Hn. Public. Go figure...
I had a somewhat unusual dream last night.
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In my dream, someone from my past had died. I'm not going to say who, but it was someone that at one point was a big part of my life, and now... pretty much isn't. Anyway, that's not the point. I was dreaming, this person had died.
Regardless of what I may feel now, I found myself attending the viewing/funeral. Actually, more like attempting to attend. Since I wasn't exactly on good terms with the person at the time of their death, there was much animosity between their remaining friends and family and myself. I remember being screamed at, insulted, having things thrown at me, and pretty much being 'chased out'.
In a way, it reminds me of when Hall and Tant showed up at Jay's viewing. Jay was one of the nicest guys in the world, but if there were two people that it could be honestly said that he hated for their choices and actions in life, it would be those two. Everyone was talking about them being there and wondering why they had bothered to show up. No one ran them out, of course, but it was still a matter of discussion.
But now I've gotten to thinking... why? I mean, they showed up calmly, weren't there to start trouble, didn't stop by to 'see if he was really gone', and weren't making jokes or anything. They were just there to pay respects to someone that had at one time been a friend. (Of course that's speculation, as I don't really know for certain why they were there, but that's what it seemed like.)
They were there, they were quiet, they seemed genuinely concerned... who were we to be offended by their presence? Not all of us were offended, to be honest... but the fact that it was even a topic of discussion means that it was something that stood out. We didn't know why they would show up knowing that he had disliked them.
And that goes back to my dream. I was being forced out because everyone there knew that the person that had died and I were not on good terms at all, but still I had showed up. Still I was there. I was there to mourn, to pay respects, and to say goodbye to someone that had meant a lot to me in the past. Someone that had been an influential point in my life, and no matter what changed between then and now, or now and whenever, that fact will still remain.
So of course, if it were to become a reality, I would show up. I would say my goodbyes. In death we can forgive what in life we can't forget, I guess. Would I be insulted? Would I be harassed and tossed out? Perhaps. I can't say for certain, since I only know how we responded when Hall and Tant showed up, and how we are... and certainly not how others would react to my own presence.
It's all conjecture, I suppose.
In a mutually curious turn of circumstance... If I were the one to pass away, would the person I dreamt had died show up? Would others that I had had problems with? I don't know. Would there be a line of people whom at the moment I can't stand the presence of, waiting to pass by and say farewell? I don't know. Perhaps, but that's not up to me.
What is up to me, though, is this... If they do show up, if people whom I have issue with come to pay respects or say goodbye, or anything of that matter... let them. I'm not sure how much wieght this would hold should the time come, but if any of my friends reading this would be there, just... don't prevent anyone from showing up. No matter who I may dislike/hate right now, well... like I said. 'In death we can forgive what in life we can't forget'.
Hn. Don't know what else to say.
-Darien
**********
In my dream, someone from my past had died. I'm not going to say who, but it was someone that at one point was a big part of my life, and now... pretty much isn't. Anyway, that's not the point. I was dreaming, this person had died.
Regardless of what I may feel now, I found myself attending the viewing/funeral. Actually, more like attempting to attend. Since I wasn't exactly on good terms with the person at the time of their death, there was much animosity between their remaining friends and family and myself. I remember being screamed at, insulted, having things thrown at me, and pretty much being 'chased out'.
In a way, it reminds me of when Hall and Tant showed up at Jay's viewing. Jay was one of the nicest guys in the world, but if there were two people that it could be honestly said that he hated for their choices and actions in life, it would be those two. Everyone was talking about them being there and wondering why they had bothered to show up. No one ran them out, of course, but it was still a matter of discussion.
But now I've gotten to thinking... why? I mean, they showed up calmly, weren't there to start trouble, didn't stop by to 'see if he was really gone', and weren't making jokes or anything. They were just there to pay respects to someone that had at one time been a friend. (Of course that's speculation, as I don't really know for certain why they were there, but that's what it seemed like.)
They were there, they were quiet, they seemed genuinely concerned... who were we to be offended by their presence? Not all of us were offended, to be honest... but the fact that it was even a topic of discussion means that it was something that stood out. We didn't know why they would show up knowing that he had disliked them.
And that goes back to my dream. I was being forced out because everyone there knew that the person that had died and I were not on good terms at all, but still I had showed up. Still I was there. I was there to mourn, to pay respects, and to say goodbye to someone that had meant a lot to me in the past. Someone that had been an influential point in my life, and no matter what changed between then and now, or now and whenever, that fact will still remain.
So of course, if it were to become a reality, I would show up. I would say my goodbyes. In death we can forgive what in life we can't forget, I guess. Would I be insulted? Would I be harassed and tossed out? Perhaps. I can't say for certain, since I only know how we responded when Hall and Tant showed up, and how we are... and certainly not how others would react to my own presence.
It's all conjecture, I suppose.
In a mutually curious turn of circumstance... If I were the one to pass away, would the person I dreamt had died show up? Would others that I had had problems with? I don't know. Would there be a line of people whom at the moment I can't stand the presence of, waiting to pass by and say farewell? I don't know. Perhaps, but that's not up to me.
What is up to me, though, is this... If they do show up, if people whom I have issue with come to pay respects or say goodbye, or anything of that matter... let them. I'm not sure how much wieght this would hold should the time come, but if any of my friends reading this would be there, just... don't prevent anyone from showing up. No matter who I may dislike/hate right now, well... like I said. 'In death we can forgive what in life we can't forget'.
Hn. Don't know what else to say.
-Darien