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So I'm not coping so well at the moment - things have taen a bit of an unexpected turn for the worst and I feel a bit like I'm back where I started 4 years ago or so.
I'm bac on anti depressants - my doctor put me on them a couple of days ago when i went back saying I was feeling worse, my urges are so bad and i don't want to go back down that road again. I ran for welfare officer at our union, i tried really hard - especially considering how depressed i am at the moment. i didn't get it which obviously did nothing for my mood.
I just feel a bit lie everyhting is spiraling out of my control again and I'm grasping but not able to hold on and I don't know how to make it stop. I've got to decide soon if I should stay here next year or move somewhere else. there's a couple of amazing jobs in london and I think a fresh start would be good for me, but then at the same time i don't want to keep running away, whilst i have lots of good friends left up here next year, but at the same time it could destroy my mental health and the job offers aren't looing so good at the moment.
have had a bit of a row with a friend tonight - he makes me feel so small and worthless sometimes I don't think he means to do it and I'm sure a lot of it is becasue I'm so over sensitvie - but I had just got back from a relaly successful day out and was feeling fairly good and he can just pull me up on bits of it and make me feel rubbish for it all - i don't want people to not tell me if i get things wrong and screw up even if i do hate it when people do i think it's just the way he does it.
i dunno it all just feels very messy at the moment i've had an inital counselling appointment but have to wait until after easter for a few sessions at the uni counselling service, i'm not sure i want to drag everyhting up again the inital assessment was bad enough. i guess i just needed somewhere to get this out i'm still kind of a mixture of upset and really angry about falling out with my friend
*K*
I'm bac on anti depressants - my doctor put me on them a couple of days ago when i went back saying I was feeling worse, my urges are so bad and i don't want to go back down that road again. I ran for welfare officer at our union, i tried really hard - especially considering how depressed i am at the moment. i didn't get it which obviously did nothing for my mood.
I just feel a bit lie everyhting is spiraling out of my control again and I'm grasping but not able to hold on and I don't know how to make it stop. I've got to decide soon if I should stay here next year or move somewhere else. there's a couple of amazing jobs in london and I think a fresh start would be good for me, but then at the same time i don't want to keep running away, whilst i have lots of good friends left up here next year, but at the same time it could destroy my mental health and the job offers aren't looing so good at the moment.
have had a bit of a row with a friend tonight - he makes me feel so small and worthless sometimes I don't think he means to do it and I'm sure a lot of it is becasue I'm so over sensitvie - but I had just got back from a relaly successful day out and was feeling fairly good and he can just pull me up on bits of it and make me feel rubbish for it all - i don't want people to not tell me if i get things wrong and screw up even if i do hate it when people do i think it's just the way he does it.
i dunno it all just feels very messy at the moment i've had an inital counselling appointment but have to wait until after easter for a few sessions at the uni counselling service, i'm not sure i want to drag everyhting up again the inital assessment was bad enough. i guess i just needed somewhere to get this out i'm still kind of a mixture of upset and really angry about falling out with my friend
*K*