Sestina!fic #2: "A Typical Day in Diagnostics"

[bironic]

Sestina the second, also known as Fun with Alliteration. Slightly different tone from the last one.

Title: A Typical Day in Diagnostics
Characters: Main Cast of House; ~Chase POV
Rating: PG
Word Count: 330
Prompts: Chase, House, Foreman, Cameron, Cuddy, Wilson
A/N: This is the proper/standard format for the end words, if anyone's curious. Thanks

Comments

[jadesfire]

Sooo much fun with alliteration! My favourite is in the 4th stanza, with the 3 r's - clever and keeps it tripping along.

I had mixed feelings about this one yesterday, which is why I've waited to comment. I loved the atmosphere and emotion of the first one, and put next to it, this one didn't benefit from the juxtaposition.

BUT! I've come back to it this morning, and my jaw's dropping at your use of the form. You manage to tell a complete story, with the whole cast and a pig of a challenge without it seeming forced at any point. As with all these things, the beauty's in the details:

Today's pretense
Surely Wilson always has a good, solid reason for visiting House. Doesn't he? ;)

I like the matter of fact-ness in 'Patient's dying again' and 'Patient will live'. Again, it picks up so well from what we see on screen where so often the puzzle, not the person, is the interest.

The rhythm of this is brilliant, really rolling along and keeping us going and the alliteration is fantastic. You've taken the structure of the show (formulaic? House? Only in a good way...) and used it in an incredibly structured poem, and doesn't it work well?! I love the framing with "eight o'clock". It ties off the swirling-ness of the story just right.

No falling flat here - they don't necessarily read well together (the angst of the first makes the second seem a bit too slim) but they do catch both aspects of the show - the bitterness at the heart of House's character, and the lighter, faster nature of the stories. Great stuff.

[bironic]

this one didn't benefit from the juxtaposition. [...] they don't necessarily read well together

Ah, as I feared. These weren't designed to stand alone as a pair; they just happened to be the first two I finished, while the rest are still a few stanzas from completion. Then again, the first, I think, was a hard act to follow anyway.

But I'm very glad you came back for a second go and that it generated such a reaction!

I love the framing with "eight o'clock".

Thanks. I tried to work in a few ways in which the story comes full circle from morning to night, a cycle Chase completes every day: the whiteboard gets scribbled on and erased, Wilson wanders in and saunters off, everyone gets in and goes home, patients are sick and get healed, etc.

"Tripping" and "rolling" and "swirling" -- I like it. Using the characters' names for the prompts ensures that we keep swinging back to everyone, like a ball they're tossing around, tying them together as a team.

Surely Wilson always has a good, solid reason for visiting House.

Of course he does. He's in lurrrrve. Here Chase knows there's a reason and that it's not whatever Wilson says when he shows up.

You've taken the structure of the show [...] and used it in an incredibly structured poem

Form and function! House/sestina OTP.

Thank you so much. I just love your comments.