(no subject)

[bitchandjerk]

Title: Stay.
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen
Rating :R
Words10,100/3,438,000
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Dean grows increasingly desperate and Sam gets an offer of help from an unlikely source.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard



When the kids arrived at the hospital it was almost lunchtime and Ollie showed up with a bag of hamburgers from McDonald's for Dean and Sam to eat. Dean was incredibly nervous about the kids meeting Buster, but seeing Ollie fish the burgers out of the bag calmed him down a little bit and before they did anything Sam decided it would be best to have a good old fashion family sit down. Mikey already knew exactly what had happened and John had explained to the rest of the kids, but Sam thought and Dean agreed that it was a matter best discussed again. Dean was really worried about the kids making completely innocent comments about Buster and for his own well being he wanted to avoid that as much as possible.

While he ate his burgers in the waiting room with the kids as an audience Dean told a story about one of his vases and how it had to be "cooked" in the kiln for a certain amount of time. He told the kids the power went out and the vase had to come out a little early which made it look a bit different and caused it to be more fragile than his other vases. It was still exactly what he wanted but it was just a little different and it was going to take a while for it to be like the rest of the pottery and it'd have to stay in the workshop for few weeks until the clay got stronger and it could be brought into the house.

The metaphor, which Dean thought was a good one, seemed to only confuse the kids. Ethan and Evan asked when vases started coming out of vaginas, Ollie asked Carol for her compact so he could check his hair, and Milo removed his shirt and starting dancing. Mary was so clearly the only one who got it because she was a natural born caregiver which was evident by the top notch job she was doing caring for her baby doll, D.J. It was really a small doll yet compared to Buster it looked huge. Against Dean's forearm he had looked like a beautiful sculpture done in miniature out of translucent porcelain.

"Dean?" Sam said as he touched his hand. "You okay?"

"Yeah, uh…Okay, you guys are old enough to understand." Dean said. "The baby came early, really early, and right now he's a little sick, but if he stays in the hospital for a few da…weeks he'll be fine."

"Wait a minute." Evan said. "He's a boy? You said you were making a girl baby in Jenny."

"Dad, you didn't tell them he was a boy?"

"Well, I…"

"We don even know a name! Wha is it? Does a start with a O? A like Oswald and maybe Wilbur."

"Daddy, I'm glad it's not a girl." Ethan said as he looked over at Mary. "They're so loud and frilly."

"Bwah, Ethan!"

"He's a boy." Dean said calmly. "And his name is Buster Br…"

"Buster Winchester." Sam said interrupting him. "We haven't settled on a middle name yet because…"

"Buster Brown Winchester because he has brown hair and brown eyes."

"Brown hair!" Evan smiled. "Like us, daddy!"

"Exactly!" Sam smiled back. "Just like us."

"And ya say a bwown eyes?" Ollie frowned. "Huh…well, as long as a don see a curls, I like it."

"The medicine they're giving him makes his hair curly." Michael told Ollie. "It's temporary."

"Wha!"

"Mikey." Dean said. "You okay?"

"I'm sad, daddy."

"Because of Buster? Are you a little jealous?"

"Of course not, daddy. Don't be ridiculous."

"Mikey's worried about the baby and Jenny." John said. "But we had a long talk about it and how they're going to be fine, but it's perfectly natural to be sad."

"Are you sad, daddy?"

Dean forced a smile and then nodded because he couldn't think of anything to say. He was worried, but most of all he was sad at how things had turned out. Buster wasn't out of the woods yet and Jenny had been practically mutilated and wouldn't be able to ever carry another child. It was really a horrible turn of events which left Dean feeling sad, cheated, and even betrayed. The betrayal was almost as bad as the sadness because after the life he lived and the things he had done he really expected smooth sailing every once in a while. If they were on some kind of sliding scale and he got to add in the things Sam had done then Dean figured they all should have been riding around Easy St. on unicorns that crapped out rainbows.

After Dean had his six burgers and Sam had half of one they led the kids out of the waiting room and into the little hallway that was starting to feel like home. Another couple was there checking on their own baby and Dean gave them a little nod before reminding the kids to be extra quiet. Buster was over his visitor limit by about ten people, but the nurses were kind and understanding and had even moved him closer to the window since Dean had told them about all his big brothers and his big sister coming to see him.

They had picked an awful time for the visit because Buster was undergoing a little light therapy for the jaundice. He had a little mask covering his eyes and an impossibly tiny diaper on while he laid out under the blue-green light. It was sort of like tanning, but the kids just saw the darkness of his veins and the mask over his face. Mikey exited the hallway immediately and Michael ran right after him, but the twins stayed and got up on their toes to look through the window. Carol picked up Mary, Sam picked up Milo, and Dean scooped up Ollie since he was too short and trying to jump to see.

"Wha's he doing, daddy?"

"Those special lights are making him better." Dean said. "What do you think about his hair?"

"Is a nice looking curls, daddy." Ollie said thoughtfully before getting very excited. "We need to buy him a Be Curly kit!"

"We'll get him one."

"Baby." Milo said as he pointed. "My baby, daddy."

"That's right." Sam laughed. "That's your baby brother. You too, Mary. What do you think?"

"Love a baby, daddy."

"You're going to help take care of him?"

Mary nodded very seriously and then leaned out of Carol's arms to get a better look. She seemed very interested in Buster and she had a very happy smile on her face which actually made Dean smile some before he looked down at the twins. Evan had dropped his hand to his side and Ethan took it which meant they were both upset and didn't know how to process it. They looked completely confused and the damn vase story probably hadn't helped much at all.

"Guys? You okay?"

"Why did he come so early?" Evan asked. "You said he was going to be an extra special Christmas present."

"Like we were."

"Jenny…"

"It's Jenny's fault?"

"No." Dean told Ethan. "No, it's no ones fault. He just had to come early."

"But now he's sick." Evan said. "So he came early but he came sick."

"He's just not ready yet."

"What if he's never ready?"

"He'll be…"

"Because sometimes you're making jellybean cookies and they don't come out right."

"Well…"

"Daddy." Ethan said. "He might never be ready and…"

"That's enough!" Dean snapped. "Be quiet!"

"Dean."

"Go wait outside." Dean said as he put Ollie down. "Grandpa's going to take you home."

"You're a jerk!"

"And you're grounded. Dad, when they get home Ethan goes straight to his room."

"I'm not going to do that."

"And neither am I." Carol said. "Ethan, what were you going to say?"

"That he might never be ready and maybe me and Evan can help."

"Shit." Dean said as he squatted down. "I'm sorry, buddy, come here."

Dean hugged Ethan and wished that it was as easy as a little bit of healing mojo, but Buster wasn't actually hurt, he needed to finish growing and there was no way to rush that along. If it had been an option Dean would have had Sam in the operating room with Jenny and they could all by home now sitting around the living room admiring Buster in person instead of behind a window. Sam was going to be able to help Jenny heal, but when it came to Buster he had to stay out of it.

"I wasn't being mean, daddy."

"I know, baby. I'm just really tired, really tired."

"Then come home with us and take a nap. We can take a nap in the big bed."

"I have to stay here." Dean smiled. "But I think daddy is going to go home for a while to check on some things."

"I am actually." Sam said. "If I bring you back some clothes will you take a shower?"

"Yeah, they have a shower around here somewhere."

"Keep calm." Sam said as he kissed Dean's cheek. "I'll be back in an hour or so."

"You guys go ahead." John said. "I have to have a man to man with daddy."

Dean wasn't looking forward to any man to man with John, but he knew he needed one. He probably needed to be snapped at to snap back into reality. Dean wasn't crazy and he knew planning to stay at the hospital awake and observing until Buster came home was pretty much impossible, but there was no way he could just leave. Buster wasn't even a day old yet and as long as Dean had a fresh pot of coffee and two chairs he was setting up camp and getting sleep in the waiting room when his body demanded it. He didn't care what anyone said or who tried to convince him otherwise, he had made up his mind and he was staying with his son.

"Dad, please don't start on me. I apologized to Ethan."

"I know that." John said as he walked to the window. "I hate this light treatment shit."

"Why?"

"It reminds me of a tanning bed…I don't want a guido grandbaby….and I don't like not seeing his face."

"Are you going to yell at me?"

"No." John sighed. "I'm just going to tell you that when you let something consume your life at the expense of your family it's not going to end well."

"I have to be here."

"Sometimes." John said. "If they need you to sign a paper or if he's doing well enough to be held, but standing where you are right now is all you can do for him most of the time."

"Dad…"

"Those are the facts, Dean. You're not a doctor or a nurse and standing in this hallway watching him nonstop is going to drive you crazy."

"He knows I'm here."

"No, son." John said. "He doesn't."

"He knows."

"Dean…"

"He knows." Dean said one last time. "Now please go help Sam with the kids. I think I'm a little old for a man to man."

"I guess you are."

After John left the other couple in the hallway left as well leaving Dean alone. They had some chairs but they were against the wall and when Dean sat down he was too far away. That was fine when Buster was towards the back of the NICU, but when he was close to the window Dean stayed close as well. Now that he was alone and would be alone for at least a few minutes Dean allowed himself to really feel it.

He put his big hand up against the glass and watched while Buster's tiny hand grasped at thin air. There was no doubt in Dean's mind that Buster knew he was there. Even if the antibiotics made him blind and deaf he was always going to know that someone who loved him was close by and most of the time that person was going to be his daddy. Dean hadn't felt such single minded devotion to a child since the day he met Charlie and he had to face the possibility of Buster growing up wheelchairs and never really experiencing a real life just because he had come early.

No one was to blame, Dean said that and he meant it, but he couldn't help but think that Jenny could have done something differently. If it wasn't her fault then there was something wrong with him and he was fine with that. He just needed answers and it didn't seem like he was ever going to get any. The very early baby was just always going to be a mystery but as long as he was okay Dean was going to be okay. If Buster was blind or deaf they'd work with that or find some way to help him. Dean already had a horrible and appalling way to help Buster in the back of his mind, but until things got dire he was keeping the thought hidden in the darkness where he kept his memories of hunting and what a shotgun tasted like.

When the light treatment was over the nurse removed Buster's little mask just as the door to the hallway was opening. Dean already pulled himself together so he didn't bother looking to see who else had arrived to visit sick babies. He was more focused on his baby who blinked a few times before looking sideways. He was looking directly as Dean at least for a second, but then his eyes started to search some more and he blinked himself right back to sleep.

"Ours is never going to be that cute. He'll have your forehead and my ears. He'll be top heavy."

"He'll have my nose and your bowlegs. He'll be precious."

"Dean, he's beautiful." Jensen said quietly. "He looks just like you."

"Yeah?" Dean asked without turning around. "You think so?"

"Totally." Jared said as he squatted next to the window. "I heard the nurses talking and they said they have to keep him here because he's too handsome. I'm inclined to agree."

Dean laughed a little and then totally broke down because he wished Buster was in the hospital just because he was too handsome. Jensen and Jared were just trying to help, but Dean didn't want to be laughing, he didn't want to be joking or to have anyone trying to make him feel better. He wanted to wallow for a while and he just couldn't find the time. Still he appreciated the effort so he stood up, wiped at his eyes and smiled at his friends, including Bruce and Alex who knew better than to try to cheer him up.

"How are you holding up?" Alex asked. "You okay?"

"I've been better." Dean smiled. "Bruce, is this what it takes for you to make a little time for me?"

"I'm sorry, I have a teenager and an almost toddler and a husband who can't make up his mind about the goddamned new kitchen cabinets. I'm here now."

"That's what counts."

"And I thought I could talk to the nurses and the doctors. Would that make you feel better?"

"You'd do that?"

"Hey, my enormous student loan debts have gotta be good for something."

"I could have been a doctor." Jensen said under his breath. "Easily."

"Didn't you play one on Days of Our Lives?"

"Hey, shut it! Go talk to the nurses."

Dean absolutely trusted the nurses and doctors who were looking after Buster but he wanted to hear any good or bad news from a friend. When Bruce flashed his ID he looked so grown up and the nurses let him right in. Jensen looked unbelievably jealous and Alex actually rolled his eyes, but Jared stayed quiet and kept staring at Buster who was sleeping peacefully again. He looked a little scared and since he was holding operation baby Acklecki together Dean didn't want him getting upset because that meant Jensen would most likely become completely comatose.

"He's so small." Jared said before he looked over at Dean. "Our baby is the same size right now inside of Janie, right?"

"Yeah."

"So the incubator is like a womb?"

"Sort of." Dean said. "It keeps him warm so his body temperature doesn't fluctuate much and the feeding line is doing what the placenta did. It's keeping him fed."

"And the tube in his mouth?"

"It's breathing for him."

"For…for him?" Jared asked. "He…he can't breathe?"

"Not by himself yet." Dean said. "The doctors actually said they might turn it down tonight so he's breathing on his own a little more."

"That's progress." Alex nodded. "Everyday he'll get a little bit better."

"You okay, Jared?"

"Yeah." Jared sighed. "You're sure he'll be okay?"

"I know it." Dean said as he tapped his own chest. "In here."

Jared nodded a little and then made an excuse about having to use the restroom. He didn't even make it out the door before he choked out one quiet sob. Jensen was right behind him with his hand on his shoulder but it was hard to look at a sick baby and not wonder if the same thing was going to happen to you. Dean didn't mind that they came and left so quickly not when he knew Jensen would be back and would continue to come keep him company for as long as he needed.

"Dean."

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to stay together for any of us or for Sam." Alex said. "No one expects you to."

"I'm actually doing okay. They're really optimistic."

"You're not okay."

"Yeah, I am."

"Dean." Alex said. "It's me. You can't hide it from me."

"I'm okay, Alex…I'm fine…they're really optimistic and you looking at me with those sad eyes isn't going to…whatever you expect me to do."

"I expect you to let it out." Alex smiled. "Let it all out as often as necessary or you'll kill yourself, Dean. Just let it out."

"I'm fine." Dean said as he sucked up his breath. "I'm…fine…I'm…"

"There we go."

Dean shook his head a few times completely in vain before he hugged Alex and let the floodgates open. He had cried since Buster was born, but he hadn't really just let it all out which was absolutely what he needed to do. He couldn't do it around Sam because they had to be strong for each other, but he could trust Alex and Bruce with it because they were his best friends and there wouldn't be any judgment. They wouldn't run back to Sam talking about Dean's big breakdown. They'd just be there for him and let him cry and worry and fight off the incredibly urge to scream until his lungs gave out.

"Why us, Alex?"

"I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't know why."

"Is it Jenny's fault or mine?"

"Of course not. Don't even think that."

"I just want him to get out of here. I want him to come home with us."

"I know that." Alex said. "But he needs to be here, right? It's the best place for him."

"I want to hold him again. I want him to know me."

"He does, Dean, and one day when he's older everyone will tell him how you took such good care of him."

"And he'll be like the rest of the kids?"

"Exactly like the rest of them, no matter what."

Dean smiled to himself and hugged Alex a little closer before turning both of them around. He had his back to the window and if he was going to cry and sob and shake he wanted to do it while he was looking at Buster. Not only was he the cutest baby ever, but he wanted to teach his son the very important lesson that sometimes to move on you had to break down.

As soon as Sam got home he went upstairs to the bathroom, locked the door, got in the shower and sobbed for exactly ten minutes. He wasn't trying to hide or pretend he wasn't upset but he had to completely break down and he had to take a shower. It was just killing two birds with one stone and what he considered a really effective use of his time. He would have preferred more than ten minutes but Sam was on a pretty tight schedule. He had to shower, pack a bag, talk to Mikey, make sure the rest of the kids were okay and check on Gabe. Sam wasn't entirely sure what order everything after the shower was going to happen in, but he figured crying would clear his head and it did, immensely.

Mikey had to come first before he understood what was going on but he was still just a kid who was confused and with good reason. Sam figured he'd give Mikey as much time as he needed and then maybe check on the rest of the kids just to make sure they were okay which he was sure they were. John had actually said Gabe got out of bed for a while to eat something and go to the bathroom, so Sam was hoping he might be able to manage a trip up the stairs. If he could Sam could pack and bag and talk to him at the same time. He also wanted to talk to Jeremy and Jason but unfortunately it was looking like they might have to wait until tomorrows visit.

After he was scrubbed clean and dressed in some incredibly comfy drawstring pants and a hoodie, Sam walked one door down from the master suite and knocked softly. The door was open but Mikey was a big boy and he liked his privacy. Sam never just rushed into his room, but he always rushed into Ethan and Evan's room especially if the door was closed since there was a very good chance they might be up to no good. Mikey wasn't the up to no good kind of kid, but he was the selfless kind and he sure as hell was way too mature for his age.

His normally neat room was a little bit of a mess, but it was a very organized mess. Mikey had a box for his books, another for toys to keep, one for toys to give away, and one for toys he had promised to the twins and Ollie. Another box was marked for shoes and one was already filled with clothes and a few little knickknacks from the wall of bookcases in his room that were looking a little sad and empty, and a hell of a lot dustier than Sam would have liked. He was tempted to run for the Pledge and one of Dean's old t-shirts but first he had to find out what Mikey was up to.

"You can come in, daddy." Mikey said very calmly. "I'm just packing up my things."

"Are you running away?"

"No. Daddy, have you ever run away?"

"Several times." Sam said before sitting down on the bed. "Daddy always dragged me back whether I liked it or not and regardless of how old I was."

"You liked it." Mikey laughed dryly. "I know it."

"Guilty." Sam smiled. "Why are you packing up all your stuff?"

"Daddy, I'm nine now."

"Correct."

"I love my elephant mural…but it's kind of for babies. I'm really quite sophisticated."

"Agreed." Sam nodded. "Anything else?"

"Daddy put me in this room when I was a baby because it was so close to your room. I think he'll want the baby here."

"Mikey, you don't have to give up your room."

"No, daddy." Mikey smiled. "I want to. Grandpa is going to paint the room downstairs for me and this can be Buster's nursery. I'm going with a slate blue and chocolate brown, is that okay?"

"Sounds beautiful." Sam said before he patted his lap. "Come sit by me for a second."

Mikey was in the middle of folding a blazer and he didn't jump on Sam's lap until it was folded correctly and neatly placed in the box. Sam didn't even know where the boxes had come from but he assumed either John or Michael had brought them over when Mikey decided he was going to move downstairs way ahead of schedule. Sam had no doubt that it had been Mikey's decision to move just to make things easier on Dean. The best part was that if Dean really did stay away until Buster came home he could be surprised with a room that hadn't been a nursery in a long time.

"Do you know what I want to talk to you about?" Sam asked before he kissed Mikey on the cheek. "Hmm?"

"Why I left?"

"No. I know why you left, buddy. It's hard on all of us."

"Daddy asked me if I was jealous of Buster." Mikey said before he sighed. "Is that what you want to talk about?"

"Yes, it is."

"Why would I be jealous of him? He's my baby brother, my actual totally biological baby brother and he's sick. I love him already, daddy."

"Daddy asked that because it'd be easier for him if you were just sad because you were jealous. He doesn't want you to worry. Ethan and Evan are still too young to really understand and Michael knows exactly what's going on. You're kind of in the middle."

"He's not ready to be alive yet." Mikey said. "He hasn't matured. I understand that. Like Jared and Jensen's baby will come when he's ready."

"Exactly."

"And there's a chance Buster might have some problems." Mikey said. "Like it'll take him longer to roll over, sit up, or walk."

"That's right too."

"And…he might have bigger problems, worse problems."

"Yeah…"

"Like what?"

"He might be handicapped." Sam said quietly. "Or blind or maybe deaf."

"But he'll still be ours." Mikey said as he looked back. "Right?"

"Yeah, he'll still be ours."

"Do you think he can have my furniture from when I was a baby?"

"That's an excellent idea." Sam said. "In fact, I want you and grandma to be in charge of this nursery project."

"Really?" Mikey asked. "We can buy all the stuff he needs?"

"Yep. Would you enjoy that?"

"Absolutely! We can get my old elephant mobile and we'll get some new stuff too! We can surprise daddy!"

"Exactly!"

With a project to do Mikey seemed a lot more energetic and optimistic. He hopped off Sam's lap and reassessed the room he had spent the last seven years in with a new eye, a designers eye. He was framing things up with his fingers, measuring with his tiny Dean shaped feet, and he even considered a window for a solid minute before Sam decided he should probably leave the master alone to contemplate things and to finish packing. Before Sam left he kissed Mikey on the head and reminded him yet again that everything was going to be okay.

Downstairs the rest of the kids were busy in the spare bedroom with Michael and a few dust rags. Sam had mostly been using the room for storage, but the boxes had been moved to the garage and the kids were getting it ready for a fresh coat of paint and all of Mikey's stuff. Ethan and Evan were shining the baseboard, the babies were buffing the floor and Ollie was rubbing the sheen off the windows he was scrubbing at them so hard. Sam thought the move downstairs was going to be great for Mikey. Not only was Buster going to be a lot closer to the master bedroom, but Mikey was a little man who never complained about one of the kids sneaking into his bed even if Sam was sure it annoyed him just a little.

Since the kids were busy and Ethan assured him he was fine Sam walked out of Mikey's new room and to the guest bedroom. The door was cracked so he walked in to find Gabe admiring himself in the mirror over the dresser. He was dressed only in socks and a pair of track pants which was by far the strangest thing Sam had ever seen. He had his plain white t-shirt in his hand while he twisted back and forth to look at the two scars on his back. He was already fully healed which meant someone else, either Jeremy or Aaron had worked on him.

"Gabe?"

"Sam." Gabe said as he covered himself up. "I didn't…know you were there based on senses I no longer possess."

"Then you didn't hear my naughty thoughts?"

"Or smell you approach." Gabe whispered nervously. "Or know you were coming the second you decided to. It'll take some getting used to."

"So…you're human then?"

"Yes."

"Because?"

"I received some information about Jenny and decided to help after being told not to. This situation was supposed to play out quite a bit differently."

"How differently?"

"It doesn't matter." Gabe said. "How is Buster?"

"Good. They're turning down the ventilator tonight. He's breathing a little more on his own."

"Excellent." Gabe said as he put on his shirt. "I'd like to visit him and Dean, if that's okay."

"Yeah, Dean would appreciate that I'm sure."

"I'll be needing some money."

"Excuse me?"

"Michael gave me these clothes…these ridiculous clothes, but I'll need some more if I'm to find work and a place of my own. Aaron mentioned I could work at the church as a janitor."

"Uh…" Sam laughed. "You're going to be a janitor?"

"I need a job, Sam."

"Well…we need a babysitter…or Alex needs help at the school. You could do that, and you don't need a place right away. You should stay here."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I don't know that I trust myself around you…as I am now."

"Are you going to date?"

"I'm not sure." Gabe said as he sat down. "I've only just peed for the first time. Maybe."

"Okay." Sam laughed. "For now stay put. We'll figure everything out. I need to get back to the hospital, can you keep an eye on things here?"

"I can!"

"Good!" Sam smiled. "Good…exuberance…"

Gabe had on his best go getter smile but Sam didn't really buy it. There was no way anyone could just been fine after getting kicked out of heaven. Sam really wanted details about what exactly had happened, but he didn't have the time for it. He also wanted to get back to Dean because he was emotionally vulnerable and Gabe had looked awfully comforting without his shirt on. As hard as it was to admit it was probably best that he relocate somewhere else. Ideally he would have stayed in Westport and they could have just been friends but Sam was too attracted to him. The angel thing was a great big roadblock keeping him from exploring that attractions, the other being Dean, but now that Gabe was human Sam was more tempted than ever.

After packing his bag and kissing on all of the kids twice Sam got into his car and began to back out of the driveway. It was something he had done hundreds if not thousands of times, but it felt different since he knew he'd be backing out and going to the hospital to visit Buster and Dean very regularly. It was a quick trip, but Sam was so exhausted already and he knew he'd only be worse off once he got home since the hospital was ridiculously exhausting. Sam was so tired he even closed his eyes for a second once he was on the road and before he put the car in drive.

When he opened them and prepared to move forward he slammed on the brakes and squinted at the road. About ten feet ahead of him there was man standing in the middle of the road. He was obviously homeless based on his dirty clothes alone which Sam thought was very strange since Westport didn't have a lot of people living on the streets. There had been a few but most of them made their way to the center and had been slowly rehabilitated from whatever their vices were.

"Can I help you?" Sam asked as he got out of the car. "Are you lost?"

"Are you, Sam?"

"Who…who are you?"

"Edgar something." The man said as he took a step forward. "He'll be dead by the end of the day. Cancer. I guess I really wasn't thinking when I ended Jason's father's suffering."

"You tried to get back in?"

"Tried and failed. Failure's not something I enjoy."

"What do you want?" Sam asked. "I thought we were done."

"We were, but the funny thing is that I don't ignore all the prayers I hear. Some I can't ignore even if I try."

"Dean?"

"He's hurting…and I can't ignore it."

"Then go help our son!" Sam yelled. "Do you have any idea how much this family has done for the world? We deserve special treatment!"

As soon as the words left his lips Sam felt ashamed, but it was the truth. If there was any concept of karma in the world James had set their entire family up for generations before he turned eighteen years old. Instead he ended up being killed when he had a wife and a large family to take care of. John just wanted a family and a chance to be a better father than the man he had called dad and his dream got cut short. Sam wasn't going to even think about all the times he had been fuck over or Dean had not gotten what he deserved. The truth of the matter was that as a family they deserved more, they were entitled to more, and all they got was storm after storm.

"How interesting."

"You know what I meant."

"Of course I do, Sam. Your family has been given the great gift to protect this world, and you want something in return."

"I want you to help my son."

"Done."

"Wha…what?"

"I'll do it." Edgar said with a smile. "I'd be happy to. Dean's in unnecessary pain and even though your baby will survive and live a long healthy normal life there's no reason I can't expedite the process."

"Why are you doing this to us?" Sam asked. "You just said you wouldn't help and now…"

"I'll help on one condition."

"And what would that be?"

"Jason is no longer a viable vessel and I can't very well burn through humans even if they are near death."

"Yes." Sam said. "Take me, right now. Yes. Yes! Yes!"

"How selfless. The offer is tempting, but you'd last a week at most. We both know you weren't built for me."

"You've got to be kidding me…"

"If the need should arise in the future I'd like permission to ask Michael to be my vessel. We can work around his…impurities."

"You're asking me to trade one son for the other?" Sam asked. "You really are a monster."

"I'm asking you to be realistic. I may need someone in the future or I may not. Either way your son can be home in a few days instead of a few months and as you can see Jason is relatively unscathed by his experience."

"Why would I do that when you just said he'd be fine?"

"Because no one said Dean would be fine. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours and he's fading fast. Let me help you, all of you."

Sam swallowed hard and then immediately began hating himself for even entertaining the idea. It was a good offer, an excellent one even, but he wasn't talking Michael into anything and the term relatively unscathed seemed to be open to wide interpretation. Jason had collapsed into a sobbing heap the second God left the building and he apparently still wasn't all that talkative. Michael had said he was at home sleeping, but he didn't seem that optimistic that he was going to have his good old cheerful brother back after a nap.

"I'm not giving you my son."

"All you'd have to do it get him to say yes and this can end right now. We'll have baby Buster home tonight."

"You must really be desperate." Sam said. "The deal keeps getting better, but I'm still going to pass."

"What if Jenny were to carry him to term?"

"N…no."

"Then what is it you want, Sam?"

"Nothing you can give me." Sam smiled. "Now please, get off my property."

"Fine. Make things more difficult for yourself."

"Are we done now? Not that it hasn't been lovely."

"Almost. If you in any way attempt to heal that child, you, your entire family will feel the full wrath of my fury and no one will be spared."

"Are you threatening me?"

"No, just reminding you that my job is already taken."

Sam didn't view that as a reminder at all. He viewed it as an outright threat against him and more importantly against his family. When faced with an impossible obstacle a lot of people would have backed down, slinked away, or even cowered. That probably would have been the smart thing to do but Sam was still pissed off about the whole karma thing. When the rapidly deteriorating man turned to leave, presumably to be left to die, Sam cleared his throat and then took a few steps forward.

"Change your mind?"

"No." Sam said as he shook his head. "I just wanted to ask something."

"Go on."

"I heard that you're not the top of the totem." Sam whispered. "You answer to someone because you might have made us and everything as far as the eye can see, but someone, something made you."

"Your point?"

"If I can reach over a billion people with my books, I don't think getting in touch with one omnipotent supreme higher power is all that unrealistic."

"Try me, Sam."

"No." Sam said quietly. "You try me."

Sam saw something in the homeless man's eyes that went beyond just rage or outright shock. He saw fear in those eyes and instead of coming back with a quip or raining down with the fury he simply disappeared leaving Sam in the middle of the road with no one to talk to. He knew he shouldn't have made the ice they were standing over so incredibly thin, but no one was going to threaten his family and get away with it, not even God.

Dean dozed off at some point and when he woke it he heard crying. It wasn't the type of crying one might expect in a maternity ward, it was sad, low, and choking. It took a second for his tired eyes to adjust to the bright lights in the hallway, but once they did he noticed an older woman, maybe in her seventies, standing at the window with a handkerchief pressed up against her nose. She was at the other end of the hallway and staring through the window into the nursery where a young couple, a new couple was holding their baby, maybe for the first time. Dean hadn't seen them before so he figured the baby had just arrived and he'd have some new people to make small talk with.

After stretching Dean walked to the window to check on Buster who looked like he was just waking up as well. He didn't move around much, which was to be expected, but when he got up from his little naps his legs would flex some and his hands would open and close slowly. He was searching for something but Dean was on the other side of the glass and it was still fifteen minutes until his assigned visiting time. He felt a little jealous of the couple in there with their baby because he hadn't held Buster for hours and he really needed to. He felt a lot less jealous when the older woman sobbed louder and stumbled a little before steadying herself against the wall.

"Hey." Dean said as he rushed over. "You should sit down."

"No. I have to be here for them."

"Son or daughter?"

"Both." The woman smiled. "He's my son, she's like the daughter I never had and that's my first grandbaby, Melissa. I was going to call her Lissy."

"You…you were?"

"I suppose I still will."

Dean looked through the window at the attractive couple and the tiny bundle in their arms. The baby was about the same size as Buster but she didn't have any ventilators or lines hooked up to her. She was how babies were supposed to be when they were born. She was free from all of the machinery and she got to rest in her mother's arms while her father stood by and tried to be strong. Dean wanted to look away, he knew it was a fantastic opportunity for a bathroom break, but instead he stayed where he was and took the old lady's hand.

"I'm sorry."

"They've been trying since they got married." The woman said. "Lost three in a row before she got to the second trimester with this one. We were so excited."

"Will they try again?"

"Oh, yes." The woman said as she nodded her head. "They'll keep trying until they have their son or daughter that can…stay."

"Stay…" Dean whispered. "How can they go through the pain?"

"You have children, Mr. Winchester, you must know the answer to that question."

Dean knew that his children brought him more joy and pleasure than Sam ever could and that was saying a lot considering how much he loved him. He understood completely the need couples had to procreate, to have babies all their own, but Dean couldn't imagine going on after so many losses. Miscarriages were bad enough, but now the couple had a living and breathing baby girl that was leaving the world as soon as she came into it. He could see them whispering to the baby and though he was tempted to read their lips he blinked the tears out of his eyes and looked away.

"Your son is beautiful."

"Thank you. So is your granddaughter."

"She's going now. Will you stay with me?"

"Of course." Dean nodded. "Of course I will."

Though he wanted to run Dean squeezed the woman's hand and watched the scene in front of him unfold. He had seen his fair share of death in his short life but never a baby or even a child for that matter. The youngest person Dean had seen die was a teenager on a case that didn't go as planned. That girl was close enough to twenty to spit on it, but she was still a teenager and Dean had seen her die. She had nearly twenty years of life behind her when she died, that baby, like Buster was brand new to the world.

After a minute or so of silence and sobbing a nurse came to check on baby Melissa to make sure she was gone. The official announcement made the couple and the grandmother cry even more, but Dean didn't cry. The baby had died and she didn't make a sound. She didn't cry or moan, she just exhaled once on her own and she was gone. If anything happened Buster was going to go the same way and that thought made Dean's mind race with horrible scenarios.

"I have to go."

"Thank you for staying with me."

"Will you keep an eye on Buster for me?" Dean asked. "For a second?"

"Of course."

When Dean passed Buster on his way out of the hallway he peek in on him for a second, but that was all he could spare. He had to get out of there and get some fresh air. The sun had already set and the balcony was blessedly empty except for the fucking overflowing ashtrays everywhere. Smoking was stupid enough but doing it in a hospital seemed extra idiotic. Every time Dean went outside he saw the ashtrays and he had enough of it. Instead of filing a complaint he just picked them up and chucked them over the balcony, which surprisingly made him feel a lot better.

It was so quiet outside that Dean could hear every little noise he normally wouldn't have paid any attention to. He heard the wind winding through the trees, the automatic doors opening and closing in the lobby, and even the whirl of the elevator from inside. He didn't really care to hear any of those things. All he wanted to hear was what his son sounded like when he cried. Mikey had been so loud and because Ollie was a quiet baby his very minimal cries were always pretty soft. Dean thought Buster was going to be a screecher or a growler since he was already a fighter.

"Hey you."

"Hey." Dean said as he looked back. "You're just in time."

"I try." Sam smiled. "Baby, you're exhausted."

"I'm fine."

"Dad said he'll stay tonight so you can come home and get some sleep."

"Sam, please don't push me with this. I can't handle it."

"Okay, just a recommendation."

"Don't worry so much." Dean smiled. "I have a good feeling."

"Good." Sam nodded. "That's good."

"Come on."

Dean had a good feeling because he was sick and tired of sitting around and waiting for the doctors or the nurses to tell him everything was going to be okay. He had to be proactive and make the hard decisions no one else would. Sam certainly wouldn't make those decisions even if he was usually the one people went to when things got bad. Dean felt like it was high time he step up and before he left the balcony he had made up his mind. He was going to help Buster regardless of the cost.

After yet another very thorough scrub down the nurse on duty let Sam and Dean into the nursery. Buster was awake when Dean picked him up and he looked around a little aimlessly while he blinked and tried to understand why people were always bothering him. Holding Buster felt a lot like holding Apple Juice when he was a kitten. The baby was obviously a lot less squirmy but the weight felt the same. Dean loved holding his son more than anything but he hated him being so light in his arms.

"Hey, baby." Sam said as he pushed back his hair. "I love you."

"We're going to get that big bad tube out of your mouth soon." Dean said. "Real soon."

"He's looking stronger."

"I think so too." Dean nodded. "Daddy, can I get a kiss?"

"Have I ever said no to that?"

"No." Dean whispered. "You haven't."

Dean was sitting in the rocking chair and Sam had to bend down to kiss him. When their lips met and the tips of the tongues touched for just a moment, Dean had second thoughts, but then he felt Buster move in his arms, he felt the lightness and he did what he had to do. While Sam's bottom lip was in his mouth Dean caught it with his teeth and bit down as hard as he could. He knew it hurt Sam, but he healed quick and he'd be fine in a minute. Sam probably actually made the damage worse by pulling away which made Dean feel a rush of blood flood into his mouth.

"Dean." Sam said as he covered his bloody lip. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry, Sammy."

"You bit me! What are you…"

"I'm sorry, Sammy…"

The tube down Buster's throat was held in place with some tape. Only the left side of his mouth was exposed enough to get a finger inside. Dean swabbed the inside of his own mouth to get a generous sample of Sam's blood on his finger before he brought it close to Buster's face. All he had to do was stick the tip of his index finger in the little exposed area, even one drop would have done it and Buster was going to be good as new. They might even be able to take him home by morning. Dean had totally made up his mind, but when he saw the look on Sam's face he hesitated, he hovered like he had when he was about to give up Mikey.

"I love him, Sam."

"So you're going to poison him?"

"You know it'll make him better! I just watched a baby die. I'm not going through that."

"That's not love Dean. You're upset and you're tired and about to do something you can't take back."

"It'll make him better."

"At what cost?" Sam asked. "Don't make him like me."

"He'd be lucky to be strong. I'm going to do this."

"Dean…"

"I have to, Sam! I have to help him."

"Fine." Sam said. "Do it. Do to your son what a demon did to me."

"It's not the same!"

"You're right. It's worse because you're his father."

A perfect ruby red drop of blood was forming on Dean's finger which was just about two inches away from the opening in Buster's mouth. All Dean had to do was shake it and that one drop of blood would race through his veins and force his lungs to grow big and strong. It would fix everything except the one thing that was really broken. Helping Buster wasn't going to make the past day go away for Dean. The blood wasn't going to stop him from worrying for the rest of his life whenever Buster sneezed or scraped his knee. Dean was the one who needed help because he was so scared of something bad happening that he was willing to do something so much worse.

The drop fell from Dean's fingertip onto his jeans the second he moved his hand. He spit the rest of the blood out of his mouth and though he was still bleeding Sam very quickly wiped it away. Angels and demons weren't the answer. Dean had to put his faith in his family where it belonged and he had to stop praying to a deaf god. The only people capable of saving the day were the very human doctors and nurses who were going to be making the rounds any minute to give out their progress reports.

"Sammy."

"Don't say anything." Sam said as he wiped off his mouth. "After we talk to the doctors you're going to take a shower and then you're going into the waiting room to get some sleep."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Of course I will."

"I'm sorry."

"I know." Sam said as he squatted down. "Dean, I'd do it in a heartbeat if I knew exactly what would happen to him. You know that, right?"

"Yeah." Dean nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"You wanna hold him?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Are you okay?"

"I heal quick. Hey there, Buddah."

"You hate his name, don't you?"

Sam didn't give much of an answer as he swapped places with Dean, but that was understandable because their time with Buster had been very limited. He didn't seem angry, he was just completely focused on the baby, which Dean got because he was a cutie. He had the funniest little feet and Dean was positive his ears were going to get bigger and goofier as he got older. If they were lucky, and Dean was sure they would be, Buster might even inherited some eye crinkles, which Ollie checked for daily.

"I don't hate it." Sam said after he stared for a full minute. "Not what I would have picked…but he's clearly a Buster."

"That's what I thought."

"He's so handsome…where did he get those eyes from?"

"Maybe our real grandpa has brown eyes."

"Oh, God. I almost forgot about that."

"And Jeremy and Jason."

"I haven't forgotten about Jason." Sam sighed. "I…what's that beeping."

"I don't know." Dean said. "I don't know what half of these monitors are…Nurse!"

The beeping didn't sound frantic. It was sort of slow and steady which didn't make Dean panic too much. The heart rate looked fine and Buster seemed okay, but Dean was wary of beeping. The nurse practically sprinted over and checked the machine, but she didn't panic either, she just looked a little concerned or maybe she was confused, Dean couldn't tell and he was afraid to ask.

"Excuse me."

"What's wrong?" Sam asked. "Is he okay?"

"Looks like the ventilator isn't working properly."

"He's breathing." Sam said calmly. "I can feel him."

"It says he's breathing eighty percent on his own. He was only breathing twenty percent an hour ago."

"Isn't eighty what we needed to take him off the vent?"

"Mr. Winchester, it's obviously a malfunction. Let me get a doctor and a new machine."

For the next ten minutes, which were the longest of Dean's whole life, he watched while the doctor and nurse examined Buster and then checked the machine before switching to a new one that only gave the same information. Buster was back in his incubator while they read over the numbers and he didn't look happy at all. He was moving around a lot, more than Dean had seen yet. When the doctor and the nurse couldn't figure out what was going on they did the only thing they could do. They removed the tape and then the ventilator allowing Buster to scream his little lungs out.

Dean tried to pick him back up but the doctor blocked his way and listened with his stethoscope before backing away with a completely dumbfounded look on his face. Since no one was in his way Dean picked Buster back up and to his surprise the nurse or the doctor didn't stop him. They let him hold the baby and watch his chest rise and fall all on it's own. Sam was kind of keeping his distance, but once he saw Buster breathing and heard him screaming he dropped down to his knees next to the chair to give him several kisses which didn't stop the crying at all.

"Hey you!" Dean laughed. "Wow, you're a loud one!"

"What happened?" Sam asked. "You said it was going to be weeks."

"It makes no sense." The doctor said. "It's a…a miracle."

"Someone up there must like you."

Dean looked back at the nurse and then smiled as big as he could at Buster who was still raising hell. He was even cuter when he cried but after a few hushed whispers from Dean he began to settle down and he was content with whispering. The doctor was still checking over numbers and the nurse was informing the other nurses, but Dean knew a miracle when he saw one. He had prayed for one hard enough and he sure as hell deserved one.

"Look at these lips, Sammy." Dean smiled. "Perfect cupid's bow."

"He's gorgeous."

"God came through. I knew he would."

"No, he didn't."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw before I came here and he refused to help unless we gave him Michael."

"Michael knows better."

"He didn't do anything." Sam said. "I called on the way and made sure he knew better."

"Then what happened?"

"I have no idea." Sam said as he stroked Buster's cheek. "No idea at all."

"I prayed, Sammy. I haven't stopped praying."

"I know that."

"Someone heard me." Dean nodded. "If it wasn't him it was…"

"Someone else…" Sam whispered. "Uh…let's not dwell on this right now. We should just bask for a while."

"He's very basky!" Dean laughed. "We're your daddies, baby, and we love you more than the moon and the sun and all the stars in the sky!"

"And even more than that."

"He likes us, Sammy. I can tell."

"Let's just hope he's nothing like that last trouble maker you brought home."

"You've got room to talk. Milo thinks he's a stripper."

"Exotic entertainer." Sam sighed. "Look at this baby."

"Mr. Winchester." The nurse said as she walked over. "Would you like to change him?"

"Really? Dean asked. "Uh, absolutely I would!"

For the past six years Dean had been dealing with kids in diapers. In fact there were only a few diaper free months in the past nine years between the time Mikey graduated to big boy undies and the twins arrived. Even though it was a less than enviable task, Dean loved changing diapers because the baby, even if it wasn't his own, was always so happy and clean afterwards. He had been itching to change Buster and clean him up and he was finally getting the chance which made him feel unbelievably happy and optimistic about the future.

Buster was wet in the front and downright filthy in the back. While Dean changed him and cleaned him up he stayed very alert and seemed to be catching some movements. When Sam talked to him he turned his head a little which Dean thought meant that his hearing and vision were unaffected by the massive dose of antibiotics he had received. He was still small and his sucking instinct hadn't kicked in yet, but aside from that he was almost like all the rest of the kids except for one tiny, adorable difference.

"Look at his little weenus." Dean whispered. "Looks like a candy corn."

"Are we going to do anything about that?"

"What do you think?"

"Uh, I think he's been through enough." Sam said. "If it bothers him when he's older he can always get it done."

"Well." Dean smiled. "You have something in common with your great-great-great-grandpa James and your great-great grandpa Henry. Do you remember when James and Henry came to see you?"

"Do we do anything different with it?"

"Pretty sure it's business as usual." Dean shrugged. "We'll consult with James. He was actually hinting around the circumcision question earlier."

"Did he get all flustered and flabbergasted?"

"You know it." Dean laughed. "Hey, baby, you are so sweet! Everyone is going to love you."

"Until Ollie realizes medicine isn't making his hair curly…and Milo realizes he's here to stay."

"Don't you think he's sweet, Sammy?"

"I think he couldn't possibly be any sweeter."

Dean nodded very seriously and then made sure Buster was comfortable in his incubator. When the nurse came over she presented a tiny little white onesie that was just adorable. Since Dean had done the diaper he let Sam dress the baby who seemed to enjoy having some actual clothes on. He had just been in a diaper for the past day but now he had on the onesie and even a little socks that would have been snug on Dean's fingertips. The were baby blue for the sweetest baby boy in the joint.

"Mr. Winchester? Your father's here."

"Can he come in?" Sam asked. "Just for a second."

"Five minutes." The nurse said as she looked around. "Ten if no one else is around."

"Thank you so much." Dean said. "We appreciate it."

The nurse smiled and then opened the door for John who scrubbed up in under a minute and rushed over to see what was going on. At first he just looked confused, but then Dean gestured to Buster and John's eyes lit up because he thought he was weeks away from getting to hold his latest grandbaby. He was such a tough guy but when he sat down in the rocker with Buster in his arms he had tears streaming down his face.

"What happened?"

"We don't know." Dean shrugged. "We're not questioning it."

"He's so small." John smiled. "Hey, Buster. I like your socks."

"He's fierce." Sam laughed. "He likes you, dad."

"I think he does too! So…what else is he hooked up to?"

"Just the feeding like and the heart monitor."

"Thank God." John said. "Or…whoever."

"Yeah." Sam sighed. "Whoever."

"Don't be so glum, Sammy." Dean said. "He's okay, that's all that matters."

Sam looked more than glum, but Dean didn't want to get into it. He knew someone or something had intervened and whoever or whatever it was he was thankful. Someone had decided to help and if Dean ever found out who it was he was going to buy them a beer and shake their hand. His son was going to be okay, his family was going to be okay, and at the end of the day that was all that really mattered to Dean.