3.5
True story time. 2 weeks ago I had emergency oral surgery to remove a tooth that had been causing an incredible amount of pain on and off for about five years. Monday morning I woke up with another toothache, which over the course of the day progressed into something so painful that it left me almost incapacitated. Long story short I went under the chisel again yesterday to have another tooth removed. My insurance wouldnt cover the pain pills so I'm toughing out the pain, which is considerable. All I want to do is pop aleve, nurse on popsicles, and drink incredibly hot broth, but I still got out of bed long enough to post this story.
Please, Enjoy.
Title: All That Heaven Will Allow.
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen,
Rating :R
Words10,400/3,508,900
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Sam has a few demands to make of the world's new God.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
Sam dug by himself. Dean had offered to help, like he always did, and John thought it was his obligation. Even Jeremy said he'd dig, but Sam wanted to do it by himself and most of all he wanted to do it alone. He wanted to be alone in the garden with a simple shovel he had purchased at Home Depot to plant some roses and what was left of the demon who had been his brother. The body was about five feet away from the hole Sam was digging and it was covered in a very nice piece of cream colored silk that Dean had found in the attic.
The garden seemed like a perfectly appropriate spot for Abel. Not only was it beautiful even in the middle of Winter, but the kids were out there often. Sam spent hours tending to it and making sure everything was coming up when it should. Dean picked out all the weeds he saw, and Jeremy and Aaron walked through it everyday to get to the barn. Abel would always be around his family and Sam really thought that was all he ever wanted. He wanted to belong and he wanted to be close. Now he always would be and it was entirely Sam's fault.
If he hadn't been so hesitant, if he had been faster, or less afraid, Abel would still be alive. Sam hadn't killed him, but he felt like he let it happen. If Abel hadn't been there Sam was positive he could have kept Dean from getting hurt. Because he was there Sam had let him get in the line of fire and he was slow to react because he didn't really care what happened to Abel since he was a demon after all. Once he was gone, once he had died saving Dean's life, all that had changed and Sam felt sad, empty, and incredibly guilty.
"What are you doing?"
"What?" Sam asked as he looked up. "What are you doing here, Cooper?"
"Michael disappeared from school and Ryan asked me to find him. He was way up in a tree, like a honey bear. Like that Pooh bear."
"Right." Sam nodded. "He said you stayed with him, thank you."
"You're welcome, Sam. Your brother died."
"Yes, he did."
"I can dig for you."
"No, that's okay. I'd like to do it myself."
"Did you ask the angel to bring him back?"
"You should go see the kids and the baby." Sam said. "They're inside."
"May I hold the baby?"
"Of course."
"I can stay if you'd prefer."
Sam shook his head and tried his best to smile, but he didn't really have it in him. Cooper was pretty dense most of the time, but he quickly exited and headed for the house, probably due in large part to getting to hold Buster. Cooper seemed to really enjoy babies and unfortunately James had forbid him from holding Henry. Sam had no problem with Cooper holding Buster and neither did Dean. He had more kids than all of them put together so it was obvious he knew what he was doing when it came to babies, though Sam had ignore suggestions to store Buster in hollowed out tree when they couldn't find a baby sitter.
After Cooper was gone Sam went back to digging and tried to go a little faster even though he was completely exhausted. He wanted it to be done with because he didn't like the body being out in the open regardless of whether or not it was covered. Trying to dig faster didn't really work so well since Sam got about ten shovelfuls of dirt out of the hole before he started to weep again. It wasn't Cooper's fault, but if he hadn't shown up and asked the question everyone was bound to ask Sam wouldn't have gotten upset all over again.
Sam had asked Gabe to bring Abel back, in fact it was the first question out of his mouth once God was gone, where as Dean had asked if he was evil. Gabe said that he was almost positive he wasn't evil and that he couldn't bring Abel back. Sam then resorted to begging, pleading, and even trying himself, but Gabe had said couldn't as in it was impossible. Apparently when you personally got offed by God there wasn't anything to bring back. Every bit of Abel was gone, just like every bit of Dean would have been gone if it wasn't for the last minute heroics.
"Sammy."
"Dean, I asked you to let me do this alone. Please, I don't ask for much."
"You're exhausted." Dean said as he took the shovel. "This isn't your fault."
"Really? I pissed God off. I hesitated, I knew Abel was expendable and you weren't. I could have stopped him, even if it was just for a second. I could have stopped him and I froze up."
"Sammy…"
"We needed a few more seconds for Gabe to show up and everything…everything would be fine."
"No, it wouldn’t. We'd be inside celebrating with the kids and Abel would be somewhere alone because we wouldn't want him in the house. He was a hero. Sammy, he died happy I think."
"He died in horrible agonizing pain. You said so yourself."
"Maybe it just hurt me because I'm not as strong as him."
"Dean, please." Sam said. "Can we not talk about this right now? Just dig."
"Okay."
Dean was a good man because he was a really great digger and he did so in silence which was exactly what Sam wanted and needed. He appreciated that Dean was trying to make Abel's death something other than it was, but unfortunately Sam had seen it happen. He saw the scars left on Dean's chest and he barely got hit at all. Abel took the full brunt of the attack and it destroyed more than half of his body. His entire chest and most of his abdomen was gone, and the only reason he had held on as long as he did was because the demon managed to stay alive when a normal person would have died instantly.
The hole Sam started and Dean finished was six feet deep, but it wasn't a big rectangle capable of fitting a grown man flat on his back. It was sort of a long square because what was left of the body folded up a little bit. It was really horrible under the fabric, but once the hole was dug Sam still peeled it back just to make sure that Abel really was gone. He didn't feel anything and it had been hours since he died, but stranger things had happened and Sam was hoping for a miracle.
"Sammy."
"I wanted to make sure his eyes were still closed."
"We should finish this up. Mom made beef stew and the kids are all hungry."
"Okay."
"Do you want me to go get anyone else?"
"No, it should just be us." Sam nodded. "Help me move him?"
"Sure."
Sam covered the body back up and then he took one end of the heap and Dean took the other. They were so careful to place him in the ground gently and Dean even crawled down in the hole so they wouldn't have to drop him in. As soon as Dean was out of the hole Sam flicked his wrist and sent all the dirt tumbling down. He could have snapped his fingers and dug the hole as well, but he wanted to draw the process out a little so he could be alone. Once the hole was filled up Sam focused a tiny infinitesimal amount of his energy on the ground and willed the grass to grow back except for one spot in the middle. He already had a rose picked out to mark the grave and he had it planted, established, and blooming again in under a minute. It was a beautiful deep red with dark red tips which Sam thought was particularly fitting.
"How'd you get it to bloom?"
"Sped things up some."
"How's the extra mojo treating you?" Dean asked. "You feel okay?"
"I feel fine. I'm just tired."
"Why don't you go take a shower and then we can eat."
"I think I should say something."
"About?"
"Abel." Sam said. "One of us should…"
"Sammy."
"I just uh…" Sam laughed weakly. "Abel, you…you weren't a good man. You did a lot of terrible things, things we can never forgive you for, but in the end you were worthy of the Winchester name."
"Thank you." Dean said. "I'll never forget what you selflessly did for me."
"And you're our brother."
"And we'll miss you."
Sam wanted to say so much more, if it was Jeremy or Aaron in the ground he'd be able to talk to hours because he knew them so well and they were both extraordinary men. Abel wasn't even a man and he was extraordinary in all the wrong ways. Sam completely realized and accepted that he was grieving more than people thought he should, but he couldn't help it. Someone, someone who was sort of a family member, had just died and he died to save Dean. There was no other way to look at it, no other way to pretend that he was trying to do something else. He jumped in front of Dean knowing the attack would kill him and he did it without even a moment's hesitation. Sam considered losing a man like that a real loss and he was going to grieve as much as he wanted to for as long as he wanted to.
Once they got back to the house Sam avoided the kids and snuck upstairs alone because he was still filthy and covered in dried blood. Dean had already showered so he went to hang out with them while Sam did the same. The hot water felt incredible on his bare skin, but Sam couldn't stop staring at the shower drain. The water that was running into it was a dark sort of rusty brown, a sick mix of dirt, monster guts, and even a little of Abel's blood. It took about ten minutes for the water to run clear and it just got muddy again once Sam began to scrub at himself with soap and wash out his positively grimy hair.
After he was clean from head to toe Sam stepped out of the shower and went to grab a towel that someone was handing to him. Obviously the only person who belonged in the bathroom while Sam was showering was Dean, but Gabe had already seen him at his best and his worst and in his birthday suit, so it obviously didn't really matter. Still Sam accepted the towel and promptly wrapped it around his waist where Gabe most certainly hadn't been looking. He was keeping eye contact which made him sort of a gentlemanly peeping tom.
"How are you, Sam?"
"Fine." Sam said. "Are you God now?"
"I suppose I am."
"Are you going to make us bow down before you or be destroyed?"
"I hadn't planned on it." Gabe said. "Sam, about Abel…"
"Unless you can bring him back I don't want to talk about him right now."
"He loved you all very much."
"I don't want to talk about it, Gabe. Please, just…drop it."
"Very well."
"Where's Vara?"
"She's decided to no longer interfere here. She asked me to tell you goodbye."
Sam scoffed a little and then slipped out of the towel and into his robe. It was so typical that some truly omnipotent higher power was going to skip town just when they really needed help. Sam understood that when it came to Abel there really was nothing to bring back, but it still would have been nice to Vara to say goodbye in person. Sam was really going to miss her which meant he had lost someone else and the day wasn't over yet.
"So we'll never see her again?"
"Well, we should never say never."
"What about you?" Sam asked. "You okay with what you did?"
"I did what had to be done."
"And how's everyone else going to feel?"
"Lucifer murdered nearly everyone who would oppose me. Those who survived…I don't think they'll have a problem with my choices."
"Because you're all powerful?"
"Exactly."
"Good." Sam nodded. "I need you to do a few things for me."
"All you need do is ask, Sam."
Sam needed a moment, really more than a moment to get his pigs all in a row so to speak. While he thought long and hard about what he was about to say he washed his face, brushed his teeth, and rubbed down his arms with Dean's favorite lotion so that he'd be soft, loveable, and kissable. Gabe was paying very close attention, but the expression on his face never changed which meant he was all powerful, but still a gentleman since he didn't read all the downright insane thoughts Sam was having. He knew they were crazy and that his requests would change more than just the world, but the world owed Sam and he was ready to collect.
"Kill everyone in hell."
"Done."
"Then shut it down. Lucifer's gone, there's no reason to keep it open for business."
"Sam, some souls deserve hell."
"Not anymore. When those people die they die. Can you make that happen?"
"Of course." Gabe said. "I suppose it is a backwards notion to begin with."
"Ya think?"
The very idea of hell made no sense to Sam. He understood people who had done bad while they were alive deserving to be punished, but hell wasn't a prison, it was a recycling factory. Clay for instance deserved to rot for eternity, but somehow demons kept finding ways out of the pit and they'd come back worse than they went in on account of the never ending torture. Sam was done with demons and the only way to make sure they were all gone for good was to shut down the factory.
"I suppose you're not done."
"Hardly. You get whoever you have left upstairs to supervise my family and friends around the clock. I want any threats taken care of without any of us knowing about it."
"Do you trust Castiel?"
"I trust you. Do you trust him?"
"Yes. I'll put him in charge."
"I don't want to know he's there. I don't want anything to get past him."
"Understood."
"I want clean and clear water across the entire planet and nothing but fertile soil underfoot."
"I can manage that as well. Anything else?"
"One more thing." Sam said. "Before you head back up to heaven you take everything I have with you and leave me as an ordinary man."
"Ex…excuse me?"
"I don't want anything, you take it all away."
Sam's simplest request, which was actually a demand, seemed to stump Gabe more than the others. For the longest time he didn't say anything, he just stood and stared, sometimes directly at Sam and sometimes at nothing in particular. He was having a hard time with the request, but Sam wasn't. He knew what he wanted and he intended on getting it. God had said Sam was stuck with the power he had, but looking back it seemed like a lot of what he said was bullshit. Even if it was true it was obvious that Gabe's upgrade from Vara had left him considerably more powerful so a good deep clean should have been cake for him.
"Surely you mean the excess of power you got from Lucifer."
"And you and whoever the hell else. I want to be as plain and ordinary as a slice of white bread."
"Why?" Gabe asked. "Why on Earth would you give up such an amazing gift?"
"Gift?" Sam laughed. "Because of this gift my life has at times been a living hell. Because of this gift I got to see Christ get crucified and it's something I may never get over and because of this gift my brother is dead."
"He was a demon, Sam. I think you're overreacting to his death. The only admirable thing he ever did was save Dean."
"That was enough." Sam said. "I want it gone."
"I don't understand why."
"Because…if there's a gang the police confront they're going to focus on the man with the gun first. I don't want to be the man with the gun anymore."
Something was always going to be out there and eventually something would come along that could slip right under an angel's radar. Dean had really gotten Sam thinking about power and what it did and where it came from. If Sam was the strongest person in the world it would only be a matter of time before someone or something else started looking for a challenge. If he was just like everyone else he figured that they'd have to look elsewhere which meant he could be safe and happy with his family which was all he wanted out of life.
"What happens when something comes and you're left defenseless?"
"If I really was defenseless that means you'd try even harder to keep us safe."
"You think I won't do that anyway? If anything happened to you, Sam, to any of you, I don't think I could live with myself."
"I know…Gabe, this is what I want. If you care about me you'll do this for me."
"That's not fair. That's saying if I don't do it then I don't care and you know I do."
"Please, Gabe. I'm so tired."
Sam's eyes were welling up, but he wouldn't allow himself to actually cry. If he started he wasn't going to stop for a good long while and that wasn't an option since the kids were waiting to eat dinner and Sam was actually pretty hungry himself. When Gabe saw the tears starting to form his expression softened some and he held out his hand for Sam to take. They were having another one of those moments that made Sam feel like he was sixteen years old again, but nothing would come from it. All Gabe did was bring Sam's hand to his mouth and gently kiss it before he held it close to his chest.
"Anything for you."
"Thank you." Sam said. "Thank you, Gabe."
"After you think about it."
"I have thought about it."
"Then think some more, discuss it with Dean, and I'll be back at midnight."
"I won't change my mind."
"I'm sure you won't, but this isn't a decision you can make on your own. It affects your entire family."
"Okay."
"I'll be back."
"I'll be here."
"Okay." Gabe nodded. "I…"
"What?"
"Sam, I want you to know that…if I could bring him back, I would."
"I know you would." Sam smiled. "I appreciate that."
Gabe left without another word. He was there one second and gone the next, which was okay with Sam because he was ready for dinner, hopefully a quick chat with Dean, and then a long life of boring normality. When he looked in the mirror he even forced a smile because the thought of being like everyone else was very appealing to him and he hoped Dean would agree. The smile wasn't really genuine because he was still too upset about Abel, but as long as Sam didn't lose anyone else he knew he'd be okay in time.
Dean had several things on his mind while he ate dinner. First and foremost was that Carol's beef stew, when compared to Sam's, tasted like brown water and meat sweat. It was good, but Sam made some really amazing beef stew that he'd serve over mounds of buttery sweet mashed potatoes with the skins still on. Carol had the potatoes in the stew and she served it over rice. Dean didn't really mind the rice, but he had been all geared up for Sam's beef stew and unfortunately Carol's fell short. Still, food was food so he ate and helped Mary eat.
The other thing Dean was thinking about was the fancy sparkle hooker baby winter festival, which Ollie apparently hadn't stopped talking about all day. He had to call Andrew to get western wear recommendations, he wanted to look online for the perfect casual wear, and he actually made John call and book Billy to do his hair for the big event. Considering how much Billy charged Dean thought maybe he'd have to have a talk with Ollie, but he was just too excited and no one liked a buzz kill.
The third and final thing on Dean's mind, which probably should have been the most important, was the little bombshell Sam dropped seconds before everyone sat down to eat. He waited until everyone was around and hungry before he said he was giving up the mojo leaving Dean completely unable to ask questions, voice concerns, or even really understand what the hell he meant. Not knowing what was going on was the only reason Dean didn't push the announcement to the forefront of his mind, something he planned on doing as soon as the coast was clear.
"And a only need to decide on a talent. A wish on days like these a knew someone wit talents."
"Dude." Mikey said. "Seriously?"
"Oh, a right, Mikey! Evan does dancing! Evan, what do a think?"
"You are going to wake up the fury!" Ethan yelled. "That's what I call my fists!"
"Wha!"
"Settle down." Sam sighed. "Ollie…"
"He wanna punch me in a handsome face! Ya so jealous of a sparkly big boy pageant."
"Pretty sure it's for babies!"
"Wha!"
"Ethan." Dean whispered. "It's for big boys."
"Ya hear him, Ethan!"
"Yeah." Ethan said before he rolled his eyes. "It's so not for babies."
"Ollie, maybe you should sing a song." Evan suggested. "Or do tricks with Oinkers."
"Huh…a would be unstoppable wit Oinkahs…"
"The rules don't allow live props." Michael said. "I checked."
"Dang it!"
"You doing okay?" Dean asked. "Eat up."
"I'm fine." Michael smiled. "Just uh…so excited about the sparkle baby hooker festival."
"Oh, is gonna be the bombdiggity."
Michael was sort of pushing his food around and normally he had a pretty good appetite. Apparently Cooper had found him at the top of a twenty foot tree shaking and barely hanging on while he quietly sobbed to himself. It took Aaron and Cooper to get him out of the tree and then quite a bit more convincing that they were who they said they were. Michael getting caught in the middle of everything really pissed Dean off, but he was strong, he had been through worse, and eventually he'd be okay. Alex, as always, knew when Michael wasn't one hundred percent so he dropped his hand under the table and squeezed his leg, at least Dean was hoping that's what he was squeezing.
"Daddy." Mary whispered. "Daddy."
"Yes, baby?"
"Carrots. Daddy busy."
When Dean looked over Sam was in the middle of wiping beef stew off the top of Milo's head. Since he was distracted Dean had the perfect opportunity to push his carrots on to Mary's plate in exchange for her meat, which she wasn't a big fan of. She only had a couple of pieces but Dean gladly took them so he could get rid of his carrots which were complete mush. Mikey noticed the handoff and so did Carol, but neither of them said anything when Dean gave them the eyes. He then gave Mary a kiss for seeing an opportunity and seizing it.
"I guess there was an incident with a bird." Michael told Ollie. "It stole someone's wig during a pageant."
"Wigs! If a don't have nice hair then why would a even try?"
"Preach, brother."
"A will, Mifoo! Pawpaw tells me there is a special store for a buckaroos. He said we can go and he can get me whatever The Beans wants."
"He said that?" Sam asked. "Really?"
"Yep!"
"He said when we go visit him we need to get working clothes." Mikey said. "To herd cattle."
"I was thinking I'd take the kids up there tomorrow morning." John said. "We'll spend the night and come back on Thursday afternoon in time for the premiere. I was going to wait until next weekend but…"
"That's a good idea, dad." Sam smiled. "Are you guys looking forward to that?"
"Party!" Milo screeched. "Big boy party!"
"A party, daddy!"
"You'll both be back in time for your party."
"My party!"
"Yes." Sam nodded. "Your party…and Mary's."
"Oh, daddy." Milo sighed. "I don't know."
"What don't you know?"
Milo consider the question for a second and then made a scrunched up rat face before climbing into Sam's lap. He did seem like he expected his own party completely separate from Mary's, but they had all the same friends and obviously the same family so separate parties weren't going to happen. Dean was sure in the future once they were a little older they might want to do their own thing, but for the time being, at least until they were teenagers it was one party, which Mary was fine with and really Milo was too because Sam was going to be there and he'd probably kiss on him pretty often.
Dean thought the idea of talking the kids to hang out with Andrew was a spectacular one. Not only would the kids love to spend the day and night on a real working farm, but Dean was looking forward to downtime with the two most handsome men he knew. He could hang out and decompress with Sam and then spend lots of quality time with Buster who was happily playing with his fingers next to the dining room table. When Dean saw he was awake he scooped him up into his arms and held him up so he could see everything that was going on.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think the kids can sleep over tonight? I was thinking me and Alex might go see pawpaw too. We can leave early."
"What about school?" Dean asked. "What classes do you have tomorrow?"
"Nothin' I cain't miss."
Dean looked over at Sam who very quickly gave him the 'yes' eyes. Normally neither of them were a fan of Michael missing his very important, not to mention expensive classes, but he had the exact same schedule as Ryan so anything he missed he could have access to very easily. After the morning he had Michael probably deserved a day off and school was gearing up for a long weekend anyway, so there was no reason he couldn't duck out a day early. Not only were the kids going to do him a world of good, but he really loved Andrew and cows for some reason.
"Yeah, that's fine. Milo, can Michael go to pawpaw's with you?"
"Woah ho ho ho ho ho!" Milo laughed as he grabbed his tummy. "Think so, mommy."
"What about me?" Alex asked. "May I come?"
"No."
"Yes!" Mary said as she scowled at Milo. "Say please."
"Please may I come?"
"You may."
"That's my good girl." Dean smiled. "Mom, dinner was fantastic."
"It doesn't taste like Sam's."
"No, it surely doesn't!"
"Hey!"
Once everyone had finished eating Dean sent them on their way. Carol really wanted to stick around to clean up and regardless of what anyone else wanted she usually got her way, in fact Mary seemed to always get her way as well. It was something about Winchester women so Dean was secretly a little glad he only had to deal with two of them on a regular basis. Because Carol was around Dean expected Sam to wait a while before they started talking, but apparently he felt perfectly comfortable with her. Before Dean even had a bottle in Buster's mouth Sam just blurted it out as if he was announcing tomorrow's weather forecast.
"Gabe's coming back at midnight to strip me of all my crazy powers."
"What does that mean exactly?"
"I'll be just like everyone else…well, I'll be like dad…you know, normal."
"He's far from normal." Carol said. "You mean you won't…you won't be able to do anything anymore?"
"That is correct."
"You've always wanted that, haven't you?"
"Yeah, I have, and now I can get it. Gabe can take care of us, I won't need to be so…special."
Dean sighed very quietly and then spent the next minute pretending to fuss with Buster who needed no help whatsoever with his bottle beside someone to hold it. Dean had to buy a little time because he didn't know what to say or even what Sam would have liked for him to say. Obviously Dean would have loved to have Sam be completely absolutely run of the mill normal in everyway. In fact if they could keep the money and the influence Dean would have even preferred Sam not be famous. He didn't want people hounding him in the grocery store, taking his picture on the street, or yanking his hair out at public events. He certainly didn't want Sam to have the same type of power the devil had, but Dean had always recognized the very big difference between wants and needs.
He wanted Sam normal, but there was a very good chance they'd need him with all the mojo he could muster. If Sam was left vulnerable Gabe would do everything in his power to keep them safe. He'd go above and beyond, but there was always that chance he'd look the other way, he'd rest his eyes, or something else would come up and someone or some thing would get through. Dean wanted to be the optimist that believed things would always be okay with the top gun watching over them, but unfortunately he was realistic.
"Sammy, I…what are you…"
Sam was cleaning off the counter with an almost painful concentration. He was pressing so hard with the sponge that Dean could see his fingers turning white from the pressure. It seemed like something had already gone wrong, but then Dean caught something, just something very subtle, something no one else would have noticed, Carol certainly didn't notice, she just looked worried and concerned. What Dean saw was the tiny flinch of Sam's head from side to side. It was a very quick movement, but Dean saw it, unfortunately he didn’t know what the hell it meant. He was going to have to swing wild and hope for the best so he assumed that the head shake meant 'no' as in 'don't agree with me'.
"This is a terrible idea." Dean said as his eyes scanned the room. "You'll be vulnerable, we'll all be vulnerable."
"No, I won't." Sam said as he relaxed. "Gabe is going to take care of us. He won't let anyone hurt us."
"He can't always be around, Sam."
When Dean said that Sam's eyes went wide for just a second, which said pretty much everything. Apparently Gabe was either in the room listening or listening from above and Sam wanted him to hear the argument over what to do. Carol even picked up on it and instead of looking around she looked down into the sink and kept on washing the dishes. There was an odd tension in the room like Dean was up on a stage in front of hundreds of people only he didn't really know what the crowd was like or what part he was supposed to be playing.
"He cares about us Dean, you know he does."
"I know that and we care about him."
"Your father loved you both." Carol said. "Something still happened."
"Exactly."
"Gabe's not dad. He won't let anything happen."
"I just don't think this is a good idea."
"Well, it's not your choice to make."
"We make decisions together!"
Sam actually looked a little taken aback by Dean's masterful outburst, but then Buster was too. He stopped sucking on his bottle and immediately began to cry. Dean put him over his shoulder as quickly as he could and began to rub his back while Sam, at the same time, was busy with a project of his own. Instead of coming over to comfort Buster he took a big jar of salt out of his spice cabinet, put it on the counter, and then 'accidentally' knocked it over. The lid popped right off and there was a pile of white against the dark stone, which made Dean and Carol both move in a little closer.
While Sam whispered to Buster that everything was okay, he made slow, but deliberate movements with his hands. It looked like he was going to sweep the salt right off the counter and back into the jar, but instead he leveled the pile out giving himself a little room. Sam dragged his finger through the salt and shakily wrote out the words 'trust me' before very quickly sweeping the message away. He did it so quickly that Dean barely had time to read the message since he was looking at it upside down, but he got it and so did Carol.
"Dean, I know you two always make decisions together, but this is something Sam has wanted for a really long time."
"She's right." Sam said as he nodded slowly. "I have. You should want what's best for me."
"I do, baby, but I'm still not sure it's best for everyone."
"I know it is."
While Dean kissed on Buster's ear he began to wonder if they were acting at all. He really wasn't sure Sam was making the best choice, but then he wasn't as against it as he was pretending to be. At the end of the day they absolutely did make decisions as a couple when it came to the entire family, but it was going to have to be Sam's call. He was the one who was, at times, suffering, he had been through the most, and if something wasn't done there was a chance he might have to kill more giant monsters, snake women, or even angels. Dean didn't want that and he knew Sam didn't either.
The main problem Dean was having was that without Sam they were sitting ducks. If Gabe was always going to watch out for them then it seemed like everything would be fine, but it also seemed unlikely he was always going to be there especially considering his new position of power. If something bad came, something really bad, without Sam or Gabe they'd all be goners. Aaron and Jeremy could hold their own and James was pretty strong, but they didn't stand a chance against something like Maet, Lucifer, or God.
"What if Gabe misses something?"
"Cas is always going to be around watching us."
"So what happens if he gets pissed off and turns on us?"
"He won't."
"Okay." Dean sighed. "Just tell me what we do if something shows up that takes Caswell out and Gabe can't get here in time."
"Dean, he's insanely powerful right now."
"Just humor me."
"Humor both of us." Carol said. "He has a point, Sam."
"I've got salt all over my hands. We're all just going to have to have a little faith. This is happening, whether I have your support or not."
Sam was telling them both to trust him without actually saying it. Obviously that was something they were going to have to do because Dean had no idea what was really going on and he didn't want to think about it too much in case Gabe was the spying type. After they all agreed without actually agreeing Carol quickly finished up the dishes, kissed Buster about a dozen times and then went to join John and the kids next door. Once she was gone the conversation was over, Sam had ended it just by glancing Dean's way, which was indication enough.
Dean was very tired after a really long day and he wanted nothing more than to head upstairs and cuddle with Buster and Sam until Gabe showed up. He was about suggest that when Sam took his hand and led him towards the backdoor. It was dark out and getting colder everyday so Dean grabbed a blanket off the coat rack and wrapped Buster up before putting a knit hat on his head. Sam didn't even have to say where they were going because Dean knew as soon as they stared to walk down the back hallway.
"Did you hear what Jeremy said to me when we got home?"
"I might have been in the shower."
"He said I was being ridiculous. Do you think I am too?"
"No, Sammy." Dean said as he shook his head. "No one can tell you how to mourn."
"I know he was bad."
"He was trying, that's what counts."
"Will you sit with me out here for a little while?"
"I think that'd be nice. Maybe we can get a bench. You picked a nice spot in the garden."
"He'd like it, right?"
Dean nodded and then sat down in the cold grass next to Sam. Buster seemed totally confused since he liked a strict schedule and after dinner he got a bath, his favorite pajamas, and several kisses. Since it was cool out Dean held him close and stroked back his dark brown curls while Sam just stared at the rosebush. He was taking Abel's death a lot harder than Dean expected but he certainly wasn't being ridiculous, Jeremy just didn't understand and he had every right to not really care about the demon.
"If he had just died…I don't think I would have been as upset."
"What do you mean?"
"Like if God had just killed him." Sam said. "It's because he died saving you."
"Yeah, I get that."
"Why do you think he did it?"
"Honestly?"
"Please."
Dean took a deep breath and then sighed heavily before he thought of how to word his answer. He had at least twenty different theories swimming through his head. Some were noble, some were devious, and others really were downright selfless in every sense of the word. The thing that really struck Dean was how quickly Abel had thrown himself into the line of fire. There wasn't a single moment's hesitation, it was almost like he knew what was going to happen, or he had plotted out all the possible outcomes and prepared for the worst case scenario. Death wasn't the worst thing that could have happened in Gabon, in fact everyone dying might have been better for the sake of the world.
"I think he knew all three of us weren't going to make it." Dean said. "He was willing to die and I'm…he was probably willing to let you die as well because Gabe would have found a way to bring you back. He was never going to let me die."
"Why? He wasn't exactly your biggest fan."
"No, he wasn't." Dean laughed. "But if something happened to me…with all that raw power coursing through your veins…Sammy, I'm not sure you would have come back from that. He stopped that from happening."
"You think I'm bad?"
"Of course not…but right now it wouldn't take much."
Dean felt like a dick for saying it, but he was right and it was obvious Sam at least partially agreed. He smiled some, looked back at the rosebush and then wiped at his eyes. Dean could just barely make out the tears in the moonlight so he scooted over, kept Buster in one arm, and put the other around Sam while they waited for midnight and spent some time with their little brother, who would always be missed.
Buster was up to something and because he was Dean's son Sam assumed it was no good. It was way past his bedtime and he was wide awake after an hour long power nap. Sam had taken the opportunity to have a little bit of tummy time while Dean was in the shower and Buster was oddly alert. With the other kids they had just kind of face planted and then whined, but Buster wasn't having any of that. As soon as Sam put him down he got his head up and looked at the world from a whole new angle. He was probably looking for Dean, but Sam took it as a sign that Buster was going to be the world's greatest athlete.
"You're a little stinker. Are you looking for daddy?"
When Sam said the d-word Buster tried his very best to crane his neck, but he was still too young and after a good thirty second stretch his put down his head and started to gum the bedspread. Sam rolled him over right away and then laid down next to him so he could scratch his little belly some. He was still way smaller than he should have been, but the weight he had gained was all in his tummy. It was a pokey little thing and when Sam gently scratched it Buster would gurgle, sigh, and smile, which was the cutest thing in the world. Sam was dying to hear actual giggles, but Buster wasn't there yet, in fact he seemed to be holding back since he knew how powerful giggling babies were.
Sam had just decided to give Buster's belly a few kisses when he felt an absolutely frigid breeze blow through the bedroom. It was so cold that Buster even flinched and shivered some, but he didn't let it ruin his good times. It did sort of ruin Sam's good times because Gabe didn't blow into the room on a frozen breeze and it was about five minutes before midnight. Sam didn't even have to look up to know Gabe wasn't there because he could feel someone else's eyes watching him from across the room. There was no malice in the air, but Sam still picked Buster up off the bed and gently placed him in his bassinette so he could hopefully go back to sleep.
"I don't want you just showing up whenever you feel like it."
"I won't be showing up here again, Sam. I'm only here to make sure you're aware that I don't look forward to this assignment."
"And why is that?"
"Because I hardly think the man responsible for turning our brother against us deserves any special treatment."
"Well." Sam smiled. "Cas, it's a good thing that's not your decision to make."
Sam wasn't about to piss off their brand new protector, but he sure as hell didn't appreciate the implication that he was in any way responsible for anything Gabe did. Gabe was a big boy, and he was older than the sum of everyone Sam knew combined which meant he could make his own decisions. Cas, and probably a few colleagues seemed to think otherwise and that was fine, but Sam wasn't going to take shit from anyone especially in his own house.
"We were fine before you."
"I have nothing to do with anything that happened."
"Really?" Cas asked. "So you had nothing to do with Gabriel killing our father and taking his place?"
"No."
"You really believe that, don't you?"
Ideally Sam would have preferred to answer without missing a beat, but he took just a fraction of a moment to consider and that was all the angel needed. As far as expressions went Castiel wasn't a big fan, but he looked very pleased with himself, almost satisfied which made Sam want to slap the beginning of a grin clear off his face. Sam tried to save the moment by not saying anything, but it was too late. He let on that Gabe, while making his own decisions, had maybe done everything he had done for Sam or at the very least for the safety of the entire family. Still, Sam hadn't really asked for anything from Gabe, he hadn't led him on in any way, and for the record he wasn't down with the idea of killing God, that was everyone else's big plan.
"What's going on out here?" Dean asked as he exited the bathroom. "Everything okay?"
"We're just talking." Sam smiled. "Dean, you remember Cas."
"Yeah, hi, Caswell."
"That's not my name."
"Oh, what is it again?"
"You don't need to know. This is the last time you'll see me. I just came to talk."
"What if we need you?"
"You won't."
"But what if we do." Dean said. "If we call are you going to come?"
Cas managed another expression which was sort of like Dean had just asked him if he wanted to eat a big steaming bowl of horse shit for breakfast. He seemed borderline outraged, but then his expression completely changed. It went back to blank stoicism and he very softly nodded before disappearing. Sam had no idea what the hell that was about until he turned around and saw that it was midnight and Gabe had arrived. He just popped in and it was obvious he had spent the day settling into his new role which came complete with a wardrobe change.
Normally Gabe looked like a functioning alcoholic accountant which was actually exactly how Cas looked. Now he was dressed in a rather spectacularly cut black suit with a white shirt and black tie. His hair was perfectly smooth, his face was clean shaved, and he smelled incredible even from a distance. Dean smelled pretty good as well and having the two men he had the hots for in the same area, especially when one of them was wet, was really doing it for Sam.
"Was he bothering you?"
"Not at all." Sam said. "He has every right to voice his concerns."
"He'll do everything he can to keep you safe."
"He wants me really bad." Dean whispered. "I mean…really bad. He wants me more than a slutty amnesiac Sam wants me."
"I know, he told me. It's all he talks about."
"Seriously!"
"No, Dean." Gabe said. "That was a joke."
"Aw." Dean frowned. "Well, nice suit anyway."
"Thank you." Gabe smiled. "We have some matters to discuss before we do anything."
"What matters?" Sam asked. "Everything okay?"
"Just unfinished business."
Sam swallowed and then tried to remain completely calm. Dean tried to do the same, but he looked like he was seconds away from panicking. Luckily he managed to rein it in before Gabe noticed anything peculiar or at least more peculiar than usual. The problem, as Sam saw it wasn't any facial expressions or anything either of them said, Gabe was all powerful which meant every thought that entered their heads was fair game. Sam was deliberately trying to not think about anything in particular and he was hoping that Gabe was enough of a gentleman not to spy.
"Jason's son is nothing to be concerned about."
"Excuse me?"
"Jason's son." Gabe said again. "He'll be a perfectly normal little boy until which time he's old enough to make his own decisions."
"Decisions about what?"
"About his future. He'll be born between your world and ours."
"What's he going to be?" Sam asked. "I have trouble believing he'll be perfectly normal."
"He'll be the son of a fallen god. If he chooses to embrace his…other family we'll welcome him with open arms."
"As?"
"Sam, you seem very tense. I can assure you this is a much better deal than Jason and his child would have gotten. He's being given a choice."
"I'm not…tense. I just want to know what happens if he goes upstairs."
"We'll accept him as our God."
"And he'll still be Jason's son?"
"Of course. He doesn't have to choose one place to stay, just whether or not he wants to fulfill his birthright. If he doesn't want to I'll remain in control."
"Sounds fair." Dean said calmly. "Right, Sammy?"
"I suppose."
Sam wasn't sure about the baby and he really thought Jason and Angie should have been around to hear about his possible future employment opportunities. Because they weren't around and because Sam was trying to play it cool he decided to just agree when it came to the baby and not ask too many questions. Dean seemed fine with it or he was playing his part very well. Considering he had no idea what his part actually was Sam thought he was doing a damned good job.
"Castiel has agreed to act as your guardian, but he has belligerently informed me that he won't be getting into any fights he can't win."
"So when something really bad comes…"
"If such a threat arises he will seek help."
"Huh." Dean said. "Call for backup?"
"In a manner of speaking."
"That's fair enough." Sam smiled. "Can we get down to it now?"
"Are you two done talking?"
"We talked about it earlier."
"Were you around?" Dean asked. "I'm not completely on board, but this is what Sammy wants."
"I was going to check in but I've been preoccupied. Dean, would you mind if I spoke to Sam privately?"
"As long as you don't jerk off on him. I'm going to do my walkthrough, lockup the house, and maybe get a sandwich. Take your time."
"Dean, wait."
Sam felt pretty damn foolish for putting on a show earlier considering he was performing for an empty house. Still he had played it safe and just because Gabe wasn't spying didn't mean the whole discussion had been for nothing. Dean got to hear Sam's reasons why he wanted to be normal and he had a mostly genuine reaction, which meant his mind, his thoughts, were right where they were supposed to be. It was obvious now that Gabe wasn't going to be spying, but in case he got suspicious they'd be ready.
When Gabe walked towards Dean, Sam expected him to say something, but he stayed quiet. He just stood in front of Dean for a moment and stared into his eyes. Sam wasn't sure what was going on until he saw something on Dean's face. He looked disappointed, sad, and maybe a little scared. Then he looked over at Sam and he just looked sorry. He practically rushed out of the room after that which made Sam just a tiny bit nervous.
"What was that about?"
"Unfinished business." Gabe smiled. "Look how far we've come."
"What do you mean?"
"It seems like just yesterday I received word that I'd have to answer Aaron's prayers and tell him it was okay to love as his heart told him to. I felt like it was a burden until I met you."
"Gabe…"
"Knowing you, Sam." Gabe whispered. "Knowing your family, being a part of your family has been the greatest honor I have ever or will ever know."
"That's…that's past tense."
"I'm sorry, Sam."
"No." Sam said as he backed away. "No, not after…everything. You're not going to stand there and tell me that you're…"
"I'm leaving, Sam and I'm not coming back. I have to."
"Why?"
Sam really thought losing Abel would be the worst part of his day, but it was about to get a whole hell of a lot worse. Gabe looked so sad, his eyebrows were furrowed and it was obvious he was holding back a lot of raging emotions. Sam normally tried to do the same but he was exhausted and tired of losing people. There were probably hundreds of good reasons for Gabe to go, but Sam was only focused on the best reasons for him to stay. He loved him, he was one of his best friends, and they needed him. Losing him would be like losing Anthony or Auden and Sam wasn't ready for that in any way.
"It's not fair to you or me and it's certainly not fair to Dean. Your life will never be normal while I'm in it."
"I don't care."
"Yes, you do, Sam."
"But I love you."
"I love you, too. One day you'll understand how much."
"Gabe, don't…"
"Don't make this harder than it has to be, Sam. Look at me."
Sam shook his head and stared at the ground, but Gabe wasn't having that. He gently put his hand on Sam's chin and lifted his head up so they were face to face. Gabe had also lost his battle with stoicism and he had one little tear running out of his left eye. Sam was crying as well, but his one manly tear had a lot of company. Gabe was so beautiful inside and out and against his better judgment, Sam leaned into him, he let himself relax against his warm body, which felt comforting, safe, and utterly familiar.
When their lips met Sam felt everything pour out of him. The kiss was quick, friendly even, but the process of losing everything took about a minute. At first it was like stretching first thing in the morning, but then Sam's head felt much lighter while his limbs became heavier. His senses dulled, old aches came rushing back on, and for the first time in a long time Sam couldn't hear anything outside the room. He couldn't even hear Gabe's heartbeat anymore though he was sure it was there.
"You're completely ordinary now." Gabe said as he took a step back. "And still the most extraordinary man I have ever met."
"Thank you."
"I have to go now."
"What if I need you?"
"If you really need me, you'll know I'll be here. I promise."
"I need you now."
"No, you don't." Gabe said as he wiped under Sam's eyes. "I have something for you."
"What?"
"Insurance. I'll never forget you, Sam."
"Likewise."
Gabe reached into his pocket and placed something cold and metal in Sam's hand. Before he could even look at it Gabe grabbed him in his arms and held him close. He was holding on so tight, but it didn't last. Without saying a proper goodbye or leaving any last minute instructions he vanished leaving Sam in the bedroom alone with one last parting gift. Sam had just let it fall out of his hand to inspect it when Dean walked back into the bedroom. He obviously hadn't gone downstairs since he was upset too. His eyes were kind of red and puffy and he was frowning which Sam always hated to see.
The gift Gabe had given Sam was a rather plain looking necklace. The chain was either platinum or silver and the pendant in the middle of it was no bigger than a pencil eraser. It was a beautiful understated piece of jewelry that he could always keep with him and very few people would question what it was since it really did look like just a chain with a tiny pendant, but Sam knew it was more than that, a suspicion he confirmed when he held it up to the light.
The pendant itself was a tiny hollow bead of glass that was partially surrounded by metal. Sam knew the bead was hollow because Gabe had placed something precious inside which made the simple necklace the most valuable piece of jewelry in the world and completely priceless at the same time. There was no fragment of a rare stone or a long lost mineral from another time and place, instead there was just a glint of scarlet that glistened in the light.
"What is that?" Dean asked. "A ruby?"
"It's a drop of his blood." Sam sighed. "He gave it to me in case no one could get here to help."
"Oh…Did your plan work?"
"Yeah." Sam whispered. "This is what I wanted."
"What you wanted? You just gave up everything to get something that would make you even stronger?"
"That's exactly what I did." Sam said as he undid the clasp. "And he did exactly what I knew he would."
Sam did want to be normal, he always had, but he had also accepted long ago that he was never going to be the completely ordinary boy next door no matter what he did. The very moment Gabe killed God, Sam made a decision to do what was best for himself and more importantly for the future of his family. He wanted safety and security more than anything, and by giving up everything he had he managed to get the one thing he needed. He didn't expect it to come in a handy and attractive piece of jewelry he could pass down to the kids, that was just a nice surprised on top of a terrible one since he never thought Gabe would leave. Sam hadn't even considered that.
"What are you talking about?"
"Gabe gave me this so that if something comes I can crack it open, drink it down, and be ready to fight."
"Right. I got that."
"I needed him to doubt that everything would be okay, I needed you to doubt that just in case he was listening."
"Why?"
"Because a year ago…" Sam said before he shook his head. "A year ago I never imagined that God would resurrect a biblical monster to try and kill us. I never imagined he'd force our baby to be born early in an attempt to hijack our other son."
"You wanted his blood in case you ever have to kill him."
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I just want to be prepared."
"Wow." Dean whispered. "Uh…if he does come after us, is that going to be enough to stop him?"
"No, but I thought of that too."
Sam turned to the dresser behind him and reached inside to pull out a tiny vial that was not nearly as attractive as the pendant. Inside was ten whole drops of his blood from the tip of his finger. There was enough angel blood and demon remnants in there to raise a little bit of hell and if taken with Gabe's blood Sam was sure he could become powerful enough to even stop Vara if he had to. Going up against her and Gabe wasn't something Sam was expecting, but he had to be prepared and he didn't feel bad about a little deceit when it meant protecting himself and the kids.
"I guess you had it all figured out."
"Almost."
"You didn't count on him leaving, did you?"
"No." Sam laughed weakly. "What did he tell you?"
"That he'd miss us and that I had to watch out for you." Dean smiled. "I'm going to miss him too, Sammy."
"I know."
"Well, how do you feel?"
"Like I used to. Like I'm supposed to."
"Like a real boy?"
"Yeah, like a real boy."
"He'll come back eventually, Sam. I know he will."
"I hope you're right."
"Get in bed." Dean said before he pulled Sam close. "I'm going to go lock up and I'll be back in a minute."
"Okay."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Dean kissed Sam on his cheek and then went to really do his walkthrough for the night. Instead of putting the vial of blood back in the dresser Sam went into the closet and put it in the safe. It wasn't going to be completely safe from everyone in there, an oggie boogie could probably get to it if they tried, but it was at least going to be kept out of way in hopes that Sam would never need it. Before he closed the safe he even changed the combination and he planned on only sharing it with Dean.
After checking on and kissing Buster one last time Sam crawled into bed and made himself comfortable under the big lofty duvet cover. It felt like years since he had last slept and he was really looking forward to at least seven or maybe even eight hours if Buster let them sleep in. Dean made it back about two minutes later just when Sam was starting to drift off. He stayed awake long enough to pull Dean's arms around him and he fell asleep with the man he loved and all the power in the world hanging from the chain on his neck.
Please, Enjoy.
Title: All That Heaven Will Allow.
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen,
Rating :R
Words10,400/3,508,900
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Sam has a few demands to make of the world's new God.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
Sam dug by himself. Dean had offered to help, like he always did, and John thought it was his obligation. Even Jeremy said he'd dig, but Sam wanted to do it by himself and most of all he wanted to do it alone. He wanted to be alone in the garden with a simple shovel he had purchased at Home Depot to plant some roses and what was left of the demon who had been his brother. The body was about five feet away from the hole Sam was digging and it was covered in a very nice piece of cream colored silk that Dean had found in the attic.
The garden seemed like a perfectly appropriate spot for Abel. Not only was it beautiful even in the middle of Winter, but the kids were out there often. Sam spent hours tending to it and making sure everything was coming up when it should. Dean picked out all the weeds he saw, and Jeremy and Aaron walked through it everyday to get to the barn. Abel would always be around his family and Sam really thought that was all he ever wanted. He wanted to belong and he wanted to be close. Now he always would be and it was entirely Sam's fault.
If he hadn't been so hesitant, if he had been faster, or less afraid, Abel would still be alive. Sam hadn't killed him, but he felt like he let it happen. If Abel hadn't been there Sam was positive he could have kept Dean from getting hurt. Because he was there Sam had let him get in the line of fire and he was slow to react because he didn't really care what happened to Abel since he was a demon after all. Once he was gone, once he had died saving Dean's life, all that had changed and Sam felt sad, empty, and incredibly guilty.
"What are you doing?"
"What?" Sam asked as he looked up. "What are you doing here, Cooper?"
"Michael disappeared from school and Ryan asked me to find him. He was way up in a tree, like a honey bear. Like that Pooh bear."
"Right." Sam nodded. "He said you stayed with him, thank you."
"You're welcome, Sam. Your brother died."
"Yes, he did."
"I can dig for you."
"No, that's okay. I'd like to do it myself."
"Did you ask the angel to bring him back?"
"You should go see the kids and the baby." Sam said. "They're inside."
"May I hold the baby?"
"Of course."
"I can stay if you'd prefer."
Sam shook his head and tried his best to smile, but he didn't really have it in him. Cooper was pretty dense most of the time, but he quickly exited and headed for the house, probably due in large part to getting to hold Buster. Cooper seemed to really enjoy babies and unfortunately James had forbid him from holding Henry. Sam had no problem with Cooper holding Buster and neither did Dean. He had more kids than all of them put together so it was obvious he knew what he was doing when it came to babies, though Sam had ignore suggestions to store Buster in hollowed out tree when they couldn't find a baby sitter.
After Cooper was gone Sam went back to digging and tried to go a little faster even though he was completely exhausted. He wanted it to be done with because he didn't like the body being out in the open regardless of whether or not it was covered. Trying to dig faster didn't really work so well since Sam got about ten shovelfuls of dirt out of the hole before he started to weep again. It wasn't Cooper's fault, but if he hadn't shown up and asked the question everyone was bound to ask Sam wouldn't have gotten upset all over again.
Sam had asked Gabe to bring Abel back, in fact it was the first question out of his mouth once God was gone, where as Dean had asked if he was evil. Gabe said that he was almost positive he wasn't evil and that he couldn't bring Abel back. Sam then resorted to begging, pleading, and even trying himself, but Gabe had said couldn't as in it was impossible. Apparently when you personally got offed by God there wasn't anything to bring back. Every bit of Abel was gone, just like every bit of Dean would have been gone if it wasn't for the last minute heroics.
"Sammy."
"Dean, I asked you to let me do this alone. Please, I don't ask for much."
"You're exhausted." Dean said as he took the shovel. "This isn't your fault."
"Really? I pissed God off. I hesitated, I knew Abel was expendable and you weren't. I could have stopped him, even if it was just for a second. I could have stopped him and I froze up."
"Sammy…"
"We needed a few more seconds for Gabe to show up and everything…everything would be fine."
"No, it wouldn’t. We'd be inside celebrating with the kids and Abel would be somewhere alone because we wouldn't want him in the house. He was a hero. Sammy, he died happy I think."
"He died in horrible agonizing pain. You said so yourself."
"Maybe it just hurt me because I'm not as strong as him."
"Dean, please." Sam said. "Can we not talk about this right now? Just dig."
"Okay."
Dean was a good man because he was a really great digger and he did so in silence which was exactly what Sam wanted and needed. He appreciated that Dean was trying to make Abel's death something other than it was, but unfortunately Sam had seen it happen. He saw the scars left on Dean's chest and he barely got hit at all. Abel took the full brunt of the attack and it destroyed more than half of his body. His entire chest and most of his abdomen was gone, and the only reason he had held on as long as he did was because the demon managed to stay alive when a normal person would have died instantly.
The hole Sam started and Dean finished was six feet deep, but it wasn't a big rectangle capable of fitting a grown man flat on his back. It was sort of a long square because what was left of the body folded up a little bit. It was really horrible under the fabric, but once the hole was dug Sam still peeled it back just to make sure that Abel really was gone. He didn't feel anything and it had been hours since he died, but stranger things had happened and Sam was hoping for a miracle.
"Sammy."
"I wanted to make sure his eyes were still closed."
"We should finish this up. Mom made beef stew and the kids are all hungry."
"Okay."
"Do you want me to go get anyone else?"
"No, it should just be us." Sam nodded. "Help me move him?"
"Sure."
Sam covered the body back up and then he took one end of the heap and Dean took the other. They were so careful to place him in the ground gently and Dean even crawled down in the hole so they wouldn't have to drop him in. As soon as Dean was out of the hole Sam flicked his wrist and sent all the dirt tumbling down. He could have snapped his fingers and dug the hole as well, but he wanted to draw the process out a little so he could be alone. Once the hole was filled up Sam focused a tiny infinitesimal amount of his energy on the ground and willed the grass to grow back except for one spot in the middle. He already had a rose picked out to mark the grave and he had it planted, established, and blooming again in under a minute. It was a beautiful deep red with dark red tips which Sam thought was particularly fitting.
"How'd you get it to bloom?"
"Sped things up some."
"How's the extra mojo treating you?" Dean asked. "You feel okay?"
"I feel fine. I'm just tired."
"Why don't you go take a shower and then we can eat."
"I think I should say something."
"About?"
"Abel." Sam said. "One of us should…"
"Sammy."
"I just uh…" Sam laughed weakly. "Abel, you…you weren't a good man. You did a lot of terrible things, things we can never forgive you for, but in the end you were worthy of the Winchester name."
"Thank you." Dean said. "I'll never forget what you selflessly did for me."
"And you're our brother."
"And we'll miss you."
Sam wanted to say so much more, if it was Jeremy or Aaron in the ground he'd be able to talk to hours because he knew them so well and they were both extraordinary men. Abel wasn't even a man and he was extraordinary in all the wrong ways. Sam completely realized and accepted that he was grieving more than people thought he should, but he couldn't help it. Someone, someone who was sort of a family member, had just died and he died to save Dean. There was no other way to look at it, no other way to pretend that he was trying to do something else. He jumped in front of Dean knowing the attack would kill him and he did it without even a moment's hesitation. Sam considered losing a man like that a real loss and he was going to grieve as much as he wanted to for as long as he wanted to.
Once they got back to the house Sam avoided the kids and snuck upstairs alone because he was still filthy and covered in dried blood. Dean had already showered so he went to hang out with them while Sam did the same. The hot water felt incredible on his bare skin, but Sam couldn't stop staring at the shower drain. The water that was running into it was a dark sort of rusty brown, a sick mix of dirt, monster guts, and even a little of Abel's blood. It took about ten minutes for the water to run clear and it just got muddy again once Sam began to scrub at himself with soap and wash out his positively grimy hair.
After he was clean from head to toe Sam stepped out of the shower and went to grab a towel that someone was handing to him. Obviously the only person who belonged in the bathroom while Sam was showering was Dean, but Gabe had already seen him at his best and his worst and in his birthday suit, so it obviously didn't really matter. Still Sam accepted the towel and promptly wrapped it around his waist where Gabe most certainly hadn't been looking. He was keeping eye contact which made him sort of a gentlemanly peeping tom.
"How are you, Sam?"
"Fine." Sam said. "Are you God now?"
"I suppose I am."
"Are you going to make us bow down before you or be destroyed?"
"I hadn't planned on it." Gabe said. "Sam, about Abel…"
"Unless you can bring him back I don't want to talk about him right now."
"He loved you all very much."
"I don't want to talk about it, Gabe. Please, just…drop it."
"Very well."
"Where's Vara?"
"She's decided to no longer interfere here. She asked me to tell you goodbye."
Sam scoffed a little and then slipped out of the towel and into his robe. It was so typical that some truly omnipotent higher power was going to skip town just when they really needed help. Sam understood that when it came to Abel there really was nothing to bring back, but it still would have been nice to Vara to say goodbye in person. Sam was really going to miss her which meant he had lost someone else and the day wasn't over yet.
"So we'll never see her again?"
"Well, we should never say never."
"What about you?" Sam asked. "You okay with what you did?"
"I did what had to be done."
"And how's everyone else going to feel?"
"Lucifer murdered nearly everyone who would oppose me. Those who survived…I don't think they'll have a problem with my choices."
"Because you're all powerful?"
"Exactly."
"Good." Sam nodded. "I need you to do a few things for me."
"All you need do is ask, Sam."
Sam needed a moment, really more than a moment to get his pigs all in a row so to speak. While he thought long and hard about what he was about to say he washed his face, brushed his teeth, and rubbed down his arms with Dean's favorite lotion so that he'd be soft, loveable, and kissable. Gabe was paying very close attention, but the expression on his face never changed which meant he was all powerful, but still a gentleman since he didn't read all the downright insane thoughts Sam was having. He knew they were crazy and that his requests would change more than just the world, but the world owed Sam and he was ready to collect.
"Kill everyone in hell."
"Done."
"Then shut it down. Lucifer's gone, there's no reason to keep it open for business."
"Sam, some souls deserve hell."
"Not anymore. When those people die they die. Can you make that happen?"
"Of course." Gabe said. "I suppose it is a backwards notion to begin with."
"Ya think?"
The very idea of hell made no sense to Sam. He understood people who had done bad while they were alive deserving to be punished, but hell wasn't a prison, it was a recycling factory. Clay for instance deserved to rot for eternity, but somehow demons kept finding ways out of the pit and they'd come back worse than they went in on account of the never ending torture. Sam was done with demons and the only way to make sure they were all gone for good was to shut down the factory.
"I suppose you're not done."
"Hardly. You get whoever you have left upstairs to supervise my family and friends around the clock. I want any threats taken care of without any of us knowing about it."
"Do you trust Castiel?"
"I trust you. Do you trust him?"
"Yes. I'll put him in charge."
"I don't want to know he's there. I don't want anything to get past him."
"Understood."
"I want clean and clear water across the entire planet and nothing but fertile soil underfoot."
"I can manage that as well. Anything else?"
"One more thing." Sam said. "Before you head back up to heaven you take everything I have with you and leave me as an ordinary man."
"Ex…excuse me?"
"I don't want anything, you take it all away."
Sam's simplest request, which was actually a demand, seemed to stump Gabe more than the others. For the longest time he didn't say anything, he just stood and stared, sometimes directly at Sam and sometimes at nothing in particular. He was having a hard time with the request, but Sam wasn't. He knew what he wanted and he intended on getting it. God had said Sam was stuck with the power he had, but looking back it seemed like a lot of what he said was bullshit. Even if it was true it was obvious that Gabe's upgrade from Vara had left him considerably more powerful so a good deep clean should have been cake for him.
"Surely you mean the excess of power you got from Lucifer."
"And you and whoever the hell else. I want to be as plain and ordinary as a slice of white bread."
"Why?" Gabe asked. "Why on Earth would you give up such an amazing gift?"
"Gift?" Sam laughed. "Because of this gift my life has at times been a living hell. Because of this gift I got to see Christ get crucified and it's something I may never get over and because of this gift my brother is dead."
"He was a demon, Sam. I think you're overreacting to his death. The only admirable thing he ever did was save Dean."
"That was enough." Sam said. "I want it gone."
"I don't understand why."
"Because…if there's a gang the police confront they're going to focus on the man with the gun first. I don't want to be the man with the gun anymore."
Something was always going to be out there and eventually something would come along that could slip right under an angel's radar. Dean had really gotten Sam thinking about power and what it did and where it came from. If Sam was the strongest person in the world it would only be a matter of time before someone or something else started looking for a challenge. If he was just like everyone else he figured that they'd have to look elsewhere which meant he could be safe and happy with his family which was all he wanted out of life.
"What happens when something comes and you're left defenseless?"
"If I really was defenseless that means you'd try even harder to keep us safe."
"You think I won't do that anyway? If anything happened to you, Sam, to any of you, I don't think I could live with myself."
"I know…Gabe, this is what I want. If you care about me you'll do this for me."
"That's not fair. That's saying if I don't do it then I don't care and you know I do."
"Please, Gabe. I'm so tired."
Sam's eyes were welling up, but he wouldn't allow himself to actually cry. If he started he wasn't going to stop for a good long while and that wasn't an option since the kids were waiting to eat dinner and Sam was actually pretty hungry himself. When Gabe saw the tears starting to form his expression softened some and he held out his hand for Sam to take. They were having another one of those moments that made Sam feel like he was sixteen years old again, but nothing would come from it. All Gabe did was bring Sam's hand to his mouth and gently kiss it before he held it close to his chest.
"Anything for you."
"Thank you." Sam said. "Thank you, Gabe."
"After you think about it."
"I have thought about it."
"Then think some more, discuss it with Dean, and I'll be back at midnight."
"I won't change my mind."
"I'm sure you won't, but this isn't a decision you can make on your own. It affects your entire family."
"Okay."
"I'll be back."
"I'll be here."
"Okay." Gabe nodded. "I…"
"What?"
"Sam, I want you to know that…if I could bring him back, I would."
"I know you would." Sam smiled. "I appreciate that."
Gabe left without another word. He was there one second and gone the next, which was okay with Sam because he was ready for dinner, hopefully a quick chat with Dean, and then a long life of boring normality. When he looked in the mirror he even forced a smile because the thought of being like everyone else was very appealing to him and he hoped Dean would agree. The smile wasn't really genuine because he was still too upset about Abel, but as long as Sam didn't lose anyone else he knew he'd be okay in time.
Dean had several things on his mind while he ate dinner. First and foremost was that Carol's beef stew, when compared to Sam's, tasted like brown water and meat sweat. It was good, but Sam made some really amazing beef stew that he'd serve over mounds of buttery sweet mashed potatoes with the skins still on. Carol had the potatoes in the stew and she served it over rice. Dean didn't really mind the rice, but he had been all geared up for Sam's beef stew and unfortunately Carol's fell short. Still, food was food so he ate and helped Mary eat.
The other thing Dean was thinking about was the fancy sparkle hooker baby winter festival, which Ollie apparently hadn't stopped talking about all day. He had to call Andrew to get western wear recommendations, he wanted to look online for the perfect casual wear, and he actually made John call and book Billy to do his hair for the big event. Considering how much Billy charged Dean thought maybe he'd have to have a talk with Ollie, but he was just too excited and no one liked a buzz kill.
The third and final thing on Dean's mind, which probably should have been the most important, was the little bombshell Sam dropped seconds before everyone sat down to eat. He waited until everyone was around and hungry before he said he was giving up the mojo leaving Dean completely unable to ask questions, voice concerns, or even really understand what the hell he meant. Not knowing what was going on was the only reason Dean didn't push the announcement to the forefront of his mind, something he planned on doing as soon as the coast was clear.
"And a only need to decide on a talent. A wish on days like these a knew someone wit talents."
"Dude." Mikey said. "Seriously?"
"Oh, a right, Mikey! Evan does dancing! Evan, what do a think?"
"You are going to wake up the fury!" Ethan yelled. "That's what I call my fists!"
"Wha!"
"Settle down." Sam sighed. "Ollie…"
"He wanna punch me in a handsome face! Ya so jealous of a sparkly big boy pageant."
"Pretty sure it's for babies!"
"Wha!"
"Ethan." Dean whispered. "It's for big boys."
"Ya hear him, Ethan!"
"Yeah." Ethan said before he rolled his eyes. "It's so not for babies."
"Ollie, maybe you should sing a song." Evan suggested. "Or do tricks with Oinkers."
"Huh…a would be unstoppable wit Oinkahs…"
"The rules don't allow live props." Michael said. "I checked."
"Dang it!"
"You doing okay?" Dean asked. "Eat up."
"I'm fine." Michael smiled. "Just uh…so excited about the sparkle baby hooker festival."
"Oh, is gonna be the bombdiggity."
Michael was sort of pushing his food around and normally he had a pretty good appetite. Apparently Cooper had found him at the top of a twenty foot tree shaking and barely hanging on while he quietly sobbed to himself. It took Aaron and Cooper to get him out of the tree and then quite a bit more convincing that they were who they said they were. Michael getting caught in the middle of everything really pissed Dean off, but he was strong, he had been through worse, and eventually he'd be okay. Alex, as always, knew when Michael wasn't one hundred percent so he dropped his hand under the table and squeezed his leg, at least Dean was hoping that's what he was squeezing.
"Daddy." Mary whispered. "Daddy."
"Yes, baby?"
"Carrots. Daddy busy."
When Dean looked over Sam was in the middle of wiping beef stew off the top of Milo's head. Since he was distracted Dean had the perfect opportunity to push his carrots on to Mary's plate in exchange for her meat, which she wasn't a big fan of. She only had a couple of pieces but Dean gladly took them so he could get rid of his carrots which were complete mush. Mikey noticed the handoff and so did Carol, but neither of them said anything when Dean gave them the eyes. He then gave Mary a kiss for seeing an opportunity and seizing it.
"I guess there was an incident with a bird." Michael told Ollie. "It stole someone's wig during a pageant."
"Wigs! If a don't have nice hair then why would a even try?"
"Preach, brother."
"A will, Mifoo! Pawpaw tells me there is a special store for a buckaroos. He said we can go and he can get me whatever The Beans wants."
"He said that?" Sam asked. "Really?"
"Yep!"
"He said when we go visit him we need to get working clothes." Mikey said. "To herd cattle."
"I was thinking I'd take the kids up there tomorrow morning." John said. "We'll spend the night and come back on Thursday afternoon in time for the premiere. I was going to wait until next weekend but…"
"That's a good idea, dad." Sam smiled. "Are you guys looking forward to that?"
"Party!" Milo screeched. "Big boy party!"
"A party, daddy!"
"You'll both be back in time for your party."
"My party!"
"Yes." Sam nodded. "Your party…and Mary's."
"Oh, daddy." Milo sighed. "I don't know."
"What don't you know?"
Milo consider the question for a second and then made a scrunched up rat face before climbing into Sam's lap. He did seem like he expected his own party completely separate from Mary's, but they had all the same friends and obviously the same family so separate parties weren't going to happen. Dean was sure in the future once they were a little older they might want to do their own thing, but for the time being, at least until they were teenagers it was one party, which Mary was fine with and really Milo was too because Sam was going to be there and he'd probably kiss on him pretty often.
Dean thought the idea of talking the kids to hang out with Andrew was a spectacular one. Not only would the kids love to spend the day and night on a real working farm, but Dean was looking forward to downtime with the two most handsome men he knew. He could hang out and decompress with Sam and then spend lots of quality time with Buster who was happily playing with his fingers next to the dining room table. When Dean saw he was awake he scooped him up into his arms and held him up so he could see everything that was going on.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think the kids can sleep over tonight? I was thinking me and Alex might go see pawpaw too. We can leave early."
"What about school?" Dean asked. "What classes do you have tomorrow?"
"Nothin' I cain't miss."
Dean looked over at Sam who very quickly gave him the 'yes' eyes. Normally neither of them were a fan of Michael missing his very important, not to mention expensive classes, but he had the exact same schedule as Ryan so anything he missed he could have access to very easily. After the morning he had Michael probably deserved a day off and school was gearing up for a long weekend anyway, so there was no reason he couldn't duck out a day early. Not only were the kids going to do him a world of good, but he really loved Andrew and cows for some reason.
"Yeah, that's fine. Milo, can Michael go to pawpaw's with you?"
"Woah ho ho ho ho ho!" Milo laughed as he grabbed his tummy. "Think so, mommy."
"What about me?" Alex asked. "May I come?"
"No."
"Yes!" Mary said as she scowled at Milo. "Say please."
"Please may I come?"
"You may."
"That's my good girl." Dean smiled. "Mom, dinner was fantastic."
"It doesn't taste like Sam's."
"No, it surely doesn't!"
"Hey!"
Once everyone had finished eating Dean sent them on their way. Carol really wanted to stick around to clean up and regardless of what anyone else wanted she usually got her way, in fact Mary seemed to always get her way as well. It was something about Winchester women so Dean was secretly a little glad he only had to deal with two of them on a regular basis. Because Carol was around Dean expected Sam to wait a while before they started talking, but apparently he felt perfectly comfortable with her. Before Dean even had a bottle in Buster's mouth Sam just blurted it out as if he was announcing tomorrow's weather forecast.
"Gabe's coming back at midnight to strip me of all my crazy powers."
"What does that mean exactly?"
"I'll be just like everyone else…well, I'll be like dad…you know, normal."
"He's far from normal." Carol said. "You mean you won't…you won't be able to do anything anymore?"
"That is correct."
"You've always wanted that, haven't you?"
"Yeah, I have, and now I can get it. Gabe can take care of us, I won't need to be so…special."
Dean sighed very quietly and then spent the next minute pretending to fuss with Buster who needed no help whatsoever with his bottle beside someone to hold it. Dean had to buy a little time because he didn't know what to say or even what Sam would have liked for him to say. Obviously Dean would have loved to have Sam be completely absolutely run of the mill normal in everyway. In fact if they could keep the money and the influence Dean would have even preferred Sam not be famous. He didn't want people hounding him in the grocery store, taking his picture on the street, or yanking his hair out at public events. He certainly didn't want Sam to have the same type of power the devil had, but Dean had always recognized the very big difference between wants and needs.
He wanted Sam normal, but there was a very good chance they'd need him with all the mojo he could muster. If Sam was left vulnerable Gabe would do everything in his power to keep them safe. He'd go above and beyond, but there was always that chance he'd look the other way, he'd rest his eyes, or something else would come up and someone or some thing would get through. Dean wanted to be the optimist that believed things would always be okay with the top gun watching over them, but unfortunately he was realistic.
"Sammy, I…what are you…"
Sam was cleaning off the counter with an almost painful concentration. He was pressing so hard with the sponge that Dean could see his fingers turning white from the pressure. It seemed like something had already gone wrong, but then Dean caught something, just something very subtle, something no one else would have noticed, Carol certainly didn't notice, she just looked worried and concerned. What Dean saw was the tiny flinch of Sam's head from side to side. It was a very quick movement, but Dean saw it, unfortunately he didn’t know what the hell it meant. He was going to have to swing wild and hope for the best so he assumed that the head shake meant 'no' as in 'don't agree with me'.
"This is a terrible idea." Dean said as his eyes scanned the room. "You'll be vulnerable, we'll all be vulnerable."
"No, I won't." Sam said as he relaxed. "Gabe is going to take care of us. He won't let anyone hurt us."
"He can't always be around, Sam."
When Dean said that Sam's eyes went wide for just a second, which said pretty much everything. Apparently Gabe was either in the room listening or listening from above and Sam wanted him to hear the argument over what to do. Carol even picked up on it and instead of looking around she looked down into the sink and kept on washing the dishes. There was an odd tension in the room like Dean was up on a stage in front of hundreds of people only he didn't really know what the crowd was like or what part he was supposed to be playing.
"He cares about us Dean, you know he does."
"I know that and we care about him."
"Your father loved you both." Carol said. "Something still happened."
"Exactly."
"Gabe's not dad. He won't let anything happen."
"I just don't think this is a good idea."
"Well, it's not your choice to make."
"We make decisions together!"
Sam actually looked a little taken aback by Dean's masterful outburst, but then Buster was too. He stopped sucking on his bottle and immediately began to cry. Dean put him over his shoulder as quickly as he could and began to rub his back while Sam, at the same time, was busy with a project of his own. Instead of coming over to comfort Buster he took a big jar of salt out of his spice cabinet, put it on the counter, and then 'accidentally' knocked it over. The lid popped right off and there was a pile of white against the dark stone, which made Dean and Carol both move in a little closer.
While Sam whispered to Buster that everything was okay, he made slow, but deliberate movements with his hands. It looked like he was going to sweep the salt right off the counter and back into the jar, but instead he leveled the pile out giving himself a little room. Sam dragged his finger through the salt and shakily wrote out the words 'trust me' before very quickly sweeping the message away. He did it so quickly that Dean barely had time to read the message since he was looking at it upside down, but he got it and so did Carol.
"Dean, I know you two always make decisions together, but this is something Sam has wanted for a really long time."
"She's right." Sam said as he nodded slowly. "I have. You should want what's best for me."
"I do, baby, but I'm still not sure it's best for everyone."
"I know it is."
While Dean kissed on Buster's ear he began to wonder if they were acting at all. He really wasn't sure Sam was making the best choice, but then he wasn't as against it as he was pretending to be. At the end of the day they absolutely did make decisions as a couple when it came to the entire family, but it was going to have to be Sam's call. He was the one who was, at times, suffering, he had been through the most, and if something wasn't done there was a chance he might have to kill more giant monsters, snake women, or even angels. Dean didn't want that and he knew Sam didn't either.
The main problem Dean was having was that without Sam they were sitting ducks. If Gabe was always going to watch out for them then it seemed like everything would be fine, but it also seemed unlikely he was always going to be there especially considering his new position of power. If something bad came, something really bad, without Sam or Gabe they'd all be goners. Aaron and Jeremy could hold their own and James was pretty strong, but they didn't stand a chance against something like Maet, Lucifer, or God.
"What if Gabe misses something?"
"Cas is always going to be around watching us."
"So what happens if he gets pissed off and turns on us?"
"He won't."
"Okay." Dean sighed. "Just tell me what we do if something shows up that takes Caswell out and Gabe can't get here in time."
"Dean, he's insanely powerful right now."
"Just humor me."
"Humor both of us." Carol said. "He has a point, Sam."
"I've got salt all over my hands. We're all just going to have to have a little faith. This is happening, whether I have your support or not."
Sam was telling them both to trust him without actually saying it. Obviously that was something they were going to have to do because Dean had no idea what was really going on and he didn't want to think about it too much in case Gabe was the spying type. After they all agreed without actually agreeing Carol quickly finished up the dishes, kissed Buster about a dozen times and then went to join John and the kids next door. Once she was gone the conversation was over, Sam had ended it just by glancing Dean's way, which was indication enough.
Dean was very tired after a really long day and he wanted nothing more than to head upstairs and cuddle with Buster and Sam until Gabe showed up. He was about suggest that when Sam took his hand and led him towards the backdoor. It was dark out and getting colder everyday so Dean grabbed a blanket off the coat rack and wrapped Buster up before putting a knit hat on his head. Sam didn't even have to say where they were going because Dean knew as soon as they stared to walk down the back hallway.
"Did you hear what Jeremy said to me when we got home?"
"I might have been in the shower."
"He said I was being ridiculous. Do you think I am too?"
"No, Sammy." Dean said as he shook his head. "No one can tell you how to mourn."
"I know he was bad."
"He was trying, that's what counts."
"Will you sit with me out here for a little while?"
"I think that'd be nice. Maybe we can get a bench. You picked a nice spot in the garden."
"He'd like it, right?"
Dean nodded and then sat down in the cold grass next to Sam. Buster seemed totally confused since he liked a strict schedule and after dinner he got a bath, his favorite pajamas, and several kisses. Since it was cool out Dean held him close and stroked back his dark brown curls while Sam just stared at the rosebush. He was taking Abel's death a lot harder than Dean expected but he certainly wasn't being ridiculous, Jeremy just didn't understand and he had every right to not really care about the demon.
"If he had just died…I don't think I would have been as upset."
"What do you mean?"
"Like if God had just killed him." Sam said. "It's because he died saving you."
"Yeah, I get that."
"Why do you think he did it?"
"Honestly?"
"Please."
Dean took a deep breath and then sighed heavily before he thought of how to word his answer. He had at least twenty different theories swimming through his head. Some were noble, some were devious, and others really were downright selfless in every sense of the word. The thing that really struck Dean was how quickly Abel had thrown himself into the line of fire. There wasn't a single moment's hesitation, it was almost like he knew what was going to happen, or he had plotted out all the possible outcomes and prepared for the worst case scenario. Death wasn't the worst thing that could have happened in Gabon, in fact everyone dying might have been better for the sake of the world.
"I think he knew all three of us weren't going to make it." Dean said. "He was willing to die and I'm…he was probably willing to let you die as well because Gabe would have found a way to bring you back. He was never going to let me die."
"Why? He wasn't exactly your biggest fan."
"No, he wasn't." Dean laughed. "But if something happened to me…with all that raw power coursing through your veins…Sammy, I'm not sure you would have come back from that. He stopped that from happening."
"You think I'm bad?"
"Of course not…but right now it wouldn't take much."
Dean felt like a dick for saying it, but he was right and it was obvious Sam at least partially agreed. He smiled some, looked back at the rosebush and then wiped at his eyes. Dean could just barely make out the tears in the moonlight so he scooted over, kept Buster in one arm, and put the other around Sam while they waited for midnight and spent some time with their little brother, who would always be missed.
Buster was up to something and because he was Dean's son Sam assumed it was no good. It was way past his bedtime and he was wide awake after an hour long power nap. Sam had taken the opportunity to have a little bit of tummy time while Dean was in the shower and Buster was oddly alert. With the other kids they had just kind of face planted and then whined, but Buster wasn't having any of that. As soon as Sam put him down he got his head up and looked at the world from a whole new angle. He was probably looking for Dean, but Sam took it as a sign that Buster was going to be the world's greatest athlete.
"You're a little stinker. Are you looking for daddy?"
When Sam said the d-word Buster tried his very best to crane his neck, but he was still too young and after a good thirty second stretch his put down his head and started to gum the bedspread. Sam rolled him over right away and then laid down next to him so he could scratch his little belly some. He was still way smaller than he should have been, but the weight he had gained was all in his tummy. It was a pokey little thing and when Sam gently scratched it Buster would gurgle, sigh, and smile, which was the cutest thing in the world. Sam was dying to hear actual giggles, but Buster wasn't there yet, in fact he seemed to be holding back since he knew how powerful giggling babies were.
Sam had just decided to give Buster's belly a few kisses when he felt an absolutely frigid breeze blow through the bedroom. It was so cold that Buster even flinched and shivered some, but he didn't let it ruin his good times. It did sort of ruin Sam's good times because Gabe didn't blow into the room on a frozen breeze and it was about five minutes before midnight. Sam didn't even have to look up to know Gabe wasn't there because he could feel someone else's eyes watching him from across the room. There was no malice in the air, but Sam still picked Buster up off the bed and gently placed him in his bassinette so he could hopefully go back to sleep.
"I don't want you just showing up whenever you feel like it."
"I won't be showing up here again, Sam. I'm only here to make sure you're aware that I don't look forward to this assignment."
"And why is that?"
"Because I hardly think the man responsible for turning our brother against us deserves any special treatment."
"Well." Sam smiled. "Cas, it's a good thing that's not your decision to make."
Sam wasn't about to piss off their brand new protector, but he sure as hell didn't appreciate the implication that he was in any way responsible for anything Gabe did. Gabe was a big boy, and he was older than the sum of everyone Sam knew combined which meant he could make his own decisions. Cas, and probably a few colleagues seemed to think otherwise and that was fine, but Sam wasn't going to take shit from anyone especially in his own house.
"We were fine before you."
"I have nothing to do with anything that happened."
"Really?" Cas asked. "So you had nothing to do with Gabriel killing our father and taking his place?"
"No."
"You really believe that, don't you?"
Ideally Sam would have preferred to answer without missing a beat, but he took just a fraction of a moment to consider and that was all the angel needed. As far as expressions went Castiel wasn't a big fan, but he looked very pleased with himself, almost satisfied which made Sam want to slap the beginning of a grin clear off his face. Sam tried to save the moment by not saying anything, but it was too late. He let on that Gabe, while making his own decisions, had maybe done everything he had done for Sam or at the very least for the safety of the entire family. Still, Sam hadn't really asked for anything from Gabe, he hadn't led him on in any way, and for the record he wasn't down with the idea of killing God, that was everyone else's big plan.
"What's going on out here?" Dean asked as he exited the bathroom. "Everything okay?"
"We're just talking." Sam smiled. "Dean, you remember Cas."
"Yeah, hi, Caswell."
"That's not my name."
"Oh, what is it again?"
"You don't need to know. This is the last time you'll see me. I just came to talk."
"What if we need you?"
"You won't."
"But what if we do." Dean said. "If we call are you going to come?"
Cas managed another expression which was sort of like Dean had just asked him if he wanted to eat a big steaming bowl of horse shit for breakfast. He seemed borderline outraged, but then his expression completely changed. It went back to blank stoicism and he very softly nodded before disappearing. Sam had no idea what the hell that was about until he turned around and saw that it was midnight and Gabe had arrived. He just popped in and it was obvious he had spent the day settling into his new role which came complete with a wardrobe change.
Normally Gabe looked like a functioning alcoholic accountant which was actually exactly how Cas looked. Now he was dressed in a rather spectacularly cut black suit with a white shirt and black tie. His hair was perfectly smooth, his face was clean shaved, and he smelled incredible even from a distance. Dean smelled pretty good as well and having the two men he had the hots for in the same area, especially when one of them was wet, was really doing it for Sam.
"Was he bothering you?"
"Not at all." Sam said. "He has every right to voice his concerns."
"He'll do everything he can to keep you safe."
"He wants me really bad." Dean whispered. "I mean…really bad. He wants me more than a slutty amnesiac Sam wants me."
"I know, he told me. It's all he talks about."
"Seriously!"
"No, Dean." Gabe said. "That was a joke."
"Aw." Dean frowned. "Well, nice suit anyway."
"Thank you." Gabe smiled. "We have some matters to discuss before we do anything."
"What matters?" Sam asked. "Everything okay?"
"Just unfinished business."
Sam swallowed and then tried to remain completely calm. Dean tried to do the same, but he looked like he was seconds away from panicking. Luckily he managed to rein it in before Gabe noticed anything peculiar or at least more peculiar than usual. The problem, as Sam saw it wasn't any facial expressions or anything either of them said, Gabe was all powerful which meant every thought that entered their heads was fair game. Sam was deliberately trying to not think about anything in particular and he was hoping that Gabe was enough of a gentleman not to spy.
"Jason's son is nothing to be concerned about."
"Excuse me?"
"Jason's son." Gabe said again. "He'll be a perfectly normal little boy until which time he's old enough to make his own decisions."
"Decisions about what?"
"About his future. He'll be born between your world and ours."
"What's he going to be?" Sam asked. "I have trouble believing he'll be perfectly normal."
"He'll be the son of a fallen god. If he chooses to embrace his…other family we'll welcome him with open arms."
"As?"
"Sam, you seem very tense. I can assure you this is a much better deal than Jason and his child would have gotten. He's being given a choice."
"I'm not…tense. I just want to know what happens if he goes upstairs."
"We'll accept him as our God."
"And he'll still be Jason's son?"
"Of course. He doesn't have to choose one place to stay, just whether or not he wants to fulfill his birthright. If he doesn't want to I'll remain in control."
"Sounds fair." Dean said calmly. "Right, Sammy?"
"I suppose."
Sam wasn't sure about the baby and he really thought Jason and Angie should have been around to hear about his possible future employment opportunities. Because they weren't around and because Sam was trying to play it cool he decided to just agree when it came to the baby and not ask too many questions. Dean seemed fine with it or he was playing his part very well. Considering he had no idea what his part actually was Sam thought he was doing a damned good job.
"Castiel has agreed to act as your guardian, but he has belligerently informed me that he won't be getting into any fights he can't win."
"So when something really bad comes…"
"If such a threat arises he will seek help."
"Huh." Dean said. "Call for backup?"
"In a manner of speaking."
"That's fair enough." Sam smiled. "Can we get down to it now?"
"Are you two done talking?"
"We talked about it earlier."
"Were you around?" Dean asked. "I'm not completely on board, but this is what Sammy wants."
"I was going to check in but I've been preoccupied. Dean, would you mind if I spoke to Sam privately?"
"As long as you don't jerk off on him. I'm going to do my walkthrough, lockup the house, and maybe get a sandwich. Take your time."
"Dean, wait."
Sam felt pretty damn foolish for putting on a show earlier considering he was performing for an empty house. Still he had played it safe and just because Gabe wasn't spying didn't mean the whole discussion had been for nothing. Dean got to hear Sam's reasons why he wanted to be normal and he had a mostly genuine reaction, which meant his mind, his thoughts, were right where they were supposed to be. It was obvious now that Gabe wasn't going to be spying, but in case he got suspicious they'd be ready.
When Gabe walked towards Dean, Sam expected him to say something, but he stayed quiet. He just stood in front of Dean for a moment and stared into his eyes. Sam wasn't sure what was going on until he saw something on Dean's face. He looked disappointed, sad, and maybe a little scared. Then he looked over at Sam and he just looked sorry. He practically rushed out of the room after that which made Sam just a tiny bit nervous.
"What was that about?"
"Unfinished business." Gabe smiled. "Look how far we've come."
"What do you mean?"
"It seems like just yesterday I received word that I'd have to answer Aaron's prayers and tell him it was okay to love as his heart told him to. I felt like it was a burden until I met you."
"Gabe…"
"Knowing you, Sam." Gabe whispered. "Knowing your family, being a part of your family has been the greatest honor I have ever or will ever know."
"That's…that's past tense."
"I'm sorry, Sam."
"No." Sam said as he backed away. "No, not after…everything. You're not going to stand there and tell me that you're…"
"I'm leaving, Sam and I'm not coming back. I have to."
"Why?"
Sam really thought losing Abel would be the worst part of his day, but it was about to get a whole hell of a lot worse. Gabe looked so sad, his eyebrows were furrowed and it was obvious he was holding back a lot of raging emotions. Sam normally tried to do the same but he was exhausted and tired of losing people. There were probably hundreds of good reasons for Gabe to go, but Sam was only focused on the best reasons for him to stay. He loved him, he was one of his best friends, and they needed him. Losing him would be like losing Anthony or Auden and Sam wasn't ready for that in any way.
"It's not fair to you or me and it's certainly not fair to Dean. Your life will never be normal while I'm in it."
"I don't care."
"Yes, you do, Sam."
"But I love you."
"I love you, too. One day you'll understand how much."
"Gabe, don't…"
"Don't make this harder than it has to be, Sam. Look at me."
Sam shook his head and stared at the ground, but Gabe wasn't having that. He gently put his hand on Sam's chin and lifted his head up so they were face to face. Gabe had also lost his battle with stoicism and he had one little tear running out of his left eye. Sam was crying as well, but his one manly tear had a lot of company. Gabe was so beautiful inside and out and against his better judgment, Sam leaned into him, he let himself relax against his warm body, which felt comforting, safe, and utterly familiar.
When their lips met Sam felt everything pour out of him. The kiss was quick, friendly even, but the process of losing everything took about a minute. At first it was like stretching first thing in the morning, but then Sam's head felt much lighter while his limbs became heavier. His senses dulled, old aches came rushing back on, and for the first time in a long time Sam couldn't hear anything outside the room. He couldn't even hear Gabe's heartbeat anymore though he was sure it was there.
"You're completely ordinary now." Gabe said as he took a step back. "And still the most extraordinary man I have ever met."
"Thank you."
"I have to go now."
"What if I need you?"
"If you really need me, you'll know I'll be here. I promise."
"I need you now."
"No, you don't." Gabe said as he wiped under Sam's eyes. "I have something for you."
"What?"
"Insurance. I'll never forget you, Sam."
"Likewise."
Gabe reached into his pocket and placed something cold and metal in Sam's hand. Before he could even look at it Gabe grabbed him in his arms and held him close. He was holding on so tight, but it didn't last. Without saying a proper goodbye or leaving any last minute instructions he vanished leaving Sam in the bedroom alone with one last parting gift. Sam had just let it fall out of his hand to inspect it when Dean walked back into the bedroom. He obviously hadn't gone downstairs since he was upset too. His eyes were kind of red and puffy and he was frowning which Sam always hated to see.
The gift Gabe had given Sam was a rather plain looking necklace. The chain was either platinum or silver and the pendant in the middle of it was no bigger than a pencil eraser. It was a beautiful understated piece of jewelry that he could always keep with him and very few people would question what it was since it really did look like just a chain with a tiny pendant, but Sam knew it was more than that, a suspicion he confirmed when he held it up to the light.
The pendant itself was a tiny hollow bead of glass that was partially surrounded by metal. Sam knew the bead was hollow because Gabe had placed something precious inside which made the simple necklace the most valuable piece of jewelry in the world and completely priceless at the same time. There was no fragment of a rare stone or a long lost mineral from another time and place, instead there was just a glint of scarlet that glistened in the light.
"What is that?" Dean asked. "A ruby?"
"It's a drop of his blood." Sam sighed. "He gave it to me in case no one could get here to help."
"Oh…Did your plan work?"
"Yeah." Sam whispered. "This is what I wanted."
"What you wanted? You just gave up everything to get something that would make you even stronger?"
"That's exactly what I did." Sam said as he undid the clasp. "And he did exactly what I knew he would."
Sam did want to be normal, he always had, but he had also accepted long ago that he was never going to be the completely ordinary boy next door no matter what he did. The very moment Gabe killed God, Sam made a decision to do what was best for himself and more importantly for the future of his family. He wanted safety and security more than anything, and by giving up everything he had he managed to get the one thing he needed. He didn't expect it to come in a handy and attractive piece of jewelry he could pass down to the kids, that was just a nice surprised on top of a terrible one since he never thought Gabe would leave. Sam hadn't even considered that.
"What are you talking about?"
"Gabe gave me this so that if something comes I can crack it open, drink it down, and be ready to fight."
"Right. I got that."
"I needed him to doubt that everything would be okay, I needed you to doubt that just in case he was listening."
"Why?"
"Because a year ago…" Sam said before he shook his head. "A year ago I never imagined that God would resurrect a biblical monster to try and kill us. I never imagined he'd force our baby to be born early in an attempt to hijack our other son."
"You wanted his blood in case you ever have to kill him."
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I just want to be prepared."
"Wow." Dean whispered. "Uh…if he does come after us, is that going to be enough to stop him?"
"No, but I thought of that too."
Sam turned to the dresser behind him and reached inside to pull out a tiny vial that was not nearly as attractive as the pendant. Inside was ten whole drops of his blood from the tip of his finger. There was enough angel blood and demon remnants in there to raise a little bit of hell and if taken with Gabe's blood Sam was sure he could become powerful enough to even stop Vara if he had to. Going up against her and Gabe wasn't something Sam was expecting, but he had to be prepared and he didn't feel bad about a little deceit when it meant protecting himself and the kids.
"I guess you had it all figured out."
"Almost."
"You didn't count on him leaving, did you?"
"No." Sam laughed weakly. "What did he tell you?"
"That he'd miss us and that I had to watch out for you." Dean smiled. "I'm going to miss him too, Sammy."
"I know."
"Well, how do you feel?"
"Like I used to. Like I'm supposed to."
"Like a real boy?"
"Yeah, like a real boy."
"He'll come back eventually, Sam. I know he will."
"I hope you're right."
"Get in bed." Dean said before he pulled Sam close. "I'm going to go lock up and I'll be back in a minute."
"Okay."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Dean kissed Sam on his cheek and then went to really do his walkthrough for the night. Instead of putting the vial of blood back in the dresser Sam went into the closet and put it in the safe. It wasn't going to be completely safe from everyone in there, an oggie boogie could probably get to it if they tried, but it was at least going to be kept out of way in hopes that Sam would never need it. Before he closed the safe he even changed the combination and he planned on only sharing it with Dean.
After checking on and kissing Buster one last time Sam crawled into bed and made himself comfortable under the big lofty duvet cover. It felt like years since he had last slept and he was really looking forward to at least seven or maybe even eight hours if Buster let them sleep in. Dean made it back about two minutes later just when Sam was starting to drift off. He stayed awake long enough to pull Dean's arms around him and he fell asleep with the man he loved and all the power in the world hanging from the chain on his neck.