Let's pretend we were on spring break

[bironic]

Am experiencing that unfortunate blogging state where you don't post for a while and then there are too many things to talk about, so you don't talk about any of them, repeat until something gives. Let us try to overcome the blockage through the magic of a "five things" format:

1.

Comments

[cold_clarity]

hi! so...you certainly don't know me (and I hope this isn't creepy) but I friended your journal about a month ago now because I read the meta piece you wrote on noncon/dubcon. basically, I liked the piece a lot and I hoped that I'd end up getting to read similarly awesome and intelligent stuff if I followed your journal.

...so here I am?

in any case, I'm commenting now because I was really overwhelmed by this:

Poetry Months-and Septembers, when I remember the beginnings of school years-always make me wonder whether and how you can restore yourself.

actually, I was really overwhelmed by the whole paragraph discussing the idea of resensitizing and slowing down, mostly because the sentiment you expressed really resonates with me. I think about this all the time; I can recall a younger me that had more patience, more focus, more sensitivity (in the "awareness of the world" way--and also probably in the "my feelings are easily hurt" way), and much longer spans of attention, and I very much attribute the degradation of all those things to my evolving (and increasingly more inextricable) relationship with the internet. I don't yet know how to restore all these things that (I think) I've eroded--and I'm certain that in some ways everything looks rosier in nostalgic hindsight (i.e. my capabilities for dealing with the world/my own life/anything probably weren't as great as I imagine them to be)--but I do think that putting active effort into "slowing down" (whatever that may mean) and peeling myself away from the internet from time to time is at least a means to a live that, I hope, is a little more mindful?

...really, all that rambling is to say: thanks for saying all this? I have no good answers, but it's nice to have the "hey, slow down" reminder echoed in places outside of my head.

[bironic]

Hello! I'm glad you only friended about a month ago because I haven't been much of a substantive poster lately and you might have given up on me if it'd been longer. :)

Yes, yes, and yes to your description of reflection on a past self, and possible reasons for slipping down from how you remember yourself even while realizing that the memory is likely rose-tinted, and suspecting that internet habits are a culprit, and for using the word mindful. There are strengths I've found in the fall - a thicker skin, an ability to be more extroverted and self-assured in social and professional environments, adaptability to workplace stressors like triaging a billion emails - and there are environmental factors that work to keep me that way, i.e. the aforementioned workplace, and disruptive experiences that can't be undone, like the emotional repercussions of my parents divorcing - but like you say, I suspect there are ways to reintegrate some of the strengths of the past as well, the slowing down when you can and the tentative lowering of walls when it's safe. Or maybe it's easier said...