(no subject)
i went on a retreat this weekend, and strangely, though we did nothing body-related, it helped me get into better touch with my body. i can feel my blood pressure rise and fall, can feel the effects of movement.
it feels pretty stupid sometimes, you know, to have friends with authentic, heartbreaking problems. and then i notice that i'm not managing as well, not because my problems are worse, but because my body chemistry is working against me.
the past two days at work have been chaotic. at one point today, i had four adults in my room--while i was trying to send a wordy email AND write referrals on two kids cheating on their landmark exam. and disseminate information to my team. and then i ended up subbing for teachers for an hour, because sometimes that's what leaders do--take the crap jobs to help people out.
in the midst of all this chaos, though, and in the middle of a meeting with other Writing Project teachers, wherein i started to realize my theory that all teachers in the texas education climate are suffering and clenching their hair and wailing, not just me--i noticed that i am keeping my cool this week. i am letting my brain rest inside of the chaos, staying separate instead of getting lost in the fray. it probably won't last, which is why i'm seeing my counselor. but for this thing, this one thing, i am grateful--blessed to have attended a retreat in the hill country where the main order of business was to rest.
i'm trying to create pockets of quiet where i can notice. i need the silence to see kids learning, to see myself, to know what i'm doing. and despite the people trying to catch my eye for a conversation, and despite the way people talk to me for twenty minutes here and there, i have been able to do it.
for 48 hours.