Entry 142 (431)
Today I am worried. I'm trying to figure everything out. I don't understand myself lately. I don't think too much about it anymore. By it I mean life. I just slog through each day trying to make it home in the afternoons. I don't care about school work too much, I'm too tired for shit. The only things I can stand to do are things with my boyfriend and my friends. I need to get to work. I need to finish my book report for science. I need to write my damn thesis paper. I need to do something for that damn economics project. I need to lose weight. I need to sleep more. I need to get my music for my recital. I need to stop giving a damn.
But somehow, giving up and not giving a damn seems like a betrayal of all the hard work I've completed. Maybe I'll always give a damn. Maybe I'll always be this neurotic. Wow... what a scary thought... I don't know... is it really a neurosis? Or is it merely a drive to succeed? How does one tell the difference? How can one seperate the two?
You know, if someone doesn't really know anything about a particular subject, it's ok. If they say the things they say out of true ignorance but are curious I'm totally fine. I just don't like the "I don't know and I don't really care to know" mentality. *sigh* Maybe on this I should just give up. Maybe I should stop treating people like they know things. Maybe I should just give up on the fellow members of my generation. I just want to graduate. That's all I want. It's not even so much about getting out of here anymore. I just want a break... I want my summer. Full of lazy days and nothing to do. God... I'm so sick
But somehow, giving up and not giving a damn seems like a betrayal of all the hard work I've completed. Maybe I'll always give a damn. Maybe I'll always be this neurotic. Wow... what a scary thought... I don't know... is it really a neurosis? Or is it merely a drive to succeed? How does one tell the difference? How can one seperate the two?
You know, if someone doesn't really know anything about a particular subject, it's ok. If they say the things they say out of true ignorance but are curious I'm totally fine. I just don't like the "I don't know and I don't really care to know" mentality. *sigh* Maybe on this I should just give up. Maybe I should stop treating people like they know things. Maybe I should just give up on the fellow members of my generation. I just want to graduate. That's all I want. It's not even so much about getting out of here anymore. I just want a break... I want my summer. Full of lazy days and nothing to do. God... I'm so sick