'The Five Times Barney Looked into the Mirror...' Part one
Title: The Five Times Barney Looked into the Mirror... (1/2)
Author: bishojo_kitsune
Word Count: 2650
Summary: Barney needs a Bro for the 47th semi-annual regional laser-tag doubles tournament. Who better a partner than your own doppelganger?
Warning(s): Shameless use of a certain minor character from the latest HIMYM episode, and un-beta'd due to this being written for my beta lol
Notes: For lilithisbitter ’s birthday, which is today tomorrow today (I SUCK AT DATES OK?). Happy birthday! :D Hope you enjoy :3
Second part should be up before Monday when the spring semester starts, hopefully. Or else there's risk that I won't finish at all *facepalm*
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1.) He approached it.
Dr. Stangel walked his patient to the door as he smiled her away with reassuring news only to turn around with a start when he saw a certain someone sitting in his office across from him.
"What...?" He looked at him and pointed to him then at the hallway, "How did you get in here?"
Barney just grinned mischievously having no intention of forfeiting the answer.
Dr. Stangel just sighed as he looked at his watch. "I'm going home for the day."
"Hey wait!" Barney sprang up as he met the doctor at the door. "I gotta question for you Doc."
"Does it have anything to do with fertility? Otherwise it's a waste of my time."
Barney looked at him oddly, "I don't have a vagina..." He trailed off, bursting into giggles before he could finish.
Dr. Stangel sighed, "You do realize I'm a reproductive endocrinologist in addition to being a gynecologist right?" He shook his head as he tried to walk away from Barney. "Either way, if you need to make an appointment go see my secretary. Better yet, make it by phone."
Barney made no indication of hearing him as he continued to follow the doctor into the back of the clinic as he changed out of his coat. "What if I made you an offer to help me out in the most exciting experience of a lifetime?"
"I don't make home-visits." He answered without turning around.
"I need you to be my laser-tag partner for the 47th semi-annual regional doubles laser-tag tournament next weekend!" Barney announced excitedly.
Dr. Stangel slipped his overcoat on then turned to his twin with a suspicious look on his face as he was about to call security only to see the earnest look on Barney's face. "...You're serious?"
Barney nodded eagerly. "I'm sure that our devilish good looks can't be the only thing we have in common, laser tag chops *have* to be mirrored as well. Except mine are better because I'm just awesome in every sport I touch."
"Laser tag isn't a sport."
"Please~?" Barney pleaded, clasping his hands together for effect.
"Look Mr. ... Mr. ..." Dr. Stangel racked his brain for the man's name but failed to remember it. "Look, just because we happen to share some resemblance physically doesn't mean we're acquaintances; we just met three days ago. Why don't you try asking your friends? I'm sure Mr. Eriksen is a better choice of a recreational partner than I would be."
Barney's eyes immediately went downcast. "Marshall...had to drop out last minute."
Dr. Stangel noticed, but out of courtesy he decided not to press the matter further.
Barney looked up again, completely disregarding his moment of vulnerability. "So you in? I can make it worth your while..." His blue eyes shone with confidence.
"...Really."
The doctor's answer promptly inspired Barney to reach into his suit pocket and pull out four tickets.
Dr. Stangel's eyes widened, "That can't... There's no way."
"Fourth row, close enough to the action, but far enough so you don't constantly flinch throughout. Four should be enough for your family right?"
"These have been sold out for months!"
Barney shrugged, "I know a guy."
The doctor's eyes immediately narrowed, "Wait...how did-"
"Please; like any one could ignore that giant poster in your office. I hope the number on the car isn't the place they come in. Forty-first place has got to be one dinky trophy."
"You're really going to give me these tickets just so I'll accompany you to a laser tag tournament?"
"Trust me, these are great seats. The Barnacle never settles for anything less than first rate, unless it's mail-order hooker. Postal-five!"
"That's not really what I meant..." Dr. Stangel remarked with sigh, but hesitantly returned Barney's high five.
---
2.) He bore into it.
Barney constantly sent invite after invite in the form of texts to Dr. Stangel begging him to come and practice with him before the big tournament. The doctor tried to ignore them at first, but when Barney started sending pictures of him glaring at the phone and pointing back and forth between himself and the camera, Dr. Stangel relented just to make him stop.
There was something down right unsettling getting pictures of your own face glaring at you. It sent chills down Dr. Stangel's spine.
So after a simple day of work, Dr. Stangel met Barney at a laser tag place downtown.
"How is it still open this late?"
"I bribed the janitor for the keys. I'm not allowed to play alone with children anymore anyway."
"...Imagine that."
"I know right!" Barney nodded emphatically.
Dr. Stangel sighed, "Let's just get started."
The next hour consisted of Barney constantly taking advantage of Dr. Stangel's obvious inexperience for the game by running circles around the man and taking cheap shots at him. The doctor took it all in stride as if he was playing with a little kid.
"Hey doc! You have to play to win!"
"That's ok." He answered un-amused.
"C'mon! Say, if we win I'll buy you a new suit; you've got to meet my tailor. Besides," He gestured to his body, "We must have the same sizes. And you can stop wearing those horrible sweater vests."
The doctor glared at him, "There's nothing wrong with my sweater vests."
Barney threw him a casual look of pity. "Aww... I guess you've never felt the wonder of form-fitting Italian leather? A custom Christian Dior privy to your own style? Once you have experienced such things, everything else looks like rags in comparison!"
"Are you saying my clothes are rags?"
"I'm saying that you make mirrors weep when they see you."
"Not everything is about suits you know."
Barney's jaw dropped in shock. "You...you take that back!"
Dr. Stangel shrugged, "You do realize that with one of your suits alone you could probably cover the cost of an in-vitro session? Your suit can offset a human life."
Barney looked at his sleeve, "Cool."
"...That knowledge isn't going to change anything is it?"
"Nope."
He rolled his eyes, "What exactly is it you do Mr. Stinson?"
Barney smirked, "Please."
"I'm a private practice specialist and even I don't see a profit anywhere near this."
Barney pointed at his hand, specifically his ring finger, "Because dear sir, you have forfeited the lofty rights of bachelorhood."
A gentle smile spread across the doctor's lips, "And I wouldn't trade it for the world." He rubbed his wedding ring thoughtfully. "There's nothing like the joy of delivering your own children, seeing the look on your spouse's face, the first time you're called 'dad'..."
Barney noticed the doctor's face and began to adopt a wistful look of his own. He quickly shook it off and looked down at his watch, "Hey, you want to go get some drinks?"
Dr. Stangel shrugged, "I don't see why not."
---
3.) He glanced at it.
Barney and Dr. Stangel arrived at Maclaurens at crowded time, but were still somehow able to claim the group's usual spot. Dr. Stangel took a seat while Barney went to get drinks, and then was promptly distracted by the first young female to cross his path. The doctor wasn't surprised in the least and placed an order with the waitress. By the looks she gave him he figured this was a bar Barney and his friends frequented. As he waited for his order, Lily wandered into the bar and sat across Dr. Stangel, immediately putting her head down into her arm.
Dr. Stangel looked at her strangely, wondering if this was normal. "Something wrong?"
"Just... stressed out, with everything going on and all."
Wendy then returned with the doctor's drink and some appetizers. Lily immediately reached out and drank from his glass of bourbon.
"...I can see that."
"I'm just...trying to be there for Marshall, but it's so hard. He said he needed some time alone but..." She sighed, "If I got news of this happening to my dad it wouldn't shock me so much. After the first five times of him coming home roughed up from God-knows what, this kind of this has just been an inevitability you know?"
"Umm..."
Lily continued to drink from his glass. "But Marshall loves his parents so much, especially his dad. Sure it's annoying most of the time, but it's also so sweet. And to have this happen... Of all of us why him?"
By then Dr. Stangel could start putting together the picture of what happened as he nibbled on the chicken fingers Wendy brought him. "Life itself is hardly what you could call 'fair', and, while Mr. Eriksen is probably the most sensitive to this kind of tragedy he is also, seemingly, someone who has had the most fulfilling of relationships with his parent, his dad. If you learned such upsetting news about your father, would there be any regrets you'd have concerning him?"
Lily slowly sat up and finished the rest of the doctor's glass, "...Barney?"
"No, no, he's over there trying to make pleasant conversation with an uninterested young woman."
This time Lily looked up and squinted, "Dr. Stangel...'S that you?"
He nodded, "It is. Good evening Mrs. Aldrin."
"Oh... I guess I owe you a glass of bourbon, sorry about that. Damn you peripheral vision."
Later that night, a half-empty bottle of wine stood in the middle of the table as the doctor once again found himself sitting alone, Barney having moved on to girl number five of the night and Lily relieving herself from her stress-induced drinking in the bathroom. Dr. Stangel was sipping at his wine glass when another person came into the bar and sat across from him in the booth. The girl had a tired look on her face as she signaled to Wendy to bring her her usual. She then turned to Dr. Stangel.
"Ted's going to be late tonight, he claims he's preparing for his new class of the semester, but I think it's because it's been awhile since he sifted through his porn collection. Am I right or am I just awesome?"
"Err..."
"And what's up with the sweater vest? The beard is one thing, but I thought the world would have to end before you'd put one of those on."
"You know I'm..." As he was speaking Wendy returned with a shot of scotch for Robin. She motioned for him to wait as she downed the shot.
"Yeah that's the stuff. Man, it seems like it's been forever since I've seen you man!"
"Well we've actually-"
"Talkin' to the scotch Bro. Talkin' to the scotch." She signaled for another one. "I forgot what it was like to sleep during the normal hours. I'm going to have to re-adjust."
"Maybe you should catch up on said sleep."
"And miss hanging with you? It's been so long! And yes, I meant you this time." She grinning jokingly as she drank her newly brought scotch. "Ever since I've started working for World Wide News the only person I've been hanging out with is Ted. I know Marshall and Lily have their whole baby thing, and that 'other' thing, but we haven't really hung out together since museum party." She downed another shot. "Speaking of which, I've been thinking about my dad lately..."
Robin trailed off as Lily returned from the bathroom. "Hey Robin, I see you've met Dr. Stangel."
"Who?"
"My gynecologist who also happens to be Barney's doppelganger." She took a seat beside the doctor.
Robin looked at Dr. Stangel again, this time examining him closely. "No...No way. Wow..." She leaned in across the table to look at him. He leaned back nervously as he tried to drink his 3rd glass of wine. "And you're sure he's not just another one of Barney's insane disguises."
The doctor pointed across the room to Barney who was currently getting rejected by girl number five as Lily merely pulled on his beard. "See? Real."
Dr. Stangel flinched back, running the palm of his hand across his chin. "You guys really like doing that don't you?"
Robin then tried pulling it as well. "Sorry, sorry! I just...had to make sure."
Dr. Stangel threw her a look.
She looked aside, "And...It looked fun when Lily did it..."
He sighed, "You all are certainly an interesting bunch. If it's so 'fun' maybe you should get your friend to grow one."
Lily giggled, "I don't think Barney can grow a beard."
Robin poured herself another glass of wine, "its only fun when it's real." She took the doctor's glass and refilled it.
Moments passed as the small group continued to chat and as Lily finished the wine bottle. She ended up nodding off leaving Dr. Stangel and Robin to themselves. "So Dr. Stangel, how did Barney convince you to hang out with him? Bribe or blackmail?"
"I see these kinds of stunts aren't surprising when coming from Mr. Stinson."
"He really does mean well, he just goes about it the wrong way." She looked down at her wine glass, "How many of these have I had?"
"About seven or eight; not including your scotch."
"Oh." She reached into her pocket and put on her research glasses. "How do these make me look?"
"Err..."
Lily then moved a bit and ended up leaning against the unsuspecting doctor who found it impossible to move any other way.
Robin laughed, "You sure are popular tonight Doc. So these glasses, I'm thinking that I'm pulling off a whole female Clark Kent look. What do you think?"
"Well...uh... They are very...becoming."
Robin smiled widely, "Why thank you! Barney said they make me look like a huge nerd. Well... That's probably what he would say. No, no, no... That’s *definitely* what he would say."
A sleeping Lily started stroking the doctor's beard with her fingers. She then started rubbing her cheek against it, grinning.
"You know Doc, you're a nice guy. A really nice guy."
"I'm just really patient. Comes with the territory of dealing with hysterical mothers and fathers-to-be."
"No, no! You're like so nice, even though we're probably freaking you out."
"I've been in my field for a while now so not a lot of things surprise me anymore. Of course, I'm not going to say that the bourbon isn't helping."
"You're being so nice to Lily too, especially with everything that's going on. Just... Thank you man."
He grinned, "Are you referring to your scotch again?"
Robin laughed, "No, no, nope, no, I mean you. You you, not the you when I thought you were Barney you." She then suddenly reached over the table and kissed Dr. Stangel's cheek.
The light kiss took him by surprise, he glanced at her questioningly.
"So that's what it feels like." She smirked to herself, "Good thing I got you and not Lily. I mean, I'm drunk enough not to care right now, but that beard of yours is so cool." She giggled.
"Thank...you?"
Robin smiled in reply as she stood up and went around throwing Lily around her shoulder, preparing to leave. "Don~'t mention it." She heavily emphasized her 't's', "Now I better get going while I can still walk straight."
Dr. Stangel stood up helping Robin get Lily's coat on her, "Will you be ok? Do you need help?"
"Nah, I got it. I live right upstairs and she should be fine crashing there until she sobers up. Unless you'd like to join us?" Robin giggled again.
"That's ok, I texted my ride earlier and he should be showing up any minute."
"Ah ok. Well if you want to order anything else just tell Wendy to put it on our tab. Good night Dr. Stangel."
"And a good night to you Miss Sherbatsky."
Robin and Dr. Stangel waved goodnight as she left with Lily in tow and he took his seat again. Barney watched them all from afar with a serious look on his face.