i wonder about stuff..
Is is possible to be jealous of someone you dont even like? prolly. is it possible to love without being loved in return? can i keep playing this game when sometimes it just rips me apart? i was with matt last night for a little bit and i asked him a question and with his answer it became so... true and in a way hurtful that it really got me to think. each day that goes by i'm coming closer to leaving here and him. and when i leave are we going to be able to still be together? i want to, he wants to so that would lead us to think we will but so many other things will be happening that it makes me wonder if we will have enough to hold on. and thinking about holding on... is there much there at all? this is so hard... i am in such a different place than i allow people to think. when they ask about me and matt when i leave i often shrug it off like it isnt that big of a deal... but it is. it is a huge deal. our 9 month anniversary is this month, and i dont have anything other than he cares alot about me and its me he wants to be with... but once again is it enough? i dont know.... i wish i knew the answer... i wish it was so much clearer....