you've put on some weight girl
nice to know people see me nicely when i come back from uni - today has not been the greatest of days. someone ion our village saw me and my mum out earlier and as we walked past her she said 'you've put on osme weight girl' i mean what the fuck gives her the right to say something like that to me, I don't know her REALLY well, i mean fairly well, such is village life but not well enuf for her to say stuff like that - even if she'd been joking - which i thoroughl;y suspect she was not.
I told my mum i dind't care - it didn't matter - what i really wanted to do was burst into tears and run home and never leave the house again with my big fat frame. I wanted to turn to her and say 'actually i'm pregnant and on my way for a scan' or 'yes i comfort eat from people making nasty comments about my size i'm off to the psychiatrist now' but of course as good as that may have temporarily made me feel, it would have been impolite - and as pissed off as i am i suspect she meant no harm from it.
the timing does however suck. i have just given up chocolate and crisps and was trying really hard, i feel i have to be even a tiny bit healthier before i start doing this summer thing or it will kill me, and i will be so paranoid about being the largest least active person there i'll back out. So i have been trying - and now all i want to do is eat and eat till i odn't care what she says - i want to prove her wrong, that i'm happy as i am, only i know i'm not, i know i'm fat and i need to do something about it - hell enough people have told me lately - and i know my mum's getting on at me about it - albeit an a slightly more sensitive way though!!! now i don't want it to look like i'm trying coz of what she said (I can't win can i)
and then my mum goes on at me about it on the bus afterwards moaning about that and my PCOS, and then on the way home she asks if i have new scars on my arm, they're ones she's asked about before a couple of times and actually they're not cuts or scars, they're stretch marks coz i'm super fat - so today is not going well
*k*
I told my mum i dind't care - it didn't matter - what i really wanted to do was burst into tears and run home and never leave the house again with my big fat frame. I wanted to turn to her and say 'actually i'm pregnant and on my way for a scan' or 'yes i comfort eat from people making nasty comments about my size i'm off to the psychiatrist now' but of course as good as that may have temporarily made me feel, it would have been impolite - and as pissed off as i am i suspect she meant no harm from it.
the timing does however suck. i have just given up chocolate and crisps and was trying really hard, i feel i have to be even a tiny bit healthier before i start doing this summer thing or it will kill me, and i will be so paranoid about being the largest least active person there i'll back out. So i have been trying - and now all i want to do is eat and eat till i odn't care what she says - i want to prove her wrong, that i'm happy as i am, only i know i'm not, i know i'm fat and i need to do something about it - hell enough people have told me lately - and i know my mum's getting on at me about it - albeit an a slightly more sensitive way though!!! now i don't want it to look like i'm trying coz of what she said (I can't win can i)
and then my mum goes on at me about it on the bus afterwards moaning about that and my PCOS, and then on the way home she asks if i have new scars on my arm, they're ones she's asked about before a couple of times and actually they're not cuts or scars, they're stretch marks coz i'm super fat - so today is not going well
*k*