Man, I'm afraid to get into this 'cause I have way too much other stuff on my mind AND I really don't want it to turn into a male/female thing OR grind on the age thing as that makes me sound so old. There is much truth in the idea that young women don't know what they want BUT the same can be said for young men as well. We also know that some people never "grow up" and learn what is good for them and what's not, and then continue for their entire lives to make mistakes in choosing someone to love. But while you're making generalizations about these "good guys" and the silly females they pursue-you should know there is the exact thing going on from the other side. Believe me, I've been there. The first person that I loved treated me like his best buddy. When this girl that he thought was the most beautiful creature on this earth wouldn't give him the time of day, I listened to all his problems. When she waited until the last minute to tell him "Sorry, the guy I really wanted to ask me to Homecoming finally called" I was happy to be his last minute date. Yep, we were eighteen-still trying to figure out what we needed and wanted. Yep, I was crazy enough to do just about anything to spend time with him. I believed that somehow someday he would look at me and realize I was the one who loved him best. Now if you think this is all high school stuff, let me tell you that those two people married. Her and I ended up best friends and they are my first child's godparents. For years, I played marriage counselor to them (not my best idea) and when they eventually broke up, he told me that he wished she had my personality (means he wanted me to look like her!! Wow, how shallow..) and she told me that she always saw him through my eyes and he wasn't really what she wanted in a relationship. For years after, when he had problems with women, he came to talk to me. I finally figured out that his inability to find the "right" someone had to do with the fact that he never learned that pretty girls aren't always pretty inside. (YAY for us regular girls!) He is unhappy with his current situation and told me his wife "wasn't who he thought she was." Hmmmmmm....He is, of course, as old as I am and still hasn't learned. He probably never will. I still listen to his problems for old times's sake. It taught me a little about outward appearances and attitudes, and the difference between men who present themselves well, and those who really follow through. (YES, I know we can say the same for women-this being my point-it goes both ways!) Rich, you and I have talked about this a million times. If you act like the "good buddy" you will always be treated like that. The second piece you posted about females wanting to feel special and good guys giving it away to too many females makes a valid point. AND it is also true for females as well. My ideas about this go much deeper but I have two things to say now. FIRST-my overwhelming thought is "WHY do you want these kind of females anyway??" Find someone who is not handing you a line of crap about their last/current boyfriend. Find someone who has given it a bit of thought about who they are and who they want to be with, not someone who reacts to the first tight pair of pants that walks by. Yeah, sure-sexual attraction is important, but if that's all that's there, the relationship will never be what you need. SECOND-Kelly is right when he says "Suck it up" but not for the reason he says. It's not totally true, not even all YOUNG women are like that. Suck it up 'cause it's not very attractive to keep complaining about it. It might be okay for a comedian to make a whole routine about it, but a guy who's looking for the "right" person is not going to attract anyone while he is um.......YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, RIGHT?????.........whining. You're not being a good guy-you're letting yourself be used-there is a difference-SO STOP IT! Besides, take it from this old bitch who didn't find the "right" one 'til she was um.....well, you know....YOU HAVE LOTS OF TIME TO FIND SOMEONE!!! Enjoy your life-make friends-play GAMES (the SL kind)-go to college-get laid-buy a truck-someone good will come along. That's my advice to my own children.
Very valid point indeed. I posted elsewhere, I used to be in th same position back in high-school and college. At some point I decided to change myslf a bit and I stopped just being that nice guy. I think I stayed clear of turning into a complete asshole, but somethings changed. I know my confidence level went way up and a few things certainly changed about how I handled things. Such as learning when to move on--I think that was the most valuable thing. And it was a friend who made me learn that--thanks Phil!
And just so everyone is aware...I understand what Rich is going through thus why I have said the things I have. I do NOT think all women are bad, or dumb--just those who act like idiots :) And I feel the same about the men who constantly go after them. I think everyone goes through (and past) this problem--at least all decent ones do. The girls learn to stop laying all their troubles on a "good guy" and learn what they want--and become WOMEN. And the boys all eventually learn to move on and haden up just enough to no longer be a "good guy" and become MEN.
There is much truth in the idea that young women don't know what they want BUT the same can be said for young men as well. We also know that some people never "grow up" and learn what is good for them and what's not, and then continue for their entire lives to make mistakes in choosing someone to love. But while you're making generalizations about these "good guys" and the silly females they pursue-you should know there is the exact thing going on from the other side. Believe me, I've been there. The first person that I loved treated me like his best buddy. When this girl that he thought was the most beautiful creature on this earth wouldn't give him the time of day, I listened to all his problems. When she waited until the last minute to tell him "Sorry, the guy I really wanted to ask me to Homecoming finally called" I was happy to be his last minute date. Yep, we were eighteen-still trying to figure out what we needed and wanted. Yep, I was crazy enough to do just about anything to spend time with him. I believed that somehow someday he would look at me and realize I was the one who loved him best. Now if you think this is all high school stuff, let me tell you that those two people married. Her and I ended up best friends and they are my first child's godparents. For years, I played marriage counselor to them (not my best idea) and when they eventually broke up, he told me that he wished she had my personality (means he wanted me to look like her!! Wow, how shallow..) and she told me that she always saw him through my eyes and he wasn't really what she wanted in a relationship. For years after, when he had problems with women, he came to talk to me. I finally figured out that his inability to find the "right" someone had to do with the fact that he never learned that pretty girls aren't always pretty inside. (YAY for us regular girls!) He is unhappy with his current situation and told me his wife "wasn't who he thought she was." Hmmmmmm....He is, of course, as old as I am and still hasn't learned. He probably never will. I still listen to his problems for old times's sake. It taught me a little about outward appearances and attitudes, and the difference between men who present themselves well, and those who really follow through. (YES, I know we can say the same for women-this being my point-it goes both ways!)
Rich, you and I have talked about this a million times. If you act like the "good buddy" you will always be treated like that. The second piece you posted about females wanting to feel special and good guys giving it away to too many females makes a valid point. AND it is also true for females as well.
My ideas about this go much deeper but I have two things to say now.
FIRST-my overwhelming thought is "WHY do you want these kind of females anyway??" Find someone who is not handing you a line of crap about their last/current boyfriend. Find someone who has given it a bit of thought about who they are and who they want to be with, not someone who reacts to the first tight pair of pants that walks by. Yeah, sure-sexual attraction is important, but if that's all that's there, the relationship will never be what you need.
SECOND-Kelly is right when he says "Suck it up" but not for the reason he says. It's not totally true, not even all YOUNG women are like that. Suck it up 'cause it's not very attractive to keep complaining about it. It might be okay for a comedian to make a whole routine about it, but a guy who's looking for the "right" person is not going to attract anyone while he is um.......YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, RIGHT?????.........whining. You're not being a good guy-you're letting yourself be used-there is a difference-SO STOP IT!
Besides, take it from this old bitch who didn't find the "right" one 'til she was um.....well, you know....YOU HAVE LOTS OF TIME TO FIND SOMEONE!!! Enjoy your life-make friends-play GAMES (the SL kind)-go to college-get laid-buy a truck-someone good will come along.
That's my advice to my own children.
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Very valid point indeed. I posted elsewhere, I used to be in th same position back in high-school and college. At some point I decided to change myslf a bit and I stopped just being that nice guy. I think I stayed clear of turning into a complete asshole, but somethings changed. I know my confidence level went way up and a few things certainly changed about how I handled things. Such as learning when to move on--I think that was the most valuable thing. And it was a friend who made me learn that--thanks Phil!
And just so everyone is aware...I understand what Rich is going through thus why I have said the things I have. I do NOT think all women are bad, or dumb--just those who act like idiots :) And I feel the same about the men who constantly go after them. I think everyone goes through (and past) this problem--at least all decent ones do. The girls learn to stop laying all their troubles on a "good guy" and learn what they want--and become WOMEN. And the boys all eventually learn to move on and haden up just enough to no longer be a "good guy" and become MEN.
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