(no subject)
I talked to Angel again last night. I told him some of what he said, I left out the love part. I asked him to take back all he said and he did that then I told him he said the 'L' word, satan's word. lol.. I told him also, I'm just not ready for a relationship. Right now all men are bastard and users. He was like 'What? Am I that bad?' No, he's not just you will get burned in the end. I thought Coy was the real thing then WHAM! When things got tough he gave me the slip... A bright eye song reminds me of him: "I know you have a heavy heart. I can feel it when we kiss. So many men stronger than me, have thrown their backs out trying to lift it. Oh but me I'm not a gamble you can count on me to split. The love I sell you in the even by the morning won't exist." So, yeah. I told Angel if my heart ever feels up to it he will be the first to know. I don't think it will, though. The person who broke it has to fix it and Coy isn't up for it.. *sigh* Such is life.
I like Angel, he's hot, very! I give him that. He makes me laugh, a lot! But, I gave Coy my heart, Broken, but it was his and I give back all that is his. Coy called last night. Johnathon said that I had moved out and Coy asked if I was dead yet... Yeah that kinda made me cry. Johnathon said I had just moved out and when Coy asked for the number he said I don't have one yet. I was kinda mad because I wanted to hear his voice again then kinda glad because I would have cried... I have deleted all his pictures out of my folders. I have deleted him off my messenger, my livejournal, and now all I have to do is delete him out of my mind.. It won't happen... 'I'm not that lucky, am I?' Now all I have to do is hide my cutts so Mom doesn't ship me off to Vista.. Oh yeah! My mom's mom Margret said she will help pay for it, if my mom decided to send me there. So I need to get out asap.
I can't sleep in my room anymore. Coy and I had too many convo there and I have all kind of things about how much 'I love Coy' *rolls my eyes* I'm kinda stuck on him. I was dreaming last night he called and he wanted me back. I won't up in tear and I told my self that Coy doesn't want me because I'm always depressed. So, I need to quit thinking about him and move on. But you want in the morning and go to eat and nothing looks good because the absence of your heart hurts to much then What do you expect. I wanna scream at the top of my lungs that I need him, but I know I won't take him back... I don't know... I might... Anyway... 21 more days till the anniversary of his death... then on August 12 I lost the baby... Lets see if I make it.. If I do I have a full year to enjoy, to the best I can. Then it starts all over again.
Broken and Alone,
A.U.R.
(Assassination Upon Rejection)
I like Angel, he's hot, very! I give him that. He makes me laugh, a lot! But, I gave Coy my heart, Broken, but it was his and I give back all that is his. Coy called last night. Johnathon said that I had moved out and Coy asked if I was dead yet... Yeah that kinda made me cry. Johnathon said I had just moved out and when Coy asked for the number he said I don't have one yet. I was kinda mad because I wanted to hear his voice again then kinda glad because I would have cried... I have deleted all his pictures out of my folders. I have deleted him off my messenger, my livejournal, and now all I have to do is delete him out of my mind.. It won't happen... 'I'm not that lucky, am I?' Now all I have to do is hide my cutts so Mom doesn't ship me off to Vista.. Oh yeah! My mom's mom Margret said she will help pay for it, if my mom decided to send me there. So I need to get out asap.
I can't sleep in my room anymore. Coy and I had too many convo there and I have all kind of things about how much 'I love Coy' *rolls my eyes* I'm kinda stuck on him. I was dreaming last night he called and he wanted me back. I won't up in tear and I told my self that Coy doesn't want me because I'm always depressed. So, I need to quit thinking about him and move on. But you want in the morning and go to eat and nothing looks good because the absence of your heart hurts to much then What do you expect. I wanna scream at the top of my lungs that I need him, but I know I won't take him back... I don't know... I might... Anyway... 21 more days till the anniversary of his death... then on August 12 I lost the baby... Lets see if I make it.. If I do I have a full year to enjoy, to the best I can. Then it starts all over again.
Broken and Alone,
A.U.R.
(Assassination Upon Rejection)