(no subject)
Title:Bromos and The Big Boy Birthday
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen,
Rating :R
Words10,000/3,588,900
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: The gang gathers together to celebrate Ollie's 4th birthday.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
Oinkers was a really cute little piggy. Since becoming an indoor pet he had been very well behaved, he got along great with Spotty, and he was understandably cautious around the stupid cat. During the day he'd hang out with whoever happened to be around, he'd play with Ollie, and nap in his pig bed which was pink and next to Spotty's in the laundry room. At night he would climb the stairs, get his teeth brushed, and then climb another set of stairs next to Ollie's bed so he could go to sleep. Spotty slept under Evan's arm, but Oinkers was sort of a guard pig and he slept on top of the covers at the foot of Ollie's bed to keep him safe.
That was exactly where Dean found him on the morning of Ollie's fourth birthday. When he opened the door Oinker's head shot up and he investigated before grunting his approval and going right back to sleep. It was still early so Ollie was sleeping and Dean probably should have been as well, but he had woken up and the slow realization that his sweet fat baby was four crept over him. That was when he decided to sneak into Ollie's room, sit on the floor, and have a quiet and dignified manly cry.
It was hard to believe that Ollie was already four. It seemed like it was just yesterday when Dean was bringing him home from the hospital and eating his toes and belly as often as possible. Dean still got his toes every now and then and he managed to sneak a belly at least once a day, but it wasn't the same. He missed holding Ollie in his arms and eating his toes and he certainly missed carrying him around all day. Dean still had Buster to carry all over the place, but Ollie was practically a big boy and he liked to have his independence.
After a couple of minutes of pouting and quietly weeping by himself the door to Ollie's room slowly opened. Dean thought for sure that Sam was up and ready to cry with him, but instead Mikey silently walked in the room, scratched Oinkers behind the ear and then sighed very dramatically before sitting against the wall next to Dean. Seeing Mikey in the room just made things worse because the last time Dean tried to eat his toes he was lectured for five minutes about inappropriate conduct. He had grown into a young man and Dean knew he was going to close his eyes and Ethan and Even would be next and then it would be Ollie's turn. Four was when the trouble started to Dean made a decision to make sure Ollie never got there.
"Can you believe it, buddy?" Dean asked. "Tomorrow is Ollie's fourth birthday."
"Today is his birthday."
"What do you know!" Dean snapped. "Your big ugly face is as dumb as a butt! Everyone says so!"
"Who!"
"Sammy…grandpa…that guy who sang Chocolate Rain."
"I don't believe you for a second."
"And your face smells like a butt and you have a face where your butt should be and it looks like a kinda face lookin' butt and poo comes out of it. Pooface McButtface."
"Oh, daddy." Mikey sighed. "Here I thought we could have a conversation as two adults."
"One adult and some kind of…butt faced kinda kid. Your face smells like butt."
"I'm pretty sure it's a lot more likely that your face smells like butt and that you have butt breath and it's daddy's butt."
"What!"
Mikey, as usual, was completely useless. He just sat there with a smug grin on his buttface that Dean wasn't even going dignify with another of his brilliant observations. The truth was that Mikey had a buttface, he always had, and nothing was going to change that. Of course if he agreed that Ollie's birthday wasn't until tomorrow Dean might not tell everyone that Mikey had a buttface, peed in the bed, and was scared of the dark. If Mikey for one second tried to say Ollie's birthday was today, Dean decided he'd have to destroy him.
"I'm going to tell daddy what you said."
"Mikey." Dean sighed. "Sammy and I are getting a divorce."
"Is it my fault?"
"Oh, buddy…of course it is."
"Oh…"
"I'm going to stay here with you, Ethan, Ollie, Mary and Buster. Sammy's taking everyone else and moving into a fancy apartment in the city."
"I think I'm going to live with daddy. Ethan probably will too."
"But you came from my gravy!"
"Daddy." Mikey sighed. "Living in the city would be closer for school, you can only cook five things, and lets face it, if you get divorced daddy's going to leave you with nothing. He's already told me he'll take the Impala."
"Oh man…I just don't want Ollie to turn four."
"Daddy, he won't be as independent as me."
"English please, I don't speak buttface."
Mikey sighed dramatically again and then gave Dean the eyes. It was all fun and games until someone had to go and make sense which just gave Dean even more to worry about. Ollie probably wouldn't be nearly as independent as Mikey, that was true. It was also true that by the time Mikey was four years old he was almost as independent as Sam, which had cut Dean's daddying time way down. Ethan and Evan were already pretty mature and he didn't want to think about them growing up and if Ollie grew up that meant Mary, Buster, and the other one were going to grow up too. Dean was pretty sure there were some more kids too, but it was too early to think about all that.
"What are you doing up so early anyway?" Dean asked. "Come sit in my lap."
"I had questions." Mikey said as he moved over. "But daddy's sleeping and you weren't around so I went looking for you."
"Questions about Ollie's birthday?"
"I was wondering about the funeral."
"Oh…"
"Uncle Aaron said he didn't know Max's parents as well as he would have liked."
"That's true." Dean nodded. "He didn't."
"Then who is going to tell Max about his mom and dad?"
Dean had made it quite clear that he didn't want any of the kids at the funeral and Sam had agreed with him, but somehow Mikey ended up convincing them because he wanted to be there for Aaron. He put on his nicest suit and was perfectly behaved during the services. He even found a comfortable sofa that was out of the way so he could entertain Max when Aaron needed a break. All day he had seemed very inquisitive but he didn't ask any questions, which Dean was sort of grateful for because he knew eventually there would be a question he couldn't answer.
"Aaron will tell him everything he knows."
"What if he needs to know more?"
"Then…uh…Aaron will tell him everything he can and then we'll tell him about our family because he's a part of our family now."
"What if I had had questions about Jenny?"
"What do you mean?"
"If she wasn't around." Mikey said with an odd tone to his voice. "If you and daddy were all I had."
"Mikey, did Jenny say something to you?"
"No, I just know that you took me home because she didn't want me and you and daddy took care of me."
"Baby." Dean sighed. "You're old enough now to understand. There's a big difference between not wanting you and not being able to take care of you. Me and Jenny always wanted you."
"But I could have grown up with strangers."
"I…I suppose so, but you didn't. I took you home with me. You were always going to come home with me. Why are you asking about this?"
"I was just curious, daddy."
"Tell me the truth."
"I guess at school…I heard someone talking about daddy's book. People talk about me sometimes."
"What do you mean?"
"Like the older kids, they know who I am and sometimes they say stuff and I can hear them. They talk about how daddy has so much money and we're friends with Jared and Jensen and that…"
"And that what?"
"That you were going to let someone else have me." Mikey said quietly. "You were going to give me away."
Dean sighed much louder than he intended to and all of as sudden he wished Ollie was turning eighteen and about to leave home for good. That would have been easier to deal with. Over the past nine years Dean had done everything in his power to shield Mikey from the rest of the world, all the while realizing it wasn't something he couldn't do forever. When Mikey started Julliard, Dean thought someone might eventually say something to him, he was just hoping it was when he was a little bit older.
"Listen." Dean said as he turned Mikey around. "When you were born I was still a kid. I wasn't much older than Michael. I barely had a roof over my head, I had no money, and it was just me, you know that, right?"
"Yeah."
"Jenny was way too young to take care of a baby. She was worse off than me. We decided that you deserved more than what we could give you. I was all alone and I didn't think I could do it."
"What if daddy had been there?"
"Then you would have come home from the hospital to a fantastic nursery and a home cooked meal." Dean smiled. "But he wasn't there. Grandpa wasn't there either. It was just me and I didn't think I could."
"Will you tell me what happened?"
"A lady came, a lady like Katie. She said that she could find you a home, a good home, and Jenny signed her name and I…I couldn't do it."
"So Jenny's not really my mom?"
"I guess legally she's not. I was your only parent until Ethan and Evan were born. I adopted them and Sammy adopted you."
"Okay."
"Do you have any other questions?"
"They can wait." Mikey said as he nodded towards the bed. "For later."
Dean had a huge lump in his throat but he willed it all away when he saw that the birthday boy was awake and getting out of bed or at least attempting to. Oinkers was at the ready and descending his stairs when Ollie moaned, groaned and sighed all before he even swung his feet out from under the covers. Once he was up out of bed he scratched his stomach, his junk and then twisted back and forth in what Dean assumed was an attempt to crack his back. His hair was ten different kinds of crazy and he looked positively grumpy.
"Happ…"
"Oh!" Ollie coughed. "My back! A used to be a spwy young thing."
"Happy birthday, baby!"
"Oh, daddy…Oh, don't wanna get out of bed today. Was up all night peeing and pooping, now I gotta put on my slippahs and wead the paper. What's the world comin' to?"
"Well…"
"One day your Beans is gonna wake up and be old and haggard like Mikey…look at 'em. Can barely wemember the days when he was a fwesh young thing…how old are you now?"
"I'm nine." Mikey said. "I'm only nine."
"Nine." Ollie said as he shook his head. "A would wather be dead. Nine! Almost as old as mawmaw."
"What about grandpa?"
"The mawines are the guys you wanna fuck!"
"Ollie!" Dean yelled. "Where did you hear that! Get over here!"
Ollie rolled his eyes, sighed dramatically for effect, and then hobbled over towards Dean because he was four and so incredibly old. Apparently he had heard John say something about Marines and he was up all night peeing and pooping because that's what old people did. In fact he was pretty sure that Carol didn't sleep at all anymore. She just stayed up all night sitting on the toilet and eating her lady yogurt to help her poop. At that point Dean decided he might have to supervise Ollie's next sleepover since John was apparently a terrible caregiver.
"Mwah!" Dean said as he kissed all over Ollie. "Four years old! You know what that means?"
"Camper of da motha truckin' week!"
"Exactly!"
"Happy birthday, Ollie!"
"Oh, Mikey, thank you. The Beans will take care of you when you poop yourself."
"Uh…thanks!"
"Come on. I think Sammy must be downstairs cooking breakfast."
"Wow! Come on Oinkahs!"
Dean almost made it all the way to the kitchen with Ollie thrown over his shoulder when a strange feral beast in a bathrobe stopped him in his tracks. The sasquatch chupacabra hybrid was frantically waving it's arms and muttering incoherently as feral beasts were prone to do from time to time. Dean really didn't have it in him to handle anymore drama so he handed over Ollie and then patiently waited for an explanation as to why he couldn't go in the kitchen and eat what smelled like a pretty delicious birthday breakfast.
"Mikey." Sam said after kissing all over Ollie. "Help Ollie take Oinkers outside, please."
"Okay, daddy. Come on, Ollie."
"It smells good, daddy!"
"Oh! It will be!"
"What the hell." Dean whispered as they walked away. "What's your problem gorilla face?"
"You are! You did so much stuff to my butt that I slept in."
"You're damned right I did."
"And when I ran downstairs to start breakfast…our loveable grandma was in the kitchen and she had already made biscuits."
"That bitch!"
"Dean! Is that you!" Abby called from the kitchen. "Where's Ollie!"
"Don't go in there!" Sam whispered. "If you love me you won't go in there!"
"Sam, you're being ridiculous. Get out of my way before I call the cryptozoologist."
"I make the breakfast!"
Dean rolled his eyes and then shoved Sam out of the way because things really were smelling delicious. When he stepped into the kitchen he very quickly realized why Sam had wanted to keep him away. Abby had cooked all the ham, sausage, and the bacon, the biscuits were in the oven, the eggs were being whisked and there was a big pot of something bubbling and white on the stove. Dean thought it might be grits, but when he got closer he smelled the unmistakable aroma of perfect sausage gravy.
"Oooh." Dean moaned. "Sausage gravy."
"Good morning, Dean. I thought I'd give Sam the day off."
"Grandma, you are too sweet!"
"The day off." Sam muttered manically. "So sweet."
Sam had done everything in his considerable power to claim the kitchen as his own short of whipping it out and pissing all over the place. He let people cook with him, but someone taking over especially on a special day was unheard of. Abby and Andrew had arrive last night to spend some extra time with the kids and Dean really didn't think it such a big deal that she had decided to cook breakfast for Ollie. Sam obviously felt otherwise, but he was irrational and crazy like a damned fox. Dean was going to tell him as much until he looked over and saw Andrew feeding Buster. That was when things got serious and their houseguests turned into terrorists.
"My baby!"
"Keep your distance boy. I changed him, I get to feed him."
"You changed him! What did his poopies look like! Texture, color, quantity!"
"It was pee." Andrew said as he shook his head. "I think he should come spend a week on the farm. Country air might do him some good."
"Oh, Jesus, Sammy! Sammy!"
"He's joking, Dean."
"I have the anxieties." Dean said as he heaved. "You have five minutes, old man, then I'm taking him back."
"Ten for sassing me."
"Damnit!"
While Dean would have loved to take a few minutes to check the old folks into a home, his time was really better spent whispering quietly to Sam about Mikey's questions. Sam was a pretty tough guy but he was especially sensitive when it came to Mikey and Jenny. He loved Jenny, she had made a tremendous sacrifice for the family and he was going to be forever grateful, but as far as Sam was concerned at the end of the day Mikey had two parents and she wasn't one of them. He had never said anything but Dean had suspicious that he didn't even really like Mikey calling Jenny "Mom" which was completely understandable. Sam wasn't threatened by Jenny at all, mostly because he wasn't threatened by anyone, but once they talked he sure as hell didn't care about who was cooking in his kitchen anymore.
"He said he could have grown up with strangers?" Sam asked. "How does he know you were going to let him be adopted?"
"Kids at school?"
"Who the fuck are these kids?"
"Sammy, calm down."
"No. No one needs to be talking about him. He's a good boy. I'm going there first thing Monday morning and having a talk with whoever's in charge."
"I don't think that…"
"Oooh! Look at my birthday boy! He's positively obese! Fatty fatty two by four!"
"Oh daddy!" Ollie blushed. "Go on!"
Sam scooped Ollie up and kissed all over him a few more times before tossing him in the air and promptly walking into the kitchen. That effectively ended any conversation Dean was trying to have which was okay because they could talk later once the kids were all sound asleep and wouldn't overhear anything. Mikey stood next to Dean in the dining room for a second, but it didn't seem like he had heard anything. He just smiled and then followed Sam into the kitchen to see what was going on for breakfast.
Since everything was nearly done Dean went upstairs and made the rounds. Ethan and Evan were sluggish as usual, but they hustled out of bed when Dean reminded them it was Ollie's birthday and there would eventually be cake. Mary got out of bed right away and then spent about five minutes picking out the perfect tiara to wear. Milo didn't budge at all until Dean reached under his chest and flipped him like a pancake which elicited lots of screams, fake tears, and cries for Sam. Dean calmed him down by the time they got to the kitchen and gave him a kiss on the head which he immediately regretted.
"My day!"
"No, it isn't!" Dean shot back. "It's Ollie's day, you had yours."
"Mine." Milo said as he narrowed his eyes. "Toys, cakes, icey creams."
"No! It's not your…"
"Dean." Sam said. "Let that baby have a birthday."
"He literally had one two weeks ago."
"Dean."
"I wan a party, daddy."
"We'll have a big one for you tomorrow!" Sam smiled. "You are daddy's perfect baby boy."
When Milo got his way he turned to Dean with the biggest shit eating grin on his face. He was so bad and Dean knew he was going to try to steal Ollie's thunder on his big day. Of course Ollie couldn't have been less bothered with Milo, he really wasn't paying any attention to him at all because Andrew had asked him the most important question of all.
"What kind of toy are you going to get when you go off with grandpa?"
"A big gun to shoot the cat or a My Little Pony!"
"Well…" Andrew said. "I think I might come too, if it's okay with you, and maybe we can get you two toys."
"Wow…" Ollie whispered. "Daddy?"
"It's up to you baby. You're the most perfect child I've ever seen and I love you and it’s your day and no one else's because you are…"
Dean looked over to the other end of the table where Sam and Milo were splitting a piece of sausage and a syrupy kiss on the lips. Dean was going to have to put his big manly foot down before the day was over, but in the meantime he just told Ollie that he was totally awesome and everyone at the table agreed with him because it was the truth.
Sam was rich. In fact he was so rich he had a luxury that few people, especially important people could afford. When he didn't feel like dealing with anyone outside of his bubble he just shut himself off. He turned off his phone, he didn't go near a computer, and he only paid attention to his kids and the man-child he had married. It was pretty nice to not be bothered by anyone about work or obligations, but inevitably distancing himself always ended up biting him in his high tight ass. When he did turn on his phone he'd have dozens of messages. When he turned on the computer there would be hundred of emails. It really kind of sucked, but Sam was determined to not deal with anything until after Ollie's party. That was his plan at least, but unfortunately business showed up an hour early with a gigantic present in his arms and a colorful bouquet of balloons.
"What the hell is wrong with you!" Larry said as he barged into the house. "I've been trying to get you on the phone for three days!"
"Come on in." Sam sighed. "Three whole days, huh?"
"If you're not going to turn on your phone you need to hire a new assistant. Did Anthony tell you I called?"
"You know I had to fire Anthony for sexual harassment. I harassed him and he complained even though he was dressed like a slut."
"I told him it was important! Urgent even!"
"And he was smart enough to not bother me with it." Sam smiled. "And it can wait until after Ollie's party because…"
"No, it can't!"
"What the hell is going on in here?" Dean asked as he came down the stairs. "What are you yelling about? Guefilte fish?"
"Nothing important." Larry shrugged. "Just that the publishing house has been sold and they've opted to not continue Sam's contract."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah. You have no publisher! Take this you unemployed son of a bitch!"
Larry shoved the very heavy present into Sam's chest and then threw his hands up in disgust before walking away towards the sound of the kids in the kitchen. Out of habit Sam very gently shook the box trying to figure out what was inside before looking over at Dean who seemed completely bewildered. Sam was confused as well because all of his arrogance, his overwhelming superiority in nearly all things, and his vast fortune were hard won. He worked his ass off to get where he was and to become the greatest living author in the entire world. Being dropped by a publisher, hell, being dropped by anyone was something that just didn't happen to men like Sam.
"Sammy…"
"He's crazy!" Sam said as he shoved the present at Dean. "Larry!"
Sam stormed into the kitchen with Dean at his heels only to find Larry already occupied with something far more important than business. He was holding Mary up in the air and then dropping her down to get kisses. Every time Larry kissed her she laughed and smiled and then squealed when he held her higher and higher. She just loved Larry, and Milo, who was standing nearby was scowling because of course he hated everything Mary loved. He did look a little jealous, but Sam took care of that by scooping him up in case he had to use him as a weapon.
"What the hell do you mean they opted to not continue my contract?"
"I'm playing with Mary." Larry said without looking over. "On Monday you can call the office and we'll have a talk."
"Larry!"
"Fine. Excuse me, Mary."
"Okay, Larry." Mary giggled. "It's like Mary, daddy."
"It sure is." Dean smiled. "They rhyme!"
"Yep!"
"For the past few months the publishers have been meeting with another house to hammer out the details of the sale. They did everything privately and I didn't know anything about it until I got a phone call about your contract."
"Why would anyone in their right mind not want to publish my books? I'm awesome."
"Agreed." Larry nodded. "You're also very demanding, stubborn, and high maintenance and most of all…expensive."
"Demanding? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"
"What it boils down to is that they could either buy the contracts of all the other authors they represent or your contract."
"I find it hard to believe that all the other authors combined make what I make."
"I find it hard to believe that you're more concerned with money than with nearly two hundred other authors essentially being left without jobs."
Sam scoffed very loudly at which point Milo did the same. In nine years Larry had never said anything so disrespectful and quite frankly Sam was a little more than offended. Of course he realized that one person who didn't need a job losing a job was better than two hundred, most of whom relied on their contracts to make a living, losing their jobs, but Sam was concerned about himself. He didn't just write books to make money, he did it to help and entertain. He couldn't imagine not being able to publish books because his fans would just be devastated. Sam couldn't do that to them because they made all his dreams come true.
"And since you didn't ask, Dean's contract was picked up."
"It was?" Dean smiled. "Really?"
"Oh, so now I don't care about him either?" Sam asked. "I must be the biggest asshole in the world!"
"Not at all." Larry said calmly. "You're just way high up on your throne, so high up that you can't hear the phone ring."
"Why are you being such a jerk?"
"Because you've made it impossible to find another publisher. Everyone is either too scared of getting into bed with you or they can't afford it."
"So what the hell are we going to do?"
"We're going to make more money than even you will know what to do with."
"How?"
"If no one wants to buy you, you buy them. I made an offer at one of the smaller houses. Fifty million gets the factory, offices, contracts, everything, and you can publish whoever you want. You get to be in complete control from start to finish. Freddy's agreed to continue to edit your books freelance because he loves working with you."
"So that means…"
"That when you sell a book for thirty dollars you get everything penny minus the production costs."
Fifty million was chump change to Sam and he really did like the idea of being able to publish whatever and whoever he wanted. Larry had a wicked grin on his face which meant that he was probably up to something and that something was most likely a whole mess of no good. Sam felt really bad for ignoring the calls and even worse for assuming that Larry was actually being a jerk. As always he was looking out for number one and Sam really appreciated that.
"What's the catch?" Sam asked. "Do you want to watch me blow myself?"
"I make him do that." Dean grinned. "Pretty sexy."
"Well, that's tempting, but instead I'm going to put up five million and buy it with you."
"For a share of the profits?"
"Any problem with that?"
"You work harder than anyone who was with the publishers. We'll hammer out details, but I'd be…we'd be happy to do business with you."
When Larry held out his hand Sam immediately shook it because he knew a good deal when he saw one and any deal that didn't involve the possibility of hell was more than simply good. Sam was excited, but he wasn't going to talk anymore business on Ollie's birthday. They were going to party and have fun and business could wait until Monday morning. Sam had pretty good timing too because as soon as he was done shaking Larry's hand Ollie came running into the house dragging a giant bag behind him. John had another bag and Andrew, who was clearly feeling a bit guilty, was carrying two.
"Milo!"
"Whuh!" Milo yelled as he ran over. "Whuh is it, Owly?"
"A…Owly!"
"Whuh!"
Ollie, who was supposed to be buying present from himself had of course purchased something for Mary, Milo, and Buster. Mary and Milo got big stuffed crazy looking cartoon owls, which they loved since they thought Ollie was a secret owl, and Buster got a few little baby toys that he tried to hold on to. He was still a little young to really hold anything, but he sure did like the bright colors and the kisses he got from his big brother.
"And what did you get?" Sam asked. "The rest of these bags are full."
"Daddy." Ollie said seriously. "I got the ponies."
"Oh, shit." Dean whispered. "I hate that show."
"What do you know!" John snapped. "Friendship is Magic should be called Friendship is Awesome! You haven't even given it a chance! You're more stubborn than Rainbow Dash and twenty percent less cool!"
"Wow…"
"You should write me an essay on why you're a dumbass."
"Don't talk to him that way!" Andrew said before socking John in the arm. "Apologize."
"Daaaaad!" John whined. "You know it's an awesome show."
"Anyway." Sam sighed. "Let's see your loot, baby."
"Okay, daddy!"
Ollie and John proceeded to dump out their bags which Sam estimated contained about six hundred little ponies in plastic packages. Andrew was understandably cautious, but he sighed and then pulled out a rather large and obnoxious looking play set for the ponies. Ollie was all over the toys and telling Sam their names in a hot second while Dean stood back and bit on the side of his bottom lip. Dean didn't have anything against the ponies or even with Ollie playing with a toy that was more geared towards little girls. His problem with the ponies was just a little more complicated.
"See, daddy!" Ollie grinned. "Warity. She's like you."
"Because she's so pretty?"
"Mostly."
"Dr. Whooves…"
"What was that?" Sam asked. "Did you say something, Dean?"
"Dr. Whooves! That show's been on for five years and there's not enough Dr. Whooves and there's no toy! I want Dr. Whooves!"
"Seriously?"
"He's awesome." Dean said as he narrowed his eyes. "What do you know?"
"I'm sorry." Sam sighed. "I have eight kids and a house to run. I don't have any free time to watch My Little Pony."
"Good, because it's stupid!"
"Shut your mouth, daddy." Ollie said. "Gwampa! I need you to open my ponies for me."
"I will open every one and put together your castle!"
"Thanks, gwandpa! I love you and pawpaw!"
"I love you too." Andrew smiled. "Are you ready for your party?"
Ollie nodded and then ran over to give his dashing pawpaw a great big hug. Andrew had been around for Mary and Milo's birthday, but they didn't really give much of a reaction when they got presents. They liked them enough and were appreciative in the way of kisses, but they didn't say the L-word like Ollie did. Andrew got a little choked up and then John started to blubber some. Sam even felt emotional and Dean probably would have if he wasn't suspiciously eyeing the ponies and muttering under his breath about under appreciation for Dr. Whooves, whatever the hell that was.
Since the shopping trip had taken a little longer than scheduled the party was pretty much already underway. As soon as he was done hugging and kissing on Andrew, Ollie was ready to greet his adoring fans and see if his party was everything he had hoped for, which it unfortunately was not. Dean had commissioned some giant cut outs of robot pigs that did have lights in their eyes, but they weren't robots and they didn't shoot lasers. The Jacuzzi cake that was supposed to be shaped like Buster was instead a giant replica of Oinkers, but it was still pretty damned impressive. Luckily Ollie was only four and he had either completely forgotten about his requests, or like Dean he was just hypnotized by a two hundred pound cake covered in piggy pink frosting.
"Ollie!" Elmer yelled as they walked outside. "Happy birthday, my fwend!"
"Wha!" Ollie yelled back. "Wha a nice thing to say! Where did a get a festive hat?"
"Oh, this ole thing? Fancy hat store."
"Wow!"
"Let's go!"
Elmer extended his hand and Ollie grabbed it right away before they ran off towards Michael so he could get them something to eat. Sam fancied himself a bit of a hat enthusiast and he was actually a little impressed by Elmer's hat. It was a tiny top hat with a big black feather and a rhinestone covered pig pin. It was awfully cute and Ollie looked a tiny bit jealous until Elmer's moms came over and presented him with a matching one. Normally he'd never cover up his hair, but he was way too excited about his fancy hat to worry.
Over the next half hour or so all of Ollie's guests began to arrive. It happened so quickly that Sam just kind of blinked and the number of kids running around quadrupled. There was plenty for them to do and they seemed to really be enjoying themselves. Some went straight for the pony rides, some went on the train, and a few hung out to play games and eat as much food as their little bellies could handle. Sam thought everything was going great until he heard Dean draw in the most dramatic gay gasp in the history of the world.
"What's wrong?"
"He brought him to my son's birthday!" Dean said through his teeth. "That sick bastard!"
"Jared?" Sam asked as he turned around. "He's with Jensen."
"And look what he's wearing!"
"Oooh…" Sam said before a brief pause. "That's my ten inch hero."
"Sam!"
"Sorry…"
Sam really hadn't noticed what Jensen was wearing at first because he was more concerned with the tiny Texans. Jared was pushing them in their stroller and they were both sort of squinting in the sun, but they looked adorable. Their little matching outfits were the cutest thing ever, but their hot daddy looked much cuter. Jared was dressed like he always was in fratboy-Thor chic, but Jensen had on a cowboy outfit. It wasn't just a plaid shirt and some jeans, he showed up wearing boots and a big belt buckle. Sam's ovaries immediately exploded, but Dean saw the outfit as a desperate attempt to steal Ollie away from him.
"Happy birthday!" Jared said as he approached. "Austin, Dallas, fight to the death over who gets to marry Buster."
"Hey best fwendo!"
"Don't best friendo me! What are you wearing? That cowboy suit is the very height of ridiculousness."
"I'm wearing clothes, not a suit." Jensen said defiantly. "It's just what I threw on."
"You're messing with the wrong man!"
"It's a little outfit." Jared whispered to Sam. "I love to watch those cowboys ride."
"I bet you do…"
"Sam!" Dean yelled. "Stop staring at his belt buckle!"
"It's so thick…I mean big. It's big and juicy…shiny. It's very shiny."
Since Sam wasn't constantly holding Buster he got to squat down and check out the babies. It did put him eye level with Jensen's goody basket, but the babies were Sam's main concern. Austin seemed quite cheerful even though he was squinting, while Dallas, as usual, just seemed a little annoyed. The last few times Sam had seen him he seemed bored to tears, but he was still barely a month old so it was probably just him being a baby. Sam desperately wanted to hold both of them, but they were content in their stroller and it seemed like they might be drifting off soon enough.
After Dean got to see the babies Jared and Jensen went off to find Ollie who was all over the place. He looked like he was having a ball with Elmer and his friends and the party was going great. It was going so well in fact that Sam thought him and Dean might be able to sneak away for a second and talk about their feelings or other very important things like foreign policy or The Kardashians.
"Hey."
"Don't hey me." Dean said. "I saw you undressing Jensen with your eyeballs."
"Wanna put that kid down and…"
"Put my baby down?" Dean asked. "That made no sense."
"I want you to sit on my face." Sam whispered. "Then I want you to do the sex to me. Let's go do that."
"You sneaky Pete!" Dean said as he covered Buster's ears. "You want to do sex while you think about Jensen!"
"You can think about…uh…" Sam said before scanning the crowd. "Oh, you can think about dad. He's pretty sexy."
"I guess…"
"Maybe Aaron? Want to sit on Aaron's face?"
"That might be fun." Dean whispered. "But sex will be awkward with him holding that baby. He never puts that kid down."
Sam really wanted to go inside and do horribly sinful things to Dean, but they'd have to wait until after the party was over since leaving to butt fuck each other was rude. Dean hugged Buster a little closer and made sure he was nice and cozy before squinting at Aaron who was sitting at one of the tables about fifty feet away. Max was awake, but at least a little sleepy. He had his head against Aaron's shoulder which was the cutest thing ever, almost as cute as Andrew practically dancing in an attempt to hold his newest great-grandbaby.
"Buster doesn't like his stroller." Dean added. "That's why I'm holding him."
"I know that."
"Grandpa said Aaron let him hold Max for like three minutes yesterday. Jeremy barely gets to hold him."
"He's very protective." Sam laughed. "And we're not going to say anything unless he keeps on doing it. It's been a rough few weeks."
"I know that, I just worry about him."
"He's fine." Sam smiled. "You're wasting away to nothing. Let's get you a hot dog."
"Thanks Sammy…I'm going to split you in half once the kids go to bed, you realize that right?"
"Well." Sam grinned. "A boy can hope."
Ollie played, and ran, and ate, and jumped, and laughed, and went completely buck wild because it was his day. He obviously had a fantastic time, maybe too much of a fantastic time because by the time his last guests were leaving he could barely keep his eyes open. He perked up a little to have cake and ice cream with the family, but after that he really started to drag and nearly pulled Dean's jeans off in the process. Dean loved when the kids got really sleepy because they always wanted to be held, which was one of his very favorite things to do.
Once they were upstairs Dean gently laid Ollie in bed and Sam quickly undressed and redressed him in some warm pajamas since it was going to be a cold night. Dean was almost positive that Ollie was going to nod right off, but instead he yawned as wide as he could and then held out his little hand. Dean took it right away and then Sam sort of stroked his forearm before giving him a kiss on the cheek. It was a very good day and Ollie wasn't quite ready to let it go just yet.
"How'd we do, baby?"
"Oh, daddy Sammy, was perfect."
"You are such a big boy now. You're almost as tall as Evan."
"Wow." Ollie whispered. "Weally?"
"Absolutely." Dean smiled. "So you had a good day?"
"Best ever! Come here, daddy. Let me kiss ya fweckles."
"Well…if you insist."
Ollie kissed Dean all across the bridge of his nose and onto his cheeks a little before demanding to kiss Sam on his spots. Ollie thought, and Dean absolutely agreed that Ethan and Evan, who has matching moles, had given Sam his spots when they were born. Mikey had once tried to explain that it was really closer to the other way around, but Ollie was having none of it. He was right about the spots, just like he was right about everything else in his life.
After the kisses Ollie sighed deeply, scrunched up extra tight, and then immediately fell asleep without even rolling over and sticking his butt up in the air. He was out like a light and while Dean was very tempted to stay and watch him sleep for a while he had some other things in mind, particularly a hidden spot on Sam that he wanted to kiss and then do some other stuff too, some nasty stuff that was probably illegal in the South.
"Stop pinching me!" Sam said as they walked down the hall towards their bedroom. "What are you doing!"
"I wanna put this." Dean grinned as he tapped his crotch. "In your mouth, then your butt, then back in your mouth."
"Oooh…that's nasty."
"You love the taste of your own ass!"
"True." Sam said as he bit his bottom lip. "Can I put stuff in your butt?"
"Absolutely!"
"Well, in that case we should…"
"Shh!" Dean hissed as he covered Sam's mouth. "You hear that?"
"Hurrwhuh?"
Dean narrowed his eyes and then tentatively and cautiously pressed his ear in a little closer to the door. As a professional daddy he had very good ear and he was almost positive there was some demon from the depths of hell in the bedroom. Buster was in there too but he was a sweet baby boy and for once Dean wasn't too worried about demons getting his kids because the demon from hell, the worst demon ever, just so happened to be one of his kids.
When Dean heard the tiny cherubic laughter he quickly threw open the double doors hoping the catch Milo in the middle of doing something cute like maybe blowing kisses at Buster. Of course that was just wishful thinking because Milo was a bad ass little punk shit and he never did anything cute. The only thing he was capable of was wretched unforgivable evil.
"You!"
"Uh-oh." Milo whispered. "I…"
"Are you doing what I think you're doing!"
"Uh…No?"
When Dean rushed towards the bed fully intent on spanking Milo's bubbly little butt until it was six shades of pink Sam grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back. Dean wasn't a spanker, but then none of the other kids had been caught standing on the bed with their penis in hand and their pajama pants around their ankles. Not only was Milo clearly about to piss in the bed, but he was most certainly aiming to Dean's side, his pillow to be exact.
"What are you doing!"
"Me?" Milo asked. "Uh…model."
"Is my baby a model!" Sam clapped. "So handsome!"
"Sam!"
"Oh…sorry."
"You were gonna pee on my pillow." Dean said as he walked closer. "Admit it!"
"No!"
"You're still holding your weewee! What's this! Two little drops on the duvet!"
When Dean tugged away from Sam to inspect the bed Milo tried his very best to make a break for it. Unfortunately his pants were around his ankles so he made it about a foot before he started to wobble. Dean was always one to take an opportunity he could so he swatted Milo across his little white butt and then immediately regretted it when all hell broke loose. Milo didn't cry because Dean had barely touched him, but he did fall over face first into the bed where he promptly began to flop around like a fish out of water. He flopped left and right and back and forth until he flopped right out of the bed and landed on the floor.
Sam, of course, immediately freaked out and rushed to save Milo, who was fine, until he saw his daddy was paying attention to him. That's when he turned on the waterworks and started fake crying so loud that Buster groaned, moaned, and then sighed before kicking out of his swaddle and sticking his legs straight up in the air. As far as Dean was concerned that kind of activity required immediate attention so he scooped up Buster and held him close so they could kiss and cuddle.
"Daddy!"
"It's okay." Sam said as he pulled up Milo's pants. "Do you want to sleep with daddy tonight?"
"Uh-huh." Milo nodded. "My butt."
"He's sleeping in his room." Dean said without looking over. "In his own bed."
"Dean…"
"I require orgasm."
"Then we'll go in the bathroom and I'll take care of it."
"Ain't nobody got time for a quick head."
"Daddy, daddy!"
"What is it baby?"
Milo must have sensed his sleeping arrangements were in jeopardy because he went on a huge rant all about why he had to sleep in the big bed. He was pretty, he was a baby, and according to him he was good, which made Dean roll his eyes so hard they actually hurt. Of course Milo had to bring up his broken butt which had Sam pouting, nodding, and then finally rubbing. If Sam was going to be touching anyone's ass it sure wasn't going to be Milo's so Dean had to play dirty. He reached into his nightstand, pulled out some chap stick and made a big display of putting way too much on.
"Oooh!" Milo whispered as he ran across the bed. "Me now, mommy."
"No."
"Whuh!"
"No." Dean said again. "You're a naughty child…and I already promised Buster."
Buster was almost completely out of it, but he kind of looked up when he heard his name. Dean took that opportunity to smear like a tiny bit of chap stick on his puffy and adorable lips. Buster couldn't have cared less and promptly buried his face in Dean's chest, but Milo's eyes were wide as saucers and his mouth dropped open in a weird mixture of rage, disgust, and sorrow. He thought chap stick was just about the greatest thing in the world, and Sam never had any on hand, but Dean always did because he had hot dick sucking lips.
"Please mommy! I dying!"
"Nope."
"Please!"
"Dean, give that baby some…"
"No." Dean said again. "Unless…"
"All the things, mommy!"
"You go right to bed in your own room."
"Okay!"
Without missing a beat Dean promptly smeared half a tube of chap stick across Milo's lips, leapt out of bed, and put Buster back in his bassinette all at the same time. Sam had on a stank bitch face but Dean ignored it because in about three minutes he was going to be looking at the back of his head. Once he had his chap stick on Milo tried to retreat to the other side of the bed where Sam was but Dean grabbed him by his pants and threw him over his shoulder before practically running to the door.
"Go clean yourself up. I wanna do some weird German stuff to your butt tonight."
"I'll get right on that." Sam said dryly. "Goodnight, baby."
"Love you, daddy!"
Milo was a little squirmy but Dean could tell he was tired. By the time they got to his room he had settled down and seemed resigned to sleeping in his own bed. Of course before that could happen Dean had to find and arrange seventy-three separate stuffed animals around the bed, give him three kisses, and make sure his hair was combed. By the time he was done Milo was having trouble keeping his eyes open and Dean's zipper was having trouble fighting back against his raging hard on. Dean was ready to get down to business and he almost made it back into the hallway without interruption because he heard a sweet little sound from the other side of the room, the good non-evil side.
"Daddy?"
"Shhh." Dean whispered. "Go back to bed, baby."
"What is it?" Mary asked as she sat up. "Whoa?"
"He tried to pee on my pillow." Dean said as he kneeled next to her bed. "Did we wake you up?"
"No, thinking."
"About what?"
"Mawmaw take me to get paint on my fingers."
"Ah." Dean nodded. "Yes, grandma wants to tart you up like one of Jared's exes."
"What color? Maybe pink?"
Carol, for some God forsaken reason had promised Mary they could have a spa day together which Dean was very apprehensive about. His baby girl was the most perfect and most beautiful creature on the planet and there was absolutely no room for improvement and while a little nail polish wasn't a big deal Dean saw it as the start of something else entirely. It made him worry about girl stuff like makeup, periods, and God's most loathsome creatures, boys.
"Pink would be perfect."
"Red?"
"Sure, why don't you get a weave and some thigh high boots while you're at it. You can pitch in on the mortage."
"Daddy, can you braid my hair tomorrow?"
"Yes." Dean nodded. "If you go to sleep now and no red."
"Okay, daddy. Kiss kiss."
"Mwah!"
"Pink." Mary whispered as she closed her eyes. "I like it."
Dean gave Mary two more kisses and then finally made it all the way to the doorway. Instead of immediately rushing back to Sam's ass he took a moment to stare at his big babies. Mary was already asleep with a little smile on her face no doubt dreaming about getting paint on her fingers, and Milo had somehow managed to knock almost all the stuffed animals off his bed. Every morning Sam had to pick them all up when he made the beds, but he didn't seem to mind since the stuffed animals made his baby so very happy.
After a full minute of staring Dean quickly clicked the door closed and then skipped down the hallway. He was raring to go and his mouth was actually watering a little. He wanted to throw Sam's legs up in the air, do stuff to his butt, maybe bite his wiener a little then stick it in, and then maybe even get stuck himself. It was still a little early and Dean was ready for a night of nasty sexy time fun.
Unfortunately, Sam was obviously still pissed off about Milo not sleeping in the bed with them. He had changed out of his clothes, but instead of putting on something sexy, like a pirate costume or a baker's outfit he was dressed in torn sweatpants, a baggy sweatshirt, and worst of all a pair of socks. When Dean stepped into the room ready to brandish his penis like a weapon Sam made a point of getting under the sheets, the blanket, and then pulling the duvet up to his chin. To add insult to injury he then grabbed a sleeping mask from the nightstand and put it on his fivehead.
"What the hell!" Dean hissed. "I wanted you on all fours with your ass spread open and slash or stuffed with a marital aid."
"That baby…"
"Here we go!"
"That baby." Sam said again. "Is a sweet baby and you spanked him. How dare you?"
"He was about to pee on my pillow!"
"Oh, please! You're a kinky sex fiend. You wanted me to pee in your butt last week."
"Gimme a break…"
"My baby." Sam said dramatically. "My poor baby. His butt hurt so bad that…"
"I'm going to have sex with you whether you like it or not."
"I'd like to see you try!"
"I bet you would!"
Dean immediately unbuttoned his jeans and then wiggled out of them. He decided to leave his underwear on so he could make Sam bury his face in his crotch before they got down to business. If John had taught Dean anything it was that occasionally you'd come up against someone or something that was stronger and bigger. Sam was both, but Dean could handle his business, especially when his boner was practically like another arm.
When he approached the side of the bed Sam grabbed the covers tighter and basically pulled them up all the way to his nose. At that point Dean grabbed them and tugged a bit, but Sam had a kung fu grip and if the freaking linens got torn it was going to be a full blown Jihad up in the bedroom. When he couldn't get the covers off Dean tried to go under then because he knew he could slip inside Sam's ass fairly easily, but that was just as hard. Sam had big tree trunk thighs and he used them to keep Dean from making any real progress, though there was a quick minute of knee cap frottage.
Fortunately for Dean, John has also taught him that sometimes you couldn't win a fight with brawn alone. Sometimes you had to rely on your brains to succeed. Outsmarting Sam wasn't an option because he was a giant nerd and honestly Dean couldn't think of a single reason to get him out of the bed and bent over the chair in the corner. Instead he decided to rely on outright trickery, which he had learned from Ethan.
"Fine."
"Yeah, you're right fine!" Sam yelled. "Trying to force yourself on me. Bitch, please!"
"I'm sorry." Dean smiled sweetly. "I'm going to go take a shower…I'll take care of it."
"You'll what?" Sam asked as he bolted upright. "No, you can't do that, we took vows!"
"I know we did, but let's be real Sammy. Not every load is…"
"Mine! They're all mine, they all go in or on me!"
"Then you better go lay down on the bottom of the shower, because I'm about to rub out a big one. My balls feel really heavy."
"How…how heavy?"
"Probably enough to come twice."
"Okay, but I'm keeping on my socks as punishment for beating my baby."
"Noop!"
"Fine!" Sam said before throwing off the covers. "I want a lot of ass play then."
"That I can do and I can do it…Oh, shit."
Dean was all about to dive face first into Sam's oh-so-delicious ass when the freaking phone had to beep. Dean was all set to ignore his phone, but Sam was always worried that something terrible had happened or was about to happen. Before Dean could even say anything Sam had already reached over and checked to see who had sent him a message. It wasn't terrible late, but it was still well past the time anyone would want to chat. If it was anyone except Michael or maybe Aaron they were going to have to wait until tomorrow because Dean had other things to do and nibble and bite and lick and putt putt in.
"It's from Auden." Sam smiled. "He…"
"Oh, your boyfriend!" Dean said as he stripped off his clothes. "You better not be thinking about him when I'm splatter painting your guts."
"He…"
"I don't care, put down the phone and give up dat ass."
"Look, jackass!"
Dean rolled his eyes as hard as he could and then squinted to look at the little picture on Sam's phone. Suddenly sex was about the fifth thing on his mind. In the picture Auden was grinning from ear to ear and looked like he was completely drunk. He was dressed in festive baby pink scrubs and in his arms were two tiny, and absolutely beautiful little dark haired babies. Before Dean could finish completely melting another picture came in with Wystan wearing a big brother shirt and laying on the hospital bed next to Amy who was throwing up her gang sign. She looked gorgeous and exhausted and finally absolutely completely done with babies.
"Babies!" Dean squealed. "Little tiny ones!"
"Look how happy he is."
"I know…Oh, here's another text, their names are….Emery…"
"I like that." Sam nodded. "And?"
"Elise. They're so sweet. Here, look at this one of Amy and Wys."
"Awww! Lemme text him back to say congratulations and we'll call him tomorrow morning to talk to everyone."
"Okay. We'll have to send some flowers to the house."
"Yeah."
Suddenly Dean wasn't so keen on fucking Sam eight ways from Sunday. They were still going to get down to business, but the arrival of the brand new babies had a calming effect on Dean and his favorite downstairs neighbor. Instead of jumping into the bed and getting right down to it he got in on he kissed Buster gently on the forehead and then got onto his side of the bed right as Sam was scooching over with a big smile on his goofy looking face.
"Buster." Sam whispered over Dean. "You're going on an airplane in a few weeks!"
"I think he'll be okay."
"He'll be fine. Gimme your hand."
"No problem." Dean grinned. "What's going on under…oh…What are you going to do with that big thing?"
"What are you going to do with it? I…Oooh!"
"Rawwwr!"
"Pinching, huh?"
"For now!" Dean bellowed before disappearing under the covers. "That's not another leg!"
Dean was pinchy and nibbly and he fell asleep with a smile on his face, after putting two smiles on Sam's. Dean was happy for Amy and Auden, he was glad his big boy had a great party, and falling asleep with Sam's head on his chest was a great way to end the day.
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen,
Rating :R
Words10,000/3,588,900
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: The gang gathers together to celebrate Ollie's 4th birthday.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
Oinkers was a really cute little piggy. Since becoming an indoor pet he had been very well behaved, he got along great with Spotty, and he was understandably cautious around the stupid cat. During the day he'd hang out with whoever happened to be around, he'd play with Ollie, and nap in his pig bed which was pink and next to Spotty's in the laundry room. At night he would climb the stairs, get his teeth brushed, and then climb another set of stairs next to Ollie's bed so he could go to sleep. Spotty slept under Evan's arm, but Oinkers was sort of a guard pig and he slept on top of the covers at the foot of Ollie's bed to keep him safe.
That was exactly where Dean found him on the morning of Ollie's fourth birthday. When he opened the door Oinker's head shot up and he investigated before grunting his approval and going right back to sleep. It was still early so Ollie was sleeping and Dean probably should have been as well, but he had woken up and the slow realization that his sweet fat baby was four crept over him. That was when he decided to sneak into Ollie's room, sit on the floor, and have a quiet and dignified manly cry.
It was hard to believe that Ollie was already four. It seemed like it was just yesterday when Dean was bringing him home from the hospital and eating his toes and belly as often as possible. Dean still got his toes every now and then and he managed to sneak a belly at least once a day, but it wasn't the same. He missed holding Ollie in his arms and eating his toes and he certainly missed carrying him around all day. Dean still had Buster to carry all over the place, but Ollie was practically a big boy and he liked to have his independence.
After a couple of minutes of pouting and quietly weeping by himself the door to Ollie's room slowly opened. Dean thought for sure that Sam was up and ready to cry with him, but instead Mikey silently walked in the room, scratched Oinkers behind the ear and then sighed very dramatically before sitting against the wall next to Dean. Seeing Mikey in the room just made things worse because the last time Dean tried to eat his toes he was lectured for five minutes about inappropriate conduct. He had grown into a young man and Dean knew he was going to close his eyes and Ethan and Even would be next and then it would be Ollie's turn. Four was when the trouble started to Dean made a decision to make sure Ollie never got there.
"Can you believe it, buddy?" Dean asked. "Tomorrow is Ollie's fourth birthday."
"Today is his birthday."
"What do you know!" Dean snapped. "Your big ugly face is as dumb as a butt! Everyone says so!"
"Who!"
"Sammy…grandpa…that guy who sang Chocolate Rain."
"I don't believe you for a second."
"And your face smells like a butt and you have a face where your butt should be and it looks like a kinda face lookin' butt and poo comes out of it. Pooface McButtface."
"Oh, daddy." Mikey sighed. "Here I thought we could have a conversation as two adults."
"One adult and some kind of…butt faced kinda kid. Your face smells like butt."
"I'm pretty sure it's a lot more likely that your face smells like butt and that you have butt breath and it's daddy's butt."
"What!"
Mikey, as usual, was completely useless. He just sat there with a smug grin on his buttface that Dean wasn't even going dignify with another of his brilliant observations. The truth was that Mikey had a buttface, he always had, and nothing was going to change that. Of course if he agreed that Ollie's birthday wasn't until tomorrow Dean might not tell everyone that Mikey had a buttface, peed in the bed, and was scared of the dark. If Mikey for one second tried to say Ollie's birthday was today, Dean decided he'd have to destroy him.
"I'm going to tell daddy what you said."
"Mikey." Dean sighed. "Sammy and I are getting a divorce."
"Is it my fault?"
"Oh, buddy…of course it is."
"Oh…"
"I'm going to stay here with you, Ethan, Ollie, Mary and Buster. Sammy's taking everyone else and moving into a fancy apartment in the city."
"I think I'm going to live with daddy. Ethan probably will too."
"But you came from my gravy!"
"Daddy." Mikey sighed. "Living in the city would be closer for school, you can only cook five things, and lets face it, if you get divorced daddy's going to leave you with nothing. He's already told me he'll take the Impala."
"Oh man…I just don't want Ollie to turn four."
"Daddy, he won't be as independent as me."
"English please, I don't speak buttface."
Mikey sighed dramatically again and then gave Dean the eyes. It was all fun and games until someone had to go and make sense which just gave Dean even more to worry about. Ollie probably wouldn't be nearly as independent as Mikey, that was true. It was also true that by the time Mikey was four years old he was almost as independent as Sam, which had cut Dean's daddying time way down. Ethan and Evan were already pretty mature and he didn't want to think about them growing up and if Ollie grew up that meant Mary, Buster, and the other one were going to grow up too. Dean was pretty sure there were some more kids too, but it was too early to think about all that.
"What are you doing up so early anyway?" Dean asked. "Come sit in my lap."
"I had questions." Mikey said as he moved over. "But daddy's sleeping and you weren't around so I went looking for you."
"Questions about Ollie's birthday?"
"I was wondering about the funeral."
"Oh…"
"Uncle Aaron said he didn't know Max's parents as well as he would have liked."
"That's true." Dean nodded. "He didn't."
"Then who is going to tell Max about his mom and dad?"
Dean had made it quite clear that he didn't want any of the kids at the funeral and Sam had agreed with him, but somehow Mikey ended up convincing them because he wanted to be there for Aaron. He put on his nicest suit and was perfectly behaved during the services. He even found a comfortable sofa that was out of the way so he could entertain Max when Aaron needed a break. All day he had seemed very inquisitive but he didn't ask any questions, which Dean was sort of grateful for because he knew eventually there would be a question he couldn't answer.
"Aaron will tell him everything he knows."
"What if he needs to know more?"
"Then…uh…Aaron will tell him everything he can and then we'll tell him about our family because he's a part of our family now."
"What if I had had questions about Jenny?"
"What do you mean?"
"If she wasn't around." Mikey said with an odd tone to his voice. "If you and daddy were all I had."
"Mikey, did Jenny say something to you?"
"No, I just know that you took me home because she didn't want me and you and daddy took care of me."
"Baby." Dean sighed. "You're old enough now to understand. There's a big difference between not wanting you and not being able to take care of you. Me and Jenny always wanted you."
"But I could have grown up with strangers."
"I…I suppose so, but you didn't. I took you home with me. You were always going to come home with me. Why are you asking about this?"
"I was just curious, daddy."
"Tell me the truth."
"I guess at school…I heard someone talking about daddy's book. People talk about me sometimes."
"What do you mean?"
"Like the older kids, they know who I am and sometimes they say stuff and I can hear them. They talk about how daddy has so much money and we're friends with Jared and Jensen and that…"
"And that what?"
"That you were going to let someone else have me." Mikey said quietly. "You were going to give me away."
Dean sighed much louder than he intended to and all of as sudden he wished Ollie was turning eighteen and about to leave home for good. That would have been easier to deal with. Over the past nine years Dean had done everything in his power to shield Mikey from the rest of the world, all the while realizing it wasn't something he couldn't do forever. When Mikey started Julliard, Dean thought someone might eventually say something to him, he was just hoping it was when he was a little bit older.
"Listen." Dean said as he turned Mikey around. "When you were born I was still a kid. I wasn't much older than Michael. I barely had a roof over my head, I had no money, and it was just me, you know that, right?"
"Yeah."
"Jenny was way too young to take care of a baby. She was worse off than me. We decided that you deserved more than what we could give you. I was all alone and I didn't think I could do it."
"What if daddy had been there?"
"Then you would have come home from the hospital to a fantastic nursery and a home cooked meal." Dean smiled. "But he wasn't there. Grandpa wasn't there either. It was just me and I didn't think I could."
"Will you tell me what happened?"
"A lady came, a lady like Katie. She said that she could find you a home, a good home, and Jenny signed her name and I…I couldn't do it."
"So Jenny's not really my mom?"
"I guess legally she's not. I was your only parent until Ethan and Evan were born. I adopted them and Sammy adopted you."
"Okay."
"Do you have any other questions?"
"They can wait." Mikey said as he nodded towards the bed. "For later."
Dean had a huge lump in his throat but he willed it all away when he saw that the birthday boy was awake and getting out of bed or at least attempting to. Oinkers was at the ready and descending his stairs when Ollie moaned, groaned and sighed all before he even swung his feet out from under the covers. Once he was up out of bed he scratched his stomach, his junk and then twisted back and forth in what Dean assumed was an attempt to crack his back. His hair was ten different kinds of crazy and he looked positively grumpy.
"Happ…"
"Oh!" Ollie coughed. "My back! A used to be a spwy young thing."
"Happy birthday, baby!"
"Oh, daddy…Oh, don't wanna get out of bed today. Was up all night peeing and pooping, now I gotta put on my slippahs and wead the paper. What's the world comin' to?"
"Well…"
"One day your Beans is gonna wake up and be old and haggard like Mikey…look at 'em. Can barely wemember the days when he was a fwesh young thing…how old are you now?"
"I'm nine." Mikey said. "I'm only nine."
"Nine." Ollie said as he shook his head. "A would wather be dead. Nine! Almost as old as mawmaw."
"What about grandpa?"
"The mawines are the guys you wanna fuck!"
"Ollie!" Dean yelled. "Where did you hear that! Get over here!"
Ollie rolled his eyes, sighed dramatically for effect, and then hobbled over towards Dean because he was four and so incredibly old. Apparently he had heard John say something about Marines and he was up all night peeing and pooping because that's what old people did. In fact he was pretty sure that Carol didn't sleep at all anymore. She just stayed up all night sitting on the toilet and eating her lady yogurt to help her poop. At that point Dean decided he might have to supervise Ollie's next sleepover since John was apparently a terrible caregiver.
"Mwah!" Dean said as he kissed all over Ollie. "Four years old! You know what that means?"
"Camper of da motha truckin' week!"
"Exactly!"
"Happy birthday, Ollie!"
"Oh, Mikey, thank you. The Beans will take care of you when you poop yourself."
"Uh…thanks!"
"Come on. I think Sammy must be downstairs cooking breakfast."
"Wow! Come on Oinkahs!"
Dean almost made it all the way to the kitchen with Ollie thrown over his shoulder when a strange feral beast in a bathrobe stopped him in his tracks. The sasquatch chupacabra hybrid was frantically waving it's arms and muttering incoherently as feral beasts were prone to do from time to time. Dean really didn't have it in him to handle anymore drama so he handed over Ollie and then patiently waited for an explanation as to why he couldn't go in the kitchen and eat what smelled like a pretty delicious birthday breakfast.
"Mikey." Sam said after kissing all over Ollie. "Help Ollie take Oinkers outside, please."
"Okay, daddy. Come on, Ollie."
"It smells good, daddy!"
"Oh! It will be!"
"What the hell." Dean whispered as they walked away. "What's your problem gorilla face?"
"You are! You did so much stuff to my butt that I slept in."
"You're damned right I did."
"And when I ran downstairs to start breakfast…our loveable grandma was in the kitchen and she had already made biscuits."
"That bitch!"
"Dean! Is that you!" Abby called from the kitchen. "Where's Ollie!"
"Don't go in there!" Sam whispered. "If you love me you won't go in there!"
"Sam, you're being ridiculous. Get out of my way before I call the cryptozoologist."
"I make the breakfast!"
Dean rolled his eyes and then shoved Sam out of the way because things really were smelling delicious. When he stepped into the kitchen he very quickly realized why Sam had wanted to keep him away. Abby had cooked all the ham, sausage, and the bacon, the biscuits were in the oven, the eggs were being whisked and there was a big pot of something bubbling and white on the stove. Dean thought it might be grits, but when he got closer he smelled the unmistakable aroma of perfect sausage gravy.
"Oooh." Dean moaned. "Sausage gravy."
"Good morning, Dean. I thought I'd give Sam the day off."
"Grandma, you are too sweet!"
"The day off." Sam muttered manically. "So sweet."
Sam had done everything in his considerable power to claim the kitchen as his own short of whipping it out and pissing all over the place. He let people cook with him, but someone taking over especially on a special day was unheard of. Abby and Andrew had arrive last night to spend some extra time with the kids and Dean really didn't think it such a big deal that she had decided to cook breakfast for Ollie. Sam obviously felt otherwise, but he was irrational and crazy like a damned fox. Dean was going to tell him as much until he looked over and saw Andrew feeding Buster. That was when things got serious and their houseguests turned into terrorists.
"My baby!"
"Keep your distance boy. I changed him, I get to feed him."
"You changed him! What did his poopies look like! Texture, color, quantity!"
"It was pee." Andrew said as he shook his head. "I think he should come spend a week on the farm. Country air might do him some good."
"Oh, Jesus, Sammy! Sammy!"
"He's joking, Dean."
"I have the anxieties." Dean said as he heaved. "You have five minutes, old man, then I'm taking him back."
"Ten for sassing me."
"Damnit!"
While Dean would have loved to take a few minutes to check the old folks into a home, his time was really better spent whispering quietly to Sam about Mikey's questions. Sam was a pretty tough guy but he was especially sensitive when it came to Mikey and Jenny. He loved Jenny, she had made a tremendous sacrifice for the family and he was going to be forever grateful, but as far as Sam was concerned at the end of the day Mikey had two parents and she wasn't one of them. He had never said anything but Dean had suspicious that he didn't even really like Mikey calling Jenny "Mom" which was completely understandable. Sam wasn't threatened by Jenny at all, mostly because he wasn't threatened by anyone, but once they talked he sure as hell didn't care about who was cooking in his kitchen anymore.
"He said he could have grown up with strangers?" Sam asked. "How does he know you were going to let him be adopted?"
"Kids at school?"
"Who the fuck are these kids?"
"Sammy, calm down."
"No. No one needs to be talking about him. He's a good boy. I'm going there first thing Monday morning and having a talk with whoever's in charge."
"I don't think that…"
"Oooh! Look at my birthday boy! He's positively obese! Fatty fatty two by four!"
"Oh daddy!" Ollie blushed. "Go on!"
Sam scooped Ollie up and kissed all over him a few more times before tossing him in the air and promptly walking into the kitchen. That effectively ended any conversation Dean was trying to have which was okay because they could talk later once the kids were all sound asleep and wouldn't overhear anything. Mikey stood next to Dean in the dining room for a second, but it didn't seem like he had heard anything. He just smiled and then followed Sam into the kitchen to see what was going on for breakfast.
Since everything was nearly done Dean went upstairs and made the rounds. Ethan and Evan were sluggish as usual, but they hustled out of bed when Dean reminded them it was Ollie's birthday and there would eventually be cake. Mary got out of bed right away and then spent about five minutes picking out the perfect tiara to wear. Milo didn't budge at all until Dean reached under his chest and flipped him like a pancake which elicited lots of screams, fake tears, and cries for Sam. Dean calmed him down by the time they got to the kitchen and gave him a kiss on the head which he immediately regretted.
"My day!"
"No, it isn't!" Dean shot back. "It's Ollie's day, you had yours."
"Mine." Milo said as he narrowed his eyes. "Toys, cakes, icey creams."
"No! It's not your…"
"Dean." Sam said. "Let that baby have a birthday."
"He literally had one two weeks ago."
"Dean."
"I wan a party, daddy."
"We'll have a big one for you tomorrow!" Sam smiled. "You are daddy's perfect baby boy."
When Milo got his way he turned to Dean with the biggest shit eating grin on his face. He was so bad and Dean knew he was going to try to steal Ollie's thunder on his big day. Of course Ollie couldn't have been less bothered with Milo, he really wasn't paying any attention to him at all because Andrew had asked him the most important question of all.
"What kind of toy are you going to get when you go off with grandpa?"
"A big gun to shoot the cat or a My Little Pony!"
"Well…" Andrew said. "I think I might come too, if it's okay with you, and maybe we can get you two toys."
"Wow…" Ollie whispered. "Daddy?"
"It's up to you baby. You're the most perfect child I've ever seen and I love you and it’s your day and no one else's because you are…"
Dean looked over to the other end of the table where Sam and Milo were splitting a piece of sausage and a syrupy kiss on the lips. Dean was going to have to put his big manly foot down before the day was over, but in the meantime he just told Ollie that he was totally awesome and everyone at the table agreed with him because it was the truth.
Sam was rich. In fact he was so rich he had a luxury that few people, especially important people could afford. When he didn't feel like dealing with anyone outside of his bubble he just shut himself off. He turned off his phone, he didn't go near a computer, and he only paid attention to his kids and the man-child he had married. It was pretty nice to not be bothered by anyone about work or obligations, but inevitably distancing himself always ended up biting him in his high tight ass. When he did turn on his phone he'd have dozens of messages. When he turned on the computer there would be hundred of emails. It really kind of sucked, but Sam was determined to not deal with anything until after Ollie's party. That was his plan at least, but unfortunately business showed up an hour early with a gigantic present in his arms and a colorful bouquet of balloons.
"What the hell is wrong with you!" Larry said as he barged into the house. "I've been trying to get you on the phone for three days!"
"Come on in." Sam sighed. "Three whole days, huh?"
"If you're not going to turn on your phone you need to hire a new assistant. Did Anthony tell you I called?"
"You know I had to fire Anthony for sexual harassment. I harassed him and he complained even though he was dressed like a slut."
"I told him it was important! Urgent even!"
"And he was smart enough to not bother me with it." Sam smiled. "And it can wait until after Ollie's party because…"
"No, it can't!"
"What the hell is going on in here?" Dean asked as he came down the stairs. "What are you yelling about? Guefilte fish?"
"Nothing important." Larry shrugged. "Just that the publishing house has been sold and they've opted to not continue Sam's contract."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah. You have no publisher! Take this you unemployed son of a bitch!"
Larry shoved the very heavy present into Sam's chest and then threw his hands up in disgust before walking away towards the sound of the kids in the kitchen. Out of habit Sam very gently shook the box trying to figure out what was inside before looking over at Dean who seemed completely bewildered. Sam was confused as well because all of his arrogance, his overwhelming superiority in nearly all things, and his vast fortune were hard won. He worked his ass off to get where he was and to become the greatest living author in the entire world. Being dropped by a publisher, hell, being dropped by anyone was something that just didn't happen to men like Sam.
"Sammy…"
"He's crazy!" Sam said as he shoved the present at Dean. "Larry!"
Sam stormed into the kitchen with Dean at his heels only to find Larry already occupied with something far more important than business. He was holding Mary up in the air and then dropping her down to get kisses. Every time Larry kissed her she laughed and smiled and then squealed when he held her higher and higher. She just loved Larry, and Milo, who was standing nearby was scowling because of course he hated everything Mary loved. He did look a little jealous, but Sam took care of that by scooping him up in case he had to use him as a weapon.
"What the hell do you mean they opted to not continue my contract?"
"I'm playing with Mary." Larry said without looking over. "On Monday you can call the office and we'll have a talk."
"Larry!"
"Fine. Excuse me, Mary."
"Okay, Larry." Mary giggled. "It's like Mary, daddy."
"It sure is." Dean smiled. "They rhyme!"
"Yep!"
"For the past few months the publishers have been meeting with another house to hammer out the details of the sale. They did everything privately and I didn't know anything about it until I got a phone call about your contract."
"Why would anyone in their right mind not want to publish my books? I'm awesome."
"Agreed." Larry nodded. "You're also very demanding, stubborn, and high maintenance and most of all…expensive."
"Demanding? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"
"What it boils down to is that they could either buy the contracts of all the other authors they represent or your contract."
"I find it hard to believe that all the other authors combined make what I make."
"I find it hard to believe that you're more concerned with money than with nearly two hundred other authors essentially being left without jobs."
Sam scoffed very loudly at which point Milo did the same. In nine years Larry had never said anything so disrespectful and quite frankly Sam was a little more than offended. Of course he realized that one person who didn't need a job losing a job was better than two hundred, most of whom relied on their contracts to make a living, losing their jobs, but Sam was concerned about himself. He didn't just write books to make money, he did it to help and entertain. He couldn't imagine not being able to publish books because his fans would just be devastated. Sam couldn't do that to them because they made all his dreams come true.
"And since you didn't ask, Dean's contract was picked up."
"It was?" Dean smiled. "Really?"
"Oh, so now I don't care about him either?" Sam asked. "I must be the biggest asshole in the world!"
"Not at all." Larry said calmly. "You're just way high up on your throne, so high up that you can't hear the phone ring."
"Why are you being such a jerk?"
"Because you've made it impossible to find another publisher. Everyone is either too scared of getting into bed with you or they can't afford it."
"So what the hell are we going to do?"
"We're going to make more money than even you will know what to do with."
"How?"
"If no one wants to buy you, you buy them. I made an offer at one of the smaller houses. Fifty million gets the factory, offices, contracts, everything, and you can publish whoever you want. You get to be in complete control from start to finish. Freddy's agreed to continue to edit your books freelance because he loves working with you."
"So that means…"
"That when you sell a book for thirty dollars you get everything penny minus the production costs."
Fifty million was chump change to Sam and he really did like the idea of being able to publish whatever and whoever he wanted. Larry had a wicked grin on his face which meant that he was probably up to something and that something was most likely a whole mess of no good. Sam felt really bad for ignoring the calls and even worse for assuming that Larry was actually being a jerk. As always he was looking out for number one and Sam really appreciated that.
"What's the catch?" Sam asked. "Do you want to watch me blow myself?"
"I make him do that." Dean grinned. "Pretty sexy."
"Well, that's tempting, but instead I'm going to put up five million and buy it with you."
"For a share of the profits?"
"Any problem with that?"
"You work harder than anyone who was with the publishers. We'll hammer out details, but I'd be…we'd be happy to do business with you."
When Larry held out his hand Sam immediately shook it because he knew a good deal when he saw one and any deal that didn't involve the possibility of hell was more than simply good. Sam was excited, but he wasn't going to talk anymore business on Ollie's birthday. They were going to party and have fun and business could wait until Monday morning. Sam had pretty good timing too because as soon as he was done shaking Larry's hand Ollie came running into the house dragging a giant bag behind him. John had another bag and Andrew, who was clearly feeling a bit guilty, was carrying two.
"Milo!"
"Whuh!" Milo yelled as he ran over. "Whuh is it, Owly?"
"A…Owly!"
"Whuh!"
Ollie, who was supposed to be buying present from himself had of course purchased something for Mary, Milo, and Buster. Mary and Milo got big stuffed crazy looking cartoon owls, which they loved since they thought Ollie was a secret owl, and Buster got a few little baby toys that he tried to hold on to. He was still a little young to really hold anything, but he sure did like the bright colors and the kisses he got from his big brother.
"And what did you get?" Sam asked. "The rest of these bags are full."
"Daddy." Ollie said seriously. "I got the ponies."
"Oh, shit." Dean whispered. "I hate that show."
"What do you know!" John snapped. "Friendship is Magic should be called Friendship is Awesome! You haven't even given it a chance! You're more stubborn than Rainbow Dash and twenty percent less cool!"
"Wow…"
"You should write me an essay on why you're a dumbass."
"Don't talk to him that way!" Andrew said before socking John in the arm. "Apologize."
"Daaaaad!" John whined. "You know it's an awesome show."
"Anyway." Sam sighed. "Let's see your loot, baby."
"Okay, daddy!"
Ollie and John proceeded to dump out their bags which Sam estimated contained about six hundred little ponies in plastic packages. Andrew was understandably cautious, but he sighed and then pulled out a rather large and obnoxious looking play set for the ponies. Ollie was all over the toys and telling Sam their names in a hot second while Dean stood back and bit on the side of his bottom lip. Dean didn't have anything against the ponies or even with Ollie playing with a toy that was more geared towards little girls. His problem with the ponies was just a little more complicated.
"See, daddy!" Ollie grinned. "Warity. She's like you."
"Because she's so pretty?"
"Mostly."
"Dr. Whooves…"
"What was that?" Sam asked. "Did you say something, Dean?"
"Dr. Whooves! That show's been on for five years and there's not enough Dr. Whooves and there's no toy! I want Dr. Whooves!"
"Seriously?"
"He's awesome." Dean said as he narrowed his eyes. "What do you know?"
"I'm sorry." Sam sighed. "I have eight kids and a house to run. I don't have any free time to watch My Little Pony."
"Good, because it's stupid!"
"Shut your mouth, daddy." Ollie said. "Gwampa! I need you to open my ponies for me."
"I will open every one and put together your castle!"
"Thanks, gwandpa! I love you and pawpaw!"
"I love you too." Andrew smiled. "Are you ready for your party?"
Ollie nodded and then ran over to give his dashing pawpaw a great big hug. Andrew had been around for Mary and Milo's birthday, but they didn't really give much of a reaction when they got presents. They liked them enough and were appreciative in the way of kisses, but they didn't say the L-word like Ollie did. Andrew got a little choked up and then John started to blubber some. Sam even felt emotional and Dean probably would have if he wasn't suspiciously eyeing the ponies and muttering under his breath about under appreciation for Dr. Whooves, whatever the hell that was.
Since the shopping trip had taken a little longer than scheduled the party was pretty much already underway. As soon as he was done hugging and kissing on Andrew, Ollie was ready to greet his adoring fans and see if his party was everything he had hoped for, which it unfortunately was not. Dean had commissioned some giant cut outs of robot pigs that did have lights in their eyes, but they weren't robots and they didn't shoot lasers. The Jacuzzi cake that was supposed to be shaped like Buster was instead a giant replica of Oinkers, but it was still pretty damned impressive. Luckily Ollie was only four and he had either completely forgotten about his requests, or like Dean he was just hypnotized by a two hundred pound cake covered in piggy pink frosting.
"Ollie!" Elmer yelled as they walked outside. "Happy birthday, my fwend!"
"Wha!" Ollie yelled back. "Wha a nice thing to say! Where did a get a festive hat?"
"Oh, this ole thing? Fancy hat store."
"Wow!"
"Let's go!"
Elmer extended his hand and Ollie grabbed it right away before they ran off towards Michael so he could get them something to eat. Sam fancied himself a bit of a hat enthusiast and he was actually a little impressed by Elmer's hat. It was a tiny top hat with a big black feather and a rhinestone covered pig pin. It was awfully cute and Ollie looked a tiny bit jealous until Elmer's moms came over and presented him with a matching one. Normally he'd never cover up his hair, but he was way too excited about his fancy hat to worry.
Over the next half hour or so all of Ollie's guests began to arrive. It happened so quickly that Sam just kind of blinked and the number of kids running around quadrupled. There was plenty for them to do and they seemed to really be enjoying themselves. Some went straight for the pony rides, some went on the train, and a few hung out to play games and eat as much food as their little bellies could handle. Sam thought everything was going great until he heard Dean draw in the most dramatic gay gasp in the history of the world.
"What's wrong?"
"He brought him to my son's birthday!" Dean said through his teeth. "That sick bastard!"
"Jared?" Sam asked as he turned around. "He's with Jensen."
"And look what he's wearing!"
"Oooh…" Sam said before a brief pause. "That's my ten inch hero."
"Sam!"
"Sorry…"
Sam really hadn't noticed what Jensen was wearing at first because he was more concerned with the tiny Texans. Jared was pushing them in their stroller and they were both sort of squinting in the sun, but they looked adorable. Their little matching outfits were the cutest thing ever, but their hot daddy looked much cuter. Jared was dressed like he always was in fratboy-Thor chic, but Jensen had on a cowboy outfit. It wasn't just a plaid shirt and some jeans, he showed up wearing boots and a big belt buckle. Sam's ovaries immediately exploded, but Dean saw the outfit as a desperate attempt to steal Ollie away from him.
"Happy birthday!" Jared said as he approached. "Austin, Dallas, fight to the death over who gets to marry Buster."
"Hey best fwendo!"
"Don't best friendo me! What are you wearing? That cowboy suit is the very height of ridiculousness."
"I'm wearing clothes, not a suit." Jensen said defiantly. "It's just what I threw on."
"You're messing with the wrong man!"
"It's a little outfit." Jared whispered to Sam. "I love to watch those cowboys ride."
"I bet you do…"
"Sam!" Dean yelled. "Stop staring at his belt buckle!"
"It's so thick…I mean big. It's big and juicy…shiny. It's very shiny."
Since Sam wasn't constantly holding Buster he got to squat down and check out the babies. It did put him eye level with Jensen's goody basket, but the babies were Sam's main concern. Austin seemed quite cheerful even though he was squinting, while Dallas, as usual, just seemed a little annoyed. The last few times Sam had seen him he seemed bored to tears, but he was still barely a month old so it was probably just him being a baby. Sam desperately wanted to hold both of them, but they were content in their stroller and it seemed like they might be drifting off soon enough.
After Dean got to see the babies Jared and Jensen went off to find Ollie who was all over the place. He looked like he was having a ball with Elmer and his friends and the party was going great. It was going so well in fact that Sam thought him and Dean might be able to sneak away for a second and talk about their feelings or other very important things like foreign policy or The Kardashians.
"Hey."
"Don't hey me." Dean said. "I saw you undressing Jensen with your eyeballs."
"Wanna put that kid down and…"
"Put my baby down?" Dean asked. "That made no sense."
"I want you to sit on my face." Sam whispered. "Then I want you to do the sex to me. Let's go do that."
"You sneaky Pete!" Dean said as he covered Buster's ears. "You want to do sex while you think about Jensen!"
"You can think about…uh…" Sam said before scanning the crowd. "Oh, you can think about dad. He's pretty sexy."
"I guess…"
"Maybe Aaron? Want to sit on Aaron's face?"
"That might be fun." Dean whispered. "But sex will be awkward with him holding that baby. He never puts that kid down."
Sam really wanted to go inside and do horribly sinful things to Dean, but they'd have to wait until after the party was over since leaving to butt fuck each other was rude. Dean hugged Buster a little closer and made sure he was nice and cozy before squinting at Aaron who was sitting at one of the tables about fifty feet away. Max was awake, but at least a little sleepy. He had his head against Aaron's shoulder which was the cutest thing ever, almost as cute as Andrew practically dancing in an attempt to hold his newest great-grandbaby.
"Buster doesn't like his stroller." Dean added. "That's why I'm holding him."
"I know that."
"Grandpa said Aaron let him hold Max for like three minutes yesterday. Jeremy barely gets to hold him."
"He's very protective." Sam laughed. "And we're not going to say anything unless he keeps on doing it. It's been a rough few weeks."
"I know that, I just worry about him."
"He's fine." Sam smiled. "You're wasting away to nothing. Let's get you a hot dog."
"Thanks Sammy…I'm going to split you in half once the kids go to bed, you realize that right?"
"Well." Sam grinned. "A boy can hope."
Ollie played, and ran, and ate, and jumped, and laughed, and went completely buck wild because it was his day. He obviously had a fantastic time, maybe too much of a fantastic time because by the time his last guests were leaving he could barely keep his eyes open. He perked up a little to have cake and ice cream with the family, but after that he really started to drag and nearly pulled Dean's jeans off in the process. Dean loved when the kids got really sleepy because they always wanted to be held, which was one of his very favorite things to do.
Once they were upstairs Dean gently laid Ollie in bed and Sam quickly undressed and redressed him in some warm pajamas since it was going to be a cold night. Dean was almost positive that Ollie was going to nod right off, but instead he yawned as wide as he could and then held out his little hand. Dean took it right away and then Sam sort of stroked his forearm before giving him a kiss on the cheek. It was a very good day and Ollie wasn't quite ready to let it go just yet.
"How'd we do, baby?"
"Oh, daddy Sammy, was perfect."
"You are such a big boy now. You're almost as tall as Evan."
"Wow." Ollie whispered. "Weally?"
"Absolutely." Dean smiled. "So you had a good day?"
"Best ever! Come here, daddy. Let me kiss ya fweckles."
"Well…if you insist."
Ollie kissed Dean all across the bridge of his nose and onto his cheeks a little before demanding to kiss Sam on his spots. Ollie thought, and Dean absolutely agreed that Ethan and Evan, who has matching moles, had given Sam his spots when they were born. Mikey had once tried to explain that it was really closer to the other way around, but Ollie was having none of it. He was right about the spots, just like he was right about everything else in his life.
After the kisses Ollie sighed deeply, scrunched up extra tight, and then immediately fell asleep without even rolling over and sticking his butt up in the air. He was out like a light and while Dean was very tempted to stay and watch him sleep for a while he had some other things in mind, particularly a hidden spot on Sam that he wanted to kiss and then do some other stuff too, some nasty stuff that was probably illegal in the South.
"Stop pinching me!" Sam said as they walked down the hall towards their bedroom. "What are you doing!"
"I wanna put this." Dean grinned as he tapped his crotch. "In your mouth, then your butt, then back in your mouth."
"Oooh…that's nasty."
"You love the taste of your own ass!"
"True." Sam said as he bit his bottom lip. "Can I put stuff in your butt?"
"Absolutely!"
"Well, in that case we should…"
"Shh!" Dean hissed as he covered Sam's mouth. "You hear that?"
"Hurrwhuh?"
Dean narrowed his eyes and then tentatively and cautiously pressed his ear in a little closer to the door. As a professional daddy he had very good ear and he was almost positive there was some demon from the depths of hell in the bedroom. Buster was in there too but he was a sweet baby boy and for once Dean wasn't too worried about demons getting his kids because the demon from hell, the worst demon ever, just so happened to be one of his kids.
When Dean heard the tiny cherubic laughter he quickly threw open the double doors hoping the catch Milo in the middle of doing something cute like maybe blowing kisses at Buster. Of course that was just wishful thinking because Milo was a bad ass little punk shit and he never did anything cute. The only thing he was capable of was wretched unforgivable evil.
"You!"
"Uh-oh." Milo whispered. "I…"
"Are you doing what I think you're doing!"
"Uh…No?"
When Dean rushed towards the bed fully intent on spanking Milo's bubbly little butt until it was six shades of pink Sam grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back. Dean wasn't a spanker, but then none of the other kids had been caught standing on the bed with their penis in hand and their pajama pants around their ankles. Not only was Milo clearly about to piss in the bed, but he was most certainly aiming to Dean's side, his pillow to be exact.
"What are you doing!"
"Me?" Milo asked. "Uh…model."
"Is my baby a model!" Sam clapped. "So handsome!"
"Sam!"
"Oh…sorry."
"You were gonna pee on my pillow." Dean said as he walked closer. "Admit it!"
"No!"
"You're still holding your weewee! What's this! Two little drops on the duvet!"
When Dean tugged away from Sam to inspect the bed Milo tried his very best to make a break for it. Unfortunately his pants were around his ankles so he made it about a foot before he started to wobble. Dean was always one to take an opportunity he could so he swatted Milo across his little white butt and then immediately regretted it when all hell broke loose. Milo didn't cry because Dean had barely touched him, but he did fall over face first into the bed where he promptly began to flop around like a fish out of water. He flopped left and right and back and forth until he flopped right out of the bed and landed on the floor.
Sam, of course, immediately freaked out and rushed to save Milo, who was fine, until he saw his daddy was paying attention to him. That's when he turned on the waterworks and started fake crying so loud that Buster groaned, moaned, and then sighed before kicking out of his swaddle and sticking his legs straight up in the air. As far as Dean was concerned that kind of activity required immediate attention so he scooped up Buster and held him close so they could kiss and cuddle.
"Daddy!"
"It's okay." Sam said as he pulled up Milo's pants. "Do you want to sleep with daddy tonight?"
"Uh-huh." Milo nodded. "My butt."
"He's sleeping in his room." Dean said without looking over. "In his own bed."
"Dean…"
"I require orgasm."
"Then we'll go in the bathroom and I'll take care of it."
"Ain't nobody got time for a quick head."
"Daddy, daddy!"
"What is it baby?"
Milo must have sensed his sleeping arrangements were in jeopardy because he went on a huge rant all about why he had to sleep in the big bed. He was pretty, he was a baby, and according to him he was good, which made Dean roll his eyes so hard they actually hurt. Of course Milo had to bring up his broken butt which had Sam pouting, nodding, and then finally rubbing. If Sam was going to be touching anyone's ass it sure wasn't going to be Milo's so Dean had to play dirty. He reached into his nightstand, pulled out some chap stick and made a big display of putting way too much on.
"Oooh!" Milo whispered as he ran across the bed. "Me now, mommy."
"No."
"Whuh!"
"No." Dean said again. "You're a naughty child…and I already promised Buster."
Buster was almost completely out of it, but he kind of looked up when he heard his name. Dean took that opportunity to smear like a tiny bit of chap stick on his puffy and adorable lips. Buster couldn't have cared less and promptly buried his face in Dean's chest, but Milo's eyes were wide as saucers and his mouth dropped open in a weird mixture of rage, disgust, and sorrow. He thought chap stick was just about the greatest thing in the world, and Sam never had any on hand, but Dean always did because he had hot dick sucking lips.
"Please mommy! I dying!"
"Nope."
"Please!"
"Dean, give that baby some…"
"No." Dean said again. "Unless…"
"All the things, mommy!"
"You go right to bed in your own room."
"Okay!"
Without missing a beat Dean promptly smeared half a tube of chap stick across Milo's lips, leapt out of bed, and put Buster back in his bassinette all at the same time. Sam had on a stank bitch face but Dean ignored it because in about three minutes he was going to be looking at the back of his head. Once he had his chap stick on Milo tried to retreat to the other side of the bed where Sam was but Dean grabbed him by his pants and threw him over his shoulder before practically running to the door.
"Go clean yourself up. I wanna do some weird German stuff to your butt tonight."
"I'll get right on that." Sam said dryly. "Goodnight, baby."
"Love you, daddy!"
Milo was a little squirmy but Dean could tell he was tired. By the time they got to his room he had settled down and seemed resigned to sleeping in his own bed. Of course before that could happen Dean had to find and arrange seventy-three separate stuffed animals around the bed, give him three kisses, and make sure his hair was combed. By the time he was done Milo was having trouble keeping his eyes open and Dean's zipper was having trouble fighting back against his raging hard on. Dean was ready to get down to business and he almost made it back into the hallway without interruption because he heard a sweet little sound from the other side of the room, the good non-evil side.
"Daddy?"
"Shhh." Dean whispered. "Go back to bed, baby."
"What is it?" Mary asked as she sat up. "Whoa?"
"He tried to pee on my pillow." Dean said as he kneeled next to her bed. "Did we wake you up?"
"No, thinking."
"About what?"
"Mawmaw take me to get paint on my fingers."
"Ah." Dean nodded. "Yes, grandma wants to tart you up like one of Jared's exes."
"What color? Maybe pink?"
Carol, for some God forsaken reason had promised Mary they could have a spa day together which Dean was very apprehensive about. His baby girl was the most perfect and most beautiful creature on the planet and there was absolutely no room for improvement and while a little nail polish wasn't a big deal Dean saw it as the start of something else entirely. It made him worry about girl stuff like makeup, periods, and God's most loathsome creatures, boys.
"Pink would be perfect."
"Red?"
"Sure, why don't you get a weave and some thigh high boots while you're at it. You can pitch in on the mortage."
"Daddy, can you braid my hair tomorrow?"
"Yes." Dean nodded. "If you go to sleep now and no red."
"Okay, daddy. Kiss kiss."
"Mwah!"
"Pink." Mary whispered as she closed her eyes. "I like it."
Dean gave Mary two more kisses and then finally made it all the way to the doorway. Instead of immediately rushing back to Sam's ass he took a moment to stare at his big babies. Mary was already asleep with a little smile on her face no doubt dreaming about getting paint on her fingers, and Milo had somehow managed to knock almost all the stuffed animals off his bed. Every morning Sam had to pick them all up when he made the beds, but he didn't seem to mind since the stuffed animals made his baby so very happy.
After a full minute of staring Dean quickly clicked the door closed and then skipped down the hallway. He was raring to go and his mouth was actually watering a little. He wanted to throw Sam's legs up in the air, do stuff to his butt, maybe bite his wiener a little then stick it in, and then maybe even get stuck himself. It was still a little early and Dean was ready for a night of nasty sexy time fun.
Unfortunately, Sam was obviously still pissed off about Milo not sleeping in the bed with them. He had changed out of his clothes, but instead of putting on something sexy, like a pirate costume or a baker's outfit he was dressed in torn sweatpants, a baggy sweatshirt, and worst of all a pair of socks. When Dean stepped into the room ready to brandish his penis like a weapon Sam made a point of getting under the sheets, the blanket, and then pulling the duvet up to his chin. To add insult to injury he then grabbed a sleeping mask from the nightstand and put it on his fivehead.
"What the hell!" Dean hissed. "I wanted you on all fours with your ass spread open and slash or stuffed with a marital aid."
"That baby…"
"Here we go!"
"That baby." Sam said again. "Is a sweet baby and you spanked him. How dare you?"
"He was about to pee on my pillow!"
"Oh, please! You're a kinky sex fiend. You wanted me to pee in your butt last week."
"Gimme a break…"
"My baby." Sam said dramatically. "My poor baby. His butt hurt so bad that…"
"I'm going to have sex with you whether you like it or not."
"I'd like to see you try!"
"I bet you would!"
Dean immediately unbuttoned his jeans and then wiggled out of them. He decided to leave his underwear on so he could make Sam bury his face in his crotch before they got down to business. If John had taught Dean anything it was that occasionally you'd come up against someone or something that was stronger and bigger. Sam was both, but Dean could handle his business, especially when his boner was practically like another arm.
When he approached the side of the bed Sam grabbed the covers tighter and basically pulled them up all the way to his nose. At that point Dean grabbed them and tugged a bit, but Sam had a kung fu grip and if the freaking linens got torn it was going to be a full blown Jihad up in the bedroom. When he couldn't get the covers off Dean tried to go under then because he knew he could slip inside Sam's ass fairly easily, but that was just as hard. Sam had big tree trunk thighs and he used them to keep Dean from making any real progress, though there was a quick minute of knee cap frottage.
Fortunately for Dean, John has also taught him that sometimes you couldn't win a fight with brawn alone. Sometimes you had to rely on your brains to succeed. Outsmarting Sam wasn't an option because he was a giant nerd and honestly Dean couldn't think of a single reason to get him out of the bed and bent over the chair in the corner. Instead he decided to rely on outright trickery, which he had learned from Ethan.
"Fine."
"Yeah, you're right fine!" Sam yelled. "Trying to force yourself on me. Bitch, please!"
"I'm sorry." Dean smiled sweetly. "I'm going to go take a shower…I'll take care of it."
"You'll what?" Sam asked as he bolted upright. "No, you can't do that, we took vows!"
"I know we did, but let's be real Sammy. Not every load is…"
"Mine! They're all mine, they all go in or on me!"
"Then you better go lay down on the bottom of the shower, because I'm about to rub out a big one. My balls feel really heavy."
"How…how heavy?"
"Probably enough to come twice."
"Okay, but I'm keeping on my socks as punishment for beating my baby."
"Noop!"
"Fine!" Sam said before throwing off the covers. "I want a lot of ass play then."
"That I can do and I can do it…Oh, shit."
Dean was all about to dive face first into Sam's oh-so-delicious ass when the freaking phone had to beep. Dean was all set to ignore his phone, but Sam was always worried that something terrible had happened or was about to happen. Before Dean could even say anything Sam had already reached over and checked to see who had sent him a message. It wasn't terrible late, but it was still well past the time anyone would want to chat. If it was anyone except Michael or maybe Aaron they were going to have to wait until tomorrow because Dean had other things to do and nibble and bite and lick and putt putt in.
"It's from Auden." Sam smiled. "He…"
"Oh, your boyfriend!" Dean said as he stripped off his clothes. "You better not be thinking about him when I'm splatter painting your guts."
"He…"
"I don't care, put down the phone and give up dat ass."
"Look, jackass!"
Dean rolled his eyes as hard as he could and then squinted to look at the little picture on Sam's phone. Suddenly sex was about the fifth thing on his mind. In the picture Auden was grinning from ear to ear and looked like he was completely drunk. He was dressed in festive baby pink scrubs and in his arms were two tiny, and absolutely beautiful little dark haired babies. Before Dean could finish completely melting another picture came in with Wystan wearing a big brother shirt and laying on the hospital bed next to Amy who was throwing up her gang sign. She looked gorgeous and exhausted and finally absolutely completely done with babies.
"Babies!" Dean squealed. "Little tiny ones!"
"Look how happy he is."
"I know…Oh, here's another text, their names are….Emery…"
"I like that." Sam nodded. "And?"
"Elise. They're so sweet. Here, look at this one of Amy and Wys."
"Awww! Lemme text him back to say congratulations and we'll call him tomorrow morning to talk to everyone."
"Okay. We'll have to send some flowers to the house."
"Yeah."
Suddenly Dean wasn't so keen on fucking Sam eight ways from Sunday. They were still going to get down to business, but the arrival of the brand new babies had a calming effect on Dean and his favorite downstairs neighbor. Instead of jumping into the bed and getting right down to it he got in on he kissed Buster gently on the forehead and then got onto his side of the bed right as Sam was scooching over with a big smile on his goofy looking face.
"Buster." Sam whispered over Dean. "You're going on an airplane in a few weeks!"
"I think he'll be okay."
"He'll be fine. Gimme your hand."
"No problem." Dean grinned. "What's going on under…oh…What are you going to do with that big thing?"
"What are you going to do with it? I…Oooh!"
"Rawwwr!"
"Pinching, huh?"
"For now!" Dean bellowed before disappearing under the covers. "That's not another leg!"
Dean was pinchy and nibbly and he fell asleep with a smile on his face, after putting two smiles on Sam's. Dean was happy for Amy and Auden, he was glad his big boy had a great party, and falling asleep with Sam's head on his chest was a great way to end the day.