life's too short
This is the phrase Jenna and I used to repeat to ourselves in high school when we were going insane trying to get perfect grades. It's a very true phrase. Just watch the news or hear that your friend is losing the battle against cancer, and you see just how short life can be. As such, I have been trying to keep this in mind for the past 2 days, b/c up until then, I was literally being a maniac. I was worrying about EVERYTHING. Even I recognized that I was worrying about the most unreasonable, crazy things. But I couldn't stop. In just a few days, I will be getting married - a huge milestone in life. And it was scaring me, b/c it is such a huge event. I just wanted everything to be perfect, including myself, and that's not possible, which I know, but somehow can't seem to really believe.
School is the absolute devil, and that is the number 1 thing that was freaking me out. Ever since, oh I don't know, sixth grade maybe, I've been a neurotic student. Then, I thought I had things under control in college. I thought getting married and going to school and working part-time was achievable. Well, it is achievable, but I nearly lost my sanity in the process. I would got sooooo frustrated, b/c I felt like once again, school was controlling my life. And this is the one time when I do NOT want that to happen. Why should some disgustingly time-consuming project ruin my happiness and excitement about the wedding? Then I started thinking that I was going to regret feeling so horrible about everything. Basically, I was worrying about school and then worrying about worrying. Complicated and dumb I know.
I don't really know where I'm going with all this. Basically though, I decided to calm myself down Monday night. And it is now Wednesday, and I've been working very hard at telling my overactive and paranoid brain to shut up. I'm pretty much blowing off this enormous project, and just having fun doing last-minute wedding stuff. I don't quite know how or when I'll get the project done, and I'm still ticked that it will be on the back of my mind this weekend - no, I will refuse to think about it actually. It's just a dumb project - all made up, all really pointless in the whole scheme of things. Really, it is. So, I think I'll go back to having fun now. I'll get to the project when I can I guess. And this weekend, I WILL have a good time. No worrying, no being negative or neurotic. :)
School is the absolute devil, and that is the number 1 thing that was freaking me out. Ever since, oh I don't know, sixth grade maybe, I've been a neurotic student. Then, I thought I had things under control in college. I thought getting married and going to school and working part-time was achievable. Well, it is achievable, but I nearly lost my sanity in the process. I would got sooooo frustrated, b/c I felt like once again, school was controlling my life. And this is the one time when I do NOT want that to happen. Why should some disgustingly time-consuming project ruin my happiness and excitement about the wedding? Then I started thinking that I was going to regret feeling so horrible about everything. Basically, I was worrying about school and then worrying about worrying. Complicated and dumb I know.
I don't really know where I'm going with all this. Basically though, I decided to calm myself down Monday night. And it is now Wednesday, and I've been working very hard at telling my overactive and paranoid brain to shut up. I'm pretty much blowing off this enormous project, and just having fun doing last-minute wedding stuff. I don't quite know how or when I'll get the project done, and I'm still ticked that it will be on the back of my mind this weekend - no, I will refuse to think about it actually. It's just a dumb project - all made up, all really pointless in the whole scheme of things. Really, it is. So, I think I'll go back to having fun now. I'll get to the project when I can I guess. And this weekend, I WILL have a good time. No worrying, no being negative or neurotic. :)