and fuck saturday night
so i am at my sisters house and we went to the comedy club.. funny stuff. then we leave and i call matt to see if he wants to come over after work b/c my sister is cool... and she doesnt care, i'd get to see him without my mom breathing down my neck... without getting bugged my littlesisters or brothers or freaking out if we are going to get caught by a parent.... but no... he has to go to a party. i'd love to be first... i'd love for him to say.. well there was a party but i'll come see you. like hmmm.. see lisa... get drunk with my friends.. i guess its a no brainer. why would he want to see me? for me to see him we'd have to go to see him at work. since i havent done that lately or anything. See him at work. screw that right now. i'm so hurt.. i shouldnt be but i am. i should know better by now. but yet i am still here being upset and crying over this.. again. i just want him to come be with me for once, but he's not. and he wont. thats how it is for me. so fine. i'm not going to see him until next wednesday, and i havent seen him since last wednesday. i know its not all to long... but i guess i just want my boyfriend to put me first occasionally. he prolly does and i'm just being dumb... but that still doenst change how i feel. stupid or not i'm still hurt. and fine.. i'm not good at playing this game and i dont think i'm going to.