The Last of The Group of 16
Ahem...
Paraguay vs. Japan
Wait, Japan actually made it to the top sixteen? Really? I swear when I think of a soccer nation, Japan doesn't exactly spring to mind. Neither did South Korea to be honest, and certainly not North Korea, and yet, all three teams participated in FIFA, and South Korea made it to the group of sixteen before getting eliminated by Uruguay. Will the same happen to Japan?
Well, here's the funny thing about this match: while there certainly wasn't a lack of action, there was a lack of progress by both sides. The game was played in Loftus Versfeld Stadium, not that the location has anything to do with the outcome - I just like to give a setting to these narratives is all. But the game was... slow. Keep in mind the weight that was sitting on the players of both teams: neither have ever made it to the top eight. Ever. And now one of them will go on to make history, while the other fades back into soccer obscurity. That's a heavy load to bear, so it wasn't that neither side was trying to score at ever chance, it's that their trying and failing got a little repetitive. I stopped sitting up every time a corner or a throw in near the goals occurred because I couldn't imagine either side scoring a goal at the point. At the half way point, I stopped watching and turned on CSI on Spike.
I'm such a bad fan.
I tuned back in at the 80 minute mark to see what the score was, and found that it was still sitting at 0-0. Ten more minutes changed nothing, so the game moved into extra-time, the first match to do so in these games. Surely someone could score within the extra thirty minutes? See, the thing is, if no one scored during the first 90 minutes, then no one would score in the next thirty. And after thirty minutes of the same old try to score-fail-rinse-repeat strategies, the game mercifully moved into penalty kicks, again the first of these games.
The thing is with penalty kicks is that it is no longer based upon skill, but luck. Luck that the goalie will dive in the right direction. Luck that the striker will be able to fool the goalie into diving in the wrong direction. This is why fans contend that this is the worst way to win a game, because it's not necessarily the best team who wins, but the luckiest. Paraguay gets the first kick: score, right past goalie Eiji Kawashima. Japan steps up next: scores far left of Paraguay goalie Justo Villar who dove in the wrong direction. Paraguay: scores, but barely. Japan: scores neatly. Paraguay: scores. Japan: HITS THE CROSSBAR AND BOUNCES INTO THE AIR!!!!!!
When this is the most exciting thing in this match, you know it was boring.
Paraguay steps up again: scores. Japan tries to even the odds a little: and scores. Okay, this is it, the decider. Paraguay steps up, historians are ready with pens in hand to record the victors name: scores! And Paraguay has made it through! But dear God did that take forever to get to.
Final score: Paraguay (5) 0 - 0 (3) Japan
Brazil vs. Chile
A game I missed due to napping after a tiring shift at work. This is getting to be a running gag or something. I either miss games, or I come home and am just too tired to watch the second half of a game that's already on. I could watch the replays on TLN, but I don't speak Italian, and I like to listen to commentators. Especially the British ones. They so funny :3
So, Brazil, soccer giants of the world, versus Chile. Is this a contest? Has it been a contest for Brazil since FIFA began? I mean, they haven't lost a game yet. They tied, but didn't lose. Well, neither did Chile... but this is BRAZIL we're talking about here. The only country to have won FIFA back-to-back, and the record holder for the highest FIFA wins. Soccer is “serious business” for Brazil. They're like the hardcore gamers of the soccer world.
No, wait, I take that back. Brazil still knows how to have fun with the game.
Look, Brazil dominated this match. They got their first goal 35 minutes into the match thanks to Juan (yes, that's his name), and their second goal three minutes later thanks to Luis Fabiano. It's like they just told Chile that not only could they score fast and furiously, but whenever they wanted. They gave themselves a two point lead in three minutes.
And it wasn't like they were being challenged. Whenever Chile had the ball, they would make two, maybe three passes tops, before Brazil swooped in like predators and snatched the ball away and kept it away from chile for like twenty passes. And by God could they move across the field! The highlight replays do not do this team justice. There is a very good reason as to why they are number one.
In the 59th minute, as if to say “to hell with it, you guys aren't getting any hope here” Brazil's Robinho scores the third goal for his team, cementing Chile's defeat. Seriously, I'm scared of these guys. I'd hate to see what they do to their next opponenet.
Final score: Brazil 3 - 0 Chile
The Netherlands vs. Slovakia
I also missed this game played out in Durban Stadium due to work. Which is sad, because I would love to have watched for revenge against Slovakia for kicking out Italy. While at work, two girls came into the store for drinks, and as I was making their drinks, one of them checked the score for the game. I asked what it was, and she replied 1-0 Netherlands. I was happy for the rest of the day. Now, I noted that this would have been around the half way point. Indeed, the first goal was scored in the 18th minute by Arjen Robben, and it stayed that way for a good long while. In the 84th minute, as if to remind Slovakia that they were in the lead, Netherlands' Wesley Sneijder scored yet another goal. As the 90 minutes concluded, and four minutes of stoppage just about wound down to the eventual close, Slovakia's Robert Vittek scored the first, and only goal, for his side, moments before the game was called. Eh, at least he tried.
...
REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!
The Netherlands move on and play... Brazil... oh dear God... ummm... so long guys, and thanks for all the fish?
Final score: The Netherlands 2 - 1 Slovakia
Portugal vs. Spain
Ah Portugal, I've made you guys into my rivals, if only because of your Toronto-based fans. There's nothing wrong with them, or you, per say, its just that every time you win, even if it's a minor victory, the street my grandfather lives on explodes into a migraine-inducing cacophony of shrieking people, blasting horns, music able to bleed through solid walls, and sudden barbeque parties where the party doesn't end until after midnight and after non-fans have given up all hopes for sleep. For some bizarre reason, no other team produces this response on that street to that magnitude. All fans are loud when elated, this is a given. And many Latin-based countries consider soccer “serious business”, so when a victory is achieved, of course everyone is going to celebrate. I get that. I don't get why this particular street goes off like a nuclear missile every time Portugal wins.
Someone should do a study on this.
Anyways, due to this rowdiness, I've always taken pleasure when Portugal loses just so I can hear the stunned silence on the street. It's cathartic. So when I heard that Portugal would be going up against the Euro 2008 winners themselves, I was grinning an evil grin as I envisioned the epic beat down that would take place. Spain has the exact same team as during Euro 2008, and unless I am mistaken they also have the same coach. So this team that whooped everyone's asses two years ago is back in the same kind of shape. How would Portugal shape up? Let's look to the game itself, shall we.
Since this is Spain, we should check up on our old friend, Fernando Torres. At the beginning of this match, he still had no goals to his name, but by God he was trying. Thus, I have a new segment just for you, Torres:
So begins his epic battle against the net in Green Point Stadium. And he got a shot off early too, only to have it easily deflected by Portuguese goalie Eduardo. No, really, that's his name. His full name. Like Madonna, except she actually has a real name she never uses. There's also Pepe on his team. And Tiago. And Miguel. Hell, there's a Xavi on the Spainish side. It sounds like an annoying fairy that should be bugging a mute blonde pretty-boy with a sword and elf ears instead of playing soccer. Oh, wait, that's Navi. My mistake.
During the first half, while both sides were trying hard to score, you could tell that Spain was having an easier time at keeping the ball. Portugal would get the ball and start for the goal, but then out of nowhere Spain would come and say “oh no you don't” and steal the ball back. And keep it back for a good while. Portuagl had players getting desperate. Spain had players that remained focused. Except Torres, but he's always been desperate for a goal.
Sadly, Torres would not get his goal, as the 58th minute say him switched out for Fernando Llorente, who's full name is actually Fernando Llorente Torres. Huh. Maybe he'll get a goal.
In the 63rd minute, five minutes after Torres left the field in tears (kidding) Spain's David Villa comes out of fucking nowhere to SCORE A GOAL!!!! YAY!!! 1-0!!! So that's the secret: take Torres off, and get a goal. Poor Torres was probably really crying in the background mumbling to himself “that should have been me, that should have been me!” Poor soul. Better luck next time buddy.
After this, Portugal really kicked it into high gear, but Spain... well, they didn't stop trying, but they stopped being serious. It was like watching an entire team play catch with each other, because that's how confident they were that Portugal wouldn't score, and if they did, then Spain would be able to rebound quickly. I mean, Spain had an awesome defence, so I could see where the confidence was coming from, but seriously, this is the way they played with a miniscule one-point lead. Imagine if they had scored again; they might have pulled out picnic baskets and had a lovely dinner on the pitch was still managing to keep he ball away from Portugal.
The game trickled to a close with no progress on the Portugese side. The star player, Cristiano Ronaldo, failed to deliver, and Ricardo Costa earned himself a late-game red card, leaving his team one man down until a substitute could be brought in. In the end, the game was mercifully called, though the Spanish side knew the outcome a while previous. Seriously though, it's not that Spain wasn't good, they were too good for Portugal; it was like Spain was playing soccer on Very Hard while Portugal was playing on Medium difficulty. Which will make Spain's next game against Paraguay all the more interesting.
Final score: Spain 1 - 0 Portugal
At least I'll get to use my Torres banner again :)
Paraguay vs. Japan
Wait, Japan actually made it to the top sixteen? Really? I swear when I think of a soccer nation, Japan doesn't exactly spring to mind. Neither did South Korea to be honest, and certainly not North Korea, and yet, all three teams participated in FIFA, and South Korea made it to the group of sixteen before getting eliminated by Uruguay. Will the same happen to Japan?
Well, here's the funny thing about this match: while there certainly wasn't a lack of action, there was a lack of progress by both sides. The game was played in Loftus Versfeld Stadium, not that the location has anything to do with the outcome - I just like to give a setting to these narratives is all. But the game was... slow. Keep in mind the weight that was sitting on the players of both teams: neither have ever made it to the top eight. Ever. And now one of them will go on to make history, while the other fades back into soccer obscurity. That's a heavy load to bear, so it wasn't that neither side was trying to score at ever chance, it's that their trying and failing got a little repetitive. I stopped sitting up every time a corner or a throw in near the goals occurred because I couldn't imagine either side scoring a goal at the point. At the half way point, I stopped watching and turned on CSI on Spike.
I'm such a bad fan.
I tuned back in at the 80 minute mark to see what the score was, and found that it was still sitting at 0-0. Ten more minutes changed nothing, so the game moved into extra-time, the first match to do so in these games. Surely someone could score within the extra thirty minutes? See, the thing is, if no one scored during the first 90 minutes, then no one would score in the next thirty. And after thirty minutes of the same old try to score-fail-rinse-repeat strategies, the game mercifully moved into penalty kicks, again the first of these games.
The thing is with penalty kicks is that it is no longer based upon skill, but luck. Luck that the goalie will dive in the right direction. Luck that the striker will be able to fool the goalie into diving in the wrong direction. This is why fans contend that this is the worst way to win a game, because it's not necessarily the best team who wins, but the luckiest. Paraguay gets the first kick: score, right past goalie Eiji Kawashima. Japan steps up next: scores far left of Paraguay goalie Justo Villar who dove in the wrong direction. Paraguay: scores, but barely. Japan: scores neatly. Paraguay: scores. Japan: HITS THE CROSSBAR AND BOUNCES INTO THE AIR!!!!!!
When this is the most exciting thing in this match, you know it was boring.
Paraguay steps up again: scores. Japan tries to even the odds a little: and scores. Okay, this is it, the decider. Paraguay steps up, historians are ready with pens in hand to record the victors name: scores! And Paraguay has made it through! But dear God did that take forever to get to.
Final score: Paraguay (5) 0 - 0 (3) Japan
Brazil vs. Chile
A game I missed due to napping after a tiring shift at work. This is getting to be a running gag or something. I either miss games, or I come home and am just too tired to watch the second half of a game that's already on. I could watch the replays on TLN, but I don't speak Italian, and I like to listen to commentators. Especially the British ones. They so funny :3
So, Brazil, soccer giants of the world, versus Chile. Is this a contest? Has it been a contest for Brazil since FIFA began? I mean, they haven't lost a game yet. They tied, but didn't lose. Well, neither did Chile... but this is BRAZIL we're talking about here. The only country to have won FIFA back-to-back, and the record holder for the highest FIFA wins. Soccer is “serious business” for Brazil. They're like the hardcore gamers of the soccer world.
No, wait, I take that back. Brazil still knows how to have fun with the game.
Look, Brazil dominated this match. They got their first goal 35 minutes into the match thanks to Juan (yes, that's his name), and their second goal three minutes later thanks to Luis Fabiano. It's like they just told Chile that not only could they score fast and furiously, but whenever they wanted. They gave themselves a two point lead in three minutes.
And it wasn't like they were being challenged. Whenever Chile had the ball, they would make two, maybe three passes tops, before Brazil swooped in like predators and snatched the ball away and kept it away from chile for like twenty passes. And by God could they move across the field! The highlight replays do not do this team justice. There is a very good reason as to why they are number one.
In the 59th minute, as if to say “to hell with it, you guys aren't getting any hope here” Brazil's Robinho scores the third goal for his team, cementing Chile's defeat. Seriously, I'm scared of these guys. I'd hate to see what they do to their next opponenet.
Final score: Brazil 3 - 0 Chile
The Netherlands vs. Slovakia
I also missed this game played out in Durban Stadium due to work. Which is sad, because I would love to have watched for revenge against Slovakia for kicking out Italy. While at work, two girls came into the store for drinks, and as I was making their drinks, one of them checked the score for the game. I asked what it was, and she replied 1-0 Netherlands. I was happy for the rest of the day. Now, I noted that this would have been around the half way point. Indeed, the first goal was scored in the 18th minute by Arjen Robben, and it stayed that way for a good long while. In the 84th minute, as if to remind Slovakia that they were in the lead, Netherlands' Wesley Sneijder scored yet another goal. As the 90 minutes concluded, and four minutes of stoppage just about wound down to the eventual close, Slovakia's Robert Vittek scored the first, and only goal, for his side, moments before the game was called. Eh, at least he tried.
...
REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!
The Netherlands move on and play... Brazil... oh dear God... ummm... so long guys, and thanks for all the fish?
Final score: The Netherlands 2 - 1 Slovakia
Portugal vs. Spain
Ah Portugal, I've made you guys into my rivals, if only because of your Toronto-based fans. There's nothing wrong with them, or you, per say, its just that every time you win, even if it's a minor victory, the street my grandfather lives on explodes into a migraine-inducing cacophony of shrieking people, blasting horns, music able to bleed through solid walls, and sudden barbeque parties where the party doesn't end until after midnight and after non-fans have given up all hopes for sleep. For some bizarre reason, no other team produces this response on that street to that magnitude. All fans are loud when elated, this is a given. And many Latin-based countries consider soccer “serious business”, so when a victory is achieved, of course everyone is going to celebrate. I get that. I don't get why this particular street goes off like a nuclear missile every time Portugal wins.
Someone should do a study on this.
Anyways, due to this rowdiness, I've always taken pleasure when Portugal loses just so I can hear the stunned silence on the street. It's cathartic. So when I heard that Portugal would be going up against the Euro 2008 winners themselves, I was grinning an evil grin as I envisioned the epic beat down that would take place. Spain has the exact same team as during Euro 2008, and unless I am mistaken they also have the same coach. So this team that whooped everyone's asses two years ago is back in the same kind of shape. How would Portugal shape up? Let's look to the game itself, shall we.
Since this is Spain, we should check up on our old friend, Fernando Torres. At the beginning of this match, he still had no goals to his name, but by God he was trying. Thus, I have a new segment just for you, Torres:
So begins his epic battle against the net in Green Point Stadium. And he got a shot off early too, only to have it easily deflected by Portuguese goalie Eduardo. No, really, that's his name. His full name. Like Madonna, except she actually has a real name she never uses. There's also Pepe on his team. And Tiago. And Miguel. Hell, there's a Xavi on the Spainish side. It sounds like an annoying fairy that should be bugging a mute blonde pretty-boy with a sword and elf ears instead of playing soccer. Oh, wait, that's Navi. My mistake.
During the first half, while both sides were trying hard to score, you could tell that Spain was having an easier time at keeping the ball. Portugal would get the ball and start for the goal, but then out of nowhere Spain would come and say “oh no you don't” and steal the ball back. And keep it back for a good while. Portuagl had players getting desperate. Spain had players that remained focused. Except Torres, but he's always been desperate for a goal.
Sadly, Torres would not get his goal, as the 58th minute say him switched out for Fernando Llorente, who's full name is actually Fernando Llorente Torres. Huh. Maybe he'll get a goal.
In the 63rd minute, five minutes after Torres left the field in tears (kidding) Spain's David Villa comes out of fucking nowhere to SCORE A GOAL!!!! YAY!!! 1-0!!! So that's the secret: take Torres off, and get a goal. Poor Torres was probably really crying in the background mumbling to himself “that should have been me, that should have been me!” Poor soul. Better luck next time buddy.
After this, Portugal really kicked it into high gear, but Spain... well, they didn't stop trying, but they stopped being serious. It was like watching an entire team play catch with each other, because that's how confident they were that Portugal wouldn't score, and if they did, then Spain would be able to rebound quickly. I mean, Spain had an awesome defence, so I could see where the confidence was coming from, but seriously, this is the way they played with a miniscule one-point lead. Imagine if they had scored again; they might have pulled out picnic baskets and had a lovely dinner on the pitch was still managing to keep he ball away from Portugal.
The game trickled to a close with no progress on the Portugese side. The star player, Cristiano Ronaldo, failed to deliver, and Ricardo Costa earned himself a late-game red card, leaving his team one man down until a substitute could be brought in. In the end, the game was mercifully called, though the Spanish side knew the outcome a while previous. Seriously though, it's not that Spain wasn't good, they were too good for Portugal; it was like Spain was playing soccer on Very Hard while Portugal was playing on Medium difficulty. Which will make Spain's next game against Paraguay all the more interesting.
Final score: Spain 1 - 0 Portugal
At least I'll get to use my Torres banner again :)