(no subject)
Title: One Hundred Total Strangers. 10/?
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean
Rating :R
Words: 3600/27800
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Dean finally tells Sam they can keep the house and asks a very serious question.
Notes:: Rest are here, Samcakes
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard.
You don't have to ask to friend me, just go for it. We'll make out afterwards.
When Sam was six years old he started Sam’s Detective Agency. Unfortunately very few people wanted a six year old to help them solve mysteries. As a last ditch effort to drum up some business he stole one of Dean’s shoes and hid it in the backyard. When Dean came looking for his missing shoe, Sam led him around the house collecting clues that led them to the shoe shoved into some bushes. It was his first, last, and most successful case to date.
Now Dean was keeping something from him and Sam was determined to find out. It seemed like a big deal, whatever it was. He was completely prepared to let it go until Dean started asking him if he figured it out yet. Every few hours Dean would come over and ask him if he figured it out. The first few times he would just shake his head. After a while every time Dean would ask, Sam would push him down to his knees, but now it was just getting annoying.
“What are you doing?” Dean asked.
“I’m making brownies.”
“For me?” Dean asked rushing to his side.
“Of course for you, I need you to have quick energy.”
It was a lie. Sam didn’t have any problem with Dean eating a few of the brownies, but he wasn’t making them for him specifically. Dean was good at keeping secrets but there was a weak link in this chain. A weak link called T-Dog.
Terry spent most of his time hammering and painting in the spare bedroom talking about hot bitches with sweet tits. Sam might not have sweet tits, but he was hot and he could bake. Most hot bitches couldn’t do that.
Sam knew that Dean had to tell Shelia but she would never talk. He assumed Terry knew too and after a few brownies he’d sing. Dean obviously wanted him to figure it out, so that’s what he was going to do.
“These brownies are awesome.” Dean said, picking one of them apart with his fingers.
Sam smiled and walked to the refrigerator to pour him a tall glass of milk.
“Thanks Sammy.” Dean said smiling. “Wait, what are you up to?”
“What?”
“You’re up to something.”
“You’re paranoid.” Sam said. “You like brownies and I like you.”
Dean didn’t buy that for one minute. “Sure.”
Sam looked at him, sitting there with a hunk of chocolate stuck to the side of his face.
“You just eat that brownie.” Sam said.
He leaned in and licked the chocolate from his face, slowly before kissing him.
“Mmm. They taste good.” Sam said, turning away from him to finish cutting up the pan.
“You’re just going to lick me and walk away?”
“What else would I do?”
Sam stacked the brownies up on a plate making sure it looked like there were twice as many as there actually were. Terry wouldn’t know the difference.
“Well, are you ovulating?” Dean asked.
Not only had Dean been constantly asking if Sam had figured it out, he’d also started asking if he was ovulating all the time. Sam didn’t mind, he was just worried that Dean was trying so hard to knock him up that it might actually happen.
“I don’t know.” Sam said, making sure the brownies were perfect.
“How about since you made brownies, I’ll do something for you.”
“What did you have in mind?”
Dean just made a lewd blowjob motion with his fist and tongue and winked.
Sam laughed. “It’s been a while.”
“Yeah.” Dean said looking at his watch. “Like four hours.”
“I know.” Sam said. “How about I go distract Terry with some brownies?”
“And then we can do it in the backyard!”
Sam sighed, Dean had been trying to have sex in the backyard since they moved in. Sam just couldn’t do it, they had ninety year old neighbors and also the squirrels. He couldn’t take it up the ass with Mr. Shamrock watching. He was like a hero to them.
“I told you no.”
“Come on!”
“No.” Sam said, grabbing the plate of brownies. “Maybe one day, at night, against the house, but not in the middle of the day.”
“I could work with that.”
Sam shook his head before walking out the kitchen. In the next few minutes he’d know Dean’s big secret, depending on what it was he might end up fucking him in the middle of the front lawn just for the hell of it.
Terry had been working for a few days now and the built in bookcases were almost finished. He might talk like an idiot but there was no denying his talent. Sam would have been happy with a store bought bookcase against the wall, but Terry had managed to make bookcases that looked like they had always been there.
Dean didn’t even put up a fight when Sam picked the paint color. A few more coats and some sanding and they’d be all ready for the fifteen books Sam had.
“S-Murder!” Terry said as soon as Sam walked into the room. “How they hanging?”
Sam didn’t know what the hell that meant. “Pretty good.”
“Awesome.” Terry said nodding enthusiastically. “What do you think?”
Sam looked at the bookcases. “They’re amazing, really.”
“D-win knows what he wants.”
“He sure does.” Sam said, thinking about Dean probably standing in the middle of the kitchen with his pants around his ankles. “I made some brownies.”
“Awesome man.” Terry said grabbing one. “These special brownies? You know, special ingredients?”
“Well, there are two types of chocolate.”
Terry just looked confused as he took a bite. “Fuckin’ awesome.”
“Thanks.” Sam said, taking a seat in the folding chair across the room. “So has Dean, uh, D-win, talked to you about anything.”
As soon as Terry turned away quickly, Sam knew he had him. He knew, now he just had to wear him down.
“I don’t know. He says a lot of things.”
“Do you know something?” Sam asked quietly.
“I might.” Terry said his back to him.
“Do you maybe want to tell me?”
This was easier than he thought it would be, his brownies were pretty awesome. Terry would tell him, and the next time Dean asked if he figured it out, he could inform him that he had indeed.
“Do you maybe want to let me suck your cock?” Terry asked.
“What?” Sam yelled standing. “What did you say?”
“You let me suck your cock and I’ll tell you.”
“Oh my god.”
Sam hadn’t expected him to say that. He wanted to know but not that bad. Terry didn’t say anything, he just stood there waiting. Sam rushed out the room, running down the stairs to find Dean. He was at the stove licking the inside of the pan of brownies.
“I wasn’t doing anything.” He said dropping the pan as soon as Sam showed up.
“Terry just asked to suck my cock!” Sam yelled.
“He did what?” Dean asked. “I will kick his ass.”
“I can’t believe he asked me that!” Sam said.
“I will kick his ass.” Dean said rushing past him.
Sam ran after him, up the stairs and back into the room.
“Terry!” Dean yelled.
“Dude, what?”
“Sam says you just asked if you could suck his cock.”
“Uh.” Terry said.
Sam watched them from the doorway hoping that when they started fighting they didn’t mess up his bookcases.
“I don’t know man.” Terry said.
Dean shook his head. “I can’t believe this.”
Sam watched as Dean knelt down at flipped open Terry’s toolbox. Oh shit, he thought, he’s not just going to kick his ass, he’s going to kill him. Dean pulled out a small stack of papers and handed it to Terry.
“What does that say?” Dean asked.
“Oh!” Terry said reading it to Sam. “I’ll tell you if you suck my cock.”
“Oh my God.” Sam said.
Terry looked nervous as he flipped to another piece of paper. “Or how about, I’ll tell you if I can have at that sweet tight ass.”
“Jesus!” Sam yelled, crossing the room to grab the papers from him.
Every one was written neatly in Dean’s handwriting. Dean knew Sam would try to break Terry and he was prepared. He was much smarter than Sam gave him credit for.
“Son of a bitch.” Sam said flipping through the pages. “Sit on my face and spin? Jesus Dean.”
“I told you you’d never figure it out.”
“You are so fucked up.” Sam said, still reading through the cards. “Let me stick it in while you slap my thighs with slices of bologna and tell me no one puts baby in the corner?”
Dean laughed. “That’s my favorite!”
“Excuse us.” Sam said, grabbing Dean by his collar and pulling him into the hallway.
“What?”
“You’re like seriously disturbed.”
“You are.” Dean said. “Stop trying to figure it out.”
“Stop asking me to figure it out!”
“Fine.” Dean said, grabbing the cards.
He flipped through them before holding one for Sam to read.
“Really?” Sam asked.
“Mmmhmm.” Dean said walking to the bedroom.
“Right now?” Sam asked after he closed the door behind him.
“Yep.”
“Alright.” Sam said, unbuckling his belt. “Grab your ankles.”
That night, once the final coat of paint dried on the bookcases Sam sat down to a quiet dinner with Dean. That were finally alone in the house, Terry wouldn’t be back until he was needed.
“I can’t believe he agreed to read those cards.” Sam said.
“It was pretty fucking funny.”
“It wouldn’t have been funny if you came upstairs to find him down on his knees.”
Dean laughed. “Come on, like you’d ever let him do that.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Sam said. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“You’re not doing anything illegal, are you?”
Dean just smirked. “Not outside of the bedroom, or the bathroom, or the hallway, or in the car.”
Not telling Sam the truth was killing him. He’d be just as excited if he told him now, he didn’t really need to wait until the house was finished. He’d eventually figure it out, maybe it was best to just tell him now.
“What do you want to do?”
“About what?” Sam asked.
“About the future, I mean once we’re done with the house.”
“I hadn’t really thought about it.” Sam said. “I mean I want to do something, I’m not helping any around here.”
“Yes you are, you cook and clean.”
“Yeah but I’m not like contributing to anything.”
“But we work together, I do my stuff and you keep me fed.”
“I guess.”
Sam didn’t think his contributions were much help. If he wasn’t around Dean would still be able to fix the house, he’d just be eating fast food instead.
“We can keep the house.”
“What?” Sam asked.
“Once we’re done, Shelia and I are going to flip houses.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
Dean laughed again. “She’s going to buy houses, I’m going to fix them up and then she’ll sell them. We split the profits and I’ll pay off this house. Then it’ll be ours.”
“Really ours?”
“Yep. With paperwork and deeds, all kinds of grown up stuff. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Sam said. “I just didn’t think that would happen.”
“Me neither, but it will and we’ll have a house.”
“A home.” Sam said.
“That’s right, you can bake and plant as many gay flowers as you want, or go back to school, whatever you want to do.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course Sammy.”
It was official. Dean was the perfect man.
“Will you teach me how to be handy?” Sam asked.
“If you want.” Dean said setting down his fork. “You don’t want to go back to school?”
Sam shook his head quickly.
“Why not?” Dean asked.
“Why would I go back to school if I could stay home all day and work with you?”
“Let’s get married.”
“What?” Sam asked, standing to clear the table. “Shut up.”
Dean hadn’t thought about saying it, it just seemed like the thing you’d say after fucking your brother for a few years and working towards buying him a house.
“I’m serious.” Dean said following him into the kitchen.
“How many beers have you had?” Sam asked as he began to wash the dishes.
“I don’t know.” Dean thought for a second. “Like six but I’m not drunk.”
“But you are crazy.”
Marriage, Sam thought, in his wildest dreams he never imagined he’d hear Dean say something like that. They were already as married as they’d ever get.
“Come on Sam.” Dean said stopping him from washing the dishes. “Talk to me.”
“About what?”
“What do you think?”
Sam sighed. “I think you’d do just about anything to make me happy.”
“I would.” Dean said. “Anything.”
“And you think that I need all this to make me happy, but I don’t. I love you for working towards making this a home, but you don’t need to do this for me.”
“What about for me?” Dean asked. “I don’t want anyone else.”
Sam smiled, loving him even more for trying so hard. “I don’t want anyone else either.”
“Okay.” Dean said. “You’re right. If you make fun of me later I’ll kill you.”
“I wouldn’t do that.” Sam said. “Not about that. It’s very sweet.”
“I’m a sweet guy.”
One more secret, Dean thought, one more and then he’d never keep another thing from Sam.
The next day, just as Dean was finishing putting a new faucet in the downstairs bathroom, Sam came into the room holding his cell phone.
“Shelia called.”
“Yeah?” Dean asked standing back to inspect his work. “What did she want?”
“That looks really good.” Sam said patting him on the shoulder.
“Thanks Sammy.”
“She invited us to some coffee place downtown. Something about open mic night.”
“What the hell is that?”
“I guess it’s people doing readings and drinking coffee.”
“Gay.” Dean said wiping off the faucet.
He tried not to laugh as he was about to embark on the gayest thing ever.
“I told her you wouldn’t want to go, but it might be fun.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“It might be fun.” Sam said. “I know it’s not your thing.”
“Think they have muffins?”
Sam laughed. “Probably, if not I’ll make you some.”
Dean nodded, this was going just as he planned.
“She’s on her way.” Sam said. “Go take a quick shower.”
“I can’t go like this?”
“As much as I like you all sweaty, it’s probably not a good idea.”
“Fine.” Dean sighed.
“And wear something nice!” Sam yelled as he walked up the stairs.
Dean had already picked out exactly what to wear that morning after he called Shelia for advice. It was good having her around, she offered advice into what women and Sam wanted. He showered quickly before jumping out and shaving even faster. Sam might have thought he was crazy alone in the kitchen, but there’s no way he’d think he was crazy in a room full of coffee drinking beatniks.
“Don’t you look handsome.” Shelia said as he started to walk down the stairs.
“I don’t look stupid?”
“Not at all.”
“Ready?” Sam asked coming out of the kitchen.
“Yep.” Dean said smiling.
“Did you...” Sam said, staring at him. “Did you shave?”
“Yes Sam.” Dean said. “Did you?”
“I shave everyday.”
“Well I do every other day and today is my day.”
“That’s got to be a pain in the ass.” Shelia said.
“It is.” Dean said holding out his arm. “Shall we go?”
“What a gentleman!” Shelia said taking his arm.
Once they got to the car, Sam looked at him weird when he held the door open for him.
“What are you doing?”
“Just get in.” Dean said sighing.
After they were driving for a few minutes, Sam turned to Shelia. “So how’d you hear about this place?”
“A friend of mine is reading tonight.” She said.
Nice, Dean thought, way to improvise under pressure. Shelia kicked almost as much ass as he did.
“So it’s just people reading?”
“Pretty much.” Shelia said. “Poetry, stories, probably some songs.”
“Maybe you should sing Dean.”
“What?” He asked looking at Sam. “I’m just in it for the muffins.”
When they arrived, Dean started to get nervous, the coffee shop was packed.
“Get us a table Sam.” Dean told him. “We’ll get the muffins.”
“Okay.” Sam said, scanning the crowd and finding the sole unoccupied table.
Shelia and Dean waited in line between people with strange colored hair and too many piercings. They stood out like sore thumbs.
“Are you nervous?”
“No.” Dean said. “Well, a little.”
“Did you write anything down?”
“No, I just thought I’d wing it.”
“You’ll do great.”
With three coffees and one of every muffin, they found Sam and sat down, waiting for the first performer to take the stage.
“Okay everybody we’ve got some real artists here tonight.” A man on the stage said. “Let’s give it up.”
“This is going to be fun.” Sam said smiling. “Is your friend here?”
“Yeah.” Shelia said. “I think he’s up next.”
“My vagina is sad.” The woman on the stage moaned into the microphone.
“Jesus Christ.” Dean said. “What the hell.”
“Shh.” Sam glared at him.
As far as Dean could tell, this woman’s vagina was sad because it couldn’t feel the bright sunshine of spring anymore. It was a wilting wildflower. He wasn’t about to get up there and talk about how his dick was a mighty oak, although it totally was.
He sipped nervously at his coffee watching as everyone in the audience was transfixed as she listed all the flowers that were like her vagina for the next ten minutes.
“Alright.” The man who announced her said once she was done. “Let’s give it up for Sunshine MoonGoddess.”
“I bet that’s not her real name.” Dean told Shelia.
She laughed and mouthed ‘goodluck’.
“Up next.” The man said, flipping through his clipboard. “We have a newcomer, I guess he’s kind of like Cher, I don’t have a last name. Dean!”
“Oh Christ.” Sam said as Dean stood waving.
Why did he have to say Cher, Dean thought, anyone else would have done except Cher. He made his way to the stage amid applause even though they had no idea that he had no idea what he was about to say.
“What the hell is he doing?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know.” Shelia said into her coffee cup.
“Hi.” Dean said tapping the microphone. “I don’t have a vagina.”
The entire audience started to laugh except Sunshine who just glared at him from her table near the stage.
“I’ve never done this before.”
“You rock!” Someone yelled from the back.
With the entire audience encouraging him, he didn’t feel nervous anymore. There were blinding spotlights on him, but he could still make out Sam sitting at the table, staring at him with his mouth wide open.
“So.” Dean said adjusting the microphone. “I asked my best friend to marry me last night.”
“Oh my god.” Sam said as the audience started to applaud again.
“I got turned down.” Dean said frowning.
“Awwww.” They all said in unison.
“I’ll marry you.” A woman screamed from the back.
Sam turned around in his seat trying to find her, everyone looked the same and he couldn’t pick one of them out.
“That’s nice, but I’m spoken for.” Dean said laughing. “I’ve got this story to tell, it’s about two boys, they met in a motel room.”
Everyone in the audience was silent as Dean spoke. Sam looked out over them as transfixed by Dean as they were by the vagina monologue.
“They met in a hotel room and had all these wild adventures. They saw things that would keep you awake at night. It was okay though because at the end of the day they still had each other.”
“They still had each other.” Sam repeated quietly.
“They fell in love.” Dean said. “And nothing else mattered. Anyone here ever been in love?”
Sam watched as the audience rose to it’s feet cheering. Dean actually had a whole room of people cheering for him but he kept his eyes fixed on Sam.
“I’d never been in love.” Dean said pointing. “Until I met him.”
They all turned to stare at Sam but he didn’t care, he couldn’t even see them, all he could see was Dean illuminated by a spot of bright white light.
“I fell hard and I’m never getting up. No matter what.” Dean said. “So, I’ve got to know.”
“Oh god.” Sam said looking over to see Shelia crying.
“I wish I had a Dean!” She said wiping at her eyes.
“Are you going to marry me?” Dean asked. “Or am I going to have to kick your ass?”
Sam didn’t know what to say as a spotlight moved over to him and someone handed him a microphone. Dean was just standing on the stage smiling and he rose to his feet feeling like he weighed 1000 pounds.
“Well.” Sam said clearing his throat. “I don’t like getting my ass kicked.
“Is that a yes?” Dean asked very seriously into the microphone.
“That’s a yes.” Sam said smiling.
The roar of the crowd drowned out anything else he might have said. He could barely hear the boom of Dean’s falling microphone as he jumped off the stage and rushed towards Sam.
Dean didn’t care anymore. No one mattered except the two of them, as he pulled Sam’s mouth to his amid the cheers and applause of one hundred total strangers.
---
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean
Rating :R
Words: 3600/27800
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: Dean finally tells Sam they can keep the house and asks a very serious question.
Notes:: Rest are here, Samcakes
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard.
You don't have to ask to friend me, just go for it. We'll make out afterwards.
When Sam was six years old he started Sam’s Detective Agency. Unfortunately very few people wanted a six year old to help them solve mysteries. As a last ditch effort to drum up some business he stole one of Dean’s shoes and hid it in the backyard. When Dean came looking for his missing shoe, Sam led him around the house collecting clues that led them to the shoe shoved into some bushes. It was his first, last, and most successful case to date.
Now Dean was keeping something from him and Sam was determined to find out. It seemed like a big deal, whatever it was. He was completely prepared to let it go until Dean started asking him if he figured it out yet. Every few hours Dean would come over and ask him if he figured it out. The first few times he would just shake his head. After a while every time Dean would ask, Sam would push him down to his knees, but now it was just getting annoying.
“What are you doing?” Dean asked.
“I’m making brownies.”
“For me?” Dean asked rushing to his side.
“Of course for you, I need you to have quick energy.”
It was a lie. Sam didn’t have any problem with Dean eating a few of the brownies, but he wasn’t making them for him specifically. Dean was good at keeping secrets but there was a weak link in this chain. A weak link called T-Dog.
Terry spent most of his time hammering and painting in the spare bedroom talking about hot bitches with sweet tits. Sam might not have sweet tits, but he was hot and he could bake. Most hot bitches couldn’t do that.
Sam knew that Dean had to tell Shelia but she would never talk. He assumed Terry knew too and after a few brownies he’d sing. Dean obviously wanted him to figure it out, so that’s what he was going to do.
“These brownies are awesome.” Dean said, picking one of them apart with his fingers.
Sam smiled and walked to the refrigerator to pour him a tall glass of milk.
“Thanks Sammy.” Dean said smiling. “Wait, what are you up to?”
“What?”
“You’re up to something.”
“You’re paranoid.” Sam said. “You like brownies and I like you.”
Dean didn’t buy that for one minute. “Sure.”
Sam looked at him, sitting there with a hunk of chocolate stuck to the side of his face.
“You just eat that brownie.” Sam said.
He leaned in and licked the chocolate from his face, slowly before kissing him.
“Mmm. They taste good.” Sam said, turning away from him to finish cutting up the pan.
“You’re just going to lick me and walk away?”
“What else would I do?”
Sam stacked the brownies up on a plate making sure it looked like there were twice as many as there actually were. Terry wouldn’t know the difference.
“Well, are you ovulating?” Dean asked.
Not only had Dean been constantly asking if Sam had figured it out, he’d also started asking if he was ovulating all the time. Sam didn’t mind, he was just worried that Dean was trying so hard to knock him up that it might actually happen.
“I don’t know.” Sam said, making sure the brownies were perfect.
“How about since you made brownies, I’ll do something for you.”
“What did you have in mind?”
Dean just made a lewd blowjob motion with his fist and tongue and winked.
Sam laughed. “It’s been a while.”
“Yeah.” Dean said looking at his watch. “Like four hours.”
“I know.” Sam said. “How about I go distract Terry with some brownies?”
“And then we can do it in the backyard!”
Sam sighed, Dean had been trying to have sex in the backyard since they moved in. Sam just couldn’t do it, they had ninety year old neighbors and also the squirrels. He couldn’t take it up the ass with Mr. Shamrock watching. He was like a hero to them.
“I told you no.”
“Come on!”
“No.” Sam said, grabbing the plate of brownies. “Maybe one day, at night, against the house, but not in the middle of the day.”
“I could work with that.”
Sam shook his head before walking out the kitchen. In the next few minutes he’d know Dean’s big secret, depending on what it was he might end up fucking him in the middle of the front lawn just for the hell of it.
Terry had been working for a few days now and the built in bookcases were almost finished. He might talk like an idiot but there was no denying his talent. Sam would have been happy with a store bought bookcase against the wall, but Terry had managed to make bookcases that looked like they had always been there.
Dean didn’t even put up a fight when Sam picked the paint color. A few more coats and some sanding and they’d be all ready for the fifteen books Sam had.
“S-Murder!” Terry said as soon as Sam walked into the room. “How they hanging?”
Sam didn’t know what the hell that meant. “Pretty good.”
“Awesome.” Terry said nodding enthusiastically. “What do you think?”
Sam looked at the bookcases. “They’re amazing, really.”
“D-win knows what he wants.”
“He sure does.” Sam said, thinking about Dean probably standing in the middle of the kitchen with his pants around his ankles. “I made some brownies.”
“Awesome man.” Terry said grabbing one. “These special brownies? You know, special ingredients?”
“Well, there are two types of chocolate.”
Terry just looked confused as he took a bite. “Fuckin’ awesome.”
“Thanks.” Sam said, taking a seat in the folding chair across the room. “So has Dean, uh, D-win, talked to you about anything.”
As soon as Terry turned away quickly, Sam knew he had him. He knew, now he just had to wear him down.
“I don’t know. He says a lot of things.”
“Do you know something?” Sam asked quietly.
“I might.” Terry said his back to him.
“Do you maybe want to tell me?”
This was easier than he thought it would be, his brownies were pretty awesome. Terry would tell him, and the next time Dean asked if he figured it out, he could inform him that he had indeed.
“Do you maybe want to let me suck your cock?” Terry asked.
“What?” Sam yelled standing. “What did you say?”
“You let me suck your cock and I’ll tell you.”
“Oh my god.”
Sam hadn’t expected him to say that. He wanted to know but not that bad. Terry didn’t say anything, he just stood there waiting. Sam rushed out the room, running down the stairs to find Dean. He was at the stove licking the inside of the pan of brownies.
“I wasn’t doing anything.” He said dropping the pan as soon as Sam showed up.
“Terry just asked to suck my cock!” Sam yelled.
“He did what?” Dean asked. “I will kick his ass.”
“I can’t believe he asked me that!” Sam said.
“I will kick his ass.” Dean said rushing past him.
Sam ran after him, up the stairs and back into the room.
“Terry!” Dean yelled.
“Dude, what?”
“Sam says you just asked if you could suck his cock.”
“Uh.” Terry said.
Sam watched them from the doorway hoping that when they started fighting they didn’t mess up his bookcases.
“I don’t know man.” Terry said.
Dean shook his head. “I can’t believe this.”
Sam watched as Dean knelt down at flipped open Terry’s toolbox. Oh shit, he thought, he’s not just going to kick his ass, he’s going to kill him. Dean pulled out a small stack of papers and handed it to Terry.
“What does that say?” Dean asked.
“Oh!” Terry said reading it to Sam. “I’ll tell you if you suck my cock.”
“Oh my God.” Sam said.
Terry looked nervous as he flipped to another piece of paper. “Or how about, I’ll tell you if I can have at that sweet tight ass.”
“Jesus!” Sam yelled, crossing the room to grab the papers from him.
Every one was written neatly in Dean’s handwriting. Dean knew Sam would try to break Terry and he was prepared. He was much smarter than Sam gave him credit for.
“Son of a bitch.” Sam said flipping through the pages. “Sit on my face and spin? Jesus Dean.”
“I told you you’d never figure it out.”
“You are so fucked up.” Sam said, still reading through the cards. “Let me stick it in while you slap my thighs with slices of bologna and tell me no one puts baby in the corner?”
Dean laughed. “That’s my favorite!”
“Excuse us.” Sam said, grabbing Dean by his collar and pulling him into the hallway.
“What?”
“You’re like seriously disturbed.”
“You are.” Dean said. “Stop trying to figure it out.”
“Stop asking me to figure it out!”
“Fine.” Dean said, grabbing the cards.
He flipped through them before holding one for Sam to read.
“Really?” Sam asked.
“Mmmhmm.” Dean said walking to the bedroom.
“Right now?” Sam asked after he closed the door behind him.
“Yep.”
“Alright.” Sam said, unbuckling his belt. “Grab your ankles.”
That night, once the final coat of paint dried on the bookcases Sam sat down to a quiet dinner with Dean. That were finally alone in the house, Terry wouldn’t be back until he was needed.
“I can’t believe he agreed to read those cards.” Sam said.
“It was pretty fucking funny.”
“It wouldn’t have been funny if you came upstairs to find him down on his knees.”
Dean laughed. “Come on, like you’d ever let him do that.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Sam said. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“You’re not doing anything illegal, are you?”
Dean just smirked. “Not outside of the bedroom, or the bathroom, or the hallway, or in the car.”
Not telling Sam the truth was killing him. He’d be just as excited if he told him now, he didn’t really need to wait until the house was finished. He’d eventually figure it out, maybe it was best to just tell him now.
“What do you want to do?”
“About what?” Sam asked.
“About the future, I mean once we’re done with the house.”
“I hadn’t really thought about it.” Sam said. “I mean I want to do something, I’m not helping any around here.”
“Yes you are, you cook and clean.”
“Yeah but I’m not like contributing to anything.”
“But we work together, I do my stuff and you keep me fed.”
“I guess.”
Sam didn’t think his contributions were much help. If he wasn’t around Dean would still be able to fix the house, he’d just be eating fast food instead.
“We can keep the house.”
“What?” Sam asked.
“Once we’re done, Shelia and I are going to flip houses.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
Dean laughed again. “She’s going to buy houses, I’m going to fix them up and then she’ll sell them. We split the profits and I’ll pay off this house. Then it’ll be ours.”
“Really ours?”
“Yep. With paperwork and deeds, all kinds of grown up stuff. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Sam said. “I just didn’t think that would happen.”
“Me neither, but it will and we’ll have a house.”
“A home.” Sam said.
“That’s right, you can bake and plant as many gay flowers as you want, or go back to school, whatever you want to do.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course Sammy.”
It was official. Dean was the perfect man.
“Will you teach me how to be handy?” Sam asked.
“If you want.” Dean said setting down his fork. “You don’t want to go back to school?”
Sam shook his head quickly.
“Why not?” Dean asked.
“Why would I go back to school if I could stay home all day and work with you?”
“Let’s get married.”
“What?” Sam asked, standing to clear the table. “Shut up.”
Dean hadn’t thought about saying it, it just seemed like the thing you’d say after fucking your brother for a few years and working towards buying him a house.
“I’m serious.” Dean said following him into the kitchen.
“How many beers have you had?” Sam asked as he began to wash the dishes.
“I don’t know.” Dean thought for a second. “Like six but I’m not drunk.”
“But you are crazy.”
Marriage, Sam thought, in his wildest dreams he never imagined he’d hear Dean say something like that. They were already as married as they’d ever get.
“Come on Sam.” Dean said stopping him from washing the dishes. “Talk to me.”
“About what?”
“What do you think?”
Sam sighed. “I think you’d do just about anything to make me happy.”
“I would.” Dean said. “Anything.”
“And you think that I need all this to make me happy, but I don’t. I love you for working towards making this a home, but you don’t need to do this for me.”
“What about for me?” Dean asked. “I don’t want anyone else.”
Sam smiled, loving him even more for trying so hard. “I don’t want anyone else either.”
“Okay.” Dean said. “You’re right. If you make fun of me later I’ll kill you.”
“I wouldn’t do that.” Sam said. “Not about that. It’s very sweet.”
“I’m a sweet guy.”
One more secret, Dean thought, one more and then he’d never keep another thing from Sam.
The next day, just as Dean was finishing putting a new faucet in the downstairs bathroom, Sam came into the room holding his cell phone.
“Shelia called.”
“Yeah?” Dean asked standing back to inspect his work. “What did she want?”
“That looks really good.” Sam said patting him on the shoulder.
“Thanks Sammy.”
“She invited us to some coffee place downtown. Something about open mic night.”
“What the hell is that?”
“I guess it’s people doing readings and drinking coffee.”
“Gay.” Dean said wiping off the faucet.
He tried not to laugh as he was about to embark on the gayest thing ever.
“I told her you wouldn’t want to go, but it might be fun.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“It might be fun.” Sam said. “I know it’s not your thing.”
“Think they have muffins?”
Sam laughed. “Probably, if not I’ll make you some.”
Dean nodded, this was going just as he planned.
“She’s on her way.” Sam said. “Go take a quick shower.”
“I can’t go like this?”
“As much as I like you all sweaty, it’s probably not a good idea.”
“Fine.” Dean sighed.
“And wear something nice!” Sam yelled as he walked up the stairs.
Dean had already picked out exactly what to wear that morning after he called Shelia for advice. It was good having her around, she offered advice into what women and Sam wanted. He showered quickly before jumping out and shaving even faster. Sam might have thought he was crazy alone in the kitchen, but there’s no way he’d think he was crazy in a room full of coffee drinking beatniks.
“Don’t you look handsome.” Shelia said as he started to walk down the stairs.
“I don’t look stupid?”
“Not at all.”
“Ready?” Sam asked coming out of the kitchen.
“Yep.” Dean said smiling.
“Did you...” Sam said, staring at him. “Did you shave?”
“Yes Sam.” Dean said. “Did you?”
“I shave everyday.”
“Well I do every other day and today is my day.”
“That’s got to be a pain in the ass.” Shelia said.
“It is.” Dean said holding out his arm. “Shall we go?”
“What a gentleman!” Shelia said taking his arm.
Once they got to the car, Sam looked at him weird when he held the door open for him.
“What are you doing?”
“Just get in.” Dean said sighing.
After they were driving for a few minutes, Sam turned to Shelia. “So how’d you hear about this place?”
“A friend of mine is reading tonight.” She said.
Nice, Dean thought, way to improvise under pressure. Shelia kicked almost as much ass as he did.
“So it’s just people reading?”
“Pretty much.” Shelia said. “Poetry, stories, probably some songs.”
“Maybe you should sing Dean.”
“What?” He asked looking at Sam. “I’m just in it for the muffins.”
When they arrived, Dean started to get nervous, the coffee shop was packed.
“Get us a table Sam.” Dean told him. “We’ll get the muffins.”
“Okay.” Sam said, scanning the crowd and finding the sole unoccupied table.
Shelia and Dean waited in line between people with strange colored hair and too many piercings. They stood out like sore thumbs.
“Are you nervous?”
“No.” Dean said. “Well, a little.”
“Did you write anything down?”
“No, I just thought I’d wing it.”
“You’ll do great.”
With three coffees and one of every muffin, they found Sam and sat down, waiting for the first performer to take the stage.
“Okay everybody we’ve got some real artists here tonight.” A man on the stage said. “Let’s give it up.”
“This is going to be fun.” Sam said smiling. “Is your friend here?”
“Yeah.” Shelia said. “I think he’s up next.”
“My vagina is sad.” The woman on the stage moaned into the microphone.
“Jesus Christ.” Dean said. “What the hell.”
“Shh.” Sam glared at him.
As far as Dean could tell, this woman’s vagina was sad because it couldn’t feel the bright sunshine of spring anymore. It was a wilting wildflower. He wasn’t about to get up there and talk about how his dick was a mighty oak, although it totally was.
He sipped nervously at his coffee watching as everyone in the audience was transfixed as she listed all the flowers that were like her vagina for the next ten minutes.
“Alright.” The man who announced her said once she was done. “Let’s give it up for Sunshine MoonGoddess.”
“I bet that’s not her real name.” Dean told Shelia.
She laughed and mouthed ‘goodluck’.
“Up next.” The man said, flipping through his clipboard. “We have a newcomer, I guess he’s kind of like Cher, I don’t have a last name. Dean!”
“Oh Christ.” Sam said as Dean stood waving.
Why did he have to say Cher, Dean thought, anyone else would have done except Cher. He made his way to the stage amid applause even though they had no idea that he had no idea what he was about to say.
“What the hell is he doing?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know.” Shelia said into her coffee cup.
“Hi.” Dean said tapping the microphone. “I don’t have a vagina.”
The entire audience started to laugh except Sunshine who just glared at him from her table near the stage.
“I’ve never done this before.”
“You rock!” Someone yelled from the back.
With the entire audience encouraging him, he didn’t feel nervous anymore. There were blinding spotlights on him, but he could still make out Sam sitting at the table, staring at him with his mouth wide open.
“So.” Dean said adjusting the microphone. “I asked my best friend to marry me last night.”
“Oh my god.” Sam said as the audience started to applaud again.
“I got turned down.” Dean said frowning.
“Awwww.” They all said in unison.
“I’ll marry you.” A woman screamed from the back.
Sam turned around in his seat trying to find her, everyone looked the same and he couldn’t pick one of them out.
“That’s nice, but I’m spoken for.” Dean said laughing. “I’ve got this story to tell, it’s about two boys, they met in a motel room.”
Everyone in the audience was silent as Dean spoke. Sam looked out over them as transfixed by Dean as they were by the vagina monologue.
“They met in a hotel room and had all these wild adventures. They saw things that would keep you awake at night. It was okay though because at the end of the day they still had each other.”
“They still had each other.” Sam repeated quietly.
“They fell in love.” Dean said. “And nothing else mattered. Anyone here ever been in love?”
Sam watched as the audience rose to it’s feet cheering. Dean actually had a whole room of people cheering for him but he kept his eyes fixed on Sam.
“I’d never been in love.” Dean said pointing. “Until I met him.”
They all turned to stare at Sam but he didn’t care, he couldn’t even see them, all he could see was Dean illuminated by a spot of bright white light.
“I fell hard and I’m never getting up. No matter what.” Dean said. “So, I’ve got to know.”
“Oh god.” Sam said looking over to see Shelia crying.
“I wish I had a Dean!” She said wiping at her eyes.
“Are you going to marry me?” Dean asked. “Or am I going to have to kick your ass?”
Sam didn’t know what to say as a spotlight moved over to him and someone handed him a microphone. Dean was just standing on the stage smiling and he rose to his feet feeling like he weighed 1000 pounds.
“Well.” Sam said clearing his throat. “I don’t like getting my ass kicked.
“Is that a yes?” Dean asked very seriously into the microphone.
“That’s a yes.” Sam said smiling.
The roar of the crowd drowned out anything else he might have said. He could barely hear the boom of Dean’s falling microphone as he jumped off the stage and rushed towards Sam.
Dean didn’t care anymore. No one mattered except the two of them, as he pulled Sam’s mouth to his amid the cheers and applause of one hundred total strangers.
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