pronoun situation
I'm just thinking about this right now, although I'm multi-tasking between this and typing up notes for my book review due Monday.
So, as I've been coming out (mostly just to a few people; and this is something I've known/suspected for a long time, but never felt like I deserved to claim the identity) as non-binary (genderfluid, androgynous, gender variant/nonconforming/queer also work for me) a few people have asked me about pronouns.
Where I'm at right now, what seems perfect is for people to call me different gender pronouns interchangeably. He, she, and they all seem to encapsulate and describe how I understand my gender (I'm excluding a lot of pronouns here for brevity's sake, but stuff like ze and xie could possibly work, however, I'm just not drawn to these lesser-known pronouns at the moment). But, it's WAY too confusing to switch/rotate pronouns. I'd like to provide those around me with some level of consistency.
I've mostly been introducing myself as using she AND they pronouns.
Using only 'she' feels like it doesn't fully describe who I am. Same with 'he.'
Using only 'they' is even worse for me, because it makes me feel genderless. (I know this isn't the experience of a lot of enby/genderqueer folk, but it's just how I feel.)
So, switching between 'she' and 'they' seems to be a middle ground.
The problem with this approach is that, since I'm female-bodied and sometimes wear skirts/dresses, makeup, purses, etc, most people I know (even the ones who are super woke and understanding about gender stuff) are just going to naturally default to 'she' in their heads. That's all right with me, and it's totally understandable. But it's a complication in introducing myself as a she AND they - it just means they're gonna default to the easier option, since I don't mind either pronoun specifically. It's the use of only one of the pronouns that bothers me. But if people were really willing and ready to switch between pronouns for me, I'd probably include 'he' too, but that REALLY gets confusing.
So it's a dilemma.
I get a little thrill when people call me 'they' or 'he' because it feels like they're validating my identity and I'm so used to 'she' (although 'she' is also an important part of my identity!). But the truth is there is no preference for any of these. I feel no dysphoria when any of them is/isn't used. The truth is, I don't care. I just wish there was a way to make them truly interchangeable in a way that doesn't feel like it's also neutralizing my gender(s).
There's no answer right now, and I don't know if there will ever be one, and that seems... Okay?
So, as I've been coming out (mostly just to a few people; and this is something I've known/suspected for a long time, but never felt like I deserved to claim the identity) as non-binary (genderfluid, androgynous, gender variant/nonconforming/queer also work for me) a few people have asked me about pronouns.
Where I'm at right now, what seems perfect is for people to call me different gender pronouns interchangeably. He, she, and they all seem to encapsulate and describe how I understand my gender (I'm excluding a lot of pronouns here for brevity's sake, but stuff like ze and xie could possibly work, however, I'm just not drawn to these lesser-known pronouns at the moment). But, it's WAY too confusing to switch/rotate pronouns. I'd like to provide those around me with some level of consistency.
I've mostly been introducing myself as using she AND they pronouns.
Using only 'she' feels like it doesn't fully describe who I am. Same with 'he.'
Using only 'they' is even worse for me, because it makes me feel genderless. (I know this isn't the experience of a lot of enby/genderqueer folk, but it's just how I feel.)
So, switching between 'she' and 'they' seems to be a middle ground.
The problem with this approach is that, since I'm female-bodied and sometimes wear skirts/dresses, makeup, purses, etc, most people I know (even the ones who are super woke and understanding about gender stuff) are just going to naturally default to 'she' in their heads. That's all right with me, and it's totally understandable. But it's a complication in introducing myself as a she AND they - it just means they're gonna default to the easier option, since I don't mind either pronoun specifically. It's the use of only one of the pronouns that bothers me. But if people were really willing and ready to switch between pronouns for me, I'd probably include 'he' too, but that REALLY gets confusing.
So it's a dilemma.
I get a little thrill when people call me 'they' or 'he' because it feels like they're validating my identity and I'm so used to 'she' (although 'she' is also an important part of my identity!). But the truth is there is no preference for any of these. I feel no dysphoria when any of them is/isn't used. The truth is, I don't care. I just wish there was a way to make them truly interchangeable in a way that doesn't feel like it's also neutralizing my gender(s).
There's no answer right now, and I don't know if there will ever be one, and that seems... Okay?