Coming over from naturalbirth
I'm not happy with how my son's birth went last week and I need to rant about it....
First off, we wanted a homebirth. The problem with that is my heart issues. I had a repaired VSD (a hole the size of a quarter in my heart) and a coercation of my aorta. The aorta was fixed but one small part of it is a little thinner than it should be. This was all repaired when I was 11 months old and I've had check ups my whole life and my heart problems have never caused me any issues. I wasn't the most active kid, but when I wanted to be active, I didn't have a problem. I'm 24 years old now.
My new cardiologist (the one I've had my whole life retired) wrote my would-be homebirth midwife a 4 page report on why I cannot have a homebirth but that I should be able to deliver vaginally without a problem. She just wanted me in the hospital just in case anything happened during and after labor. Fair enough. We found a wonderful midwife with hospital rights, and all the prenatal check ups were going well. I was eating well, doing prenatal yoga, blood pressure was always good, stuff like that. We planned on no inducing, no drugs (except an antibiotic that they say I need to prevent an infection in the heart), the baby would be put directly into my arms before anything else and would not be taken away until breast-feeding was established.
At 39w4d, I had a consult appointment with the perinatologist at the hospital that we'd be giving birth at. For the first time ever, my blood pressure was high (150/100) and this is where everything all went downhill. They wheeled me down to an L & D and all these nurses were acting as if I was going to be induced. (I had not seen the doctor yet!) They started monitoring the baby and my contractions (which were often but very light, felt like cramping) They took blood and urine. There was no protein in the urine, but my platelet count was a little on the low side (but still in the normal range!!), so they said I could be pre-eclamptic(not sure if this is the right word). Before my midwife or the perinatalogist showed up, an anesthialogist came in and asked if I wanted an epidural, I said no thank you, and then he got pushy, saying that if we don't do the epidural now, we won't be able to later. I said that was fine, I don't need it, and he kept pressuring me, I kept saying no. He left and then came back in, saying how he thinks I should reconsider. Again I said no, I wasn't even in labor, what the hell?? Then my midwife showed up, the Dr.(perinatalogist) showed up. Dr. called my cardiologist, who said that she didn't think my heart/aorta could handle labor at all and that she always thought I needed a C-section but we were so adamant about having a natural birth that she didn't say this (THIS NEVER HAPPENED!!!! and if my condition is so serious, why the hell wouldn't she say anything???????)
By this point, my blood pressure has gone back down to normal. We asked if we could home, the Dr. said no, and if we don't do a C-section tonight, I could die. Seriously?? I asked what my options were, he said none, this is it, this is the only thing we can do. My midwife couldn't intervene, but told us to stick up for ourselves, but this Dr. wasn't having any of it and kept telling me how I could die if this wasn't done tonight.........
Then we were sent to another hospital that specializes in heart issues. The anesthialogist here wasn't sure if I could get an epidural because of my heart, but then their cardiologist checked me out and said I could and that my heart could handle it......Then they cut me open, my husband held my baby up to me, all I was able to do was look at my baby. Then they took me to ICU and my husband went with the baby. (This was our plan, I told him to stay with the baby and not to worry about me)
They kept me in ICU for monitoring (even though I was fine!) for 14 hours just in case........14 hours that I didn't see my baby, 14 hours that my baby was fed formula........it was so horrible, I just wanted to see my baby. I was so drugged up that none of it even seemed real. Did I have a baby? It felt like a horrible nightmare......
I was in love when I saw my baby, Desmond Peter is a gorgeous baby. I was able to breastfeed him, but we were having trouble. The nurses were really great and helped us out. But that night my husband had to go home since we didn't have a private room. (I didn't have a roommate but he couldn't stay due to hospital rules...) I tried to have the baby room in with me, but they said if I was sleeping, he couldn't be in the bed with me, he had to be in the bassinet, and I couldn't even get up by myself, I was still hooked up to IVs and it really hurt to move. If my husband was there, we would have made it through the night. I had to let them take the baby back to the nursery until the morning........
The next day we did get a private room and my husband stayed and the baby stayed with us, thank god. We worked on breastfeeding, a couple of times having to pour formula on my breasts when he really wasn't eating.....
I really feel horrible about all this, I feel like I failed my baby and everything that we had wanted did not happen. I was lied to, pressured into things I didn't want and I don't think I needed....
Its been a week and we're doing much better. I'm still in a moderate amount of pain, but we're home and the breastfeeding is getting better everyday. I'm pumping as well, so if he does need something extra, he gets expressed breastmilk and NO MORE FORMULA! We're going to the LLL meeting tonight so that should help too.
Thanks for reading.
First off, we wanted a homebirth. The problem with that is my heart issues. I had a repaired VSD (a hole the size of a quarter in my heart) and a coercation of my aorta. The aorta was fixed but one small part of it is a little thinner than it should be. This was all repaired when I was 11 months old and I've had check ups my whole life and my heart problems have never caused me any issues. I wasn't the most active kid, but when I wanted to be active, I didn't have a problem. I'm 24 years old now.
My new cardiologist (the one I've had my whole life retired) wrote my would-be homebirth midwife a 4 page report on why I cannot have a homebirth but that I should be able to deliver vaginally without a problem. She just wanted me in the hospital just in case anything happened during and after labor. Fair enough. We found a wonderful midwife with hospital rights, and all the prenatal check ups were going well. I was eating well, doing prenatal yoga, blood pressure was always good, stuff like that. We planned on no inducing, no drugs (except an antibiotic that they say I need to prevent an infection in the heart), the baby would be put directly into my arms before anything else and would not be taken away until breast-feeding was established.
At 39w4d, I had a consult appointment with the perinatologist at the hospital that we'd be giving birth at. For the first time ever, my blood pressure was high (150/100) and this is where everything all went downhill. They wheeled me down to an L & D and all these nurses were acting as if I was going to be induced. (I had not seen the doctor yet!) They started monitoring the baby and my contractions (which were often but very light, felt like cramping) They took blood and urine. There was no protein in the urine, but my platelet count was a little on the low side (but still in the normal range!!), so they said I could be pre-eclamptic(not sure if this is the right word). Before my midwife or the perinatalogist showed up, an anesthialogist came in and asked if I wanted an epidural, I said no thank you, and then he got pushy, saying that if we don't do the epidural now, we won't be able to later. I said that was fine, I don't need it, and he kept pressuring me, I kept saying no. He left and then came back in, saying how he thinks I should reconsider. Again I said no, I wasn't even in labor, what the hell?? Then my midwife showed up, the Dr.(perinatalogist) showed up. Dr. called my cardiologist, who said that she didn't think my heart/aorta could handle labor at all and that she always thought I needed a C-section but we were so adamant about having a natural birth that she didn't say this (THIS NEVER HAPPENED!!!! and if my condition is so serious, why the hell wouldn't she say anything???????)
By this point, my blood pressure has gone back down to normal. We asked if we could home, the Dr. said no, and if we don't do a C-section tonight, I could die. Seriously?? I asked what my options were, he said none, this is it, this is the only thing we can do. My midwife couldn't intervene, but told us to stick up for ourselves, but this Dr. wasn't having any of it and kept telling me how I could die if this wasn't done tonight.........
Then we were sent to another hospital that specializes in heart issues. The anesthialogist here wasn't sure if I could get an epidural because of my heart, but then their cardiologist checked me out and said I could and that my heart could handle it......Then they cut me open, my husband held my baby up to me, all I was able to do was look at my baby. Then they took me to ICU and my husband went with the baby. (This was our plan, I told him to stay with the baby and not to worry about me)
They kept me in ICU for monitoring (even though I was fine!) for 14 hours just in case........14 hours that I didn't see my baby, 14 hours that my baby was fed formula........it was so horrible, I just wanted to see my baby. I was so drugged up that none of it even seemed real. Did I have a baby? It felt like a horrible nightmare......
I was in love when I saw my baby, Desmond Peter is a gorgeous baby. I was able to breastfeed him, but we were having trouble. The nurses were really great and helped us out. But that night my husband had to go home since we didn't have a private room. (I didn't have a roommate but he couldn't stay due to hospital rules...) I tried to have the baby room in with me, but they said if I was sleeping, he couldn't be in the bed with me, he had to be in the bassinet, and I couldn't even get up by myself, I was still hooked up to IVs and it really hurt to move. If my husband was there, we would have made it through the night. I had to let them take the baby back to the nursery until the morning........
The next day we did get a private room and my husband stayed and the baby stayed with us, thank god. We worked on breastfeeding, a couple of times having to pour formula on my breasts when he really wasn't eating.....
I really feel horrible about all this, I feel like I failed my baby and everything that we had wanted did not happen. I was lied to, pressured into things I didn't want and I don't think I needed....
Its been a week and we're doing much better. I'm still in a moderate amount of pain, but we're home and the breastfeeding is getting better everyday. I'm pumping as well, so if he does need something extra, he gets expressed breastmilk and NO MORE FORMULA! We're going to the LLL meeting tonight so that should help too.
Thanks for reading.