Fic: Leave the Light On (June: Part 2)
Title: Leave the Light On
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Rachel/ Finn, Carol/ Burt (on the side)
Summary: Summer is supposed to be the time to relax. This year, for Finn Hudson, it's time to recover from one crazy year, to take stock of what's important, and to find the difference between who people believe him to be, and who he really is.
Prologue
June : Part 1
"To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go."
~Mary Oliver
---
On Monday morning, Finn wakes up feeling no better. Except now, he has a fever too, and an uncomfortable, itching, tightness in his chest. Carol takes one look at him and calls off from work. They go to see Dr. Lemski.
Dr. Lemski only talks with them a few minutes before sending them off to the city hospital with a slip of paper. A golden ticket to many, unpleasant hours spent with needles that Finn swears range from licorice size to pvc piping circumference. All of it leaves him feeling even worse. Finally in the car on the way back to Lemski's office, Finn really, really wants to sleep, but Carol is holding the steering wheel with both hands white knuckled around the top. She barely blinks in her stare at the road.
"Mom." It takes a second, but Carol refocuses and glances over at him.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I was just hoping you could make some spaghetti tonight."
Carol laughs and then looks surprised at herself for doing so. "Yes, Finn, I can make spaghetti tonight."
Finn leans back in his seat. "Awesome."
---
Here's what is not awesome:
Finn hasn't spoken to Rachel since the saturday glee club meeting except for one texting exchange sunday afternoon which went like this:
hey. whatre u doing?
dinnr w. dads and fam
cool
yep
Here's what else is not awesome:
The hospital calls Dr. Lemski with test results before Carol and Finn even make it back there themselves. This gives Lemski time to look over everything before they get there, which means that when they walk in the door, Carol takes one look at the doctor's face and starts to cry.
Finn doesn't get it. He settles on patting his mom's back awkwardly. "Hey, don't...why are you doing that?" He looks at the doctor. "Why's she...what's...what's going on?"
"Have a seat," the doctor says. He's looking only at Carol when he says, "It's called aplastic anemia. It's a pretty rare disorder."
Anemia Finn knows. He remembers that Quinn was even anemic for awhile when she first got pregnant last fall, before she starting taking all kinds of vitamins. "A plastic?" he asks. "Is that like, fake? Do I have to take vitamins?" He looks at his mother, but she doesn't say anything. She's sitting there with one hand on Finn's knee and the other covering her mouth.
"Not exactly," Lemski says. "Aplastic anemia means that your bone marrow, the part that makes new blood cells, has stopped working the way that it should. The old blood cells continue to die off, but there are no new cells to replace them, do you understand?"
Finn watches as Carol nods. He looks at the doctor. "I'm running out of blood?"
"Put simply, yes. Red blood cells deliver oxygen to your muscles, that's why you've been so tired, and also the cause of the fainting. White blood cells help you fight illness, without them you'll become sick very easily. I have antibiotics for you to help with the chest infection."
When Carol speaks, Finn barely recognizes her voice. "How...how do you treat the anemia?"
"Blood transfusions. Maybe twice a week or more depending on...a lot of factors. They'll alleviate a lot of the symptoms and while there isn't a limit to the number of transfusions you can have, there is a greater risk of complication the more that you have. Looking to the future, a marrow donor is our best bet. That, or medications to kill off the bad bone marrow. " Lemski's face softens, the red of his nose spreading to the tops of his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. This was the last thing I wanted to have to tell you today."
"It's okay. Thank you, doctor." Carol lets go of Finn's knee long enough to shake the doctor's hand.
"Candy will by out in a minute to help you schedule your appointments." Lemski stands to leave, but before he does, he reaches out to grip Finn's shoulder. He has a sad sort of crooked, tight grin on his face. Somehow, this is the scariest part of the entire day.
When he's gone, Finn can't stop staring at the place where the doctor was standing. "Mom?"
She's fussing with her hair and her bag, hands making useless, fluttering motions, a tissue in the grip of one. "What is it?"
"I'm really sick?"
Carol stops what's she doing and turns to face him. "Yes."
"Am I...is this like...am I gonna die?" He doesn't even realize the possibility until he says it out loud.
"No."
Finn turns at the tone of her voice. "No?"
"Never."
"Okay." Finn nods. That sounds good to him.
---
Finn is half-asleep on the couch watching the preview channel scroll by when there's a harsh pounding on the front door.
His mom had disappeared right after they had gotten home. He could hear the murmur of her voice from the kitchen for a while, and then the backdoor opening and closing and then nothing. He waits a minute now to see if she'll show up to open the door. But, she doesn't and the pounding continues.
Finn drags himself up off the couch and pulls the door open.
"Hey PUNK." Puck shoulders his way past Finn into the room. "What's going on?"
"Uh...hi." This is the first time Puck has been over to the house since...in a very long time. "I don't know. What's going on?"
"You being a punk, that's what. What's up with the no show at work, man?"
"Oh..."
"Oh? Come on, dude. You know we gotta pay back like, a million dollars in tires, right? I thought we were doing this job together. How the hell am I the responsible one here?"
"I- I have this thing."
"A thing? What kind of thing?"
Finn realizes pretty quickly that he can't have this conversation standing up and, without saying a word, makes his way back to the couch.
"What the hell's wrong with you, dude?" Puck follows him and sits on the edge of the coffee table. He plucks at the mess of blankets on the couch with two fingers. "What are you, friggin' big bird going into hibernation?"
"I don't think birds hibernate."
"I didn't think Finns hibernated either." Puck returns with a frown.
Finn swallows hard and rubs his hands over the knees of his jeans. "I have this thing."
"You said that already."
"Would you shut up a minute so I can explain?"
Puck leans forward and props his elbows on his knees. "Sorry. Go ahead."
"I have this...problem. It's with my blood." Finn waits for Puck to say something, but he doesn't and Finn struggles to find the next words to explain. "I guess I don't really understand, but it's like, it's like anemia."
"Quinn had that."
"Yeah, but this is, it's worse, I guess. A different kind. They have to give me new blood. Maybe for a long time. My doctor said...he said..." Finn suddenly realizes that he can't remember what the doctor said. When he tries to think back, all he can hear is his mother's voice saying never. Never.
"It's serious." It isn't a question, so Finn doesn't bother to answer. It is serious. There is something seriously wrong with him and he can't even explain it, doesn't even know why it's happeing. His mouth feels dry and his head is buzzing.
"It's scary," he says and it's like the last year never happened. Puck hooks an arm around his shoulders and pulls Finn into a decidedly unmanly hug.
"It's cool dude," Puck says and, "Don't worry about it," and "I'll kill this shit," and finally, "I'm not scared."
Finn doesn't call him on the fact that he can feel him shaking.
---
It was late summer and in the middle of that short span of time where Puck had already turned eleven and Finn was still ten. The day was incredibly hot and muggy, and as the sun began to set, the bugs came out in droves. Mosquitos and moths buzzed around the house lights and lightening bugs created their own display in the shadowy yard.
For several years prior, Finn had begged his mother for a tree house, but having neither the space, nor the tree, nor the means, it just wasn't going to happen. Finn had finally taken things into his own hands that summer. With Puck's help, he had constructed a make-shift tent by throwing old army blankets over the clothesline that ran alongside the house. They'd covered the ground beneath with broken up cardboard boxes and stuck thier sleeping bags inside. The side flap was decorated with a succinct sign: No moms alloud.
Finn hadn't seen his friend all day, but when he saw the faint wisps of a flashlight's glow from beneath the blanket, he knew exactly where to find him.
He darted for the tent, ducked inside and clipped the flap shut with a clothes pin before turning around. "Hey!" He stopped.
Puck sat in the corner on top of his sleeping bag, face in his knees and shoulders shaking. The flashlight lay on the cardboard beside him, dim light creating strange shadows in the small space.
"Hey," Finn said again, much softer this time. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen Puck cry in their lives. He didn't want to think about any of the days that had led up to it happening. This was major. He hurried forward and dropped to his knees on the sleeping bag. "What happened? What's wrong?"
Puck hiccuped and shook his head. "My dad..."
Finn could barely bring himself to whisper it aloud. "Did he die?"
"He left." Puck rubbed his forehead across his knees.
That didn't make sense. "Why? Where'd he go?"
Puck shrugged his shoulders, struggled to take a deep breath and failed. "I don't-I don't think he's gonna come back."
"Not ever?" Finn grabbed at his friend's arms and scooted closer until his knees were bracketing Puck's.
"Not ever. Never. I don't know whyyyy." The last word turned into a wheezing sob and for one terrifying second, Finn thought that maybe he should go get his mom. But, he knew Puck was in the fort for a reason, and later on, when he was feeling better, he would totally kick Finn's butt for 'momming' out on him.
Finn closed his arms around Puck's back and turned his head against his shoulder. "It's okay," he told him, and "Don't worry," and "Don't be scared."
He prayed that Puck couldn't tell he was lying.
---
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Rachel/ Finn, Carol/ Burt (on the side)
Summary: Summer is supposed to be the time to relax. This year, for Finn Hudson, it's time to recover from one crazy year, to take stock of what's important, and to find the difference between who people believe him to be, and who he really is.
Prologue
June : Part 1
"To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go."
~Mary Oliver
---
On Monday morning, Finn wakes up feeling no better. Except now, he has a fever too, and an uncomfortable, itching, tightness in his chest. Carol takes one look at him and calls off from work. They go to see Dr. Lemski.
Dr. Lemski only talks with them a few minutes before sending them off to the city hospital with a slip of paper. A golden ticket to many, unpleasant hours spent with needles that Finn swears range from licorice size to pvc piping circumference. All of it leaves him feeling even worse. Finally in the car on the way back to Lemski's office, Finn really, really wants to sleep, but Carol is holding the steering wheel with both hands white knuckled around the top. She barely blinks in her stare at the road.
"Mom." It takes a second, but Carol refocuses and glances over at him.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I was just hoping you could make some spaghetti tonight."
Carol laughs and then looks surprised at herself for doing so. "Yes, Finn, I can make spaghetti tonight."
Finn leans back in his seat. "Awesome."
---
Here's what is not awesome:
Finn hasn't spoken to Rachel since the saturday glee club meeting except for one texting exchange sunday afternoon which went like this:
hey. whatre u doing?
dinnr w. dads and fam
cool
yep
Here's what else is not awesome:
The hospital calls Dr. Lemski with test results before Carol and Finn even make it back there themselves. This gives Lemski time to look over everything before they get there, which means that when they walk in the door, Carol takes one look at the doctor's face and starts to cry.
Finn doesn't get it. He settles on patting his mom's back awkwardly. "Hey, don't...why are you doing that?" He looks at the doctor. "Why's she...what's...what's going on?"
"Have a seat," the doctor says. He's looking only at Carol when he says, "It's called aplastic anemia. It's a pretty rare disorder."
Anemia Finn knows. He remembers that Quinn was even anemic for awhile when she first got pregnant last fall, before she starting taking all kinds of vitamins. "A plastic?" he asks. "Is that like, fake? Do I have to take vitamins?" He looks at his mother, but she doesn't say anything. She's sitting there with one hand on Finn's knee and the other covering her mouth.
"Not exactly," Lemski says. "Aplastic anemia means that your bone marrow, the part that makes new blood cells, has stopped working the way that it should. The old blood cells continue to die off, but there are no new cells to replace them, do you understand?"
Finn watches as Carol nods. He looks at the doctor. "I'm running out of blood?"
"Put simply, yes. Red blood cells deliver oxygen to your muscles, that's why you've been so tired, and also the cause of the fainting. White blood cells help you fight illness, without them you'll become sick very easily. I have antibiotics for you to help with the chest infection."
When Carol speaks, Finn barely recognizes her voice. "How...how do you treat the anemia?"
"Blood transfusions. Maybe twice a week or more depending on...a lot of factors. They'll alleviate a lot of the symptoms and while there isn't a limit to the number of transfusions you can have, there is a greater risk of complication the more that you have. Looking to the future, a marrow donor is our best bet. That, or medications to kill off the bad bone marrow. " Lemski's face softens, the red of his nose spreading to the tops of his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. This was the last thing I wanted to have to tell you today."
"It's okay. Thank you, doctor." Carol lets go of Finn's knee long enough to shake the doctor's hand.
"Candy will by out in a minute to help you schedule your appointments." Lemski stands to leave, but before he does, he reaches out to grip Finn's shoulder. He has a sad sort of crooked, tight grin on his face. Somehow, this is the scariest part of the entire day.
When he's gone, Finn can't stop staring at the place where the doctor was standing. "Mom?"
She's fussing with her hair and her bag, hands making useless, fluttering motions, a tissue in the grip of one. "What is it?"
"I'm really sick?"
Carol stops what's she doing and turns to face him. "Yes."
"Am I...is this like...am I gonna die?" He doesn't even realize the possibility until he says it out loud.
"No."
Finn turns at the tone of her voice. "No?"
"Never."
"Okay." Finn nods. That sounds good to him.
---
Finn is half-asleep on the couch watching the preview channel scroll by when there's a harsh pounding on the front door.
His mom had disappeared right after they had gotten home. He could hear the murmur of her voice from the kitchen for a while, and then the backdoor opening and closing and then nothing. He waits a minute now to see if she'll show up to open the door. But, she doesn't and the pounding continues.
Finn drags himself up off the couch and pulls the door open.
"Hey PUNK." Puck shoulders his way past Finn into the room. "What's going on?"
"Uh...hi." This is the first time Puck has been over to the house since...in a very long time. "I don't know. What's going on?"
"You being a punk, that's what. What's up with the no show at work, man?"
"Oh..."
"Oh? Come on, dude. You know we gotta pay back like, a million dollars in tires, right? I thought we were doing this job together. How the hell am I the responsible one here?"
"I- I have this thing."
"A thing? What kind of thing?"
Finn realizes pretty quickly that he can't have this conversation standing up and, without saying a word, makes his way back to the couch.
"What the hell's wrong with you, dude?" Puck follows him and sits on the edge of the coffee table. He plucks at the mess of blankets on the couch with two fingers. "What are you, friggin' big bird going into hibernation?"
"I don't think birds hibernate."
"I didn't think Finns hibernated either." Puck returns with a frown.
Finn swallows hard and rubs his hands over the knees of his jeans. "I have this thing."
"You said that already."
"Would you shut up a minute so I can explain?"
Puck leans forward and props his elbows on his knees. "Sorry. Go ahead."
"I have this...problem. It's with my blood." Finn waits for Puck to say something, but he doesn't and Finn struggles to find the next words to explain. "I guess I don't really understand, but it's like, it's like anemia."
"Quinn had that."
"Yeah, but this is, it's worse, I guess. A different kind. They have to give me new blood. Maybe for a long time. My doctor said...he said..." Finn suddenly realizes that he can't remember what the doctor said. When he tries to think back, all he can hear is his mother's voice saying never. Never.
"It's serious." It isn't a question, so Finn doesn't bother to answer. It is serious. There is something seriously wrong with him and he can't even explain it, doesn't even know why it's happeing. His mouth feels dry and his head is buzzing.
"It's scary," he says and it's like the last year never happened. Puck hooks an arm around his shoulders and pulls Finn into a decidedly unmanly hug.
"It's cool dude," Puck says and, "Don't worry about it," and "I'll kill this shit," and finally, "I'm not scared."
Finn doesn't call him on the fact that he can feel him shaking.
---
It was late summer and in the middle of that short span of time where Puck had already turned eleven and Finn was still ten. The day was incredibly hot and muggy, and as the sun began to set, the bugs came out in droves. Mosquitos and moths buzzed around the house lights and lightening bugs created their own display in the shadowy yard.
For several years prior, Finn had begged his mother for a tree house, but having neither the space, nor the tree, nor the means, it just wasn't going to happen. Finn had finally taken things into his own hands that summer. With Puck's help, he had constructed a make-shift tent by throwing old army blankets over the clothesline that ran alongside the house. They'd covered the ground beneath with broken up cardboard boxes and stuck thier sleeping bags inside. The side flap was decorated with a succinct sign: No moms alloud.
Finn hadn't seen his friend all day, but when he saw the faint wisps of a flashlight's glow from beneath the blanket, he knew exactly where to find him.
He darted for the tent, ducked inside and clipped the flap shut with a clothes pin before turning around. "Hey!" He stopped.
Puck sat in the corner on top of his sleeping bag, face in his knees and shoulders shaking. The flashlight lay on the cardboard beside him, dim light creating strange shadows in the small space.
"Hey," Finn said again, much softer this time. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen Puck cry in their lives. He didn't want to think about any of the days that had led up to it happening. This was major. He hurried forward and dropped to his knees on the sleeping bag. "What happened? What's wrong?"
Puck hiccuped and shook his head. "My dad..."
Finn could barely bring himself to whisper it aloud. "Did he die?"
"He left." Puck rubbed his forehead across his knees.
That didn't make sense. "Why? Where'd he go?"
Puck shrugged his shoulders, struggled to take a deep breath and failed. "I don't-I don't think he's gonna come back."
"Not ever?" Finn grabbed at his friend's arms and scooted closer until his knees were bracketing Puck's.
"Not ever. Never. I don't know whyyyy." The last word turned into a wheezing sob and for one terrifying second, Finn thought that maybe he should go get his mom. But, he knew Puck was in the fort for a reason, and later on, when he was feeling better, he would totally kick Finn's butt for 'momming' out on him.
Finn closed his arms around Puck's back and turned his head against his shoulder. "It's okay," he told him, and "Don't worry," and "Don't be scared."
He prayed that Puck couldn't tell he was lying.
---