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[It's not often one gets to tolerate the presence on one's past self. For a Time Lord, the chances of running into one's self in a past, present, or future incarnation increases the longer one has lived. The universe is only so big, after all. While he's met himself on a handful of occasions, this time, however, is vastly different from the rest. For one, the universe hasn't been thrown into peril by their meeting.
And two, it's only their voices he hears. Thankfully, he hasn't had to converse with them, or else his mood might be considerably different than the present one he's in. Besides, he's sure a good number of them would be insulting his choice of dress or how he's styled his hair--some were particular about such things--and he'll maintain that this current style is his favourite, and therefore the best, unlike some who think the best thing to pin to his coat is a decorative vegetable or cat badge. He's glad to have grown out of that question mark phase, and had he come face to face with those who were stuck in it, he would have had words for them.]
[As it is, any mirror he's passed as of late has taken to showing him snatches of his life--be it on Gallifrey, Earth countless times, Metebelis 3, Karn, Skaro, Raxicoricofallapatorius, Telos, Voga, Alzarius, even somewhere in the Divergent Universe--any moment that's particularly fitting for his mood or trains of thought. He's just finished treating himself to a banana split, and of course his other selves, particular his ninth incarnation, which only earned him an earful about bananas and anything related to them, including the excellent uses and benefits one could gain from the consumption of bananas. Like he needs to be told such things; he invented the banana daiquiri, after all.]
"Give a monkey control of its environment, and it will fill the world with bananas!"
"I've stopped the universe. Still, they'll never notice. Just imagine, somewhere someone's just slipped on a banana skin and he'll be wondering forever when he's going to hit the ground."
"Like I said, once. There's a banana grove there now. I like bananas. Bananas are good."
[However, now that he's on his way towards the transportation pad, hands tucked casually into his pockets--and his Sphere's popped on as it normally does--his thoughts turn to Oliver, lying in hospital, and the tone of the voices following him completely change.]
"Steven... Even after all this time, he cannot understand. I dare not change the course of history. Well, at least I taught him to take some precautions; he did remember to look at the scanner before he opened the doors. And now, they're all gone. All gone. None of them could understand. Not even my little Susan. Or Vicki. And as for Barbara and Chatterton--Chesterton--they were all too impatient to get back to their own time. And now, Steven. Perhaps I should go home. Back to my own planet. But I can't... I can't..."
[He freezes, groaning as he runs a hand through his hair.] Oh no, not this. Why can't you just leave me alone?
"What? I can't do anything. Please, Jamie. I have to go now They're unique. I can't watch. I have to go."
"When I was growing up, there was a mountain. An enormous mountain. And halfway up this mountain lived an old man. A hermit. He was my confidant. My 'guru', you might say. Over the years he said many wise things to me, but perhaps the wisest was this... He said, 'Of all the many universal truths, the one true constancy is that nothing is constant. Everything will change. Nothing lasts forever.'"
[Angrily] What, you think I don't know that by now?!
"What do you mean I can't see him? He's my friend! He--"
Right, that's right. I'm ignoring all of you. I need to see how Ollie's doing. You hear that? I'm ignoring you.
"I'm glad you think that way. But you shouldn't have to. I don't look for these battles on purpose, you know. And I don't have any right to put you in danger. You can always go home."
[He plugs his ears now, though he knows it's a futile effort.]
"We're fallin' through space, you and me, clingin to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go..."
"Well it looks as if he's made another family for himself. That's often when I'm happiest."
"Amnesia? Poppycock! One sight of me and everything will come flooding back, I guarantee it!"
"You can't ever tell her!"
"Particularly after what's happened! I've already lost one friend today, C'rizz. I don't intend on losing another."
"I wanted to take this opportunity to find you ever since I met him. It's important, you see. Because he's very special to me. To us."
[And speaking of hospital conversations, he's hopping on to the transportation pad, the device bringing him to Level 13 a moment later. The voices echo around the empty, white halls and still, he ignores them. Sort of. One look at the stony expression on his face says that they're starting to get to him.]
"Eh? Not even awake yet? I suppose I could visit the shop, wait around for a--"
"I was going to take you to so many places. Barcelona! Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. You'd love it, fantastic place! They've got dogs with no noses! [That voice laughs, despite the pain.] Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke and it's still funny!"
"That makes millions of couples. If any one of them had failed to meet for any reason at all, if anything had prevented them from having offspring, if any one of those offspring had not survived--then you wouldn't be here now, and you wouldn't even know that you had failed to exist. Your whole life has been hanging on the thinnest of threads, Miss Rutherford. The odds against you ever existing are trillions upon trillions to one. That's why your life is so precious. That's why everybody's is."
"Well that's just it. We're expendable--and we know it. We might occasionally have the odd illusion of grandeur, but ultimately, we serve Time, not the other way around. And if Time is threatened, as it often is by people meddling in its treacherous and muddy waters, then we are expected to put things right or die trying. It's what it is to be a Time Lord."
"The ultimate mystery of the Time Lords is like signing on with the girl's junior scout troop? That's one of the most spectacular similes I have ever heard attempted."
"You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lords."
"It's the price I pay for my freedom."
"Life is all about people, C'rizz. Finding them, losing them, family, friends, those we love. Knowing that we'll lose them one day should help us to appreciate them more while they're alive. Knowing that we won't have a second chance--not unless there is life after death. I'd like to think...that in order to get it right, we'll be allowed a second chance."
"Family only?! I might as well be family! I've saved the lad plenty of times to at least qualify for that! If not an immediate family position, then at least some sort of mad uncle who lives with flamingoes! Not that I do, don't particularly fancy them myself. Too pink. Anyway, I'm practically his uncle! I should at least be able to see how he's doing! Never mind, I'll just help myself to his chart and don't say I can't. Sure, you may be his doctor, but then again, so am I."
"Believe it or not, he found me. Hah, that's cosmic balance for you. I wanted you to know that despite our personal tragedy, something good emerged."
"One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine."
"Lucie... There's a lot of darkness out there. Some of it where Orbis used to be. But you know something. We didn't notice any of it if it weren't for all those little pinpricks of light. Planets and stars. And that's where I go whenever I feel sad: the next bit of light in the darkness. Keep on moving, never look back. Well hardly ever."
[Finally he stands outside Oliver's room, the closed door being the only thing separating him from his friend. Even better, the voices have quieted down for the time being, but he knows himself best; he doesn't stay silent for long.]
Never looking back used to be so much simpler. All my troubles seemed so far away... Wiser words have never been said, Paul.
[Then he turns away and starts heading back the way he came.]
Perhaps tomorrow will be better. [Smiles faintly to himself.] It always is.
And two, it's only their voices he hears. Thankfully, he hasn't had to converse with them, or else his mood might be considerably different than the present one he's in. Besides, he's sure a good number of them would be insulting his choice of dress or how he's styled his hair--some were particular about such things--and he'll maintain that this current style is his favourite, and therefore the best, unlike some who think the best thing to pin to his coat is a decorative vegetable or cat badge. He's glad to have grown out of that question mark phase, and had he come face to face with those who were stuck in it, he would have had words for them.]
[As it is, any mirror he's passed as of late has taken to showing him snatches of his life--be it on Gallifrey, Earth countless times, Metebelis 3, Karn, Skaro, Raxicoricofallapatorius, Telos, Voga, Alzarius, even somewhere in the Divergent Universe--any moment that's particularly fitting for his mood or trains of thought. He's just finished treating himself to a banana split, and of course his other selves, particular his ninth incarnation, which only earned him an earful about bananas and anything related to them, including the excellent uses and benefits one could gain from the consumption of bananas. Like he needs to be told such things; he invented the banana daiquiri, after all.]
"Give a monkey control of its environment, and it will fill the world with bananas!"
"I've stopped the universe. Still, they'll never notice. Just imagine, somewhere someone's just slipped on a banana skin and he'll be wondering forever when he's going to hit the ground."
"Like I said, once. There's a banana grove there now. I like bananas. Bananas are good."
[However, now that he's on his way towards the transportation pad, hands tucked casually into his pockets--and his Sphere's popped on as it normally does--his thoughts turn to Oliver, lying in hospital, and the tone of the voices following him completely change.]
"Steven... Even after all this time, he cannot understand. I dare not change the course of history. Well, at least I taught him to take some precautions; he did remember to look at the scanner before he opened the doors. And now, they're all gone. All gone. None of them could understand. Not even my little Susan. Or Vicki. And as for Barbara and Chatterton--Chesterton--they were all too impatient to get back to their own time. And now, Steven. Perhaps I should go home. Back to my own planet. But I can't... I can't..."
[He freezes, groaning as he runs a hand through his hair.] Oh no, not this. Why can't you just leave me alone?
"What? I can't do anything. Please, Jamie. I have to go now They're unique. I can't watch. I have to go."
"When I was growing up, there was a mountain. An enormous mountain. And halfway up this mountain lived an old man. A hermit. He was my confidant. My 'guru', you might say. Over the years he said many wise things to me, but perhaps the wisest was this... He said, 'Of all the many universal truths, the one true constancy is that nothing is constant. Everything will change. Nothing lasts forever.'"
[Angrily] What, you think I don't know that by now?!
"What do you mean I can't see him? He's my friend! He--"
Right, that's right. I'm ignoring all of you. I need to see how Ollie's doing. You hear that? I'm ignoring you.
"I'm glad you think that way. But you shouldn't have to. I don't look for these battles on purpose, you know. And I don't have any right to put you in danger. You can always go home."
[He plugs his ears now, though he knows it's a futile effort.]
"We're fallin' through space, you and me, clingin to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go..."
"Well it looks as if he's made another family for himself. That's often when I'm happiest."
"Amnesia? Poppycock! One sight of me and everything will come flooding back, I guarantee it!"
"You can't ever tell her!"
"Particularly after what's happened! I've already lost one friend today, C'rizz. I don't intend on losing another."
"I wanted to take this opportunity to find you ever since I met him. It's important, you see. Because he's very special to me. To us."
[And speaking of hospital conversations, he's hopping on to the transportation pad, the device bringing him to Level 13 a moment later. The voices echo around the empty, white halls and still, he ignores them. Sort of. One look at the stony expression on his face says that they're starting to get to him.]
"Eh? Not even awake yet? I suppose I could visit the shop, wait around for a--"
"I was going to take you to so many places. Barcelona! Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. You'd love it, fantastic place! They've got dogs with no noses! [That voice laughs, despite the pain.] Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke and it's still funny!"
"That makes millions of couples. If any one of them had failed to meet for any reason at all, if anything had prevented them from having offspring, if any one of those offspring had not survived--then you wouldn't be here now, and you wouldn't even know that you had failed to exist. Your whole life has been hanging on the thinnest of threads, Miss Rutherford. The odds against you ever existing are trillions upon trillions to one. That's why your life is so precious. That's why everybody's is."
"Well that's just it. We're expendable--and we know it. We might occasionally have the odd illusion of grandeur, but ultimately, we serve Time, not the other way around. And if Time is threatened, as it often is by people meddling in its treacherous and muddy waters, then we are expected to put things right or die trying. It's what it is to be a Time Lord."
"The ultimate mystery of the Time Lords is like signing on with the girl's junior scout troop? That's one of the most spectacular similes I have ever heard attempted."
"You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lords."
"It's the price I pay for my freedom."
"Life is all about people, C'rizz. Finding them, losing them, family, friends, those we love. Knowing that we'll lose them one day should help us to appreciate them more while they're alive. Knowing that we won't have a second chance--not unless there is life after death. I'd like to think...that in order to get it right, we'll be allowed a second chance."
"Family only?! I might as well be family! I've saved the lad plenty of times to at least qualify for that! If not an immediate family position, then at least some sort of mad uncle who lives with flamingoes! Not that I do, don't particularly fancy them myself. Too pink. Anyway, I'm practically his uncle! I should at least be able to see how he's doing! Never mind, I'll just help myself to his chart and don't say I can't. Sure, you may be his doctor, but then again, so am I."
"Believe it or not, he found me. Hah, that's cosmic balance for you. I wanted you to know that despite our personal tragedy, something good emerged."
"One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine."
"Lucie... There's a lot of darkness out there. Some of it where Orbis used to be. But you know something. We didn't notice any of it if it weren't for all those little pinpricks of light. Planets and stars. And that's where I go whenever I feel sad: the next bit of light in the darkness. Keep on moving, never look back. Well hardly ever."
[Finally he stands outside Oliver's room, the closed door being the only thing separating him from his friend. Even better, the voices have quieted down for the time being, but he knows himself best; he doesn't stay silent for long.]
Never looking back used to be so much simpler. All my troubles seemed so far away... Wiser words have never been said, Paul.
[Then he turns away and starts heading back the way he came.]
Perhaps tomorrow will be better. [Smiles faintly to himself.] It always is.