Sugar and Pepper (38)
THIRTY-SEVEN
* THIRTY-EIGHT *
01.
Satoshi left on the week of his birthday. Jun knew, but he also recognized that his brother didn't realize it. He told himself it had nothing to do with himself anyway. He still cared, but putting so much of himself into it only hurt him in the end and he had decided to end everything.
He told himself that this time he was going to be fine.
02.
The first day without Satoshi, Jun went to school normally. He met with his friends and joked around. He went to practice and then for the first time in a while, he joined them after extracurricular activities. He returned home while his mother was clearing the dinner table and when she asked him if he'd eaten, he assured her that he had.
In bed he fought off all thoughts and tried to keep his mind unoccupied. He finally slept in the wee hours of the morning.
03.
The second day without Satoshi, Jun went to school, attended practice, hung out with his friends, and coincidentally met Miyuki on his way home. She asked where Satoshi was and if he was studying for entrance exams. Jun only shrugged.
"What's wrong?" she asked him, worried about his response.
"There's nothing wrong with me," he replied in a monotone.
At home inside his room, Jun dug into his drawer and pulled out the sketchbook Satoshi had given him for his birthday. He threw it into the trash bin beside his desk.
04.
The third day without Satoshi, Jun came across Kazunari and Masaki during lunch. They lingered in the hall talking and Jun hesitated when he saw them. He didn't know they were friends, or had become friends. Masaki finally noticed him and waved him over. As Jun reluctantly joined them, he saw Masaki scrutinize him with concern.
"Ooshima-san called me yesterday and she said you didn't look very happy. She didn't come to school today, but she told me to look after you," Masaki said.
Kazunari rolled his eyes.
Jun ignored his classmate and assured Masaki, "I'm fine."
The taller boy didn't look convinced and he said, "I hope you smile more sincerely."
Surprised that he'd say such a thing, Jun looked from him to Kazunari in confusion.
Kazunari sighed and crossed his arms, uninterested in the conversation, but he broke in anyway, "Anything's fine as long you're not bothering Oh-chan."
His attitude annoyed Jun.
At home, he kicked the trash bin that still had Satoshi's present in it over. The contents spilled onto his floor. He left it as it was and went to bed.
05.
The fourth morning without Satoshi, Jun woke and stared up at the ceiling. He was supposed to be preparing for school, but he couldn't will his muscles to work. He felt lifeless, that everything he would do that day was pointless. He lazed in bed until he thought his mother would come to check on him. At the last minute, Jun dressed and rushed out.
At school he avoided his friends and skipped baseball practice. He returned home and went straight to bed.
06.
On the fifth day that Satoshi was gone, Jun woke early in the morning before the sun rose. In the dimness of his room, he lay on his back and listened to the quiet sound of his breathing. Only his own. Only he was in that room. In the dimness, he pulled the covers back and rose out of bed. Feeling his way around, he came upon the fallen trash bin and its contents that he had left as it was. Jun searched for Satoshi's sketchbook in the dark.
When his fingers brushed across it, he eagerly picked it up. Jun pressed it to his chest and wrapped his arms around the thin sketchbook.
In the dimness, Jun crouched over on the floor of his bedroom with only Satoshi's sketchbook for company, his arms encircled around it as if it was the person, and wished Satoshi a happy birthday.
* *
THIRTY-NINE
* THIRTY-EIGHT *
01.
Satoshi left on the week of his birthday. Jun knew, but he also recognized that his brother didn't realize it. He told himself it had nothing to do with himself anyway. He still cared, but putting so much of himself into it only hurt him in the end and he had decided to end everything.
He told himself that this time he was going to be fine.
02.
The first day without Satoshi, Jun went to school normally. He met with his friends and joked around. He went to practice and then for the first time in a while, he joined them after extracurricular activities. He returned home while his mother was clearing the dinner table and when she asked him if he'd eaten, he assured her that he had.
In bed he fought off all thoughts and tried to keep his mind unoccupied. He finally slept in the wee hours of the morning.
03.
The second day without Satoshi, Jun went to school, attended practice, hung out with his friends, and coincidentally met Miyuki on his way home. She asked where Satoshi was and if he was studying for entrance exams. Jun only shrugged.
"What's wrong?" she asked him, worried about his response.
"There's nothing wrong with me," he replied in a monotone.
At home inside his room, Jun dug into his drawer and pulled out the sketchbook Satoshi had given him for his birthday. He threw it into the trash bin beside his desk.
04.
The third day without Satoshi, Jun came across Kazunari and Masaki during lunch. They lingered in the hall talking and Jun hesitated when he saw them. He didn't know they were friends, or had become friends. Masaki finally noticed him and waved him over. As Jun reluctantly joined them, he saw Masaki scrutinize him with concern.
"Ooshima-san called me yesterday and she said you didn't look very happy. She didn't come to school today, but she told me to look after you," Masaki said.
Kazunari rolled his eyes.
Jun ignored his classmate and assured Masaki, "I'm fine."
The taller boy didn't look convinced and he said, "I hope you smile more sincerely."
Surprised that he'd say such a thing, Jun looked from him to Kazunari in confusion.
Kazunari sighed and crossed his arms, uninterested in the conversation, but he broke in anyway, "Anything's fine as long you're not bothering Oh-chan."
His attitude annoyed Jun.
At home, he kicked the trash bin that still had Satoshi's present in it over. The contents spilled onto his floor. He left it as it was and went to bed.
05.
The fourth morning without Satoshi, Jun woke and stared up at the ceiling. He was supposed to be preparing for school, but he couldn't will his muscles to work. He felt lifeless, that everything he would do that day was pointless. He lazed in bed until he thought his mother would come to check on him. At the last minute, Jun dressed and rushed out.
At school he avoided his friends and skipped baseball practice. He returned home and went straight to bed.
06.
On the fifth day that Satoshi was gone, Jun woke early in the morning before the sun rose. In the dimness of his room, he lay on his back and listened to the quiet sound of his breathing. Only his own. Only he was in that room. In the dimness, he pulled the covers back and rose out of bed. Feeling his way around, he came upon the fallen trash bin and its contents that he had left as it was. Jun searched for Satoshi's sketchbook in the dark.
When his fingers brushed across it, he eagerly picked it up. Jun pressed it to his chest and wrapped his arms around the thin sketchbook.
In the dimness, Jun crouched over on the floor of his bedroom with only Satoshi's sketchbook for company, his arms encircled around it as if it was the person, and wished Satoshi a happy birthday.
* *
THIRTY-NINE