tired
been wanting to drop a post here for the longest of time but i keep procrastinating.
yes im tired.
i want to do a skully review but im tired.
whenever i think of where i am with skully at the moment and how much further we can go, thoughts start to flow and i cant get a good structure and i just give up.
so i think im tired.
but why am i so tired?
sometimes i feel that i may be making concessions for skully. i come up with excuses for him, for the fact that i have almost zero expectations of him. yes i know having no expectations is good, but that's not the real jac no?
i need some structure. i need to set some expectations. if not.... at the end of the day dissatisfaction will set in, and jac will be miserable.
idk why but i almost almost ALMOST told skully that we should call it quits last night. when he was sharing with me how he felt that he's not keeping up his end of the bargain. lacking in confidence and faith and all. i lost all energy to reassure him. and i suddenly felt too tired. why cant my guy be more experienced and confident? so that's when the thought of calling it quits crossed my mind. no its not because i've been treating this as a game. part of me just loves skully so much that the fear of losing him at a later stage will tear me apart. i really dont know what to make of skully. or me. or me with skully.
can't see any future. probably cos im too scared to look too far.
messed up. hopes and fears. i need time. i need someone who can hold my hand and guide me, not the other way. but somehow i've been feeling the opposite, fml.
im tired.. when will i recover..
yes im tired.
i want to do a skully review but im tired.
whenever i think of where i am with skully at the moment and how much further we can go, thoughts start to flow and i cant get a good structure and i just give up.
so i think im tired.
but why am i so tired?
sometimes i feel that i may be making concessions for skully. i come up with excuses for him, for the fact that i have almost zero expectations of him. yes i know having no expectations is good, but that's not the real jac no?
i need some structure. i need to set some expectations. if not.... at the end of the day dissatisfaction will set in, and jac will be miserable.
idk why but i almost almost ALMOST told skully that we should call it quits last night. when he was sharing with me how he felt that he's not keeping up his end of the bargain. lacking in confidence and faith and all. i lost all energy to reassure him. and i suddenly felt too tired. why cant my guy be more experienced and confident? so that's when the thought of calling it quits crossed my mind. no its not because i've been treating this as a game. part of me just loves skully so much that the fear of losing him at a later stage will tear me apart. i really dont know what to make of skully. or me. or me with skully.
can't see any future. probably cos im too scared to look too far.
messed up. hopes and fears. i need time. i need someone who can hold my hand and guide me, not the other way. but somehow i've been feeling the opposite, fml.
im tired.. when will i recover..