finally putting a name to it?
Oh, wow. That post the other day, when I tried once more to describe that weird thing that's happened on and off for 20 years? I went and dug up a diary entry I remembered making about it in high school, and there were a couple more symptoms mentioned in it that match the clinical description of simple partial temporal lobe seizures: It starts with one specific event, like a picture on TV or a dream. It is like something cold reaching out to grasp my heart, that’s what it honestly feels like. My hands get all clammy and cold, I start to shake, my breath comes quick and shallow, and my chest is tight. But what is most disturbing to me is the condition of my mind: the image burns in my head so that I can’t get rid of it, it is all I can focus on, and there is a sort of... this is hard to describe. It’s like there is a fuzz in my mind, blocking rational thought. It makes me want to curl up in a tight little warm ball and go to sleep in a dark corner. The first time, I hid under my desk with my blanket- and that wasn’t a full year ago. When this initial feeling passes, the picture goes away and I am left with a pounding heart and quick breathing. Then I feel like crying. I got a headache once.
I'd forgotten about the stronger physical manifestations; they don't seem to happen anymore. Even though we don't have a family history of epilepsy and my parents confirm I wasn't dropped on my head as a child :), I really wonder if that's what's up! I will ask my doctor about it the next time I have an appointment (and will stop talking about it in the meantime because probably this is not super interesting to read about if it's not happening to you). Er, and hope that if this does turn out to be the explanation, it doesn't open a can of worms of tests or "preexisting conditions."
But I do want to say thanks for inspiring me to think this through and revisit those internet searches. Knowing you are there to talk to -- or to post to -- means a lot.
Originally posted at http://bironic.dreamwidth.org/351453.html, where there are
comments.
I'd forgotten about the stronger physical manifestations; they don't seem to happen anymore. Even though we don't have a family history of epilepsy and my parents confirm I wasn't dropped on my head as a child :), I really wonder if that's what's up! I will ask my doctor about it the next time I have an appointment (and will stop talking about it in the meantime because probably this is not super interesting to read about if it's not happening to you). Er, and hope that if this does turn out to be the explanation, it doesn't open a can of worms of tests or "preexisting conditions."
But I do want to say thanks for inspiring me to think this through and revisit those internet searches. Knowing you are there to talk to -- or to post to -- means a lot.
Originally posted at http://bironic.dreamwidth.org/351453.html, where there are
comments.