muhhhhhhhgh
ok so maybe quicker update than id like cos now its late and i want to get to bed gar!
been a while. um... still working for the LORD. though i dont know for how long. there is another resume they are looking at but they are way too busy to start interveiwing so they got me for now. they did ask for my resume but they see actor and think im gonna jet soon. whatever... as long as i know well in advance ... ... and prepare to be fired...
monitarily speaking that is, prepare. ive spent the last week or so in the red. funny how an ill timed $4 pruchase can cause a vicious cycle of fines surmounting nearly 200 dollars. looks like someone needs overdraft protection.
maybe i shouldnt have let it slip but, you see, i have this friend in the city and he instantly fronted me some cash. and i shouldnt have. but i did. because im a pushover and i do what im told to do. but i feels like im transferring my debt. i owe so much. to too many creditors already. goddamnit if this job falls through... i guess, more specifically, god damns me... but ANYways i decided to take it not spend it and just give it back a few weeks later... but it was burning in my pocket. actually, it was a sizeable ammount, just enought to make me feel just a twinge nervous walking back home at 5 in the morning. and my greedy binge? after long deliberation it turned out to be.... food. i guess eating is important. and i guess thats why he shoved it in my hand.
for some reason people lending me money makes me cry. i mean, i didnt. i tried my hardest to be calm and stoic. its also kinda why i accepted because i was tearing up and i wanted to talk about something else so ... to protect my dignity i suppose. i just hope it wasnt, that i didnt seem ungrateful.
he also gave me a tablet. that didnt make me cry but it made me uneasy. he said i have to make comics. he said he thinks im more valuable as a cartoonist, that i need to pursue it cos that.... well lets see... how did he put it? something like.. that i understood alot more than just acting and that i needed to make comics because i have an ability and therefore an obligation to tell a story. or maybe i made him say something i wanted to hear in my head? i mean, he said he didnt think i had it in me as an actor, to say nothing of my craft. but that i wasnt quite as... vapid as the actors that make it lucrative. i took it as a compliment. and truly commercials are not my thing. i miss theatre. but i will make it happen. whatever i have to do. i want a condo in roosevelt island so i can invite my sister or brother up to stay. for some reason, that is the fantasy. working out of home, with a panoramic view of mid town. and.. well the thought started that i should get to know my sister better. and i should invite her up, maybe let her bring a friend, and just hit the town. i dont know her very well and i dont want to regret that. regret should be the only thing that anyone should fear. but that seemed like a nice way to show off the city to her.... in my fancy condo? i think im gonna tell them soon. my brother and sister. im afraid i'll cry. that wouldnt be good. because that's not me.. thats not how they understand me.
my brother was accepted to state by the way. the engeneering department to be exact. apparantly that is a feat. so soon he will be saving the world through enviromental enegeering. god knows we need that. as opposed to me, saving the world through cartoons... or ..car wash commercials... im very proud of him ...this is the first time in a long time i actually feel like a big brother again
hmm... this has been a nice session. i have this elevated mood brought on by a book that thetamsters let me borrow. the perks of being a wallflower... im reading it on the subway... i'll probably eat at my desk and then take 'lunch' in the cemetary and plow through some of the book. the writing flows well and illumates very obtruse feelings succintly and accesibly. very skillfully written.
now, before i go to bed. this is a picture in france. its perhaps the best picture ive ever taken. i take terrible pictures usually
been a while. um... still working for the LORD. though i dont know for how long. there is another resume they are looking at but they are way too busy to start interveiwing so they got me for now. they did ask for my resume but they see actor and think im gonna jet soon. whatever... as long as i know well in advance ... ... and prepare to be fired...
monitarily speaking that is, prepare. ive spent the last week or so in the red. funny how an ill timed $4 pruchase can cause a vicious cycle of fines surmounting nearly 200 dollars. looks like someone needs overdraft protection.
maybe i shouldnt have let it slip but, you see, i have this friend in the city and he instantly fronted me some cash. and i shouldnt have. but i did. because im a pushover and i do what im told to do. but i feels like im transferring my debt. i owe so much. to too many creditors already. goddamnit if this job falls through... i guess, more specifically, god damns me... but ANYways i decided to take it not spend it and just give it back a few weeks later... but it was burning in my pocket. actually, it was a sizeable ammount, just enought to make me feel just a twinge nervous walking back home at 5 in the morning. and my greedy binge? after long deliberation it turned out to be.... food. i guess eating is important. and i guess thats why he shoved it in my hand.
for some reason people lending me money makes me cry. i mean, i didnt. i tried my hardest to be calm and stoic. its also kinda why i accepted because i was tearing up and i wanted to talk about something else so ... to protect my dignity i suppose. i just hope it wasnt, that i didnt seem ungrateful.
he also gave me a tablet. that didnt make me cry but it made me uneasy. he said i have to make comics. he said he thinks im more valuable as a cartoonist, that i need to pursue it cos that.... well lets see... how did he put it? something like.. that i understood alot more than just acting and that i needed to make comics because i have an ability and therefore an obligation to tell a story. or maybe i made him say something i wanted to hear in my head? i mean, he said he didnt think i had it in me as an actor, to say nothing of my craft. but that i wasnt quite as... vapid as the actors that make it lucrative. i took it as a compliment. and truly commercials are not my thing. i miss theatre. but i will make it happen. whatever i have to do. i want a condo in roosevelt island so i can invite my sister or brother up to stay. for some reason, that is the fantasy. working out of home, with a panoramic view of mid town. and.. well the thought started that i should get to know my sister better. and i should invite her up, maybe let her bring a friend, and just hit the town. i dont know her very well and i dont want to regret that. regret should be the only thing that anyone should fear. but that seemed like a nice way to show off the city to her.... in my fancy condo? i think im gonna tell them soon. my brother and sister. im afraid i'll cry. that wouldnt be good. because that's not me.. thats not how they understand me.
my brother was accepted to state by the way. the engeneering department to be exact. apparantly that is a feat. so soon he will be saving the world through enviromental enegeering. god knows we need that. as opposed to me, saving the world through cartoons... or ..car wash commercials... im very proud of him ...this is the first time in a long time i actually feel like a big brother again
hmm... this has been a nice session. i have this elevated mood brought on by a book that thetamsters let me borrow. the perks of being a wallflower... im reading it on the subway... i'll probably eat at my desk and then take 'lunch' in the cemetary and plow through some of the book. the writing flows well and illumates very obtruse feelings succintly and accesibly. very skillfully written.
now, before i go to bed. this is a picture in france. its perhaps the best picture ive ever taken. i take terrible pictures usually