The Berth
Nick likes the Radio Play!!
This fills me with excitement. Also, It reminded that I should post the script.
THE BERTH
Feste: (Over La Grange by Pickin On) I can see the sunlight from here. When the old stories tell us of a light in the distance, I pictured pearly gates. There’s light all right, but more like the sky at noon than St. Peter’s halls. (Inhales the new fresh air with pleasure. Beat) Let me tell you about a journey West. We wanted for blood, glory, sex, justice... I’ll be your tour guide, or interpreter, eyes where you’re blind in the dark. Just like we were, only kids but the world was speeding up.
Radio announcement (prerecorded):
Announcer one A: With the approach of twenty twelve, Dr. Cervantes makes a strong argument for studying the Mayan calendar in search of prophecy …
Announcer one B: Tabloids are loving the so-called Dr. Cervantes, a fear mongering lunatic from the countryside. The poor quack’s interpretations of the Mayan calendar are stirring up dupes everywhere…
Announcer two: … Ebert and Roepert are calling Super Tornado a super failure, just another shoddy apocalyptic film to soar at the box office…
Announcer three A: … while we’re proud to see the first black president, Obama has inherited a plate of economic disaster! I mean really Frank…
Announcer three B: … and all these liberals are talking about a new day, but their precious Obama has nothing but ideals. I’m not a racist or anything, but how’s some porch monkey gonna lead a Christian nation?
Announcer four: … Which leads us to our next guest. Billy DeBolt, First Thane of the nationally feared biker gang Odin’s Raven, was accused of arson, burglary, and murder by local authorities. Mr. DeBolt, where did your leadership go wrong?
Billy DeBolt: (Sigh)
(Music building to crescendo)
Feste: But let’s start on New Year’s Eve.
Shuffle your feet by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club starts to play
Feste: Welcome listeners to the Berth tavern. Five miles from nowhere, buried twixt the Appalachians. The food was cooked Monday, moonshine brewed on site, and pussy fresh off the vine. We’re open all hours, and waiting for you.
Scene One
Sound of sweeping, with Feste whistling “Wade in the Water” in the background
Timothy: Shut up!
Feste: That’s the assistant manager, Timothy. He tends bar, been employee of the month since he was nine. He’ll carry me to bed when I drink too much, but rides me for it alllll dayyyy longgg. Prick.
Feste: Sorry.
Timothy: Sweep your sorries with the other shit.
Feste: Oh I’m Feste, local musician and custodial magician, almost as good as a juke box and handy with a mop.
Helen: Who made you boss?
Timothy: Julius had a rough night, you wanna black eye, try and wake him {up}.
Helen: (Over the door opening and steps approaching the bar) That‘s my favorite pimp.
Feste: Helen and Timothy fuck, but she works the crowd on the side, when she isn’t pickin pockets. When I was twenty, Julius found out I was cherry and gave Helen twenty bucks to blow me. She gave me the money back, which was pretty special.
Timothy: Loud and proud, sweet cheeks. (Chair scoot for Will) Need something?
Will: Shot of Jack.
Timothy: Get outta town, what’re you, sixteen? (Beat. Feste whistling and sweeping continues) All outta Jack.
Will: Any whiskey at all?
Timothy: Watch it. Hey hunchback!
Bella: (Drunkenly coming awake) Wha?
Feste: He means Bella. Girl’s proof cousins fuck, but Bella can rip a phone book in half. Plus she cooks me dinner.
Timothy: You passed out with the whiskey, give it here. (Bella stumbles to her feet, walks to the bar and hands over the bottle, Timothy snaps at her) Quick like a bunny, it’s almost four.
Bella: (Walking away) Julius awake?
Timothy: Take a shower! (To Will) Two clams.
Will: Start a tab.
(Pour, place on the bar, drink, slam on the bar)
Will: (Over steps walking towards him) Another.
Timothy: I’ll bet.
Helen: (Scooting a stool) Hey there stranger.
Will: (Grunts, another shot)
Helen: You stopping by or here for the night?
Will: Not sure.
Helen: Well, it’s cold out there, we could get you warm…
Will: Uh, (light chuckle) no.
Helen: Excuse me?
Will: Don’t want the clap.
(Helen smacks Will)
Timothy: (laughs) huh-ho!
Will: (laughing) Another shot garcon.
Timothy: Yessir. (Pouring) Whatsamatter princess? You’ll look better after a few.
Helen: Shove it. (To Will, walking away) If you change your mind…
Feste: Here for the show?
Will: Show?
Feste: Some songs for the local souls, with accompaniment by our debutaint.
Timothy: Believe me, I make her sing.
Helen: (Sound of a cheek kiss).
Feste: Him and any other swingin dick.
Timothy: I’ll fuck you out in the street if you don’t shu…
Will: How much for the bottle?
Timothy: (Unsettled by the interruption) Uh, fifteen.
Will: I’ll be in the corner. Where it’s quiet.
Feste: (half beat over stool, steps, chair, then bottle opening) And that’s Will. At seventeen, he had naught but the clothes on his back, face like an angel, and could stop a clock with a whisper. Shoulda kicked him out then and there.
Feste: (Under his breath) Hey Mr. Fussy Pants.
Bella: Boy’s gettin’ his buzz like anyone else. Or everyone else.
Timothy: Smells like a hippie.
Helen: how can you tell, everything smells like shit anyway.
Bella: He’s packing.
Timothy: No fuckin way.
Bella: (Sarcastic) Well there’s a pistol butt poking out of his jacket.
Helen: Should we tell Julius?
Bella: Leave the kid alone.
Timothy: Keep an eye on him, though.
Bella: Thanks Commander.
Timothy: Good girl. Jesus, and when the crows get here (curt sigh)
Julius: (Coming out of the back, yawning) Guess we’re open.
Helen: Morning Julius!
Julius: (Sitting down and taking an enormous chug from a liquor bottle, sighs) Anybody here children?
Feste: Just our usual clientele of nobody, nadda, nichte...
Julius: (Hitting Feste, cutting him off. Amused) Go practice.
Helen: Play it again Sam
Feste: That’s not even the quote.
Over Helen laughing, Feste plays Death of a Tribe, Birth of a Traveler
Scene Two
Under Death of a Tribe, Birth of a Traveler, atmosphere transitions from empty to crowded. Part of this transition should be the arrival of motorcycles, and men greeting each other as “brother” and shouting “The Ravens,” and “Odin.”
Feste: Odin’s Raven, or the crows, have a habit of taking one eye from every hell’s angel they hitch up to their bikes. Here at the Berth, they mostly horsed around. The rest of the time, we’d close early. Like I said, though, tonight’s New Year’s Eve. Sweet cunt of Mary save us.
As the song ends, the audience gives a mixed response of boos and cheers
Feste: Thought y’all had passed out!
Bruce: (Yelling through smooching) Honey can you believe this redneck shit?
Bernice: You can’t teach a fairy to play a man’s music.
Feste: Thank you to the cousins in the back.
Bruce: (laughs, allowing the rest to take Feste’s joke lightly)
(Audience cheers bawdily)
Feste: (Plays The Circle over two sets of footsteps and a stool)
Ray: get on girl! (Smacks Helen’s ass, makes her giggle) Scoot that thang!
Helen: Ray!
Ray: Hey hold on a second. You look familiar.
Will: No I don’t.
Ray: Hey watch your lip.
Will: Move along.
Helen: Oh forget the little brat.
Ray: Got my eye on you.
Will: Good.
Billy DeBolt: Back already, nube?
Ray: (Walking back with Helen) She’s a good one sir.
Helen: There’s enough to go around.
Billy DeBolt: (laughing) You can’t afford me sweetheart.
Feste: Old Billy DeBolt is an underground legend. He’s been Thane of the Charlie Town Odin chapter for a year but even when I met him back in 02, the crows flocked to Billy’s tail feathers.
Ray: (grabbing sounds, ruffling clothing) You’d have a hell of a ride boss! I’m goin for round two right here.
Bernice: (Shoe dropping sound) Naw, look at them fat little toes, who’s sexy now?
Helen: (sultry, to Billy) Tell Bernice to back off for me, will you?
Billy DeBolt: Tell her yourself.
Ray: See, no one wants you, get over here! (grabbing sounds)
Helen: Tim!
Ray: (Sneering) Not even for a dollar? How bout two.
Bella: Back off shitbreath.
Ray: (Spitting) Stumpy bitch, killed my hard on anyhow.
Bella: I’ll hang it from the mantelpiece.
Helen: (Light, pleasant, airy, calming things back down while still acting sexy) Be back after I freshen up. (Two footsteps walking away)
Ray: Oughta rip out that wench’s…
Bruce: Leave it alone. We’ve got work to do.
Bernice: What’s the waitin for Bill? Lets do the thing and roll on.
Billy DeBolt: Getting a feel for the place. Who was the kid?
Ray: Hobo. Thought he looked like somebody.
Bruce: Holy shit, he’s Art Grimm’s spitting image!
Bernice: What gives, old Grimm’s six feet under, let’s shoot!
Billy DeBolt: We wait. Sides, not like we’ll have to pay the tab. (Slamming on the table) A toast!
Crowd: (Cheers)
Billy: Hey! (Quick, but not immediate silence) It’s a New Year! Time for a new beginning! Now we lost some good friends last year, and we’ll lose more before the end. So change your oil, take a shot with me, and remember the dead.
Crowd: (General cheers, shouts of “Raven!” “Odin,” and “DeBolt” subtly mixed in)
Julius: Make yourselves at home.
Billy: (Joking with an edge) Beer won’t pour itself, Julius.
Julius: Don‘t push your luck. (Walks over to the bar)
Feste: When all the other kids’ dads drove them to ball games, Julius taught me ‘bout moonshine. He wasn’t any of our fathers by blood, just picked us up one time or another and put us to work around the Berth. We loved him, but after months and years, we barely knew him except he had money and the crows respected him.
Timothy: (Under his breath, half volume) Good speech.
Julius: (Also under his breath, half volume) Fucking drama queen.
Timothy: Trouble?
Julius: Who knows, it’s a coin toss with these pricks. (Beat) Relax, its just the holiday. And tell Helen to keep her eyes fucking peeled.
Timothy: She can take care of herself.
Julius: Probly better than you can. (Lighting a cigarette) Who’s the youngster?
Timothy: Some hobo, Bella thinks he’s got a gun.
Bella: (Having snuck up on them, at three quarters volume) I saw it.
Timothy: Shit!
Julius: Where’s he keep it.
Bella: Inside his jacket, right side.
Julius: And you waited till now?
Bella: Wasn’t troubling anyone.
Julius: (Begrudgingly thoughtful) Huh.
Timothy: I could toss him out?
Julius: Stay here but keep sharp. Bella, water down the bikers’ drinks.
Bella: Yes sir.
Julius: (Walking away, over his shoulder) And Ray pays for that touching.
Bella: (Under her breath to Timothy) Isn’t that your job?
Timothy: Fuck you.
Julius: (pulling up a chair) Enjoying your beverage I hope. Mind if I…?
Will: Your bar isn’t it.
Julius: (Starting to pour a shot) Observant, I like that. So where are you from mister…?
Will: Will. (As a question) I’m gonna roll this?
Julius: Law doesn’t reach here. (Takes the shot) Ever been to Freeland. (Beat) No? You oughta, right off I-83. Y’know why they call it Free-land? (Beat) Well, (Pouring another shot) it’s cause back when the blacks were running North, that was the last patch a slavery they had to run through. Imagine, running in terror all the way from Georgia, hiding from every shit-heeled bounty hunter alive and suddenly, your ignorant ass is in Freeland! Signs everywhere, saying that your service is over, and you fall to your knees, jibbering a negro spiritual, when you’re cut short by a hick with a shotgun. He smiles and says, ‘just a mile short.’ (Takes the shot)
Will: What is it you want?
Julius: An old friend, what was his name, Arthur told me that story. You know anyone named Arthur?
Will: No.
Julius: Pull that piece, and Timothy’ll paint the wall with your blood.
Will: Arthur Grimm, huh? (Takes a shot) Funny you should mention, since your esteemed guests killed him.
Julius: I’m sorry to hear it.
Will: You’ll be sorrier soon, been tracking their bikes since Baltimore County, and here’s where I caught up.
Julius: (as it dawns on him, while someone is whistling for attention in the background) Oh no, no not in my fuckin’ joint you don’t.
Will: Over you or through you.
Billy Debolt: All right everyone, quiet!
Julius: Shit.
Will: Not your night huh?
Julius: Fucking New Years.
Bruce: Shut it up!
(Gun shot and glass breaking. The crowd silences)
Billy: Wasn’t that easy? C’mere Julius.
Julius: Think the holiday is ending early Bill.
Billy: Never knew when to dance, did ya? All right everybody, we only want Julius’ money, the rest of you can leave when we’re done.
Julius: This won’t end here.
Billy: (gun cock) It does for you, my oldest friend.
(Gunshot, followed by general exclamation from Helen and Feste, and a gutteral grunt from Julius)
Julius: Fuck fuck fuck fuck!
Billy: Tim, money, now.
Timothy: Oh my god.
Julius: (now laughing) Every crow pays, Bill, we all pay in the end. (laughing reaches a crescendo)
Billy: (Gunshot, Julius’ supposed death croak) While I’m young boy. Everybody else, stare at the ground. Do the odds, eight of us, and one dumb fuckin’ hero.
Ray: We got room for more!
Helen: Get the fuck off me!
Ray: Stay still! Or keep movin around, work my (pronounced “mah”) dick!
Timothy: Get off her! Get of her! (Repeat as necessary, cut off as he gets hit by Billy)
Billy: Tim! Money! now!
Bruce: Play me a song, cocksucker!
Feste: Wha-wha-wha-haa. (Quasi moaning on the verge of tears)
Bernice: Aw c’mon, shoot that faggot! (Gun cocking)
Bruce: C’mon, boy, sing. (Gunshot)
Feste: (Shout of pain)
Bruce: Sing!
Feste: (Sings House of the Rising Sun which fades into the band playing the song. Establish for ¼ second then faded way into the background so the audience has to work to hear it)
Bruce and Ray: (Laughing, Ray more viscerally)
Helen: (Starting to moan in pain)
Billy: Can I get a receipt?
Timothy: Just leave Helen.
Billy: All right, finish up nube, I’ll be outside. (Footsteps, chair in the background)
Bruce: Is that weed?
Billy: (Turning) Who’s celebrating already?
Will: Me.
(Gunshot, with Billy moaning)
Billy DeBolt: Jesus Christ, kid’s got a gun!
(Furniture shifting, tables flipping, and general shock)
Feste: I tried not to cry, but the shooting and the screamin… And there was Will, standing on a table, joint hanging from his lip, firing shot after shot after shot.
(Gunshot)
Billy: Auugh!
(Door slamming and two sets of running footsteps)
Bernice: Yehoo! Get that fucker! (Running out)
Odin’s Ravens: (General outcry. Running steps, gunshots, motorcycle engines)
Bella: (As a war cry) Hey cocksucker!
Ray: Wha-(Grunt as he’s hit)
(Knife being drawn)
Helen: Eat me, sweet cheeks.
(Stab sound)
Ray: (Screaming in pain) She stabbed me, she stabbed me!
Bruce: What the fuck!
Timothy: (Howling)
(Tackle, and fists punching, Bruce moaning in pain throughout)
Timothy: (Improvise on each punch) Don’t. Fuck. With my. Family!
(Gunshots from outside, fire crackling)
Feste: Fire! Fire!
Timothy: Julius!
Bruce: (Sounding hurt) Fuck this. (Running out the door)
Bella: Let me help you.
Helen: I got it, I got it.
Timothy: Gimme a hand, I’ve got Julius!
Feste: He’s fucking dead!
Timothy: I’m so sorry.
Bella: (Door opening) Let‘s go! (Scrambling footsteps to get out. Everything comes to a stop when they get out the door)
Feste: (Beat) Shit. Did we win?
Will: (laughing) Hardly, but the bastards ran off. I got Billy pretty bad and the rest followed him. (Takes a drag) Most of em.
Feste: Is that guy dead?
Will: Him and two others. Your rapist limped out the back, trailing blood.
Helen: Good.
Bella: We gotta call 911.
Will: Law doesn’t reach here. (chuckles, or otherwise show this is a joke no one else will get)
Timothy: I gotcha Julius. Can someone help me here!
Bella: Is he breathing?
Will: Looks gut shot, if he ain’t dead yet shouldn’t be long…
Timothy: You dirty cocksucker!
Bella: Relax, the kid didn’t shoot him.
Will: ‘Sides, your buddy with the fair hair isn’t dying, probly could use some help though..
Feste: (Sounds faint, talks through tears) Rough crowd.
Timothy: Shit, is the bullet in you?
Feste: With all my experience getting shot at… (turns into a moan)
Bella: Only a graze, (Ripping sound) use this. We can’t stay here long though, could come back for more.
Helen: Good.
Timothy: C’mere honey.
Helen: Fuck off.
Bella: Don’t think Julius is breathing.
Feste: What now.
Will: (Takes a drag) Joint?
Fault Line comes in over this, maybe Trailer Trash
Scene Three
Feste: We watched home burn for a few minutes, then wandered to an abandoned barn and lit a campfire to stay warm. Timothy dragged Julius all the way there, wincing at every stone or stick that scratched our father’s grizzled face. We propped him next to the flame, and Helen sat in his lap, pulling heavy on the rye and holding a cold hand in her own. I turned on my old FM.
Fault Line finishes, we hear a campfire and the clink of Will’s pistol twirling.
Radio Announcer: After searching the wreckage, no bodies were found. The source of the fire is also undetermined, though several bullet casings were scattered around the Berth Tavern. This bar and brothel is owned by Julius Kennedy, a former drug runner who the FBI are calling armed and dangerous. A representative of Odin’s Raven, the biker gang allegedly attacked by Julius and his backwoods cronies, said that, quote, “The police better find those expletive deleted before I do. This is America, I’ve a right to vengeance,” end quote. Three members of the fraternal organization were shot until dead, and two others suffered heavy injuries though they refused medical care. Police are skeptical that the bikers were blameless, but gave no official comment. The unconfirmed leader of the crow… excuse me, Odin’s Ravens, a tall scarred man named Billy, said, quote, “We just came in to get a drink and the old coot opened fire. If Julius wants to tell his side, let him.” end quote.
Feste: I’m not a hick.
Helen: Turn that shit off.
Timothy: (Walking up with Bella) All right we got some more wood.
Bella: (Grunts as she drops wood onto the fire, which cackles in response)
Feste: Thanks.
Timothy: Think the child gunman could get off his ass?
Will: I’m comfy.
Timothy: I’ll bet. And quit playin with that pistol.
Will: (Drags from his joint)
Timothy: (sitting down to cozy up to Helen) Hon, you’re not gonna drink that whole bottle are you?
Helen: What, are you gonna tell Julius? (Swigs and pats the supposed corpse)
Timothy: Get out of his lap. Now.
Helen: (drunkenly falling from Julius’ lap to the ground) He was keeping me warm, asshole.
Feste: Well, is everybody okay?
Timothy: Okay? Are you daft? Our home is a pile of rubble and we beat and stabbed a gang of killers. We’re on top of the world!
Bella: And shot.
Timothy: Excuse me?
Bella: The kid shot a couple of em.
Timothy: Uh, I didn’t shoot anybody, did y‘all?
Will: (Laughs)
Helen: (Sipping from a bottle of booze) Cool it Timothy.
Timothy: No no, I’m not gonna be responsible for this dick on top of everything else.
Feste: He’s just a boy.
Timothy: So the fuck what, he’s coo-coo for coco puffs!
Helen: When we get Billy…
Timothy: Get Billy? Has everyone gone nuts.
Bella: We should probly lay low.
Timothy: We’ve got the school bus, could be in PA in a few hours, halfway to New York if we push it.
Bella: They could have brothers on the road, I don’t wanna be surprised in the mystery machine.
Feste: At least we’ll have the kid, that’s gotta help some.
Helen: Wait wait wait, we’re not running are we?
Timothy: Sweetheart, love of my life, these are killers. I miss Julius too but we gotta get safe first, and some baby with a pistol…
Will: My name’s Will.
Timothy: (trying, and failing, to shut Will up, to top him) … ain’t gonna change that!
Feste: Huh?
Will: William Grimm, and I’m gonna need that bus.
Timothy: It’s mine.
Will: (Drawing his gun) However you wanna do this.
Timothy: Goddamit, anyone wanna help me out here? (Beat) Fine. (Tosses the keys) So what, you’re just gonna leave us?
Will: I’m mean, y’all are welcome to join up.
Bella: We’ve got no guns.
Will: There’s gotta be a gunshop somewhere round here, I figure we get armed and get lookin for those cocksuckers.
Timothy: What the…
Helen: I’m in.
Timothy: In?
Will: It’s gonna get worse than what we’ve seen.
Helen: Bring it.
Bella: We’ll be fine.
Timothy: What about Feste? He’s bleeding for Christ’s sake.
Feste: I’m not stayin here by myself.
Timothy: That’s what I’m sayin…
Feste: (Cut him off) The Berth’s gone, so we might as well go. Not like we’ve got mommies and daddies to run too. And fuck getting safe, we gotta do what’s right.
Will: Well Tim?
Julius: (hacking and coming back to life) Jesus shitting motherless… where the fuck are we?
Timothy: Julius!
Will: (laughing over exclamations of shock by the others)
Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn by White Stripes starts to play
Over the music comes the announcement,
Feste: Please take this intermission to light a cigarette, smoke a joint, and listen to the band.
Scene Four
The radio starts to crack out as St. Andrews starts to get shaky, and in the breaks, the radio cuts into Midnight Rider, on and off. Simultaneously we get car sounds coming through.
Feste: At first, we thought our prayers were answered, that Julius was back and well and could tell us what to do. But all he did was cough and swear and mumble about his family or brothers or someone, someone dead too cause he kept begging them to come back, to stop bleeding and stand. Then he asked us for help. And we couldn’t. He passed out and we tried to find a plan.
Timothy: damn straight we’re headed to town, but for a hospital not fucking play toys!
Helen: The crows know we’d go straight for help.
Bella: We’ll be lucky if we get into town alive.
Timothy: Two of us are hit. Two of us.
Feste: No no no no no, don’t drag me into your bullshit.
Will: Hah! If Arlo Guthrie here can deal, your bony ass better man up.
Feste: Yeah, what he said.
Will: So you’re tellin’ me the cop killer crows are from Charlie Town?
Feste: Their badges say Odin’s Raven Charlie Town, so Charlie Town makes the most sense. I saw a chapter house on a beer run few months back, biggest house in town, or the smallest barn.
Will: How far?
Feste: Looks like two, no, three hundred miles.
Bella: Five or six hours in this tub, if we don’t run out of gas.
Will: Can she hustle if she needs to?
Bella: Sure, but not for more than a half hour or she’ll blow and we’re stuck.
Will: (Yawning) You never forget your first big push.
Bella: Sure this is the time to nap?
Will: Wake me at the gunshop.
Timothy: We’re not getting guns! We’re patching up.
Will: Look, I’m not walking into that trap an easy mark. If you’re thinking, you’ll have bullets.
Timothy: What the fuck d’you care?
Will: Well, once pops is dead, again, you’ll be rooting for revenge too.
Bella: There’s another problem.
Will: Hm?
Bella: Well you said we can pick up guns, but we’re broke.
Timothy: I’ve got a little cash, but we’ll need that for food. And a fucking funeral.
Bella: Point is, we’ve no way to pay, not to mention no permit. Can’t imagine you’ve got one.
Will: Everything’s under control. Nighty night
(Beat)
Timothy: Hell of a kidnapper, passin out on the job.
Helen: Honey, he didn’t kidnap us.
Timothy: Then who did? I Sure as hell don’t wanna be here.
Feste: You insisted on driving.
Timothy: Wasn’t one of you knows an engine from an asshole.
Helen: Where’d he get that pistol?
Bella: Looks a hundred years old. Shiny, but I’m surprised it works. Holy shit, he’s coming back!
Timothy: Julius?
Julius: (weak) Where are we goin?
Timothy: Goin to the hospital, gotta get you safe. Can you breathe okay? Feste get him some fucking water!
Julius: Not thirsty. Need a blanket.
Bella: I gotcha buddy.
Julius: How you doin’ little girl?
Helen: Walkin’ and talkin,’ unlike you.
Julius: Shut up. And tuck me in, wanna die warm.
Timothy: Quit whining! We’re goin to the hospital!
Julius: Don’t bother, they’re waiting for me.
Timothy: We’ll sneak you in, a distraction or…
Julius: Can’t sneak into heaven (Quick laughter into coughing).
Bella: What d’we do?
Julius: (laughing) Not my problem, little girl! (coughing) I already asked for help.
Timothy: We’ll pour that shot when we’re sober.
Julius: Well, you’re gonna wanna start a plan.
Feste: I can’t find a hospital on this shitty map.
Julius: Children! Stop it! (Beat) You’re not going to the hospital. Billy’s there, I promise you. Waiting in the lobby, while everyone stares at him, and they can’t say a thing, so he smiles and they hide their children and then we go out for a cigarette and there’s Art Grimm and he’s limping and we, and we…
Bella: (kinda breathless) He’s fading.
Timothy: Stay with me!
Julius: … hmm? Was I telling a story?
Helen: You need rest.
Julius: You know, Helen. You knew and you never said anything. Why?
Helen: Shhh…
Julius: You gotta find Billy. Doesn’t matter how right we wanted to be, we all have to pay. (Fading out) Pay for all our brothers, pay for the blood, pay for the…
Bella: Get some sleep bud.
Feste: See it all the time, they die, they live, they babble like a madman.
Helen: He’s a crow.
Timothy: He what!
Helen: Julius is a, was a crow. (Half Beat) didn’t you just hear him?
Timothy: Oh gimme a fuckin break.
Helen: Shh, Will’s waking up!
Bella: (Over Will yawning) You missed Julius.
Will: He’s dead?
Bella: No, woke up for a few minutes.
Will: Did he say anything?
Timothy: Just more mumbling.
Will: Huh. Well hope y’all said goodbye. That the shop?
Feste: Yeah, what’s with the old woman?
Will: (Stretching) Let me roll this real quick, be right in.
Feste: Is that weed?
Will: Yep.
Timothy: Great, a stoned killer. (Opens the car door) The shop’s twenty feet away, don’t get lost.
Will: Eat shit. Gimme 16 seconds. (When recorded, we should have this timed out exactly).
(Bus door opening, closing, shoes on gravel)
Feste: First time we met the crone, outside of a rusted shop, every nerve on my body went cold and the air around me pressed from every angle, like jelly. Her hair matted, her face a web of wrinkles, and every inch of her body carved from oak.
Feste: Hello Ma‘am? Ma’am?
Crone: I’m blind, not deaf honey. (Sighs) And boy howdy I love your voice.
Feste: Uh, thanks?
Crone: Where’s Will?
Timothy: (All but one set of footsteps stop) Bastards in the ca… (Last steps stop) Wait, what?
Crone: (sniffs the air searchingly) Sumbitch’s smoking again? (Chuckling) Poor boy.
Helen: Ma’am, can you see?
Crone: (Chuckling again) No, silly cunt, just said so! Come here, let me hold your hand. You too Bella. (Two sets nervous footsteps) There you are. (Crone takes a big breath of sweet air) So strong. So young.
Will: (Opening door, hopping out, and jogging forward) Let’s roll.
Crone: Will.
Will: Yeah?
Crone: I’ll see you anon girls. (Smacks Helen’s ass, she gives a quiet yelp of surprise, they walk away) C’mere Fool.
Will: (Slowly walking forward) I know you miss?
Crone: I know you. (Pulling him into a hug) Keep your chin up brother. The call changes, the face changes, but what doesn’t is the road, and your birthright, and God’s tits, your instincts. Hold to them all the way West.
Will: I will, (as a nod) madam. (Pulling away from her) Let’s go gang.
Timothy: Not in any fucking gang of yours.
Helen: Not the time hon.
Timothy: I’m just sayin… (Timothy, Helen and Will enter the door, which has a bell every time the door shakes)
Crone: Where are you goin?
Feste: Me? I need to get a...
Crone: (Quick laughter) C’mere, sing to me bout mountains.
Feste: Oh. Hey guys…
Bella: Keep an ear out for Julius, in case he wakes up. (Door closes)
Timothy: You the manager?
Clerk one: Yep.
Helen: Who’s the lady outside?
Clerk one: Some old crone, always toting that shotgun like she’s gonna see again.
Timothy: Seems nice enough. I’ll take a look at the Beretta.
Helen: While you’re down there grab the lil’ Pathfinder.
Clerk one: They don’t come in pink.
Timothy: Waddya need a gun for darlin‘?
Helen: For shootin’. I like it, (Over her shoulder to Will) can I have this one?
Timothy: Yeah, what’s our budget Billy boy?
Will: Don’t call me Billy. Money’s no issue.
Clerk one: There’s a discount for services rendered.
Timothy: (With an edge) How do you mean.
Clerk one: She knows what I mean. Gimme a kiss.
Helen: Get off my shirt.
Timothy: Watch it bud.
Clerk one: Just getting friendly. One kiss?
Helen: You’ve got one second.
Will: One mississippi…
(Will shoots a hole in Clerk two, or Ben’s, hand. Ben starts screaming)
Clerk two: Kid shot my hand!
Will: (Chuckling)
Clerk one: What the fu… (Smashing of the display case as Helen puts clerk one’s head through the glass) Holy shit! Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy…
Clerk two: I’ll shoot! Don’t fucking move!
Timothy: Will! Hold it! (Beat, while clerks one and two moan in pain, footsteps of Timothy walking towards clerk three) Look, pal, no one wants you dead, just point that somewhere else.
Clerk two: I’m callin’ the cops!
Timothy: Will, phone. (Gunshot, and a squished phone ring) No luck there partner. See Will there, with the Colt? He wants to kill you. Now, do you wanna die today? No? Well then we’re gonna keep these, and you’re gonna hand me three boxes of bullets. There ya go, easy as can be. Good. Now look to your friend, he should be fine. Let’s leave these cocksuckers to bleed. (Footsteps and the door opening, then closing. Slow footsteps)
Will: All hail the great Pope Timothy, huh. (Stops) You gotta light?
Clerk two: (Stuttering) Sure.
Will: Thanks. (Lights his joint, drags) And you.
Clerk one: (Still moaning) wha?
Will: Tell the devil I’m comin’. (Gunshot, body falling) Have a nice night. Oo, cheetos! (Crinkle of a plastic bag, footsteps, door opening and closing) Guess we’re ready to go?
Bella: (Over Crone chanting “Wade In the Water”) Hold up, look at her.
Timothy: She okay?
Crone: (Sadly ceasing her chant) Not yet, but I will be soon. (Brightening) Y’all are working out just right!
Timothy: You got a sick sense of good.
Crone: Don’t be so worried with good all the time, ya skinny mutt. A lotta bad is comin’, from you and from everyone. So leave the judgment to me, and keep doin what’s right. Bella honey?
Bella: Yes ma’am.
Crone: Ever used a shotgun?
Bella: No ma’am.
Crone: Well (throws the shotgun) learn fast. Now get on outta here. I need some rest.
Will: Who are you?
Crone: Time will tell. (Body dropping to the ground)
Feste: I think she’s dead.
Timothy: This gets odder and fucking odder. Load up.
Will: Shoulda gave her a hit. (Footsteps and car doors, the engine starts and off they go)
Feste: Driving off, a voice in my head pulled back to the Crone’s body. Then a bird bounced off the windshield…
Timothy: Fuck!
Feste: … and every neck snapped back, or found a mirror, but however they saw it everyone of us watched a crow bounce twice off the pavement, squirting blood in every direction. One breath later, the wings flapped, and the little bird rose off the ground, landing on the shoulder of a slim man in a red suit. He was laughing, and so did Will.
Helen: Who the hell was that?
Will: Some devil or another.
Feste: … and for god knows what reason, that was funny.
(Naomi by Neutral Milk Hotel plays)
Scene five
(Sounds of the car, the music slowly fades into an argument)
Feste: Even with Julius shivering in the corner, the rest of the gang found a dose of levity in our success. Helen practiced her quick draw, Bella wiped the monstrous barrel with an oily rag, while up front Will and Tim fired on phantom crows amongst the dark evergreens. Me, I watched our father breathe, thinking bout the crone and the future. As the night settled, so did we, adapting to the broken road.
Helen: Anyone know where the pot is?
Bella: I’m cooking noodles.
Helen: Dammit I gotta pee!
Bella: Use the window. How sure are you?
Feste: (window opening) Look, from what I remember, (Peeing sounds) which was quite a time ago, we drove by the chapter house just as we got there, so it’s gotta be on the East side.
Helen: (Psst, pst pst)You say that but your voice is shaking. (psss)
Feste: I don’t know if you noticed Helen, but we’ve been KILLING PEOPLE! (stop peeing) So yeah, I’m a little nervous. (Beat. pst) Really?
Bella: (Fade out starts) Even if we get there, what then?
Tim: (Both Will and Tim are laughing through most of this scene) (firing a shot) Got him!
Will: Who’s that one?
Tim: Ray, right between the eyes.
Will: (Gunshot) Billy, drilled off his balls!
Tim: (Series of gunshots) Come and get some!
Will: (Joining in, laughing audibly) Haha! (Beat as their adrenaline slows a little bit) Hooooeee! Told you adventurin’s fun!
Timothy: Never said I didn’t love guns!
Will: Hell yeah! (Couple shots) Hooh. Now if we could just get rid of the dead weight, we’d have ourselves a real time.
Timothy: Hey man, this bus’s treatin us all right.
Will: Not the bus the body! Shit, soon’s we find a nice hill to bury him on…
Timothy: The fuck is wrong with you?
Will: What? Just sayin’, kinda hard to wander when there’s a corpse sucking up our air.
Timothy: Really Will? Jesus Christ.
Will: (grunts, gunshot)
Timothy: You don’t know what’ll happen next.
Will: I’m getting an idea. (Beat) So, what now?
Timothy: The next step? (Beat) You mean the Crows?
Will: Yeah. You ready for that.
Timothy: We’re going, if that’s what you’re asking.
Will: All right! Let’s plot this caper!
Timothy: There’s been a mistake. I don’t like you.
Will: Me neither, don’t like either of us. But you didn’t fuck up the gunshop, so…
Timothy: Well you start! Haven’t done a lot of ambushes.
Will: Good.
Timothy: You gonna tell me or what?
Will: I figure they’re not ready for us, (Start fading out) not waiting anyhow. Feste says its on the way into town, so…
Feste: We’ve got a few hours anyway, might as well relax.
Helen: Hah. Relax.
Feste: Seriously, there’s got to be another bottle left.
Bella: I snagged a few fifths on the way out.
Feste: There’s my favorite drunk, fire and blood everywhere and you grab the whiskey. Pour us all a shot.
Belle: No glass (Glugs from the bottle, sighs) Put some hair on your chest.
Feste: I think I will. (Drinks, coughs, Bella snickers at him, but in a friendly way) You want some? C’mon Helen, who’s the prettiest girl I know?
Helen: Fuck off Feste.
Feste: I saw a smile! Bella, you’re a witness, she fuckin smiled.
Helen: Asshole.
Feste: (As Helen drinks) That’s my girl.
Helen: (Wiping her mouth) Don’t let Tim hear that.
Feste: Well, no, probly not I guess.
Helen: Hold still, I’m putting my head in your lap.
Feste: (Sweetly) As you wish. You’ve got blood in your hair.
Helen: (Sighs) I know. Brush it out.
Timothy: Feste!
Feste: (Strained) What is it sugar bunch?
Timothy: Get your faggot ass up here, need to clarify details.
Feste: Coming, sugar bunch. Excuse me ladies (Sounds of shuffling)
Helen: Those boys, plotting without us.
Bella: Those boys take their que from you.
Helen: (laughing) that’s right, forgot about that. Still, Tim’s gonna take over soon enough.
Bella: Don’t think so. The kid won’t let him.
Helen: Even still it’ll end up being the two of em. Fuck, no one listens to me around here, why would they start now.
Bella: What’re you talking about?
Helen: You wouldn’t understand, you’re the tough one, the big guy, the ogre, they can’t ignore you.
Bella: First off, no one gives a shit about me, they only listen when I make em. Folks love to ignore the ogre, walk around the ogre, tell the ogre how much she fucking stinks, so don’t be telling me how hard your life is there sex queen.
Helen: I guess I’m not the man you are. (Beat) I shouldn’t have said that. You saved me back at the Berth, and, well, thanks.
Bella: You saved yourself.
Helen: Huh. (Beat) Why do you think that old lady talked to us like that? Like we were the heroines outta some movie.
Bella: Maybe we are.
Helen: Naw. It’s too dark for a movie. (As car pulls over in the background, slowing to a stop) Bella, are we friends?
Bella: It’s not about friends, but yeah, we are.
Helen: Thanks.
Timothy: Well gang, we’re gonna rest up here for a few hours. When it’s close to sunrise, cocksuckers should be asleep.
Will: Here’s how it‘ll go… (Fades into crickets, with background banjo if we can manage it. The crickets swell bigger and bigger then stops for a half a beat. The sound of the car turning on, and then Icky Thump, loud and hard)
Scene Six:
Feste: It was the calm before the storm. I’ve never been more afraid, not before and not after. The cold town breathed with the wind, but we each treasured the simple exhalation as if each might end too soon. Except for Will. Looking back, it was his slouch that gave me courage, cheery as a child on the merry go round.
Will: Are we getting close?
Timothy: I have a bad feeling about this.
Feste: Few more blocks.
Will: All right, ride on in nice and easy. Don’t wanna spook anybody.
Timothy: They’ll know what’s up when they see this bus.
Bella: Arm up everybody. Timothy, wait to turn on your brights till the last second.
Timothy: I know the fucking plan. Helen, keep your head down.
Helen: Get fucked.
Timothy: Helen!
Feste: (Breathless) That’s it. That’s the house.
(Long beat, with a lighter flicking and Will dragging from his joint. Until further noted, he speaks as if he has the joint in his mouth)
Feste: I don’t see any bikes outside.
(Beat, with motorcycle engines starting in distance, swelling constantly)
Timothy: I can hear them.
Bella: Where?
Feste: Shit, where the fuck are they, its coming from everywhere!
Will: Hold.
Timothy: We gotta bail.
Will: Hold!
(Star shows where the next sentence starts running in)
Bella: There they* are!
Feste: They’re awake*, wide the fuck awake!
Timothy: Get your foot off the pe*dal!
Will: (Drag) Too late now. Awooo!
(Gunshots, screeching motorcycle breaks, motorcycle gang shouts “fuck you” and “what the hell?” Will continues to howl over gunfire, eventually Helen joins in, adding her little gun to the mix, and Bella joins at the last second, yelling as well, and just then there’s a grinding crash as the bus smashes into and then rides over a guy on a motorcycle. Just before they hit, Will starts to laugh and the gunfire gets muddled as the bikers join in)
Feste: As Tim dimmed the headlights and slowed to a crawl, crows pulled shotguns from a hundred hiding spots and tested their transmissions. We heard the interview a few days later. Thought we were bein sneaky, but the same time Billy was gatherin the troops to look for us. Everyone wanted blood, but no one saw this coming.
Feste: Don’t fucking stop!
Timothy: I’m tryin’! Everybody, buckle up!
Helen: (Bumps as Helen falls) Fuck!
Timothy: Helen! You okay!
Helen: Fell.
Feste: *Through yet?
Will: (Swells then rescinds) Fuck fuck fuck* fuck fuck…
Helen: Will’s hit!
Will: Where’s Billy- jesus shit that hurts!
Timothy: We’re through to town! Hold!
Feste: Unspoken agreement kept either side from shooting where townsfolk might catch a stray, but that gave little comfort as we raced down the three blocks that made up main street.
Helen: You’re bleeding bad.
Will: Where’s Billy? I’ll gut that motherfu…
Helen: You shot bully, dumbass! Can’t you hear him screaming?
Will: He ain’t dead yet, turn this boat around!
Timothy: Are you kidding!
Helen: Sit still.
Will: Get offa me-aaaAAOOWW!
Bella: (Cocking her shotgun) Coming to the end of town. I’ll hold em off, but gun it Tim. Either we out run em or we’re dead.
Will: We’re not gonna leave! Tim turn this rig around!
Timothy: That’s it, I knew he was crazy.
Bella: Will, this isn’t the time or the…
Will: No, this is exactly the time and exactly the place, now Tim (Gun cocking) turn around or I’ll do it for you.
Feste: That’s a bad idea Will.
Will: Just fucking do i… (cut off by a punch to the face)
Bella: Now stay down, or get out.
Tim: And I’m not fucking stopping.
Will: Are you kidding me! You’re gonna… Well yeah, I guess y’all are through aren’t you. (chuckles) Well, no hard feelings. It was nice meeting y’all. You wanna pop that door for me Feste?
Feste: (opening the door) Tim, slow down for a second.
Will: Don’t worry about it. Don’t stop till you can’t hear shots. Oh, and good luck. (Shots fired out the door, and some return fire from the crows)
Helen: Wait Will!
Will: It’s all in the cards darlin’.
(Will fires a few shots out the door and jumps. We hear him hit the ground, a vague groan, more gunfire, and a series of loud crashes)
Feste: Holy fuck.
Tim: Is he all right?
Bella: Who the fuck knows, just get us out of here. He made his choice, that crazy son of a bitch.
Feste: We did like Will said, and didn’t stop till the shots faded, but that was cause we were so far, not because the guns stopped.
Scene Six:
Feste: It was the calm before the storm. I’ve never been more afraid, not before and not after. The cold town breathed with the wind, but we each treasured the simple exhalation as if each might end too soon. Except for Will. Looking back, it was his slouch that gave me courage, cheery as a child on the merry go round.
Will: Are we getting close?
Timothy: I have a bad feeling about this.
Feste: Few more blocks.
Will: All right, ride on in nice and easy. Don’t wanna spook anybody.
Timothy: They’ll know what’s up when they see this bus.
Bella: Arm up everybody. Timothy, wait to turn on your brights till the last second.
Timothy: I know the fucking plan. Helen, keep your head down.
Helen: Get fucked.
Timothy: Helen!
Feste: (Breathless) That’s it. That’s the house.
(Long beat, with a lighter flicking and Will dragging from his joint. Until further noted, he speaks as if he has the joint in his mouth)
Feste: I don’t see any bikes outside.
(Beat, with motorcycle engines starting in distance, swelling constantly)
Timothy: I can hear them.
Bella: Where?
Feste: Shit, where the fuck are they, its coming from everywhere!
Will: Hold.
Timothy: We gotta bail.
Will: Hold!
(Star shows where the next sentence starts running in)
Bella: There they* are!
Feste: They’re awake*, wide the fuck awake!
Timothy: Get your foot off the pe*dal!
Will: (Drag) Too late now. Awooo!
(Gunshots, screeching motorcycle breaks, motorcycle gang shouts “fuck you” and “what the hell?” Will continues to howl over gunfire, eventually Helen joins in, adding her little gun to the mix, and Bella joins at the last second, yelling as well, and just then there’s a grinding crash as the bus smashes into and then rides over a guy on a motorcycle. Just before they hit, Will starts to laugh and the gunfire gets muddled as the bikers join in)
• Feste: As Tim dimmed the headlights and slowed to a crawl, crows pulled shotguns from a hundred hiding spots and tested their transmissions. We heard the interview a few days later. Thought we were bein sneaky, but the same time Billy was gatherin the troops to look for us. Everyone wanted blood, but no one saw this coming.
• Feste: Don’t fucking stop!
Timothy: I’m tryin’! Everybody, buckle up!
Helen: (Bumps as Helen falls) Fuck!
Timothy: Helen! You okay!
Helen: Fell.
Feste: *Through yet?
Will: (Swells then rescinds) Fuck fuck fuck* fuck fuck…
Helen: Will’s hit!
Will: Where’s Billy- jesus shit that hurts!
Timothy: We’re through to town! Hold!
Feste: Unspoken agreement kept either side from shooting where townsfolk might catch a stray, but that gave little comfort as we raced down the three blocks that made up main street.
Helen: You’re bleeding bad.
Will: Where’s Billy? I’ll gut that motherfu…
Helen: You shot bully, dumbass! Can’t you hear him screaming?
Will: He ain’t dead yet, turn this boat around!
Timothy: Are you kidding!
Helen: Sit still.
Will: Get offa me-aaaAAOOWW!
Bella: (Cocking her shotgun) Coming to the end of town. I’ll hold em off, but gun it Tim. Either we out run em or we’re dead.
Will: We’re not gonna leave! Tim turn this rig around!
Timothy: That’s it, I knew he was crazy.
Bella: Will, this isn’t the time or the…
Will: No, this is exactly the time and exactly the place, now Tim (Gun cocking) turn around or I’ll do it for you.
Feste: That’s a bad idea Will.
Will: Just fucking do i… (cut off by a punch to the face)
Bella: Now stay down, or get out.
Tim: And I’m not fucking stopping.
Will: Are you kidding me! You’re gonna… Well yeah, I guess y’all are through aren’t you. (chuckles) Well, no hard feelings. It was nice meeting y’all. You wanna pop that door for me Feste?
Feste: (opening the door) Tim, slow down for a second.
Will: Don’t worry about it. Don’t stop till you can’t hear shots. Oh, and good luck. (Shots fired out the door, and some return fire from the crows)
Helen: Wait Will!
Will: It’s all in the cards darlin’.
(Will fires a few shots out the door and jumps. We hear him hit the ground, a vague groan, more gunfire, and a series of loud crashes)
Feste: Holy fuck.
Tim: Is he all right?
Bella: Who the fuck knows, just get us out of here. He made his choice, that crazy son of a bitch.
• Feste: We did like Will said, and didn’t stop till the shots faded, but that was cause we were so far, not because the guns stopped.
Scene 7
• Feste: We pulled over somewhere in West Virginia and cooked another pot of ramen on the fire. Julius awoke, sort of, coughing and pleading for mercy. The general agreement was that Will was dead, we were screwed, and that Julius wasn’t going to make it.
• Feste: So where do we go?
• Bella: West. Keep going till we’re in the middle of nowhere, get as lost as we can, and hide till this all blows over.
• Helen: So what do we do about Julius?
• Tim: What’s there to do?
• Helen: We oughta look after him, and he can’t take much more driving.
• Julius: (Coughs) I’m dyin, y’all should be the ones lookin out
• Bella: How’s it goin bud?
• Julius: Don’t bud me. I raised y’all better than that. (Coughs) Where’s that Will kid?
• Tim: He fell behind.
• Julius: Bullshit. Keep your eye on that one, he’s wilder then… (collapses into coughing)
• Bella: What’re we gonna do about you?
• Julius: You know what. One of you just has to man up.
• Tim: You can’t seriously be asking one of us to kill you.
• Julius: For the love of Christ, I’ve lived a long life and the only thing I ever got right is you fuckers. And now I’m holding you up. Just fucking let me go!”
• Tim: Well we can’t do that!
• Feste: I can.
• Tim: Wha… (Gunshot)
• Feste: Take care.
• Julius: Thank you Feste. Thank you all. Who… Who are you, you… you old crone! Is something funny? (Starts to laugh) well yeah, I guess that is… (dies)
• Bella: Well that’s that.
• Feste: Yep.
• Tim: Thanks.
• Feste: Everybody’s got a part to play.
• Feste: We went to separate corners. I took the first watch, since I’d never be able to sleep, but no one else did either. Hearing Julius talk about Will, the dead talking about the dead, eerie as fuck. At least we figured this was the end of it, all we needed to do was hide. That didn’t work out so well.
Scene 8
• Crone: Two knights, fighting for centuries, met on a hilltop where two roads met. They stared at each other across a void, hurling spears and insults like barbarians.
• Billy Debolt: Where are you, son? Is that you?
• Will: I’m here all right! (Gunfire) Did I getcha? Did I… Hello? You dead ye…
• Billy DeBolt: (Gunfire) Nicked me you fuckin rascal!
• Crone: Along came a scoundrel clad all in red, with a crow on one shoulder and a kestrel on the other. He laughed, and said…
• Scoundrel: What d’you two hope to get out of this exactly, huh?
• Will: Goddam crow! (Blasts of gunfire) Watch while I butcher your boy!
• Billy DeBolt: He isn’t any fucking Raven. Who the fuck are you? Sir?
• Scoundrel: I’m a friend to both of you, your captain believe it or not.
• Billy DeBolt: Well I’m not wastin bullets on you so shut the fuck up!
• Scoundrel: You saw how well the kid did, and that son of a bitch can hit anything.
• Will: At least that much is true.
• Scroundel: Shut up! You couldn’t lead a horse outta hell, but Billy here has all of its legions trained to die for him. You’re useless to me without one another!
• Billy DeBolt: And crazy to fucking boot.
• Scoundrel: (Laughing maniacally) More than you know. Now I don’t have time to sort this little spat out, so lets lay the cards on the table. Billy, you killed Will’s family.
• Billy DeBolt: Will, huh? Will who?
• Scoundrel: And Will, well you took out Billy’s left eye back at the Berth.
• Will: I did? Fuck yeah!
• Scoundrel: So its safe to say you’ll keep hunting each other. But no endings yet.
• Crone: The Devil told them: You are needed, for now, and so you will both go on, till the time is right, and you meet on the fields of Elysium. Until then go West, for the world is changing and you must follow the sun till it shifts in the sky. On that day, we will meet again, and you will know that all has come to its proper place.”
• Scoundrel: Did you get all that?
• Billy DeBolt: I take it back, you’re worth the bullets.
• Will: Got that right… (Gunfire)
• Scoundrel: (Laughing) Go on! Shoot me! Waste your time and efforts! (Gunfire ceases) Good. You both are doing quite well. But now I must be going. (Beat) And just to be sure (Fire sounds) run, limp, whatever you do, but get outta here, and I’ll be seeing you soon.
• Crone: Then the devil let his fire rain on the earth, and the knights turned and fled before his laughter. But they did not forget. Nor can we.
This fills me with excitement. Also, It reminded that I should post the script.
THE BERTH
Feste: (Over La Grange by Pickin On) I can see the sunlight from here. When the old stories tell us of a light in the distance, I pictured pearly gates. There’s light all right, but more like the sky at noon than St. Peter’s halls. (Inhales the new fresh air with pleasure. Beat) Let me tell you about a journey West. We wanted for blood, glory, sex, justice... I’ll be your tour guide, or interpreter, eyes where you’re blind in the dark. Just like we were, only kids but the world was speeding up.
Radio announcement (prerecorded):
Announcer one A: With the approach of twenty twelve, Dr. Cervantes makes a strong argument for studying the Mayan calendar in search of prophecy …
Announcer one B: Tabloids are loving the so-called Dr. Cervantes, a fear mongering lunatic from the countryside. The poor quack’s interpretations of the Mayan calendar are stirring up dupes everywhere…
Announcer two: … Ebert and Roepert are calling Super Tornado a super failure, just another shoddy apocalyptic film to soar at the box office…
Announcer three A: … while we’re proud to see the first black president, Obama has inherited a plate of economic disaster! I mean really Frank…
Announcer three B: … and all these liberals are talking about a new day, but their precious Obama has nothing but ideals. I’m not a racist or anything, but how’s some porch monkey gonna lead a Christian nation?
Announcer four: … Which leads us to our next guest. Billy DeBolt, First Thane of the nationally feared biker gang Odin’s Raven, was accused of arson, burglary, and murder by local authorities. Mr. DeBolt, where did your leadership go wrong?
Billy DeBolt: (Sigh)
(Music building to crescendo)
Feste: But let’s start on New Year’s Eve.
Shuffle your feet by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club starts to play
Feste: Welcome listeners to the Berth tavern. Five miles from nowhere, buried twixt the Appalachians. The food was cooked Monday, moonshine brewed on site, and pussy fresh off the vine. We’re open all hours, and waiting for you.
Scene One
Sound of sweeping, with Feste whistling “Wade in the Water” in the background
Timothy: Shut up!
Feste: That’s the assistant manager, Timothy. He tends bar, been employee of the month since he was nine. He’ll carry me to bed when I drink too much, but rides me for it alllll dayyyy longgg. Prick.
Feste: Sorry.
Timothy: Sweep your sorries with the other shit.
Feste: Oh I’m Feste, local musician and custodial magician, almost as good as a juke box and handy with a mop.
Helen: Who made you boss?
Timothy: Julius had a rough night, you wanna black eye, try and wake him {up}.
Helen: (Over the door opening and steps approaching the bar) That‘s my favorite pimp.
Feste: Helen and Timothy fuck, but she works the crowd on the side, when she isn’t pickin pockets. When I was twenty, Julius found out I was cherry and gave Helen twenty bucks to blow me. She gave me the money back, which was pretty special.
Timothy: Loud and proud, sweet cheeks. (Chair scoot for Will) Need something?
Will: Shot of Jack.
Timothy: Get outta town, what’re you, sixteen? (Beat. Feste whistling and sweeping continues) All outta Jack.
Will: Any whiskey at all?
Timothy: Watch it. Hey hunchback!
Bella: (Drunkenly coming awake) Wha?
Feste: He means Bella. Girl’s proof cousins fuck, but Bella can rip a phone book in half. Plus she cooks me dinner.
Timothy: You passed out with the whiskey, give it here. (Bella stumbles to her feet, walks to the bar and hands over the bottle, Timothy snaps at her) Quick like a bunny, it’s almost four.
Bella: (Walking away) Julius awake?
Timothy: Take a shower! (To Will) Two clams.
Will: Start a tab.
(Pour, place on the bar, drink, slam on the bar)
Will: (Over steps walking towards him) Another.
Timothy: I’ll bet.
Helen: (Scooting a stool) Hey there stranger.
Will: (Grunts, another shot)
Helen: You stopping by or here for the night?
Will: Not sure.
Helen: Well, it’s cold out there, we could get you warm…
Will: Uh, (light chuckle) no.
Helen: Excuse me?
Will: Don’t want the clap.
(Helen smacks Will)
Timothy: (laughs) huh-ho!
Will: (laughing) Another shot garcon.
Timothy: Yessir. (Pouring) Whatsamatter princess? You’ll look better after a few.
Helen: Shove it. (To Will, walking away) If you change your mind…
Feste: Here for the show?
Will: Show?
Feste: Some songs for the local souls, with accompaniment by our debutaint.
Timothy: Believe me, I make her sing.
Helen: (Sound of a cheek kiss).
Feste: Him and any other swingin dick.
Timothy: I’ll fuck you out in the street if you don’t shu…
Will: How much for the bottle?
Timothy: (Unsettled by the interruption) Uh, fifteen.
Will: I’ll be in the corner. Where it’s quiet.
Feste: (half beat over stool, steps, chair, then bottle opening) And that’s Will. At seventeen, he had naught but the clothes on his back, face like an angel, and could stop a clock with a whisper. Shoulda kicked him out then and there.
Feste: (Under his breath) Hey Mr. Fussy Pants.
Bella: Boy’s gettin’ his buzz like anyone else. Or everyone else.
Timothy: Smells like a hippie.
Helen: how can you tell, everything smells like shit anyway.
Bella: He’s packing.
Timothy: No fuckin way.
Bella: (Sarcastic) Well there’s a pistol butt poking out of his jacket.
Helen: Should we tell Julius?
Bella: Leave the kid alone.
Timothy: Keep an eye on him, though.
Bella: Thanks Commander.
Timothy: Good girl. Jesus, and when the crows get here (curt sigh)
Julius: (Coming out of the back, yawning) Guess we’re open.
Helen: Morning Julius!
Julius: (Sitting down and taking an enormous chug from a liquor bottle, sighs) Anybody here children?
Feste: Just our usual clientele of nobody, nadda, nichte...
Julius: (Hitting Feste, cutting him off. Amused) Go practice.
Helen: Play it again Sam
Feste: That’s not even the quote.
Over Helen laughing, Feste plays Death of a Tribe, Birth of a Traveler
Scene Two
Under Death of a Tribe, Birth of a Traveler, atmosphere transitions from empty to crowded. Part of this transition should be the arrival of motorcycles, and men greeting each other as “brother” and shouting “The Ravens,” and “Odin.”
Feste: Odin’s Raven, or the crows, have a habit of taking one eye from every hell’s angel they hitch up to their bikes. Here at the Berth, they mostly horsed around. The rest of the time, we’d close early. Like I said, though, tonight’s New Year’s Eve. Sweet cunt of Mary save us.
As the song ends, the audience gives a mixed response of boos and cheers
Feste: Thought y’all had passed out!
Bruce: (Yelling through smooching) Honey can you believe this redneck shit?
Bernice: You can’t teach a fairy to play a man’s music.
Feste: Thank you to the cousins in the back.
Bruce: (laughs, allowing the rest to take Feste’s joke lightly)
(Audience cheers bawdily)
Feste: (Plays The Circle over two sets of footsteps and a stool)
Ray: get on girl! (Smacks Helen’s ass, makes her giggle) Scoot that thang!
Helen: Ray!
Ray: Hey hold on a second. You look familiar.
Will: No I don’t.
Ray: Hey watch your lip.
Will: Move along.
Helen: Oh forget the little brat.
Ray: Got my eye on you.
Will: Good.
Billy DeBolt: Back already, nube?
Ray: (Walking back with Helen) She’s a good one sir.
Helen: There’s enough to go around.
Billy DeBolt: (laughing) You can’t afford me sweetheart.
Feste: Old Billy DeBolt is an underground legend. He’s been Thane of the Charlie Town Odin chapter for a year but even when I met him back in 02, the crows flocked to Billy’s tail feathers.
Ray: (grabbing sounds, ruffling clothing) You’d have a hell of a ride boss! I’m goin for round two right here.
Bernice: (Shoe dropping sound) Naw, look at them fat little toes, who’s sexy now?
Helen: (sultry, to Billy) Tell Bernice to back off for me, will you?
Billy DeBolt: Tell her yourself.
Ray: See, no one wants you, get over here! (grabbing sounds)
Helen: Tim!
Ray: (Sneering) Not even for a dollar? How bout two.
Bella: Back off shitbreath.
Ray: (Spitting) Stumpy bitch, killed my hard on anyhow.
Bella: I’ll hang it from the mantelpiece.
Helen: (Light, pleasant, airy, calming things back down while still acting sexy) Be back after I freshen up. (Two footsteps walking away)
Ray: Oughta rip out that wench’s…
Bruce: Leave it alone. We’ve got work to do.
Bernice: What’s the waitin for Bill? Lets do the thing and roll on.
Billy DeBolt: Getting a feel for the place. Who was the kid?
Ray: Hobo. Thought he looked like somebody.
Bruce: Holy shit, he’s Art Grimm’s spitting image!
Bernice: What gives, old Grimm’s six feet under, let’s shoot!
Billy DeBolt: We wait. Sides, not like we’ll have to pay the tab. (Slamming on the table) A toast!
Crowd: (Cheers)
Billy: Hey! (Quick, but not immediate silence) It’s a New Year! Time for a new beginning! Now we lost some good friends last year, and we’ll lose more before the end. So change your oil, take a shot with me, and remember the dead.
Crowd: (General cheers, shouts of “Raven!” “Odin,” and “DeBolt” subtly mixed in)
Julius: Make yourselves at home.
Billy: (Joking with an edge) Beer won’t pour itself, Julius.
Julius: Don‘t push your luck. (Walks over to the bar)
Feste: When all the other kids’ dads drove them to ball games, Julius taught me ‘bout moonshine. He wasn’t any of our fathers by blood, just picked us up one time or another and put us to work around the Berth. We loved him, but after months and years, we barely knew him except he had money and the crows respected him.
Timothy: (Under his breath, half volume) Good speech.
Julius: (Also under his breath, half volume) Fucking drama queen.
Timothy: Trouble?
Julius: Who knows, it’s a coin toss with these pricks. (Beat) Relax, its just the holiday. And tell Helen to keep her eyes fucking peeled.
Timothy: She can take care of herself.
Julius: Probly better than you can. (Lighting a cigarette) Who’s the youngster?
Timothy: Some hobo, Bella thinks he’s got a gun.
Bella: (Having snuck up on them, at three quarters volume) I saw it.
Timothy: Shit!
Julius: Where’s he keep it.
Bella: Inside his jacket, right side.
Julius: And you waited till now?
Bella: Wasn’t troubling anyone.
Julius: (Begrudgingly thoughtful) Huh.
Timothy: I could toss him out?
Julius: Stay here but keep sharp. Bella, water down the bikers’ drinks.
Bella: Yes sir.
Julius: (Walking away, over his shoulder) And Ray pays for that touching.
Bella: (Under her breath to Timothy) Isn’t that your job?
Timothy: Fuck you.
Julius: (pulling up a chair) Enjoying your beverage I hope. Mind if I…?
Will: Your bar isn’t it.
Julius: (Starting to pour a shot) Observant, I like that. So where are you from mister…?
Will: Will. (As a question) I’m gonna roll this?
Julius: Law doesn’t reach here. (Takes the shot) Ever been to Freeland. (Beat) No? You oughta, right off I-83. Y’know why they call it Free-land? (Beat) Well, (Pouring another shot) it’s cause back when the blacks were running North, that was the last patch a slavery they had to run through. Imagine, running in terror all the way from Georgia, hiding from every shit-heeled bounty hunter alive and suddenly, your ignorant ass is in Freeland! Signs everywhere, saying that your service is over, and you fall to your knees, jibbering a negro spiritual, when you’re cut short by a hick with a shotgun. He smiles and says, ‘just a mile short.’ (Takes the shot)
Will: What is it you want?
Julius: An old friend, what was his name, Arthur told me that story. You know anyone named Arthur?
Will: No.
Julius: Pull that piece, and Timothy’ll paint the wall with your blood.
Will: Arthur Grimm, huh? (Takes a shot) Funny you should mention, since your esteemed guests killed him.
Julius: I’m sorry to hear it.
Will: You’ll be sorrier soon, been tracking their bikes since Baltimore County, and here’s where I caught up.
Julius: (as it dawns on him, while someone is whistling for attention in the background) Oh no, no not in my fuckin’ joint you don’t.
Will: Over you or through you.
Billy Debolt: All right everyone, quiet!
Julius: Shit.
Will: Not your night huh?
Julius: Fucking New Years.
Bruce: Shut it up!
(Gun shot and glass breaking. The crowd silences)
Billy: Wasn’t that easy? C’mere Julius.
Julius: Think the holiday is ending early Bill.
Billy: Never knew when to dance, did ya? All right everybody, we only want Julius’ money, the rest of you can leave when we’re done.
Julius: This won’t end here.
Billy: (gun cock) It does for you, my oldest friend.
(Gunshot, followed by general exclamation from Helen and Feste, and a gutteral grunt from Julius)
Julius: Fuck fuck fuck fuck!
Billy: Tim, money, now.
Timothy: Oh my god.
Julius: (now laughing) Every crow pays, Bill, we all pay in the end. (laughing reaches a crescendo)
Billy: (Gunshot, Julius’ supposed death croak) While I’m young boy. Everybody else, stare at the ground. Do the odds, eight of us, and one dumb fuckin’ hero.
Ray: We got room for more!
Helen: Get the fuck off me!
Ray: Stay still! Or keep movin around, work my (pronounced “mah”) dick!
Timothy: Get off her! Get of her! (Repeat as necessary, cut off as he gets hit by Billy)
Billy: Tim! Money! now!
Bruce: Play me a song, cocksucker!
Feste: Wha-wha-wha-haa. (Quasi moaning on the verge of tears)
Bernice: Aw c’mon, shoot that faggot! (Gun cocking)
Bruce: C’mon, boy, sing. (Gunshot)
Feste: (Shout of pain)
Bruce: Sing!
Feste: (Sings House of the Rising Sun which fades into the band playing the song. Establish for ¼ second then faded way into the background so the audience has to work to hear it)
Bruce and Ray: (Laughing, Ray more viscerally)
Helen: (Starting to moan in pain)
Billy: Can I get a receipt?
Timothy: Just leave Helen.
Billy: All right, finish up nube, I’ll be outside. (Footsteps, chair in the background)
Bruce: Is that weed?
Billy: (Turning) Who’s celebrating already?
Will: Me.
(Gunshot, with Billy moaning)
Billy DeBolt: Jesus Christ, kid’s got a gun!
(Furniture shifting, tables flipping, and general shock)
Feste: I tried not to cry, but the shooting and the screamin… And there was Will, standing on a table, joint hanging from his lip, firing shot after shot after shot.
(Gunshot)
Billy: Auugh!
(Door slamming and two sets of running footsteps)
Bernice: Yehoo! Get that fucker! (Running out)
Odin’s Ravens: (General outcry. Running steps, gunshots, motorcycle engines)
Bella: (As a war cry) Hey cocksucker!
Ray: Wha-(Grunt as he’s hit)
(Knife being drawn)
Helen: Eat me, sweet cheeks.
(Stab sound)
Ray: (Screaming in pain) She stabbed me, she stabbed me!
Bruce: What the fuck!
Timothy: (Howling)
(Tackle, and fists punching, Bruce moaning in pain throughout)
Timothy: (Improvise on each punch) Don’t. Fuck. With my. Family!
(Gunshots from outside, fire crackling)
Feste: Fire! Fire!
Timothy: Julius!
Bruce: (Sounding hurt) Fuck this. (Running out the door)
Bella: Let me help you.
Helen: I got it, I got it.
Timothy: Gimme a hand, I’ve got Julius!
Feste: He’s fucking dead!
Timothy: I’m so sorry.
Bella: (Door opening) Let‘s go! (Scrambling footsteps to get out. Everything comes to a stop when they get out the door)
Feste: (Beat) Shit. Did we win?
Will: (laughing) Hardly, but the bastards ran off. I got Billy pretty bad and the rest followed him. (Takes a drag) Most of em.
Feste: Is that guy dead?
Will: Him and two others. Your rapist limped out the back, trailing blood.
Helen: Good.
Bella: We gotta call 911.
Will: Law doesn’t reach here. (chuckles, or otherwise show this is a joke no one else will get)
Timothy: I gotcha Julius. Can someone help me here!
Bella: Is he breathing?
Will: Looks gut shot, if he ain’t dead yet shouldn’t be long…
Timothy: You dirty cocksucker!
Bella: Relax, the kid didn’t shoot him.
Will: ‘Sides, your buddy with the fair hair isn’t dying, probly could use some help though..
Feste: (Sounds faint, talks through tears) Rough crowd.
Timothy: Shit, is the bullet in you?
Feste: With all my experience getting shot at… (turns into a moan)
Bella: Only a graze, (Ripping sound) use this. We can’t stay here long though, could come back for more.
Helen: Good.
Timothy: C’mere honey.
Helen: Fuck off.
Bella: Don’t think Julius is breathing.
Feste: What now.
Will: (Takes a drag) Joint?
Fault Line comes in over this, maybe Trailer Trash
Scene Three
Feste: We watched home burn for a few minutes, then wandered to an abandoned barn and lit a campfire to stay warm. Timothy dragged Julius all the way there, wincing at every stone or stick that scratched our father’s grizzled face. We propped him next to the flame, and Helen sat in his lap, pulling heavy on the rye and holding a cold hand in her own. I turned on my old FM.
Fault Line finishes, we hear a campfire and the clink of Will’s pistol twirling.
Radio Announcer: After searching the wreckage, no bodies were found. The source of the fire is also undetermined, though several bullet casings were scattered around the Berth Tavern. This bar and brothel is owned by Julius Kennedy, a former drug runner who the FBI are calling armed and dangerous. A representative of Odin’s Raven, the biker gang allegedly attacked by Julius and his backwoods cronies, said that, quote, “The police better find those expletive deleted before I do. This is America, I’ve a right to vengeance,” end quote. Three members of the fraternal organization were shot until dead, and two others suffered heavy injuries though they refused medical care. Police are skeptical that the bikers were blameless, but gave no official comment. The unconfirmed leader of the crow… excuse me, Odin’s Ravens, a tall scarred man named Billy, said, quote, “We just came in to get a drink and the old coot opened fire. If Julius wants to tell his side, let him.” end quote.
Feste: I’m not a hick.
Helen: Turn that shit off.
Timothy: (Walking up with Bella) All right we got some more wood.
Bella: (Grunts as she drops wood onto the fire, which cackles in response)
Feste: Thanks.
Timothy: Think the child gunman could get off his ass?
Will: I’m comfy.
Timothy: I’ll bet. And quit playin with that pistol.
Will: (Drags from his joint)
Timothy: (sitting down to cozy up to Helen) Hon, you’re not gonna drink that whole bottle are you?
Helen: What, are you gonna tell Julius? (Swigs and pats the supposed corpse)
Timothy: Get out of his lap. Now.
Helen: (drunkenly falling from Julius’ lap to the ground) He was keeping me warm, asshole.
Feste: Well, is everybody okay?
Timothy: Okay? Are you daft? Our home is a pile of rubble and we beat and stabbed a gang of killers. We’re on top of the world!
Bella: And shot.
Timothy: Excuse me?
Bella: The kid shot a couple of em.
Timothy: Uh, I didn’t shoot anybody, did y‘all?
Will: (Laughs)
Helen: (Sipping from a bottle of booze) Cool it Timothy.
Timothy: No no, I’m not gonna be responsible for this dick on top of everything else.
Feste: He’s just a boy.
Timothy: So the fuck what, he’s coo-coo for coco puffs!
Helen: When we get Billy…
Timothy: Get Billy? Has everyone gone nuts.
Bella: We should probly lay low.
Timothy: We’ve got the school bus, could be in PA in a few hours, halfway to New York if we push it.
Bella: They could have brothers on the road, I don’t wanna be surprised in the mystery machine.
Feste: At least we’ll have the kid, that’s gotta help some.
Helen: Wait wait wait, we’re not running are we?
Timothy: Sweetheart, love of my life, these are killers. I miss Julius too but we gotta get safe first, and some baby with a pistol…
Will: My name’s Will.
Timothy: (trying, and failing, to shut Will up, to top him) … ain’t gonna change that!
Feste: Huh?
Will: William Grimm, and I’m gonna need that bus.
Timothy: It’s mine.
Will: (Drawing his gun) However you wanna do this.
Timothy: Goddamit, anyone wanna help me out here? (Beat) Fine. (Tosses the keys) So what, you’re just gonna leave us?
Will: I’m mean, y’all are welcome to join up.
Bella: We’ve got no guns.
Will: There’s gotta be a gunshop somewhere round here, I figure we get armed and get lookin for those cocksuckers.
Timothy: What the…
Helen: I’m in.
Timothy: In?
Will: It’s gonna get worse than what we’ve seen.
Helen: Bring it.
Bella: We’ll be fine.
Timothy: What about Feste? He’s bleeding for Christ’s sake.
Feste: I’m not stayin here by myself.
Timothy: That’s what I’m sayin…
Feste: (Cut him off) The Berth’s gone, so we might as well go. Not like we’ve got mommies and daddies to run too. And fuck getting safe, we gotta do what’s right.
Will: Well Tim?
Julius: (hacking and coming back to life) Jesus shitting motherless… where the fuck are we?
Timothy: Julius!
Will: (laughing over exclamations of shock by the others)
Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn by White Stripes starts to play
Over the music comes the announcement,
Feste: Please take this intermission to light a cigarette, smoke a joint, and listen to the band.
Scene Four
The radio starts to crack out as St. Andrews starts to get shaky, and in the breaks, the radio cuts into Midnight Rider, on and off. Simultaneously we get car sounds coming through.
Feste: At first, we thought our prayers were answered, that Julius was back and well and could tell us what to do. But all he did was cough and swear and mumble about his family or brothers or someone, someone dead too cause he kept begging them to come back, to stop bleeding and stand. Then he asked us for help. And we couldn’t. He passed out and we tried to find a plan.
Timothy: damn straight we’re headed to town, but for a hospital not fucking play toys!
Helen: The crows know we’d go straight for help.
Bella: We’ll be lucky if we get into town alive.
Timothy: Two of us are hit. Two of us.
Feste: No no no no no, don’t drag me into your bullshit.
Will: Hah! If Arlo Guthrie here can deal, your bony ass better man up.
Feste: Yeah, what he said.
Will: So you’re tellin’ me the cop killer crows are from Charlie Town?
Feste: Their badges say Odin’s Raven Charlie Town, so Charlie Town makes the most sense. I saw a chapter house on a beer run few months back, biggest house in town, or the smallest barn.
Will: How far?
Feste: Looks like two, no, three hundred miles.
Bella: Five or six hours in this tub, if we don’t run out of gas.
Will: Can she hustle if she needs to?
Bella: Sure, but not for more than a half hour or she’ll blow and we’re stuck.
Will: (Yawning) You never forget your first big push.
Bella: Sure this is the time to nap?
Will: Wake me at the gunshop.
Timothy: We’re not getting guns! We’re patching up.
Will: Look, I’m not walking into that trap an easy mark. If you’re thinking, you’ll have bullets.
Timothy: What the fuck d’you care?
Will: Well, once pops is dead, again, you’ll be rooting for revenge too.
Bella: There’s another problem.
Will: Hm?
Bella: Well you said we can pick up guns, but we’re broke.
Timothy: I’ve got a little cash, but we’ll need that for food. And a fucking funeral.
Bella: Point is, we’ve no way to pay, not to mention no permit. Can’t imagine you’ve got one.
Will: Everything’s under control. Nighty night
(Beat)
Timothy: Hell of a kidnapper, passin out on the job.
Helen: Honey, he didn’t kidnap us.
Timothy: Then who did? I Sure as hell don’t wanna be here.
Feste: You insisted on driving.
Timothy: Wasn’t one of you knows an engine from an asshole.
Helen: Where’d he get that pistol?
Bella: Looks a hundred years old. Shiny, but I’m surprised it works. Holy shit, he’s coming back!
Timothy: Julius?
Julius: (weak) Where are we goin?
Timothy: Goin to the hospital, gotta get you safe. Can you breathe okay? Feste get him some fucking water!
Julius: Not thirsty. Need a blanket.
Bella: I gotcha buddy.
Julius: How you doin’ little girl?
Helen: Walkin’ and talkin,’ unlike you.
Julius: Shut up. And tuck me in, wanna die warm.
Timothy: Quit whining! We’re goin to the hospital!
Julius: Don’t bother, they’re waiting for me.
Timothy: We’ll sneak you in, a distraction or…
Julius: Can’t sneak into heaven (Quick laughter into coughing).
Bella: What d’we do?
Julius: (laughing) Not my problem, little girl! (coughing) I already asked for help.
Timothy: We’ll pour that shot when we’re sober.
Julius: Well, you’re gonna wanna start a plan.
Feste: I can’t find a hospital on this shitty map.
Julius: Children! Stop it! (Beat) You’re not going to the hospital. Billy’s there, I promise you. Waiting in the lobby, while everyone stares at him, and they can’t say a thing, so he smiles and they hide their children and then we go out for a cigarette and there’s Art Grimm and he’s limping and we, and we…
Bella: (kinda breathless) He’s fading.
Timothy: Stay with me!
Julius: … hmm? Was I telling a story?
Helen: You need rest.
Julius: You know, Helen. You knew and you never said anything. Why?
Helen: Shhh…
Julius: You gotta find Billy. Doesn’t matter how right we wanted to be, we all have to pay. (Fading out) Pay for all our brothers, pay for the blood, pay for the…
Bella: Get some sleep bud.
Feste: See it all the time, they die, they live, they babble like a madman.
Helen: He’s a crow.
Timothy: He what!
Helen: Julius is a, was a crow. (Half Beat) didn’t you just hear him?
Timothy: Oh gimme a fuckin break.
Helen: Shh, Will’s waking up!
Bella: (Over Will yawning) You missed Julius.
Will: He’s dead?
Bella: No, woke up for a few minutes.
Will: Did he say anything?
Timothy: Just more mumbling.
Will: Huh. Well hope y’all said goodbye. That the shop?
Feste: Yeah, what’s with the old woman?
Will: (Stretching) Let me roll this real quick, be right in.
Feste: Is that weed?
Will: Yep.
Timothy: Great, a stoned killer. (Opens the car door) The shop’s twenty feet away, don’t get lost.
Will: Eat shit. Gimme 16 seconds. (When recorded, we should have this timed out exactly).
(Bus door opening, closing, shoes on gravel)
Feste: First time we met the crone, outside of a rusted shop, every nerve on my body went cold and the air around me pressed from every angle, like jelly. Her hair matted, her face a web of wrinkles, and every inch of her body carved from oak.
Feste: Hello Ma‘am? Ma’am?
Crone: I’m blind, not deaf honey. (Sighs) And boy howdy I love your voice.
Feste: Uh, thanks?
Crone: Where’s Will?
Timothy: (All but one set of footsteps stop) Bastards in the ca… (Last steps stop) Wait, what?
Crone: (sniffs the air searchingly) Sumbitch’s smoking again? (Chuckling) Poor boy.
Helen: Ma’am, can you see?
Crone: (Chuckling again) No, silly cunt, just said so! Come here, let me hold your hand. You too Bella. (Two sets nervous footsteps) There you are. (Crone takes a big breath of sweet air) So strong. So young.
Will: (Opening door, hopping out, and jogging forward) Let’s roll.
Crone: Will.
Will: Yeah?
Crone: I’ll see you anon girls. (Smacks Helen’s ass, she gives a quiet yelp of surprise, they walk away) C’mere Fool.
Will: (Slowly walking forward) I know you miss?
Crone: I know you. (Pulling him into a hug) Keep your chin up brother. The call changes, the face changes, but what doesn’t is the road, and your birthright, and God’s tits, your instincts. Hold to them all the way West.
Will: I will, (as a nod) madam. (Pulling away from her) Let’s go gang.
Timothy: Not in any fucking gang of yours.
Helen: Not the time hon.
Timothy: I’m just sayin… (Timothy, Helen and Will enter the door, which has a bell every time the door shakes)
Crone: Where are you goin?
Feste: Me? I need to get a...
Crone: (Quick laughter) C’mere, sing to me bout mountains.
Feste: Oh. Hey guys…
Bella: Keep an ear out for Julius, in case he wakes up. (Door closes)
Timothy: You the manager?
Clerk one: Yep.
Helen: Who’s the lady outside?
Clerk one: Some old crone, always toting that shotgun like she’s gonna see again.
Timothy: Seems nice enough. I’ll take a look at the Beretta.
Helen: While you’re down there grab the lil’ Pathfinder.
Clerk one: They don’t come in pink.
Timothy: Waddya need a gun for darlin‘?
Helen: For shootin’. I like it, (Over her shoulder to Will) can I have this one?
Timothy: Yeah, what’s our budget Billy boy?
Will: Don’t call me Billy. Money’s no issue.
Clerk one: There’s a discount for services rendered.
Timothy: (With an edge) How do you mean.
Clerk one: She knows what I mean. Gimme a kiss.
Helen: Get off my shirt.
Timothy: Watch it bud.
Clerk one: Just getting friendly. One kiss?
Helen: You’ve got one second.
Will: One mississippi…
(Will shoots a hole in Clerk two, or Ben’s, hand. Ben starts screaming)
Clerk two: Kid shot my hand!
Will: (Chuckling)
Clerk one: What the fu… (Smashing of the display case as Helen puts clerk one’s head through the glass) Holy shit! Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy…
Clerk two: I’ll shoot! Don’t fucking move!
Timothy: Will! Hold it! (Beat, while clerks one and two moan in pain, footsteps of Timothy walking towards clerk three) Look, pal, no one wants you dead, just point that somewhere else.
Clerk two: I’m callin’ the cops!
Timothy: Will, phone. (Gunshot, and a squished phone ring) No luck there partner. See Will there, with the Colt? He wants to kill you. Now, do you wanna die today? No? Well then we’re gonna keep these, and you’re gonna hand me three boxes of bullets. There ya go, easy as can be. Good. Now look to your friend, he should be fine. Let’s leave these cocksuckers to bleed. (Footsteps and the door opening, then closing. Slow footsteps)
Will: All hail the great Pope Timothy, huh. (Stops) You gotta light?
Clerk two: (Stuttering) Sure.
Will: Thanks. (Lights his joint, drags) And you.
Clerk one: (Still moaning) wha?
Will: Tell the devil I’m comin’. (Gunshot, body falling) Have a nice night. Oo, cheetos! (Crinkle of a plastic bag, footsteps, door opening and closing) Guess we’re ready to go?
Bella: (Over Crone chanting “Wade In the Water”) Hold up, look at her.
Timothy: She okay?
Crone: (Sadly ceasing her chant) Not yet, but I will be soon. (Brightening) Y’all are working out just right!
Timothy: You got a sick sense of good.
Crone: Don’t be so worried with good all the time, ya skinny mutt. A lotta bad is comin’, from you and from everyone. So leave the judgment to me, and keep doin what’s right. Bella honey?
Bella: Yes ma’am.
Crone: Ever used a shotgun?
Bella: No ma’am.
Crone: Well (throws the shotgun) learn fast. Now get on outta here. I need some rest.
Will: Who are you?
Crone: Time will tell. (Body dropping to the ground)
Feste: I think she’s dead.
Timothy: This gets odder and fucking odder. Load up.
Will: Shoulda gave her a hit. (Footsteps and car doors, the engine starts and off they go)
Feste: Driving off, a voice in my head pulled back to the Crone’s body. Then a bird bounced off the windshield…
Timothy: Fuck!
Feste: … and every neck snapped back, or found a mirror, but however they saw it everyone of us watched a crow bounce twice off the pavement, squirting blood in every direction. One breath later, the wings flapped, and the little bird rose off the ground, landing on the shoulder of a slim man in a red suit. He was laughing, and so did Will.
Helen: Who the hell was that?
Will: Some devil or another.
Feste: … and for god knows what reason, that was funny.
(Naomi by Neutral Milk Hotel plays)
Scene five
(Sounds of the car, the music slowly fades into an argument)
Feste: Even with Julius shivering in the corner, the rest of the gang found a dose of levity in our success. Helen practiced her quick draw, Bella wiped the monstrous barrel with an oily rag, while up front Will and Tim fired on phantom crows amongst the dark evergreens. Me, I watched our father breathe, thinking bout the crone and the future. As the night settled, so did we, adapting to the broken road.
Helen: Anyone know where the pot is?
Bella: I’m cooking noodles.
Helen: Dammit I gotta pee!
Bella: Use the window. How sure are you?
Feste: (window opening) Look, from what I remember, (Peeing sounds) which was quite a time ago, we drove by the chapter house just as we got there, so it’s gotta be on the East side.
Helen: (Psst, pst pst)You say that but your voice is shaking. (psss)
Feste: I don’t know if you noticed Helen, but we’ve been KILLING PEOPLE! (stop peeing) So yeah, I’m a little nervous. (Beat. pst) Really?
Bella: (Fade out starts) Even if we get there, what then?
Tim: (Both Will and Tim are laughing through most of this scene) (firing a shot) Got him!
Will: Who’s that one?
Tim: Ray, right between the eyes.
Will: (Gunshot) Billy, drilled off his balls!
Tim: (Series of gunshots) Come and get some!
Will: (Joining in, laughing audibly) Haha! (Beat as their adrenaline slows a little bit) Hooooeee! Told you adventurin’s fun!
Timothy: Never said I didn’t love guns!
Will: Hell yeah! (Couple shots) Hooh. Now if we could just get rid of the dead weight, we’d have ourselves a real time.
Timothy: Hey man, this bus’s treatin us all right.
Will: Not the bus the body! Shit, soon’s we find a nice hill to bury him on…
Timothy: The fuck is wrong with you?
Will: What? Just sayin’, kinda hard to wander when there’s a corpse sucking up our air.
Timothy: Really Will? Jesus Christ.
Will: (grunts, gunshot)
Timothy: You don’t know what’ll happen next.
Will: I’m getting an idea. (Beat) So, what now?
Timothy: The next step? (Beat) You mean the Crows?
Will: Yeah. You ready for that.
Timothy: We’re going, if that’s what you’re asking.
Will: All right! Let’s plot this caper!
Timothy: There’s been a mistake. I don’t like you.
Will: Me neither, don’t like either of us. But you didn’t fuck up the gunshop, so…
Timothy: Well you start! Haven’t done a lot of ambushes.
Will: Good.
Timothy: You gonna tell me or what?
Will: I figure they’re not ready for us, (Start fading out) not waiting anyhow. Feste says its on the way into town, so…
Feste: We’ve got a few hours anyway, might as well relax.
Helen: Hah. Relax.
Feste: Seriously, there’s got to be another bottle left.
Bella: I snagged a few fifths on the way out.
Feste: There’s my favorite drunk, fire and blood everywhere and you grab the whiskey. Pour us all a shot.
Belle: No glass (Glugs from the bottle, sighs) Put some hair on your chest.
Feste: I think I will. (Drinks, coughs, Bella snickers at him, but in a friendly way) You want some? C’mon Helen, who’s the prettiest girl I know?
Helen: Fuck off Feste.
Feste: I saw a smile! Bella, you’re a witness, she fuckin smiled.
Helen: Asshole.
Feste: (As Helen drinks) That’s my girl.
Helen: (Wiping her mouth) Don’t let Tim hear that.
Feste: Well, no, probly not I guess.
Helen: Hold still, I’m putting my head in your lap.
Feste: (Sweetly) As you wish. You’ve got blood in your hair.
Helen: (Sighs) I know. Brush it out.
Timothy: Feste!
Feste: (Strained) What is it sugar bunch?
Timothy: Get your faggot ass up here, need to clarify details.
Feste: Coming, sugar bunch. Excuse me ladies (Sounds of shuffling)
Helen: Those boys, plotting without us.
Bella: Those boys take their que from you.
Helen: (laughing) that’s right, forgot about that. Still, Tim’s gonna take over soon enough.
Bella: Don’t think so. The kid won’t let him.
Helen: Even still it’ll end up being the two of em. Fuck, no one listens to me around here, why would they start now.
Bella: What’re you talking about?
Helen: You wouldn’t understand, you’re the tough one, the big guy, the ogre, they can’t ignore you.
Bella: First off, no one gives a shit about me, they only listen when I make em. Folks love to ignore the ogre, walk around the ogre, tell the ogre how much she fucking stinks, so don’t be telling me how hard your life is there sex queen.
Helen: I guess I’m not the man you are. (Beat) I shouldn’t have said that. You saved me back at the Berth, and, well, thanks.
Bella: You saved yourself.
Helen: Huh. (Beat) Why do you think that old lady talked to us like that? Like we were the heroines outta some movie.
Bella: Maybe we are.
Helen: Naw. It’s too dark for a movie. (As car pulls over in the background, slowing to a stop) Bella, are we friends?
Bella: It’s not about friends, but yeah, we are.
Helen: Thanks.
Timothy: Well gang, we’re gonna rest up here for a few hours. When it’s close to sunrise, cocksuckers should be asleep.
Will: Here’s how it‘ll go… (Fades into crickets, with background banjo if we can manage it. The crickets swell bigger and bigger then stops for a half a beat. The sound of the car turning on, and then Icky Thump, loud and hard)
Scene Six:
Feste: It was the calm before the storm. I’ve never been more afraid, not before and not after. The cold town breathed with the wind, but we each treasured the simple exhalation as if each might end too soon. Except for Will. Looking back, it was his slouch that gave me courage, cheery as a child on the merry go round.
Will: Are we getting close?
Timothy: I have a bad feeling about this.
Feste: Few more blocks.
Will: All right, ride on in nice and easy. Don’t wanna spook anybody.
Timothy: They’ll know what’s up when they see this bus.
Bella: Arm up everybody. Timothy, wait to turn on your brights till the last second.
Timothy: I know the fucking plan. Helen, keep your head down.
Helen: Get fucked.
Timothy: Helen!
Feste: (Breathless) That’s it. That’s the house.
(Long beat, with a lighter flicking and Will dragging from his joint. Until further noted, he speaks as if he has the joint in his mouth)
Feste: I don’t see any bikes outside.
(Beat, with motorcycle engines starting in distance, swelling constantly)
Timothy: I can hear them.
Bella: Where?
Feste: Shit, where the fuck are they, its coming from everywhere!
Will: Hold.
Timothy: We gotta bail.
Will: Hold!
(Star shows where the next sentence starts running in)
Bella: There they* are!
Feste: They’re awake*, wide the fuck awake!
Timothy: Get your foot off the pe*dal!
Will: (Drag) Too late now. Awooo!
(Gunshots, screeching motorcycle breaks, motorcycle gang shouts “fuck you” and “what the hell?” Will continues to howl over gunfire, eventually Helen joins in, adding her little gun to the mix, and Bella joins at the last second, yelling as well, and just then there’s a grinding crash as the bus smashes into and then rides over a guy on a motorcycle. Just before they hit, Will starts to laugh and the gunfire gets muddled as the bikers join in)
Feste: As Tim dimmed the headlights and slowed to a crawl, crows pulled shotguns from a hundred hiding spots and tested their transmissions. We heard the interview a few days later. Thought we were bein sneaky, but the same time Billy was gatherin the troops to look for us. Everyone wanted blood, but no one saw this coming.
Feste: Don’t fucking stop!
Timothy: I’m tryin’! Everybody, buckle up!
Helen: (Bumps as Helen falls) Fuck!
Timothy: Helen! You okay!
Helen: Fell.
Feste: *Through yet?
Will: (Swells then rescinds) Fuck fuck fuck* fuck fuck…
Helen: Will’s hit!
Will: Where’s Billy- jesus shit that hurts!
Timothy: We’re through to town! Hold!
Feste: Unspoken agreement kept either side from shooting where townsfolk might catch a stray, but that gave little comfort as we raced down the three blocks that made up main street.
Helen: You’re bleeding bad.
Will: Where’s Billy? I’ll gut that motherfu…
Helen: You shot bully, dumbass! Can’t you hear him screaming?
Will: He ain’t dead yet, turn this boat around!
Timothy: Are you kidding!
Helen: Sit still.
Will: Get offa me-aaaAAOOWW!
Bella: (Cocking her shotgun) Coming to the end of town. I’ll hold em off, but gun it Tim. Either we out run em or we’re dead.
Will: We’re not gonna leave! Tim turn this rig around!
Timothy: That’s it, I knew he was crazy.
Bella: Will, this isn’t the time or the…
Will: No, this is exactly the time and exactly the place, now Tim (Gun cocking) turn around or I’ll do it for you.
Feste: That’s a bad idea Will.
Will: Just fucking do i… (cut off by a punch to the face)
Bella: Now stay down, or get out.
Tim: And I’m not fucking stopping.
Will: Are you kidding me! You’re gonna… Well yeah, I guess y’all are through aren’t you. (chuckles) Well, no hard feelings. It was nice meeting y’all. You wanna pop that door for me Feste?
Feste: (opening the door) Tim, slow down for a second.
Will: Don’t worry about it. Don’t stop till you can’t hear shots. Oh, and good luck. (Shots fired out the door, and some return fire from the crows)
Helen: Wait Will!
Will: It’s all in the cards darlin’.
(Will fires a few shots out the door and jumps. We hear him hit the ground, a vague groan, more gunfire, and a series of loud crashes)
Feste: Holy fuck.
Tim: Is he all right?
Bella: Who the fuck knows, just get us out of here. He made his choice, that crazy son of a bitch.
Feste: We did like Will said, and didn’t stop till the shots faded, but that was cause we were so far, not because the guns stopped.
Scene Six:
Feste: It was the calm before the storm. I’ve never been more afraid, not before and not after. The cold town breathed with the wind, but we each treasured the simple exhalation as if each might end too soon. Except for Will. Looking back, it was his slouch that gave me courage, cheery as a child on the merry go round.
Will: Are we getting close?
Timothy: I have a bad feeling about this.
Feste: Few more blocks.
Will: All right, ride on in nice and easy. Don’t wanna spook anybody.
Timothy: They’ll know what’s up when they see this bus.
Bella: Arm up everybody. Timothy, wait to turn on your brights till the last second.
Timothy: I know the fucking plan. Helen, keep your head down.
Helen: Get fucked.
Timothy: Helen!
Feste: (Breathless) That’s it. That’s the house.
(Long beat, with a lighter flicking and Will dragging from his joint. Until further noted, he speaks as if he has the joint in his mouth)
Feste: I don’t see any bikes outside.
(Beat, with motorcycle engines starting in distance, swelling constantly)
Timothy: I can hear them.
Bella: Where?
Feste: Shit, where the fuck are they, its coming from everywhere!
Will: Hold.
Timothy: We gotta bail.
Will: Hold!
(Star shows where the next sentence starts running in)
Bella: There they* are!
Feste: They’re awake*, wide the fuck awake!
Timothy: Get your foot off the pe*dal!
Will: (Drag) Too late now. Awooo!
(Gunshots, screeching motorcycle breaks, motorcycle gang shouts “fuck you” and “what the hell?” Will continues to howl over gunfire, eventually Helen joins in, adding her little gun to the mix, and Bella joins at the last second, yelling as well, and just then there’s a grinding crash as the bus smashes into and then rides over a guy on a motorcycle. Just before they hit, Will starts to laugh and the gunfire gets muddled as the bikers join in)
• Feste: As Tim dimmed the headlights and slowed to a crawl, crows pulled shotguns from a hundred hiding spots and tested their transmissions. We heard the interview a few days later. Thought we were bein sneaky, but the same time Billy was gatherin the troops to look for us. Everyone wanted blood, but no one saw this coming.
• Feste: Don’t fucking stop!
Timothy: I’m tryin’! Everybody, buckle up!
Helen: (Bumps as Helen falls) Fuck!
Timothy: Helen! You okay!
Helen: Fell.
Feste: *Through yet?
Will: (Swells then rescinds) Fuck fuck fuck* fuck fuck…
Helen: Will’s hit!
Will: Where’s Billy- jesus shit that hurts!
Timothy: We’re through to town! Hold!
Feste: Unspoken agreement kept either side from shooting where townsfolk might catch a stray, but that gave little comfort as we raced down the three blocks that made up main street.
Helen: You’re bleeding bad.
Will: Where’s Billy? I’ll gut that motherfu…
Helen: You shot bully, dumbass! Can’t you hear him screaming?
Will: He ain’t dead yet, turn this boat around!
Timothy: Are you kidding!
Helen: Sit still.
Will: Get offa me-aaaAAOOWW!
Bella: (Cocking her shotgun) Coming to the end of town. I’ll hold em off, but gun it Tim. Either we out run em or we’re dead.
Will: We’re not gonna leave! Tim turn this rig around!
Timothy: That’s it, I knew he was crazy.
Bella: Will, this isn’t the time or the…
Will: No, this is exactly the time and exactly the place, now Tim (Gun cocking) turn around or I’ll do it for you.
Feste: That’s a bad idea Will.
Will: Just fucking do i… (cut off by a punch to the face)
Bella: Now stay down, or get out.
Tim: And I’m not fucking stopping.
Will: Are you kidding me! You’re gonna… Well yeah, I guess y’all are through aren’t you. (chuckles) Well, no hard feelings. It was nice meeting y’all. You wanna pop that door for me Feste?
Feste: (opening the door) Tim, slow down for a second.
Will: Don’t worry about it. Don’t stop till you can’t hear shots. Oh, and good luck. (Shots fired out the door, and some return fire from the crows)
Helen: Wait Will!
Will: It’s all in the cards darlin’.
(Will fires a few shots out the door and jumps. We hear him hit the ground, a vague groan, more gunfire, and a series of loud crashes)
Feste: Holy fuck.
Tim: Is he all right?
Bella: Who the fuck knows, just get us out of here. He made his choice, that crazy son of a bitch.
• Feste: We did like Will said, and didn’t stop till the shots faded, but that was cause we were so far, not because the guns stopped.
Scene 7
• Feste: We pulled over somewhere in West Virginia and cooked another pot of ramen on the fire. Julius awoke, sort of, coughing and pleading for mercy. The general agreement was that Will was dead, we were screwed, and that Julius wasn’t going to make it.
• Feste: So where do we go?
• Bella: West. Keep going till we’re in the middle of nowhere, get as lost as we can, and hide till this all blows over.
• Helen: So what do we do about Julius?
• Tim: What’s there to do?
• Helen: We oughta look after him, and he can’t take much more driving.
• Julius: (Coughs) I’m dyin, y’all should be the ones lookin out
• Bella: How’s it goin bud?
• Julius: Don’t bud me. I raised y’all better than that. (Coughs) Where’s that Will kid?
• Tim: He fell behind.
• Julius: Bullshit. Keep your eye on that one, he’s wilder then… (collapses into coughing)
• Bella: What’re we gonna do about you?
• Julius: You know what. One of you just has to man up.
• Tim: You can’t seriously be asking one of us to kill you.
• Julius: For the love of Christ, I’ve lived a long life and the only thing I ever got right is you fuckers. And now I’m holding you up. Just fucking let me go!”
• Tim: Well we can’t do that!
• Feste: I can.
• Tim: Wha… (Gunshot)
• Feste: Take care.
• Julius: Thank you Feste. Thank you all. Who… Who are you, you… you old crone! Is something funny? (Starts to laugh) well yeah, I guess that is… (dies)
• Bella: Well that’s that.
• Feste: Yep.
• Tim: Thanks.
• Feste: Everybody’s got a part to play.
• Feste: We went to separate corners. I took the first watch, since I’d never be able to sleep, but no one else did either. Hearing Julius talk about Will, the dead talking about the dead, eerie as fuck. At least we figured this was the end of it, all we needed to do was hide. That didn’t work out so well.
Scene 8
• Crone: Two knights, fighting for centuries, met on a hilltop where two roads met. They stared at each other across a void, hurling spears and insults like barbarians.
• Billy Debolt: Where are you, son? Is that you?
• Will: I’m here all right! (Gunfire) Did I getcha? Did I… Hello? You dead ye…
• Billy DeBolt: (Gunfire) Nicked me you fuckin rascal!
• Crone: Along came a scoundrel clad all in red, with a crow on one shoulder and a kestrel on the other. He laughed, and said…
• Scoundrel: What d’you two hope to get out of this exactly, huh?
• Will: Goddam crow! (Blasts of gunfire) Watch while I butcher your boy!
• Billy DeBolt: He isn’t any fucking Raven. Who the fuck are you? Sir?
• Scoundrel: I’m a friend to both of you, your captain believe it or not.
• Billy DeBolt: Well I’m not wastin bullets on you so shut the fuck up!
• Scoundrel: You saw how well the kid did, and that son of a bitch can hit anything.
• Will: At least that much is true.
• Scroundel: Shut up! You couldn’t lead a horse outta hell, but Billy here has all of its legions trained to die for him. You’re useless to me without one another!
• Billy DeBolt: And crazy to fucking boot.
• Scoundrel: (Laughing maniacally) More than you know. Now I don’t have time to sort this little spat out, so lets lay the cards on the table. Billy, you killed Will’s family.
• Billy DeBolt: Will, huh? Will who?
• Scoundrel: And Will, well you took out Billy’s left eye back at the Berth.
• Will: I did? Fuck yeah!
• Scoundrel: So its safe to say you’ll keep hunting each other. But no endings yet.
• Crone: The Devil told them: You are needed, for now, and so you will both go on, till the time is right, and you meet on the fields of Elysium. Until then go West, for the world is changing and you must follow the sun till it shifts in the sky. On that day, we will meet again, and you will know that all has come to its proper place.”
• Scoundrel: Did you get all that?
• Billy DeBolt: I take it back, you’re worth the bullets.
• Will: Got that right… (Gunfire)
• Scoundrel: (Laughing) Go on! Shoot me! Waste your time and efforts! (Gunfire ceases) Good. You both are doing quite well. But now I must be going. (Beat) And just to be sure (Fire sounds) run, limp, whatever you do, but get outta here, and I’ll be seeing you soon.
• Crone: Then the devil let his fire rain on the earth, and the knights turned and fled before his laughter. But they did not forget. Nor can we.