heavy and could totally kill someone if used correctly.
Dean ended up having to make the coffee since John was as helpless as a newborn kitten. Sam got right to work on his Samcakes making sure he told John what he was doing. He made sure to know that he should never attempt it unsupervised because he wasn’t a professional.
“And the stove might give you an ouchy.”
“Thanks Sam. So did you ever sell the Victorian?”
“Actually.” Dean laughed handing him a mug. “The historical society bought it because it was restored so well.”
“That’s great Dean. Do you think you might want to work with them too?”
“No, I’d need to be a real contractor to do that.”
“You could get licensed.” Sam said under his breath.
Whenever he brought it up Dean seemed to either completely ignore it or get pissed off that he even mentioned it. He wouldn’t tell him what the problem was. Sam wanted to push him like he normally did, but something told him Dean didn’t really want to be pushed about getting licensed.
“So yeah, Shelia sold it to the historical society. We’re almost done paying off this house. We’ll be homeowners.”
“I’m proud of you two.”
Sam nearly flipped a pancake onto his nice clean ceiling when John said it. He couldn’t remember the last time if ever John had said he was proud of them. He never expected it to be because they were almost homeowners, especially together.
“Huh?” Dean said. “What?”
“Buying a house is hard and you two have done well for yourselves. See I told you things would be okay if you got rid of that racist ghost.”
“His name is Lloyd and he’s not racist.”
“Was Lloyd.” Sam said quickly. “He’s in a better place now.”
Dean knew Lloyd was planning on staying quiet while John was there, but he hadn’t talked at all since he arrived. He was just trying to keep them out of trouble but Dean was worried. He excused himself and crept down into the basement where he could talk to him without John knowing what he was up to.
“Lloyd?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?” Dean asked.
He sounded a lot quieter than he usually did. Dean wasn’t sure if he was tired or sad, he couldn’t place the tone in his voice.
“Working on becoming a vengeful spirit. I’m going to kill all of you.”
“Oh, okay. Well do you need anything?”
“Now what if I was serious?”
“You’re not going to kill us.” Dean laughed. “You love us.”
“Well…”
“You love us! It’s okay, we won’t call you gay.”
“I do.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound weird.”
“Just tired Dean. Go back upstairs, the pancakes are ready. Hug Sam for me later.”
“Okay.”
Dean walked back up the stairs grabbing a tennis racket on the way up so he could have an excuse for why he went down there in the first place if John asked. The racket was there when they moved in and he always wanted to use it. John was still talking about how hardcore his tattoo was and told Sam his looked like it was healing well.
Dean talked to them all through breakfast but he was really thinking about Lloyd. He was worried about him and he ate his perfect Samcakes hoping he was okay.
Sam did exactly what he said he would and stayed in his pajamas and napped all day. As soon as breakfast was over he bid them farewell and went upstairs and back to bed. Dean wanted to join him but he couldn’t sleep all day.
He decided to spend the day with John. He didn’t know what they were going to do but John already had an idea. Since Sam always cooked even when he was too tired to do it, they should cook a big Christmas Eve dinner.
Dean wasn’t so great in the kitchen, but he had cooked twice before and he knew he could do it again for Sam. It was a great idea if they could pull it off, but John was confident that it wouldn’t be a problem.
When they got to the grocery store Dean realized what a terrible idea it was to go out on Christmas eve. People were all over the place yelling and shoving. John yelled and shoved back and told everyone where they could shove their Christmas cheer. It only took him twenty minutes to get everything they needed but it was hour waiting to check out.
Sam was still sleeping when they got back to the house so they went right to work. It took a little research but they figured out how to bake the three huge potatoes John handpicked. He bought a huge loaf of crusty bread and three sixteen ounce porterhouse steaks that seemed really expensive to Dean. He even bought a huge chocolate cheesecake and told the cashier that his son could make a better one.
Dean tried to find an appropriate wine, but John already had a case of beer by the time he found one. He got it anyway, because he wasn’t sure if Sam would approve of eating porterhouse steaks and drinking beer.
John seemed to know what he was doing with the steaks so Dean let him have at it while he cut up the loaf of bread and set the dining room table. He was cooking them in two sticks of butter, a jar of mushrooms and a flamboyant sprinkling of salt and pepper. He was making such a mess out of Sam’s perfect kitchen but seemed to be enjoying himself so Dean didn’t say anything.
“With a porterhouse you don’t need much else.”
“Yeah?” Dean asked. “And how do you know that?”
“I watch the cooking channel sometimes. Is rare okay?”
“Sure.”
“I just like to run it through a warm room.” John laughed. “I haven’t had a steak in, I don’t even know, years at least. He’s been sleeping all day.”
“He’ll sleep all night too. Cook Sammy’s a little more. Just leave it a little pink in the middle.”
“I can do that.”
John took two of the steaks out and let them rest on a plate while he moved Sam’s around flipping it back and forth occasionally. He was smiling a lot and it had Dean nervous. He always seemed so pissed off but since he had arrive he was bordering on chipper.
“Are you happy dad?”
“I have a steak and a beer. I’m spending Christmas with my boys. Of course I’m happy.”
“Okay.”
“What about you?” John asked sipping his beer. “Are you happy?”
Dean wanted to tell him he’d be a lot happier if he was fine with them having Lloyd in the house. He wanted to spend Christmas with him too. He settled for nodding because he didn’t want to find out where John would draw the line at how accepting he could be.
“I’m going to go wake up Sammy.”
“Okay.”
When he got to the bedroom Sam was flat on his back spread out across the entire bed. He looked he just passed out in the middle of making a snow angel. Dean liked that he was on his back and decided to take advantage of it. He stuck his head under the covers and crept up the bed because he didn’t know how to bake a potato but there were some things he was great at.
Sam woke up laughing a few minutes later and gasping a few minutes after that. The door was wide open and John could have caught them at anytime which just make it even better.
“Thank you.” Sam sighed. “You’ll spoil your dinner.”
“Not likely.” Dean laughed from under the covers.
“What are you cooking?”
“Dad is.”
“What?” Sam said sitting up. “In my kitchen?”
“He’s fine.” Dean said pushing the covers off. “He’s making steaks. I think he loves us.”
“Huh?”
“He’s really happy Sammy. It makes me happy.”
“Well that’s good. You make my pants happy. Lloyd were you watching?”
They both stared up at the ceiling but Lloyd never said anything. Dean went from being worried to having a full blown panic attack. He didn’t even care that he gave head and didn’t get it back.
“Lloyd?” Sam asked. “Are you there?”
“Yeah.”
Sam could hear how quiet his voice was too. Dean calmed down when he at least heard his voice. He didn’t like the way he sounded though.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m just tired. I’ve been masturbating compulsively. I’m up to both thumbs and an index finger.”
“Aw.” Sam smiled. “Way to go champ.”
“You’re lying.” Dean said standing. “What are you really doing?”
“I’m just tired.”
“Are you dying Lloyd? You need to tell us if you feel like you’re dying so we can help you.”
“I’m not dying Dean.” Lloyd laughed. “It’s Christmas in a few hours. Go enjoy dinner with your father.”
“Are you mad because he’s here? We’ll tell him if you want.”
“No Sam, I’m fine, really. Did Dean hug you for me?”
“He blew me.”
“Well, that was from me then. I hope I bit a little like you like.”
“You did.” Dean smiled. “You swallowed too.”
“Ah, excellent.” Lloyd laughed again. “Go ahead. Those steaks smell great.”
Lloyd was like a second father who sometimes coached them through lovemaking so they always did what he said. John had everything set on the table when they went back downstairs. He even scooped out the sour cream for the baked potatoes into another bowl just like Sam would have done.
“Wow.” Sam smiled. “You’re very industrious.”
“Dean said you like your steak just a little pink. If it’s still too rare I’ll put it back on.”
“I’m sure it’s great dad, thank you.”
“Sure Sam. Let’s eat.”
Sam’s steak was not only perfectly cooked it tasted great as well. It was just slightly tinged pink through the middle Dean and John’s looked like they were still mooing, just like they liked them.
“You want wine Sammy?”
“Please.” Sam smiled.
Dean had picked the exact same wine Sam would have bought himself. He loved that they had gone through so much trouble so he wouldn’t have to cook. It was one of the best presents he could have gotten.
“Are these new dishes?” John asked. “I thought you had darker dishes the last time I was here.”
“We got new ones for Christmas.” Dean said. “Dad these steaks are great. When Sammy gets his own television show we’re going to hire you to cook for us.”
“All I can cook are steaks and spaghetti.”
“Well, we’ll get you a book.” Sam laughed. “They’re really good.”
“Thanks guys.”
While they ate John updated them on what he had been up to since the last time he was there. He only vaguely referred to cases and didn’t go into much detail. Dean assumed it was for Sam’s benefit. They didn’t care about hearing them, they just weren’t going to rush back into them. Sam seemed to happy talking and listen to John so Dean didn’t say anything about it.
When John wasn’t yelling or getting punched he was actually fairly tolerable. Dean liked having him around especially for Sam. They always had such a strained relationship and now everything seemed okay for the first time. When Sam was younger it was because he didn’t want to hunt. When he got older it was because he refused to hunt and went to college instead. After that John was pissed off that they were sticking it to each other fairly regularly. It took them a while but they finally just leveled out and both accepted things as they were.
“How about we do a big breakfast tomorrow and then we can do presents?” Sam asked.
“Or we can sleep late, do presents and eat Chinese food.” Dean laughed. “I’m tired of your cooking.”
“Sure you are. I don’t mind. I like cooking.”
“But you could sleep.” John nodded. “Lets do that, the Chinese thing.”
Dean would never get tired of Sam’s cooking, he just wanted him to actually enjoy his time off from work. He cooked all day long and he should have some time off. Sam nodded and went back to eating his perfect steak. He didn’t care where they were or what they ate. They were together and not fighting, that was he cared about.
John apparently didn’t know the rules about being a proper houseguest because that night he burst into their bedroom much like he had that morning. He wasn’t yelling about his tattoo again, instead he was waving the tennis racket back and forth while whispering that someone broke into the house.
Normally Dean would have jumped out of bed and kicked all kinds of ass but he wasn’t dressed, neither was Sam. After he told John to go stand in the hall he decided his Christmas gift to himself was putting a lock on the bedroom door.
After the both got dressed John started to tell them all about the Christmas burglar who was in their attic. He was in bed and woke up to the noise overhead. He was going to rush up there and kick the guys ass but he wanted them to get the dogs out of the house first so they wouldn’t get hurt.
“Okay.” Dean whispered back. “Let me get this straight. There’s a burglar in the attic, you have a whole arsenal of weapons in the truck and you’re going after him with a tennis racket.”
“Exactly.” John nodded. “I’m going to throw it at him then kick his ass.”
“Are you drunk dad?” Sam yawned. “There’s like no crime here. Why would someone break into the house and go to the attic?”
“I don’t know, but it’s Christmas and I want to kick that guys ass!”
If there was someone in the attic Floppers and Andrew didn’t seem to mind. They were too comfortable and warm under the covers. Sam tucked them in a little tighter and shut the bedroom door so they couldn’t escape if things upstairs got ugly.
John wanted to head into the attic alone but they both walked behind him creeping up the stairs while holding on to the back of his shirt. They let go as soon as John got into the attic and started swinging the tennis racket blindly and yelling. He even threw a few punches just to be sure, but there was nothing in the attic.
“You’re hearing shit.”
“I don’t hear shit!” John yelled. “I heard someone up here. I kept hearing all this banging.”
“Uh, that might have been us.” Sam shrugged. “It’s Christmas.”
“It was after that.” John said. “After that.”
“Oh God, you heard us?”
“Yes.” John nodded. “I had my head under the pillow and I was pretending I was at Disneyworld.”
When Dean clicked the overhead light on Sam was actually blushing. They tried to be as quiet as possible, but apparently it didn’t work. Sam just prayed John didn’t hear what they were actually doing or what Dean had said beforehand.
“You know.” He said walking over. “I didn’t know guys did that. I mostly thought women sat on people…”
“Shut up!” Sam yelled.
“Oh no, guys do that.”
“Hmm. I learn so much when I come to visit. Hey what’s a ravenous bottom?”
“Oh that’s when someone really like to…”
“Dean.” Sam shook his head. “Dad, Wikipedia. I’m going back to bed.”
Sam was turning to walk back down the stairs when he noticed something in the corner of the attic. The attic like the rest of the rooms was normally very clean and orderly, but there was a whole pile of wood shaving in one corner along with a pocket knife.
When he got closer Sam also found a piece of wood half hidden under an old piece of furniture. It looked like two crude people standing next to each other. He hadn’t seen it before and it looked like something he would have noticed.
“Dean?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you making something?” Sam asked. “Carving something?”
“No.”
When Sam went to hand over the lump of wood it fell from his fingers and hit the ground. It rolled for a second before stopping near his feet.
“That’s what I heard!” John yelled. “The burglar must still be in here.”
“What is it?” Dean asked picking it up. “It’s like two people.”
One of the people looked a little taller but not by much. They were standing on a small base with the rough shape of a heart carved into it. Off to the side there were two smaller lumps near the feet of the two people.
“Lloyd?” Sam asked.
“Yes.”
“What the hell!” John yelled.
“Lloyd are you making us a Christmas present?”
“Yes.” Lloyd sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake anyone up. I was trying to make it a surprise.”
Dean was still holding it in his hand when Sam looked over. He was crying a little even in front of John he didn’t seem to care. He was holding a tiny wood carving of the two of them. Had Lloyd been able to work a little longer the two smaller lumps would have become Andrew and Floppers. It was without a doubt one of the most thoughtful Christmas presents ever.
“You.” John said to the ceiling. “I killed you!”
“Well obviously you should get a new job, because I’m already dead and still alive.”
“Not for long!”
“Dad.” Dean said. “This is our house. Lloyd is our friend and you’re not killing him.”
“Is this why you’ve been so tired?” Sam asked. “How long have you been working on this?”
“Since I moved in.”
“Moved in!” John yelled. “What did you rent a uhaul and get some old boxes from the grocery store?”
“Sir unless you stop yelling I’m going to have to ignore you.”
“Oh this is bullshit! What is it he’s just a nice dead guy who lives in the walls and occasionally whittles handmade Christmas presents?”
“Pretty much.” Dean sighed. “I love it Lloyd, thank you.”
“This is bullshit!” John yelled again.
“What’s the problem dad? He’s been here for weeks, why do you hate him so much?”
“He’s jealous.”
“Oh fuck you!” John said to the ceiling. “Fuck off.”
“What are you jealous of?” Sam asked. “He’s our friend. You’re our father. We care about both of you.”
“I’m not jealous of anything.”
For whatever reason John stopped looking angry. Dean couldn’t place the look on his face, it was almost like he was nervous.
“He’s upset.” Lloyd sighed. “Because he doesn’t think it’s fair that I’m dead and still here and she’s not.”
“Who?” Dean asked.
“Mom.” Sam nodded. “It’s mom isn’t it dad?”
“If ghosts can do this stuff, why isn’t she here? Why didn’t she come and find us?”
Lloyd came into view slowly right in front of John. He didn’t look as solid as he usually did. Dean could see right through him. John backed up for a second before pausing. Lloyd laid his hand gently against his shoulder but it went right through before disappeared again.
“That’s why.” Lloyd said once he was in the walls again. “It would be too hard on all of you. You could hear her and maybe see her sometimes, but you couldn’t hold her. She feels…”
“Wait a minute.” Dean stopped him. “You can talk to our mom?”
“Of course.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because you would want to talk to her. You’d want her to be here and she can’t. She loves you all. She’s proud of all of you.”
“You’re lying.” John shook his head. “You can’t talk to her.”
“Ask me anything.”
“No, I’m not playing some stupid game with you.”
“She says to stop being such a jerk or she’ll make me tell Dean why he loves the Impala so much.”
“Because it’s kickass!” Dean laughed. “Kickass!”
“She wouldn’t dare.” John said.
“Don’t take that tone with her.”
“Why does he love it?” Sam asked. “I mean besides the obvious.”
“Because it’s kickass!” John yelled. “That’s why!”
“Oh this is going to be good.”
Sam knew the real reason had to be great because John looked more nervous than ever. He still had the tennis racket in his hand and looked like he was about to knock Dean out so he wouldn’t have to hear it.
“Because he was conceived in the backseat. Or the front seat. It might have been the hood, she’s not entirely sure. It was a pretty wild night.”
“Oh man.” Dean frowned. “You had sex in my car?”
“It was my car at the time!”
“Maybe you want her to tell Sam why he likes books so much.”
“No!” John yelled.
“Oh my God.” Sam sighed.
“Lawrence public library, periodicals.”
“It was biographies.” John shrugged.
“Actually she says she got pregnant during the second time in the periodicals.”
Sam shook his head and sat down on the ground. Everything about them suddenly made so much sense. Dean had a reason why he loved the car so much and Sam knew why he always felt like a geek no matter how hard he tried.
“She thinks your tattoo is hardcore.”
“Really?” John asked. “She said that?”
“Oh yeah. She said it makes you look dangerous.”
“Well.” John smiled. “I guess.”
“Your mother however says she made herself quite clear about how she feels regarding tattoos and you’re grounded when you get to heaven.”
“Oh man.”
“Merry Christmas.”
Dean looked down at his watch and it was officially Christmas. If they were awake he didn’t see any reason why they couldn’t open presents. If they did it now they could spend all day sleeping and trying to forget they were conceived on the hood of a car and a public library.
John loved his coat and all the weapons and tools Dean was giving back to him. He gave them both books, one whole set on contracting and another set on cooking. He actually paid attention and bought something that was perfect for them. He even went out of his way and bought Andrew and Floppers and whole box filled with toys and treats.
His best present was telling them that even if he didn’t agree with them having a ghost roommate he was going to respect their decisions and support them. Lloyd wasn’t a bad guy because bad guys didn’t whittle. Even if he started to get bad he had Mary to keep him in line.
After he went to bed for the second time Sam and Dean curled up on the sofa so they could stare at their two decorated trees. It was the best Christmas they could have hoped for even with the psychological trauma.
“I bet it was the hood.”
“Why?” Sam laughed.
“Well, I seem to recall you and I having a good time on the hood of that car.”
“Makes sense.”
It was snowing outside but Sam still pulled him out the door and pushed him onto the hood of the car so he could repay his wakeup call from earlier that day.
Title: Winchester Family Christmas Part Two. 26/?
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean, John, Andrew/Floppers, Lloyd
Rating :R
Words: 5,400/98,400
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Dean finds out why he loves the Impala so much. Sam finds out why he loves books so much. John finds out about Lloyd.
Notes:: Rest are here, Samcakes
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard.
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On Sam’s first day off he slept. Dean tried to wake him up for a little eight in the morning action but he barely even moved. He didn’t even move when John burst into the room and started yelling about them obviously drugging and subsequently tattooing him.
Dean pushed him out of the room and kept poking him in the chest until they were downstairs and they could calmly and quietly talk about the tattoo. John was obviously so wasted last night that he didn’t even remember getting it.
The bandage was half hanging off his arm, so Dean ripped it off the rest of the way so he could look at it and give John some ointment and tell him to stop being such a punk.
He seemed to like the tattoo much better after he got a proper look at it, but still couldn’t believe they forced him into getting one.
“What’s the big deal?”
“Why’d you pick the colt?” John asked.
“You picked it!” Dean laughed. “You wanted the colt and all our names. You told the artist it could kill anything and that your gay son has a cupcake.”
“You have a cupcake too?”
“No dad, Sam has a cupcake. I have this butch heart.”
John was scratching his head while he looked at Dean’s arm. He thought it was a lot smaller yesterday but apparently he had been drunk the first time he saw it.
“Make some breakfast, I’m going to take the dogs out.”
“Make breakfast?” John asked. “I’ll go pick something up.”
“You don’t know how to make breakfast?”
“Well no, not really.”
“Can you make coffee?” Dean asked. “Can you handle that?”
“I can buy coffee…”
“Okay, sit down and I’ll be back.”
Dean couldn’t believe how helpless John was. He almost felt bad for him, but he brought it on himself. They had barely been living in the house for a year and fully adapted to a nice normal life. John had years to figure things out and he never even bothered.
The dogs were already scratching at the door when Dean got to it. He knew they wouldn’t be outside for long because the ground was blanketed in snow. He loved the idea of a real white Christmas. As soon as the door was open they both took off running. Floppers tripped in the snow, like he always did when he tried to run to fast. Dean thought maybe he was a little touched in the head as well because he was always falling over.
Andrew usually tried to find the perfect place to piss but it was too cold to go searching. He stopped suddenly, peed and came running back into the house. He stood on Dean’s foot and gave out a few pitiful barks to rush Floppers along.
“If you wait to long you’ll get icicles on your penis!” Dean yelled. “Come on!”
Floppers completely ignored him and kept on searching. It was another few minutes before he found the tiniest speck of a piece of dead grass poking up through the snow. He couldn’t just pee anywhere, it had to be perfect. When he was done, he tripped again and ran back inside shaking off the snow.
Dean decided that since it was Christmas they were going to have to get dressed up. Sam was really going to enjoy seeing them in their retarded sweaters when he woke up. Andrew’s had a gingerbread man on the back and Floppers was adorned with a sequined covered tree. They both hated them but couldn’t get them off no matter how hard they tried.
Andrew didn’t even try anymore, but Floppers rolled around because he was just convinced if he did it enough the sweater would come off.
“Stop it.” Dean said nudging him with his foot. “You’re making an ass out of yourself. Everyone is laughing.”
He kept doing it until Dean nudged him again. Andrew knew exactly what he had to do which had Dean screaming loud enough to wake up the entire neighborhood. He climbed right on top of Floppers and staring humping the shit out of him. Andrew never growled but he did as soon as Dean tried to pry them apart. Floppers wasn’t even trying to fight it.
“Sam!” Dean yelled. “Sammy!”
He didn’t wake up when John yelled about the tattoo earlier but he came rushing down the stairs when he heard Dean yelling. Andrew even bit at Dean’s foot when he tried to knock him off.
“What?” Sam asked.
“Andrew is ass raping Floppers!”
“Aww, they’re in love.” Sam smiled.
John was just as horrified as Dean when he want to see what all the commotion was about. They were both panicked but Sam seemed just fine with them going at it on the rug next to the back door.
“Imitation is the…”
“Shut up!” Dean yelled. “Dad go get me a bucket of water to throw on them!”
“Leave them alone.” Sam said walking closer. “They’re having fun.”
“He’s raping him in the ass!”
“No he isn’t, he’s just getting a little friction lovin’. They probably do this all the time when we’re gone.”
“Why are they doing it now?”
“Well it’s Christmas Eve.” Sam laughed. “Andrew was probably thinking how cute Floppers looked in his sweater and couldn’t control himself.”
“Which one is older?” John asked.
“Floppers is, we’re pretty sure.” Sam nodded.
“Oh well, that makes sense.”
Sam and John were both laughing which only made Dean more horrified. Andrew was sticking it to his big brother just like Sam did whenever he got the chance. Dean finally separated them while getting snapped at in the process. He was waiting for Floppers to have his turn but he wasn’t interested. He looked over his shoulder and backed right into Andrew so he could climb back on.
“Well now it really makes sense. Floppers like it.”
“Shut up!” Dean yelled. “He’s just being nice!”
“Dean calm down. It’s okay, they’re in love.” John said. “I can’t find the coffee.”
“Oh so it’s okay if they’re in love?” Dean asked.
“Well yeah.”
“So Sammy and I can go upstairs and do that right now and you won’t care?”
“Will you make breakfast first? I’m pretty hungry.”
“Ok.” Dean sighed. “So if I just let Sammy stick…
“Dean!” Sam yelled. “No.”
Andrew finally stopped making sweet puppy love to Floppers when Sam very sternly told them to stop. Andrew looked embarrassed if that was possible, but Floppers just backed up into him one more time.
“No!”
“Floppers is a ravenous bottom.” Dean laughed. “He can’t get enough.”
“I’m going to McDonalds” John sighed. “I want those pancakes. Those are the best pancakes.”
“What did you say?”
“They have the best pancakes at McDonalds.”
“Get the hell out of my house!” Dean yelled.
“I agree with Dean.”
“What did I do?” John asked.
Sam started laughing at how upset John looked. He may have thought that fast food pancakes were awesome, but that was only because he never had Samcakes. The first time he was there Sam was too tired to get up and make breakfast. Samcakes were the one food Dean absolutely refused to make. He was sure he could handle them but he wasn’t going to risk fucking them up.
Once they were in the kitchen Dean set John up at the counter so he would watch the magic happen. Sam was still tired and wanted to get a little extra sleep but he would gladly wait if it meant he could educate John.
“Since the dawn of time.” Sam began. “Man has sought to perfect the common pancake through any means necessary.”
“They’ve waged wars over pancakes and killed in the name of pancakes.” Dean nodded.
“Okay, I’m really hungry.”
“Silence!” Dean boomed. “That’s my scary voice. All the turmoil ended when God said “Let there be Samcakes!”
“And thy shall be anointed with Grade A Fancy Amber Maple Syrup from Vermont and the sweetest creamery butter.”
“And maybe.” Dean leaned in and whispered. “Whipped cweam and stwaawbewwies on yer birfday if yer a good boy.”
“Hmm.” John paused. “I’m intrigued.”
John was even more intrigued when Sam pulled out his cast iron griddle. Dean bought it after those first few batches of Samcakes. He had no idea why it was so damn expensive but it seemed to make Sam happy and the Samcakes even better which was no easy task.
“Le Cruset reversible grill and griddle.” Sam said. “It’s cast iron and spans two burners on my Viking range.”
“Oooh.”
“You like that?” Dean asked. “I bought that for Sammy.”
“I had to do awful things to get it.”
Sam turned it back and forth so John could really appreciate it. He seemed interested in it, probably only because it was so heavy and could totally kill someone if used correctly.
Dean ended up having to make the coffee since John was as helpless as a newborn kitten. Sam got right to work on his Samcakes making sure he told John what he was doing. He made sure to know that he should never attempt it unsupervised because he wasn’t a professional.
“And the stove might give you an ouchy.”
“Thanks Sam. So did you ever sell the Victorian?”
“Actually.” Dean laughed handing him a mug. “The historical society bought it because it was restored so well.”
“That’s great Dean. Do you think you might want to work with them too?”
“No, I’d need to be a real contractor to do that.”
“You could get licensed.” Sam said under his breath.
Whenever he brought it up Dean seemed to either completely ignore it or get pissed off that he even mentioned it. He wouldn’t tell him what the problem was. Sam wanted to push him like he normally did, but something told him Dean didn’t really want to be pushed about getting licensed.
“So yeah, Shelia sold it to the historical society. We’re almost done paying off this house. We’ll be homeowners.”
“I’m proud of you two.”
Sam nearly flipped a pancake onto his nice clean ceiling when John said it. He couldn’t remember the last time if ever John had said he was proud of them. He never expected it to be because they were almost homeowners, especially together.
“Huh?” Dean said. “What?”
“Buying a house is hard and you two have done well for yourselves. See I told you things would be okay if you got rid of that racist ghost.”
“His name is Lloyd and he’s not racist.”
“Was Lloyd.” Sam said quickly. “He’s in a better place now.”
Dean knew Lloyd was planning on staying quiet while John was there, but he hadn’t talked at all since he arrived. He was just trying to keep them out of trouble but Dean was worried. He excused himself and crept down into the basement where he could talk to him without John knowing what he was up to.
“Lloyd?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?” Dean asked.
He sounded a lot quieter than he usually did. Dean wasn’t sure if he was tired or sad, he couldn’t place the tone in his voice.
“Working on becoming a vengeful spirit. I’m going to kill all of you.”
“Oh, okay. Well do you need anything?”
“Now what if I was serious?”
“You’re not going to kill us.” Dean laughed. “You love us.”
“Well…”
“You love us! It’s okay, we won’t call you gay.”
“I do.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound weird.”
“Just tired Dean. Go back upstairs, the pancakes are ready. Hug Sam for me later.”
“Okay.”
Dean walked back up the stairs grabbing a tennis racket on the way up so he could have an excuse for why he went down there in the first place if John asked. The racket was there when they moved in and he always wanted to use it. John was still talking about how hardcore his tattoo was and told Sam his looked like it was healing well.
Dean talked to them all through breakfast but he was really thinking about Lloyd. He was worried about him and he ate his perfect Samcakes hoping he was okay.
Sam did exactly what he said he would and stayed in his pajamas and napped all day. As soon as breakfast was over he bid them farewell and went upstairs and back to bed. Dean wanted to join him but he couldn’t sleep all day.
He decided to spend the day with John. He didn’t know what they were going to do but John already had an idea. Since Sam always cooked even when he was too tired to do it, they should cook a big Christmas Eve dinner.
Dean wasn’t so great in the kitchen, but he had cooked twice before and he knew he could do it again for Sam. It was a great idea if they could pull it off, but John was confident that it wouldn’t be a problem.
When they got to the grocery store Dean realized what a terrible idea it was to go out on Christmas eve. People were all over the place yelling and shoving. John yelled and shoved back and told everyone where they could shove their Christmas cheer. It only took him twenty minutes to get everything they needed but it was hour waiting to check out.
Sam was still sleeping when they got back to the house so they went right to work. It took a little research but they figured out how to bake the three huge potatoes John handpicked. He bought a huge loaf of crusty bread and three sixteen ounce porterhouse steaks that seemed really expensive to Dean. He even bought a huge chocolate cheesecake and told the cashier that his son could make a better one.
Dean tried to find an appropriate wine, but John already had a case of beer by the time he found one. He got it anyway, because he wasn’t sure if Sam would approve of eating porterhouse steaks and drinking beer.
John seemed to know what he was doing with the steaks so Dean let him have at it while he cut up the loaf of bread and set the dining room table. He was cooking them in two sticks of butter, a jar of mushrooms and a flamboyant sprinkling of salt and pepper. He was making such a mess out of Sam’s perfect kitchen but seemed to be enjoying himself so Dean didn’t say anything.
“With a porterhouse you don’t need much else.”
“Yeah?” Dean asked. “And how do you know that?”
“I watch the cooking channel sometimes. Is rare okay?”
“Sure.”
“I just like to run it through a warm room.” John laughed. “I haven’t had a steak in, I don’t even know, years at least. He’s been sleeping all day.”
“He’ll sleep all night too. Cook Sammy’s a little more. Just leave it a little pink in the middle.”
“I can do that.”
John took two of the steaks out and let them rest on a plate while he moved Sam’s around flipping it back and forth occasionally. He was smiling a lot and it had Dean nervous. He always seemed so pissed off but since he had arrive he was bordering on chipper.
“Are you happy dad?”
“I have a steak and a beer. I’m spending Christmas with my boys. Of course I’m happy.”
“Okay.”
“What about you?” John asked sipping his beer. “Are you happy?”
Dean wanted to tell him he’d be a lot happier if he was fine with them having Lloyd in the house. He wanted to spend Christmas with him too. He settled for nodding because he didn’t want to find out where John would draw the line at how accepting he could be.
“I’m going to go wake up Sammy.”
“Okay.”
When he got to the bedroom Sam was flat on his back spread out across the entire bed. He looked he just passed out in the middle of making a snow angel. Dean liked that he was on his back and decided to take advantage of it. He stuck his head under the covers and crept up the bed because he didn’t know how to bake a potato but there were some things he was great at.
Sam woke up laughing a few minutes later and gasping a few minutes after that. The door was wide open and John could have caught them at anytime which just make it even better.
“Thank you.” Sam sighed. “You’ll spoil your dinner.”
“Not likely.” Dean laughed from under the covers.
“What are you cooking?”
“Dad is.”
“What?” Sam said sitting up. “In my kitchen?”
“He’s fine.” Dean said pushing the covers off. “He’s making steaks. I think he loves us.”
“Huh?”
“He’s really happy Sammy. It makes me happy.”
“Well that’s good. You make my pants happy. Lloyd were you watching?”
They both stared up at the ceiling but Lloyd never said anything. Dean went from being worried to having a full blown panic attack. He didn’t even care that he gave head and didn’t get it back.
“Lloyd?” Sam asked. “Are you there?”
“Yeah.”
Sam could hear how quiet his voice was too. Dean calmed down when he at least heard his voice. He didn’t like the way he sounded though.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m just tired. I’ve been masturbating compulsively. I’m up to both thumbs and an index finger.”
“Aw.” Sam smiled. “Way to go champ.”
“You’re lying.” Dean said standing. “What are you really doing?”
“I’m just tired.”
“Are you dying Lloyd? You need to tell us if you feel like you’re dying so we can help you.”
“I’m not dying Dean.” Lloyd laughed. “It’s Christmas in a few hours. Go enjoy dinner with your father.”
“Are you mad because he’s here? We’ll tell him if you want.”
“No Sam, I’m fine, really. Did Dean hug you for me?”
“He blew me.”
“Well, that was from me then. I hope I bit a little like you like.”
“You did.” Dean smiled. “You swallowed too.”
“Ah, excellent.” Lloyd laughed again. “Go ahead. Those steaks smell great.”
Lloyd was like a second father who sometimes coached them through lovemaking so they always did what he said. John had everything set on the table when they went back downstairs. He even scooped out the sour cream for the baked potatoes into another bowl just like Sam would have done.
“Wow.” Sam smiled. “You’re very industrious.”
“Dean said you like your steak just a little pink. If it’s still too rare I’ll put it back on.”
“I’m sure it’s great dad, thank you.”
“Sure Sam. Let’s eat.”
Sam’s steak was not only perfectly cooked it tasted great as well. It was just slightly tinged pink through the middle Dean and John’s looked like they were still mooing, just like they liked them.
“You want wine Sammy?”
“Please.” Sam smiled.
Dean had picked the exact same wine Sam would have bought himself. He loved that they had gone through so much trouble so he wouldn’t have to cook. It was one of the best presents he could have gotten.
“Are these new dishes?” John asked. “I thought you had darker dishes the last time I was here.”
“We got new ones for Christmas.” Dean said. “Dad these steaks are great. When Sammy gets his own television show we’re going to hire you to cook for us.”
“All I can cook are steaks and spaghetti.”
“Well, we’ll get you a book.” Sam laughed. “They’re really good.”
“Thanks guys.”
While they ate John updated them on what he had been up to since the last time he was there. He only vaguely referred to cases and didn’t go into much detail. Dean assumed it was for Sam’s benefit. They didn’t care about hearing them, they just weren’t going to rush back into them. Sam seemed to happy talking and listen to John so Dean didn’t say anything about it.
When John wasn’t yelling or getting punched he was actually fairly tolerable. Dean liked having him around especially for Sam. They always had such a strained relationship and now everything seemed okay for the first time. When Sam was younger it was because he didn’t want to hunt. When he got older it was because he refused to hunt and went to college instead. After that John was pissed off that they were sticking it to each other fairly regularly. It took them a while but they finally just leveled out and both accepted things as they were.
“How about we do a big breakfast tomorrow and then we can do presents?” Sam asked.
“Or we can sleep late, do presents and eat Chinese food.” Dean laughed. “I’m tired of your cooking.”
“Sure you are. I don’t mind. I like cooking.”
“But you could sleep.” John nodded. “Lets do that, the Chinese thing.”
Dean would never get tired of Sam’s cooking, he just wanted him to actually enjoy his time off from work. He cooked all day long and he should have some time off. Sam nodded and went back to eating his perfect steak. He didn’t care where they were or what they ate. They were together and not fighting, that was he cared about.
John apparently didn’t know the rules about being a proper houseguest because that night he burst into their bedroom much like he had that morning. He wasn’t yelling about his tattoo again, instead he was waving the tennis racket back and forth while whispering that someone broke into the house.
Normally Dean would have jumped out of bed and kicked all kinds of ass but he wasn’t dressed, neither was Sam. After he told John to go stand in the hall he decided his Christmas gift to himself was putting a lock on the bedroom door.
After the both got dressed John started to tell them all about the Christmas burglar who was in their attic. He was in bed and woke up to the noise overhead. He was going to rush up there and kick the guys ass but he wanted them to get the dogs out of the house first so they wouldn’t get hurt.
“Okay.” Dean whispered back. “Let me get this straight. There’s a burglar in the attic, you have a whole arsenal of weapons in the truck and you’re going after him with a tennis racket.”
“Exactly.” John nodded. “I’m going to throw it at him then kick his ass.”
“Are you drunk dad?” Sam yawned. “There’s like no crime here. Why would someone break into the house and go to the attic?”
“I don’t know, but it’s Christmas and I want to kick that guys ass!”
If there was someone in the attic Floppers and Andrew didn’t seem to mind. They were too comfortable and warm under the covers. Sam tucked them in a little tighter and shut the bedroom door so they couldn’t escape if things upstairs got ugly.
John wanted to head into the attic alone but they both walked behind him creeping up the stairs while holding on to the back of his shirt. They let go as soon as John got into the attic and started swinging the tennis racket blindly and yelling. He even threw a few punches just to be sure, but there was nothing in the attic.
“You’re hearing shit.”
“I don’t hear shit!” John yelled. “I heard someone up here. I kept hearing all this banging.”
“Uh, that might have been us.” Sam shrugged. “It’s Christmas.”
“It was after that.” John said. “After that.”
“Oh God, you heard us?”
“Yes.” John nodded. “I had my head under the pillow and I was pretending I was at Disneyworld.”
When Dean clicked the overhead light on Sam was actually blushing. They tried to be as quiet as possible, but apparently it didn’t work. Sam just prayed John didn’t hear what they were actually doing or what Dean had said beforehand.
“You know.” He said walking over. “I didn’t know guys did that. I mostly thought women sat on people…”
“Shut up!” Sam yelled.
“Oh no, guys do that.”
“Hmm. I learn so much when I come to visit. Hey what’s a ravenous bottom?”
“Oh that’s when someone really like to…”
“Dean.” Sam shook his head. “Dad, Wikipedia. I’m going back to bed.”
Sam was turning to walk back down the stairs when he noticed something in the corner of the attic. The attic like the rest of the rooms was normally very clean and orderly, but there was a whole pile of wood shaving in one corner along with a pocket knife.
When he got closer Sam also found a piece of wood half hidden under an old piece of furniture. It looked like two crude people standing next to each other. He hadn’t seen it before and it looked like something he would have noticed.
“Dean?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you making something?” Sam asked. “Carving something?”
“No.”
When Sam went to hand over the lump of wood it fell from his fingers and hit the ground. It rolled for a second before stopping near his feet.
“That’s what I heard!” John yelled. “The burglar must still be in here.”
“What is it?” Dean asked picking it up. “It’s like two people.”
One of the people looked a little taller but not by much. They were standing on a small base with the rough shape of a heart carved into it. Off to the side there were two smaller lumps near the feet of the two people.
“Lloyd?” Sam asked.
“Yes.”
“What the hell!” John yelled.
“Lloyd are you making us a Christmas present?”
“Yes.” Lloyd sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake anyone up. I was trying to make it a surprise.”
Dean was still holding it in his hand when Sam looked over. He was crying a little even in front of John he didn’t seem to care. He was holding a tiny wood carving of the two of them. Had Lloyd been able to work a little longer the two smaller lumps would have become Andrew and Floppers. It was without a doubt one of the most thoughtful Christmas presents ever.
“You.” John said to the ceiling. “I killed you!”
“Well obviously you should get a new job, because I’m already dead and still alive.”
“Not for long!”
“Dad.” Dean said. “This is our house. Lloyd is our friend and you’re not killing him.”
“Is this why you’ve been so tired?” Sam asked. “How long have you been working on this?”
“Since I moved in.”
“Moved in!” John yelled. “What did you rent a uhaul and get some old boxes from the grocery store?”
“Sir unless you stop yelling I’m going to have to ignore you.”
“Oh this is bullshit! What is it he’s just a nice dead guy who lives in the walls and occasionally whittles handmade Christmas presents?”
“Pretty much.” Dean sighed. “I love it Lloyd, thank you.”
“This is bullshit!” John yelled again.
“What’s the problem dad? He’s been here for weeks, why do you hate him so much?”
“He’s jealous.”
“Oh fuck you!” John said to the ceiling. “Fuck off.”
“What are you jealous of?” Sam asked. “He’s our friend. You’re our father. We care about both of you.”
“I’m not jealous of anything.”
For whatever reason John stopped looking angry. Dean couldn’t place the look on his face, it was almost like he was nervous.
“He’s upset.” Lloyd sighed. “Because he doesn’t think it’s fair that I’m dead and still here and she’s not.”
“Who?” Dean asked.
“Mom.” Sam nodded. “It’s mom isn’t it dad?”
“If ghosts can do this stuff, why isn’t she here? Why didn’t she come and find us?”
Lloyd came into view slowly right in front of John. He didn’t look as solid as he usually did. Dean could see right through him. John backed up for a second before pausing. Lloyd laid his hand gently against his shoulder but it went right through before disappeared again.
“That’s why.” Lloyd said once he was in the walls again. “It would be too hard on all of you. You could hear her and maybe see her sometimes, but you couldn’t hold her. She feels…”
“Wait a minute.” Dean stopped him. “You can talk to our mom?”
“Of course.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because you would want to talk to her. You’d want her to be here and she can’t. She loves you all. She’s proud of all of you.”
“You’re lying.” John shook his head. “You can’t talk to her.”
“Ask me anything.”
“No, I’m not playing some stupid game with you.”
“She says to stop being such a jerk or she’ll make me tell Dean why he loves the Impala so much.”
“Because it’s kickass!” Dean laughed. “Kickass!”
“She wouldn’t dare.” John said.
“Don’t take that tone with her.”
“Why does he love it?” Sam asked. “I mean besides the obvious.”
“Because it’s kickass!” John yelled. “That’s why!”
“Oh this is going to be good.”
Sam knew the real reason had to be great because John looked more nervous than ever. He still had the tennis racket in his hand and looked like he was about to knock Dean out so he wouldn’t have to hear it.
“Because he was conceived in the backseat. Or the front seat. It might have been the hood, she’s not entirely sure. It was a pretty wild night.”
“Oh man.” Dean frowned. “You had sex in my car?”
“It was my car at the time!”
“Maybe you want her to tell Sam why he likes books so much.”
“No!” John yelled.
“Oh my God.” Sam sighed.
“Lawrence public library, periodicals.”
“It was biographies.” John shrugged.
“Actually she says she got pregnant during the second time in the periodicals.”
Sam shook his head and sat down on the ground. Everything about them suddenly made so much sense. Dean had a reason why he loved the car so much and Sam knew why he always felt like a geek no matter how hard he tried.
“She thinks your tattoo is hardcore.”
“Really?” John asked. “She said that?”
“Oh yeah. She said it makes you look dangerous.”
“Well.” John smiled. “I guess.”
“Your mother however says she made herself quite clear about how she feels regarding tattoos and you’re grounded when you get to heaven.”
“Oh man.”
“Merry Christmas.”
Dean looked down at his watch and it was officially Christmas. If they were awake he didn’t see any reason why they couldn’t open presents. If they did it now they could spend all day sleeping and trying to forget they were conceived on the hood of a car and a public library.
John loved his coat and all the weapons and tools Dean was giving back to him. He gave them both books, one whole set on contracting and another set on cooking. He actually paid attention and bought something that was perfect for them. He even went out of his way and bought Andrew and Floppers and whole box filled with toys and treats.
His best present was telling them that even if he didn’t agree with them having a ghost roommate he was going to respect their decisions and support them. Lloyd wasn’t a bad guy because bad guys didn’t whittle. Even if he started to get bad he had Mary to keep him in line.
After he went to bed for the second time Sam and Dean curled up on the sofa so they could stare at their two decorated trees. It was the best Christmas they could have hoped for even with the psychological trauma.
“I bet it was the hood.”
“Why?” Sam laughed.
“Well, I seem to recall you and I having a good time on the hood of that car.”
“Makes sense.”
It was snowing outside but Sam still pulled him out the door and pushed him onto the hood of the car so he could repay his wakeup call from earlier that day.